MN Bumpfest: Tell MNHQ what your expectations and realities were of breast feeding after giving birth – £50 voucher prize draw NOW CLOSED

[MichelleMumsnet]

In the run up to BumpFest (if you haven’t got your ticket yet - what are you waiting for?) we’re looking to get a better understanding of the experiences Mumsnetters have had around different issues surrounding childbirth.

Looking at the many threads on the subject, it seems that breastfeeding can often be one of the most challenging aspects of the first weeks after birth. Whether it’s deciding if it’s right for you, or to trying to achieving the perfect latch, we know that everyone has a different experience.

We are keen to find out what Mumsnetters’ initial expectations were around breast feeding, and if they were met. Whether you planned to breastfeed, planned to formula feed or ended up somewhere in the middle - we’d love to hear about your feelings on the subject, What did you base your expectations on (e.g. NCT class, stories from friends or family, books you had read)? Did you expectations turn out to be correct? If you had a subsequent birth, to what extent did your experiences of breast feeding (whether you breast fed your children or not) differ?

As a token of thanks, everyone who posts on this thread will be entered into a prize draw to win a £50 John Lewis voucher.

Thanks ,

MNHQ

Realised this was supposed to be about expectations. Mine were that it was natural and would be easy. Completely naive! Not helped by NCT woman saying that the Eastern European "girls" took to it easier so it must all be in the mind!

I always knew I would breastfeed. I come from a country where that's what you do. There's no "I couldn't breastfeed". I was prepared that it might hurt a bit at first but knew that's what I wanted to do because it's the very best for my baby and myself. Easier and healthier. I bought a pump too so that I can express if I want a glass of wine.

Emrob - are you seriously saying that in the country you come from (out of interest, where is that?), ALL mothers are able to breastfeed?! If so, they need to share their secrets with the UK!

No one told me that DD may not actually suck. She took 3-4 weeks to get breast feeding. She ended up formula and eventually breast fed as a result, but it was a really tough time. With DS he seemed to have read the manual. Better 1:1 care would be invaluable.

Ds I bf for 6 weeks, dd1 for 4 weeks and dd2 for 18 months!

The differences were with my first (Ds) I was nervous, worried, didn't want to co sleep or feed in bed, didn't think he should be hungry so often, didn't think I was supplying enough bm, wanted a content baby which I didn't think I had.
With my 2nd (dd)I had already set myself up for failure. Made an agreement with myself before she was born that if it didn't work out, don't stress and over think it, go to formula - when I started struggling this is exactly what I did.
With my third (dd2) I knew she would be my last and told myself I would bf her for as long as I could and to try to put in a little more effort than I had before. She loved bf-ing, and co sleeping which made it so much easier!! And she loved being my koala bear and feeding constantly. We didn't really encounter many problems, a could of bites here and there or a pinch too hard but no real latch issues or infections. I enjoyed it, as did she. I was so sad when it was over bit in a way relieved too as I did miss sleep!! Now I def miss the closeness you get when fb but still feel I have a special bond with her.

NCT breastfeeding class suggested it would be easy and natural but I was sceptical and knew it might be a challenge. With DS1 it was hard. He didn't latch properly. I expressed for a week and was about to give up when someone mentioned nipple shields. I tried them and he latched straight away. He never did manage to latch without them but he still has an occasional feed now at three and a half. With DS2 it was much easier. He latched on quickly after birth and we are still going happily at six months.

Always planned to breastfeed any DC. Frowned upon those who FF, was quite judgey about it. Massively set myself up for a let down here......

DD was born after 72 hours of on/off labour (I kid you not) and ended up being a crash section and rushed to SBCU as soon as she was born, probably a good thing that I was knocked out. It was 1am and once I came round I got to spend a little time with her before I was taken to the ward. At some point I must have been asked about whether I was breastfeeding, but I have no recollection. I have no recollection of meeting DD for the first time either

Because I'd had a section and I was downstairs, DD was upstairs they didn't let me know when she needed feeding, just cup fed her. Once someone was available to wheel an emotional wreck who was knackered and slightly traumatised by the birth me up to the SBCU the next day we had a go at breastfeeding but we couldn't latch on. This theme continued, none of the nurses really helped out, once she was back on the ward the mw didn't give any support and consequently we ended up ff.

I was so upset about this, it wasn't something I considered and in fact for the first few days I refused to make her bottles or feed her. Buuut, eventually I did learn that formula isn't the poison I made it out to be, I don't judge now, it really isn't my business to comment any others choice of feeding. She's now 5 and perfect in nearly every way. Nobody asks or cares how she was fed!

Fast forward to DS 3 years later, ELCS lots of skin to skin time, struggled to get him to latch on but more help from volunteers and a fantastic mw and we got there. We bf until he I went back to work when he was 10 months. Totally different experience.

