Funny things - good and bad - you'd only know about if you're a parent: share with Arla Big Milk for a chance to win a £300 Love2Shop voucher - NOW CLOSED!

[AngelieMumsnet]

Parenting is a joyful, but occasionally exasperating experience, with pride and happiness frequently intermingled with tears, tantrums and toddler meltdowns.

Arla Big Milk have asked us to find out about your funny (even if only in retrospect!) 'Oh God' moments of parenting - here’s what they say:

"Being a parent comes with its ups and downs and getting your little one the nutrients they need isn’t always easy. That’s why Arla Big Milk has been developed to specifically meet the needs of growing children from ages one to five*, enriched with essential nutrients to help support children’s growth and development as part of their balanced diet and healthy lifestyle. Arla Big Milk ‘helping your little ones become big ones’."

So what snigger-worthy woes or wonders have you experienced as a parent? Has your newborn ever 'surprised' you with an unexpected and well-aimed wee? Perhaps your child has channelled their inner Picasso with crayon marks all over the wallpaper? Have you ever had to brave a completely irrational meltdown at the supermarket that (in hindsight ) makes you laugh? Whatever your stories are, Arla Big Milk would love to hear them.

Everyone who comments on this thread will be entered into a prize draw where one lucky Mumsnetter will win a £300 Love2Shop voucher!

Thanks and best of luck,

MNHQ

Standard Insight T&Cs apply

*The Department of Health recommends that children at the age of one move onto fresh whole cows’ milk and that their diets are supplemented with additional Vitamin, A, D and Iron

I've learnt just how satisfying it is to pull a massive bogey out of a toddlers nose. I have also learnt it's less satisfying when they do it for themselves, then wipe it on you.

I've learnt:

• always to have snacks available,
• there is no point trying to be logical, as a toddler is inherently illogical,
• teaching a toddler about people's names means I am now known as Mummy Cheese rather than just Mummy.

You don't hold a baby who's just been fed above your face to coo at it as it inevitably will vomit in your mouth.

Prior to being a parent I had no idea about explosive nappies and that babies, can in fact, poop so hard it goes right up their back and all over their hair.

Nothing could have prepared me for that.

Toddlers are adorale. My Son feeds his teddies from his boobies and burps them after, one has colic and does pumps!

That childhood doesn't last nearly long enough.
One minute they are beaming at you in your arms and the next they are heading off to school with a backpack bigger than them.

But also, weetabix could be used instead of superglue, it is really hard to wash and hold and soapy baby in the bath without doing your back in and you will be watching peppa pig on repeat for about five years.

Don't leave a 4 year old alone with a whole bottle of talcum powder. It literally looked like there had been a freak blizzard in our bathroom, with my DD stood n the middle of it stark naked and completely white from head to toe.

My 1.5 year old discovered that poo is really not the best windows cleaner and I discovered it takes a lot of baby wipes, cloths and windows cleaner to get rid of the smears!

I learned that disposable nappies really aren't machine washable and make an absolutely awful mess when you put dirty ones in the washing machine in a sleep deprived state (and even clean ones at that), and that mad scientists put babies in your tummy (my four year old proudly informed me of this today when talking about his unborn brother or sister).

I also learned that there is never ever ever a good hiding place for anything that you want to keep hidden, and that walking into your bedroom and finding your five year old holding your (vibrating) vibrator while shouting "look mummy, I found a new toy! What is it?" is the most disturbing and hilarious thing to witness.

When they're unwell you'd do anything to have them tearing around the place again. Then once they're on the road to recovery and full of demands you realise the million little things you could and should have done when they were flat out.

DS: While changing his nappy he wee'd everywhere ; he was soaked, the cot top changing mat was dripping, I needed to change the bedding in his cot. Lifted up his bottom to slide the clean nappy under and poonami happened.He splattered all over the wardrobe that was behind me. Finally got him all cleaned up and settled, lifted him onto my shoulder to take him downstairs and he puked into my hair and over my clothes

My learning experiences:

• When you cannot fix a broken biscuit for a distressed toddler they no longer think you are super woman.

• Every morning the words 'Will you put your shoes on' will be said AT LEAST 18 times

learned to never leave sudocrem lying around!

I have learnt that you can easily work on two hours of sleep, a whole lot of coffee and some chocolate. And actually you are still more efficient than most of your colleagues.

Oh and you can catch vomit in your hands on a packed tube

I got called in to see the teacher after school to be told that whilst my son was was sitting on the carpet listening to a story he had eaten a page of another childs book from the draw he was sitting next to. He had been asked to apologise and the teacher sent him to see the head teacher.
All I could think was that 'I have trouble getting him to eat his breakfast so maybe a very boring story might do the trick.....' I mean he does eat at home but only the things he wants to and he has school dinners at school, so maybe the lunch that day was particularly bad, so bad he preferred the corner of a random book.....My next thought was, well why did you not stop him! He could have choked! But I just said 'sorry about that would you like me to buy a new one?'

After my DP stayed late at work and missed the kids tea/bath but arriving home for a story, my 3.5 yo said he didn't want daddy to read the story as he had 'ruined his life!' Thought it might have been a few years until we heard that gem

I have learnt that toddlers have no shame, and will say what they see.

Example one: dd1 sat in the trolley, in the George section and two black ladies walk past. She points and says "look mummy, chocolate ladies!" fortunately they didn't hear her, or at least they didn't make it obvious.

Second time, Asda again but this time as we were going into the toilets, a lady with short hair came in behind us, dd1 pipes up with "mummy, is that lady a boy or a girl?" again.

I never realised just quite how funny a 2 and a 4 year old would find the words "poo" and "bum" repeated ad nauseum!

When your toddler hears your DH shout an obscenity at a speeding motorcyclist, she will remember it... and repeat it perfectly next day, at the packed crossing.

All babies poo, noisily, at the most embarrassing moments. Usually when you've forgotten the changing bag.

Makka Pakka & Caterpillar are tricky words for a toddler to pronounce. I'm sure people thought we were racists.

Also, dried on play doh is very difficult to remove from the hair.

I learned there are no secrets in a house with a toddler. When pregnant with dc2 I was fairly unwell and dc1 enjoyed telling all our neighbours (and strangers in the corner shop) "mummy in bed. Mummy always in bed" whenever out with DH. Sure they thought I was a lazy sod! -it may have been true-

Cleaning the bath out with a spoon, regularly. Having a spoon set aside just for that purpose!

DD is 1 and obsessed with taking baby wipes out the pack. If I accidentally leave one in reach I'm in trouble.

that adults - that is the staff I am trying to get to do something - can be just like children - squabbling,blaming, whining.....would not have known that before. don't know how funny it is though!

Just how useful baby wipes are - they are the most wonderful item and I will continue to buy them when DC2 is dry because quite frankly, they can clean anything off anything.

I would never know just how fucking impossible it is to clean lego. Or sudocreme off anything fabric.

Before having DCs, good christmas lights would be a tasteful string of white lights across the door/round the window. Lovely, discreet, festive without being naff. After having DCS, those houses you used to think "god how naff" are the ones you now think "yay! Let's drive by that house to all have a look at the display!"