MN Bumpfest: Tell MNHQ what your expectations and realities were of breast feeding after giving birth – £50 voucher prize draw NOW CLOSED

[MichelleMumsnet]

In the run up to BumpFest (if you haven’t got your ticket yet - what are you waiting for?) we’re looking to get a better understanding of the experiences Mumsnetters have had around different issues surrounding childbirth.

Looking at the many threads on the subject, it seems that breastfeeding can often be one of the most challenging aspects of the first weeks after birth. Whether it’s deciding if it’s right for you, or to trying to achieving the perfect latch, we know that everyone has a different experience.

We are keen to find out what Mumsnetters’ initial expectations were around breast feeding, and if they were met. Whether you planned to breastfeed, planned to formula feed or ended up somewhere in the middle - we’d love to hear about your feelings on the subject, What did you base your expectations on (e.g. NCT class, stories from friends or family, books you had read)? Did you expectations turn out to be correct? If you had a subsequent birth, to what extent did your experiences of breast feeding (whether you breast fed your children or not) differ?

As a token of thanks, everyone who posts on this thread will be entered into a prize draw to win a £50 John Lewis voucher.

Thanks ,

MNHQ

Oh sorry, I didn't explain why I breastfed.

I had always wanted to breastfeed, saw it as an important part of being a mother I think and that bond. I grew up in a third world country where babies were all breastfed, so the link was pretty intrinsic for me. That incredible desire to breastfeed saw me through some very, very tough times (multiple blocked ducts and constant engorgement from over production, painful feeding till baby was around 9 months). I also did NCT classes but they didn't push the breastfeeding, just created more awareness (that's how I expected to be difficult) and how to deal with situations eg. people coming round etc.

Mumtochops - so a benefit of you breastfeeding your own child is that you can Lord it over other mums who don't, whether by choice or circumstances. I don't think
even the NCT classes trotted that one out. Would you rather non BFing mums beat themselves up for feeding their child in an insufficient way? Actually, don't answer that.

I wanted to try and breastfeed if possible. My first baby was sleepy, was difficult to get latched on and dropped off within seconds. One midwife on the hospital ward helped me latch her on and then being very busy marched off. DD immediately dropped off the breast and fell asleep again. Got home, the visiting midwife diagnosed jaundice, said my breastfeeding was 'useless' and advised immediate top ups of formula. She did not offer any help. I bought the whole FF set of equipment miserably. DD downed a complete bottle and slept for hours. I felt a failure. But, I continued to try and feed her myself and using nipple shields and perseverance managed to get through horrible pain, cracked bleeding nipples and hours on the boob and fed for 10 months only stopping because she kept biting me.
Baby 2 latched on brilliantly immediately after birth and fed really well for 8 months. However she was slow to gain weight and I was again told to give top ups so she had combined FF and BF. Sadly because I was afraid of her biting me, which she never did, I switched to FF from a beaker at 8 months.
Baby 3 was a complete nightmare. She would not latch, she would not feed for long enough, she was very sicky and she was slow to gain weight. My nipples got extremely painful and I developed terrible needle sharp pains after feeding which I was convinced were caused by thrush but my GP had never heard of this so I didn't get treated. I chose to combine with FF and again breastfed for 10 months.
I never got any advice or practical help. I was told about a BF drop in centre with DD3 but I didn't drive and it was quite far away and seemed too inaccessible. I really enjoyed feeding my babies and was very sad to finish.

Oh and my expectations were informed by magazines and books all of which were pretty informative and honest.

I had absolutely NO idea about breastfeeding before DC.
My friend laughingly reminded me recently that I'd said I'd 'feed the baby for 3 months or so' when I was pregnant with DC1.
I'm still feeding DC3 (19 months) and fed my other DC until they self weaned!
When I had DD I had no idea about the practicalities of it, how to do it etc and thought it would just 'happen'.

In reality, I had to really work at it and it was very painful. My breasts were like huge rocks and I initially only got tiny bits of colostrum into a tiny syringe for DD. I had faith that it'd work out though mainly because I'd never heard of people not being able to feed I got pretty good support in the hospital and they took the time to teach me how to feed but I was a little embarrassed and felt they were a bit rough with me and a little impatient (DD was a sleepy pethidine baby)
I have also never felt tiredness like the tiredness I experienced when DD was tiny. I remember feeding her sitting on the bed as my head kept falling down, nearly nodding off each time. When someone explained to me that I could feed her lying down my life changed! I became a co sleeping breastfeeding mama :) One thing you definitely aren't prepared for (I wasn't!) was people judging you for your feeding choices and feeling that it's ok to pass comment on them.
Overall I learned through experience and apart from the odd bout of mastitis I was lucky to have a fairly easy experience compared to some women.

I wish I hadn't been told it didn't hurt. It bloody did for about 10 weeks. In fact it bloody killed.

I remember thinking back to my NCT lessons and remembering that I'd been told it shouldn't hurt, so I must have been doing something wrong. The whole world and his dog looked at my tits and told me I was feeding correctly . Yet still it hurt. Turns out I had big boobs and a small baby - she couldn't get enough in her mouth in her correct position.