With DS1 I was expecting it to be easyish, although I did buy a load of bottles and ready made formula just in case. I assumed I'd be a natural at it, and to be honest I was actually quite good at it! What I wasn't expecting was the tiredness, hormones raging, embarrassment at feeding in public and little to no support from those around me.

With DS2 I was expecting it to be easy peasy and felt a lot more confident about the whole thing. So far (8 weeks in) it's lived up to it's expectations and I'm loving every minute of it!

My expectations were that it might hurt and took a long time for feeds.

When it came to it, it was agonising and excruciating initially. I would dread feeds and I sometimes felt like putting a sock in my mouth to clench to stop me from screaming. Thanks to help from mn, my local bfing support morning at the sure start centre, and LLL, after a couple of months things settled down and I continued to bf DD until she was nearly 3.

The reality is your body is not your own, it is a feeding machine for a baby. In the early days I was ravenous all the time and put on 2 stone in the first year (everyone says you lose weight when bfing, not the case for me). BUT I wouldn't change it for the world, and once things settled down it was a wonderful experience and something I even miss now. Once I got the nack for it I would feed DD whilst I lying down in bed, it was quite relaxing!

Oh, and the first few weeks when I bf I practically fell asleep, there's some kind of chemical released when bfing which makes you sleepy. I remember being at the hospital and falling asleep for a second whilst feeding DD and getting really upset with myself about it as I was so scared I might have dropped her or something if I had fallen asleep . It is an absolutely overwhelming tiredness. This too becomes less over time.

Having seen my sister breastfeed three DC with ease I just assumed it would be totally straightforward. It was.

When pg with my first DC, I thought BFing might be hard, and that it might take perseverance, but that I would do it. I guess that turned out to be correct, although I had certainly not anticipated a baby who would not latch on, the slow weight gain or indeed how emotional I would feel about it all. It did all work out ok, and when BFing support groups started in my area, I trained as a peer supporter and helped at them.

When pg with my second DC, I was certainly a lot more informed, but I was also much more worried about BFing. I got some really helpful suggestions on here, and at least had a plan for how I would handle the same difficulties if they occurred again. In fact, DS2 was a completely different baby, latching on several times in the delivery room. I did still have some difficulties with positioning on one side, but I was able to work round that this time, and on day five he'd only lost an ounce or so, rather than the >10% DS1 had. I did end up at the new support groups on more than one occasion, although probably for reassurance as much as anything else.

I hoped to bf and there was a bf consultant in the hospital, I went home the same day. Day 3 he couldn't latch properly, and we both went back in to a midwife led unit as he had lost too much weight. The unit was nice, and some of the mod wives were really nice, some were very brusque with a sleep deprived due to feeding every 2 hours baby blues day 3, feeling like a failure mum who couldn't feed her baby. A nipple shield was a life saver for me and it was so easy to latch with it. After discharge I then went to a breast feeding support group every week. After that I didn't have any issues, after a while I didn't need to nipple shield and bf till he was almost 2.

I was very lucky and found breastfeeding extremely easy. Through my own mother's experience and from my NCT class I was prepared for it to be very challenging and wasn't dead set on doing it if I found it too hard or painful. From the moment my daughter latched on by herself at 15 minutes old we didn't really look back!

Through Mumsnet I was advised to use Lansinoh which I did and applied religiously after each feed for the first month, which I think helped massively. I also expressed without any trouble. We carried on for nine months, and I'm so grateful it was so easy for us when I know it can be so tough for many women.

Expected surmountable obstacles. Aside from inevitable beginners pain all seemed well although baby fed for hours. Weight gain normal for a week then the weight gain was very small. Slow weight gain continued for a couple of weeks. Met with lll lactation consultant, she suspected tongue tie, health visitor told me baby didn't have tongue tie. Insisted on tongue tie appointment, which I had to wait for three weeks, as well as expressing and using supplemental nursing system (tube at breast) had no choice but to supplement with formula in the mean time. Baby had tight tongue tie. Small improvement in feeding but weight gain remained slow, bottom of the chart. I continued feeding every two hours, plus expressing, plus formula. It was the general consensus that baby was just on the light side and would catch up. Didn’t feel right and was constantly researching possible causes. After 5 months and a process of elimination I insisted on another tongue tie appointment with a specialist. Baby indeed still had a very restricted tongue. Tie was cut again and over the next month baby jumped two percentile lines on the weight chart. Feeding became a breeze, feeds that lasted an hour were done in 10 minutes, I knew that my milk would not be enough to sustain my baby as I’d used formula for so long so I continued formula but the weight kept increasing and as I started to wean my baby at 7 months I dropped the formula. Still breastfeeding 5 times a day now at 13 months. Baby now at 50th percentile.

Having read about and even seen first hand the dreadful outcomes of aggressive formula marketing in the developing country where I grew up, I wanted nothing to do with the stuff - why should I line the pockets of these evil companies who cared more about money than tiny little babies?

So I did my best to prepare. Signed up for antenatal classes at my local hospital and with the NCT (as recommended by my GP - I had never heard of them; wish I hadn't) and thought that would be fine.

DC1 arrived a week or so early, after a 7-hr labour he was born in a birthing pool at the hospital, and latched on enthusiastically. Within a day, my nipples were cracked and painful but the midwives said the latch was good and not to worry. I was euphoric and didn't mind the pain and it didn't occur to me (or the next two midwives) that he might not be getting any milk/colostrum even though he had only done one poo the day after the birth.

By day 4 he had lost 10% of birth weight, my nipples were bleeding and instead of help and support I was simply given advice to "top up" with formula after every feed.

I was incredulous (even more so now - I mean, everyone tells you when you're pregnant that there's so much pressure on mums to breastfeed. Ha. Where I was it was all about pushing the formula) and asked if I could try expressing milk, to top up with that. How did I plan to express? I told the midwife I had heard one could do it by hand. Great, she said, take a look at page 15 of your yellow leaflet. It must be really easy, I remember thinking, if I can learn it from a leaflet.

She also sent me back to the hospital. A paediatrician examined my baby, ran some tests, said everything was normal - had there perhaps been a weighing error? She then advised me to top up with formula, proving that she did not have a clue as to whether there was a milk transfer problem or not. I decided to try expressing to top up.

Not a drop would come out. I followed the instructions carefully. And my breasts were huge and hard - there had to be milk in there! I tried breastfeeding again but the next day came down with mastitis.

I was delirious and not particularly rational. My husband had gone out with the MIL and bought a whole bunch of formula - including the "extra hungry" variety. I felt betrayed. Why would no one help me breastfeed? I had chosen to breastfeed after all.

I saw my GP who prescribed antibiotics but couldn't help with breastfeeding. There were leaflets from formula companies in the waiting room. I tried phoning, in order, the NCT bf teacher, the hospital birth centre, the NCT antenatal teacher, the postnatal ward, and the national bf helpline. There was no answer at all at any of these. The phones either kept ringing or went to voicemail and I was too emotional to leave a message.

When DC1 was 10 days old, he had lost 18% of birth weight and the midwives sent me to the hospital "for support with feeding". I was so relieved - at last, someone was going to help me! Turns out, support with feeding was a euphemism for bullying me into formula feeding. I asked to cup feed but that wasn't allowed - not precise enough, because of spillage. But then after bottle feeding my baby would spit up, and where were these 'men of science' with their measuring cups then? And the latch got worse than ever.

Eventually I found a private LC who helped me through 3 more bouts of mastitis and eventually 50% breastfeeding alongside the formula.

This is much too long already so all I will say is, DC2 was easier. Same at the start but at least I knew there were issues and could deal with them immediately.

initially ok but then i got thrush, not as well known as it is now, so agonising for weeks before i was treated

next time round was straightforward

third time round was a month of agony before things settled down. no idea why. bad latch? anyway i had mastitis which was horrible

i bf all 3. min 10 months max 5 years! but it took a lot of determination with baby 1 and 3 for the first few months. if i had only planned bf for a few months i might not have bothered

First time round thought I would 'give it a go', was completely niave and didn't realise how much support and assistance I would need. It didn't work, no latch, screaming child who completely refused the breast, so I expressed for 4 weeks then turned to formula.

Second time round I realised I needed grit and determination and whilst I was very determined ds2 had a huge breastfeeding mouth, latched perfectly for 2 hours straight from birth and fed brilliantly for 6 months.

First time round thought I would 'give it a go', was completely niave and didn't realise how much support and assistance I would need. It didn't work, no latch, screaming child who completely refused the breast, so I expressed for 4 weeks then turned to formula.

Second time round I realised I needed grit and determination and whilst I was very determined ds2 had a huge breastfeeding mouth, latched perfectly for 2 hours straight from birth and fed brilliantly for 6 months.

I planned to give it a go but not be disappointed if it didn't work.

I expected it to be fairly easy, it's natural after all right? I also expected to be a bit creeped out by it as I don't really like having my nipples touched.

Ds was diagnosed with tongue tie about 4 hours after birth after a midwife spotted it by chance. He was booked in to have it snipped a week later. The first week was agonising, I spent so many nights in tears dreading putting the baby to my breast but I promised my self I would get through till the snip. After the snip things didn't improve immediately and so I gave up for a whole evening. However the next day we were leaving to register ds and he started to cry, i had an urge to put him to the breast and he fed. We had a rocky journey but we got through it and are still feeding now 25 months later.

I had thought if it was too difficult I would give up and formula feed so I wasn't expecting to feel so conflicted and determined to struggle through. I had formula fed my previous two children so I had no issues with it.

I wanted to give BF a go, thought it would come natural to me. It did feel pretty natural right from the start although the midwives at the hospital told me it shouldn't hurt, that I should feed every 3 hours, one breast at a time for 20-30min etc etc. As it did hurt and my DS wanted to feed ALL THE TIME and spent more than 20-30 min on each breast I slightly lost confidence that I was doing the right thing.
My DH was supersupportive though and kept telling me that I'm the DS's mum and that I will know best what his needs are. He kept reminding that I should go with my gut feeling and listen to myself rather than everyone else around me. So, once I got home I spent hours with DS just feeding not swapping breasts etc etc and there are no signs DS will go off the breast any time soon (7months old soon). Having read more on BF since having DS I have realised that the advice I was given at the hospital was pretty outdated.

Expectations.... I thought if it hurt, that I was doing it wrong. I thought I would be able to have skin to skin and feed straight after birth. I thought I would love every moment of feeding my baby.

Reality? Well, it hurt and was hard to get used to. With the support of family, my midwives, and health visitor, I realised it wasn't my fault and was normal, so I persevered anbs before long, the feeding was established.

I did get skin to skin and fed straight after birth, despite having had a hospital birth with interventions instead of the home birth I had hoped for. My baby boy latched on and knew exactly what to do.

And finally. Do I enjoy every moment? No. It has hurt. Sometimes I dread it, especially when he was waking to feed every hour. But he saves up special moments for me just when I've had it... I remember one morning after a tough night, feeding him on my side in bed (safe co sleeping arrangement), he looked up at me mid feed and grinned as if to say 'thank you mummy', it meltéd my heart. There are tough times, but many, many more special moments. I'm glad I pushed on through.

I am breastfeeding my three month old baby. I was determined that I would breastfeed and I attended a hospital breastfeeding class and read LLL website and book in pregnancy. I found the first month much harder than expected. In retrospect the hospital class was much too positive- it didn't cover the common problems that women have initially, and kept saying that it is very easy. However the class did emphasise all the benefits, which increased my resolve. The LLL book was very helpful and prepared me to deal with the early difficulties.

If I hadn't been so determined I would not have persevered through the first two weeks, but then it started getting easier. Now breastfeeding is so easy and I am so pleased that I stuck with it.

I would say that the support doesn't end with leaving hospital- in hospital I was praised for having a great latch, but a week later at home I was gwrrimg niplle pain, and a breastfeeding support worker came round and corrected my latch.

I lost my first son to stillbirth so when I was expecting my second I knew I would not have a problem with milk supply as the first time around the milk did not go away for weeks following the stillbirth.
What I did not expect was my son falling asleep after 5 min and I later discovered I had "abnormally large nipples" which meant the baby could not latch on properly. I had to top up with expressed milk for 2-3 weeks but found that the good thing about large nipples was that I could hand express a lot very quickly.
So when my other children were born I knew what I had to do.
I found mastitis a bit uncomfortable and didn't really expect to get it but had it with all of them. But overall found (and still find) BF a very positive experience and very easy, even with my eldest son.
I have now breastfed for nearly 8 years in total (1 child for 2 years, 2 for 2.5 years and one still BF at 11 months) and love it.

I really wanted to breastfeed, partly due to the' breast is best' mentality shoved at you from day one, and as breastfeeding is the norm in my family. I didn't expect it to be that hard as long as my milk came in, and the only prep I had was an nct session that was mainly on extolling the virtues, not on any possible problems I might encounter. Unfortunately it hasn't gone to plan. I had an emergency section which meant my milk came in late, and ds1 had lost 13% of body weight by day 5. Despite my best efforts, and midwives saying my latch looked good, he didn't gain weight well and at 4 weeks I had to start ff top ups despite not wanting to. A tongue tie was then diagnosed, although clipping it didn't improve breastfeeding. I've had a lot of conflicting advice, from midwives, hv, breastfeeding advisor, private lactation consultant and an nhs feeding clinic. I feel very sad about my failure to breastfeed and wish I'd been better informed from the start about possible problems eg tongue tie. I also wish formula wasn't touted as poison as it seems a lot of women can't end up ebf despite their best efforts, and this message only makes you feel worse.

Hi!

I did very little 'prep' around it as I felt it would just happen. It didn't from the minute he was born because he was so sleepy. I went back into hospital after one night at home as he wasn't waking for feeds or looking to latch on. (I spent one night in the hospital after I had him - I could've stayed 2 but chose not too)
I stayed in and received fantastic support on a feeding plan. After one night on transitional care I was set and have never looked back. Love it. (3 months in)
I really rate the care I received and the only thing I'd do differently is rush home after one night in after baby is born.