The other thing I wish I knew was that some babies breasted not because they were hungry, but because they liked it. Dd comfort fed for hours, before someone told me. I remember crying because I used to dread feeding her. Then I discovered the dummy, and that was our saviour!

Eventually, she got bigger, it got easier, she only fed when hungry and used the dummy at other times and I ended up breast feeding her until she was almost two. I absolutely hated it for the first ten weeks though. I wish I had been warned it wouldn't be the rose tinted image I had imagined!

Also meant to include reason I bf.
I was apprehensive about being a mum, not really worried about taking care of them, more of losing me. However the one thing I have always felt a strong urge to do since childhood is bf. I wasn't really into dolls but wanted to bf any I did have.

The moment they put him to my breast after he was born was a highlight of my life. I'm not sure how long he fed but it felt like half an hour and was just how I dreamed it.

It wasn't that easy after that first feed but was and still is wonderful. I have no problems with ff as it gives them all they need but was so pleased I could bf (so was my bank balance).

I thought it would be natural and easy with ds1... I did not research, knew no one that had bf, I just assumed I would put him on the breast and he would feed!

Ha ha ha! I eventually got the hang of it and EBF until his first birthday.

Ds2, 7 years later and knew what to expect. No pain, no problems, just that natural easy feeling I thought I would have with ds1.

I didn't really think about feeding, was more worried about having a real-life baby to look after !
This was very naive, I think, but maybe in a strange way it took any potential stress away? I mean, my thoughts about feeding were essentially "I will be trying to breast feed but if I can't I will be formula feeding". That is honestly about as complex as it got!
Thankfully (with hindsight!) dc1 did latch straight away and feeding was a smooth journey for her and me. I bf for 9m.
I think I gave more thought to bf with dc2 because I wanted it to be as 'successful ' (for want of a better word) as it was with dc1. As it was, she was even easier to feed and I bf until 15m.
Dc3 was trickier - I got a blister which was agony, but I think feeling confident with the process of feeding generally I managed to persevere. Also got tips from reading MN threads. Didn't ask for or get help from HCPs about it. I do wonder if this had happened with dc1 I'd have overcome it as comfortably? Would I have persevered? Not sure!

I had several friends who had breastfed - some easily, some not so easily, which all underlined what I'd read on MN and been told at NCT - ie, it's not necessarily the easiest thing in the world. So, I was determined to breastfeed but not rose-tinted about it - I was expecting it to be difficult.

DD was born by EMCS (though not traumatic), and was difficult to latch at first - lots of help by midwife in the recovery ward got her on for the first feed, with DH tickling her constantly to keep her awake and concentrating on feeding. We were in hospital for two days, during which we had about ten minutes of help from a (different) midwife, and although DD was feeding, it was difficult to get her to pay attention and I had to express colostrum into a syringe to be sure she'd got anything at all.

For the first 3-4 weeks feeding was painful and bad latching meant my nipples were cracked - tears aplenty, especially during night feeds. At five weeks, my nipples started to heal and now DD is six weeks old they are much better and we are doing okay.

I had thought that I'd go to breastfeeding classes, but with a CS I couldn't drive, and DH went back to work after two weeks so I was housebound several miles from where the classes are held. In addition, I was too lacking in confidence to go anyway - DH offered to take an afternoon off to drive me to a class, but I just didn't dare and preferred to struggle on at home where I felt safe. Having a friend who is a breastfeeding counsellor to chat to on facebook helped a lot, but she was the only help I've had except for a spectacularly useless health visitor ("try expressing a little to get her focussed" as milk was running down my breast, hand, arm, and dripping off my elbow...).

I will say the worst thing was the LLL "womanly art of breastfeeding" book. It has next to no pictures, is very preachy, and says "if it hurts you're doing it wrong", which made me feel completely incompetent and cry a lot. A friend lent it to me as she found it useful, but honestly I'd rather burn it. I tried laid-back breastfeeding to take the pressure off my cracked nipples, and I might as well have used red hot pokers on them, it was excruciating. That didn't make me feel any more inclined to listen to LLL!

What would have been helpful would be something that helped you once you'd already damaged your breasts/nipples. There's lots on avoiding injury, but sod all on "so you have cracked nipples, but never fear, get the latch right and it will slowly improve".

I'm hoping that as DD gets bigger we will get better at it - at six weeks it is already much easier than it was at four, and we are EBF so far so hopefully the worst has passed :)

I have two DC - a 3yo and a 12 wo.

With DC1 I expected bf to be easy. The NCT bf classes I did emphasised that there was nothing that feeding feeding feeding wouldn't solve, from mastitis to poor supply. They refused to discuss any issue that could mean a failure to bf, as this was apparently too negative and would encourage a defeatist attitude. One CS and a 2lt blood loss later, I had no milk, DC1 was jaundiced and had low glucose, and I was put on a pump in hospital to encourage milk production and pull out my flat nipples (neither of which it did). The midwives and volunteers in hospital constantly handled my boobs, shoving them in DC1's mouth, trying to hand express milk into a syringe (seriously, does that ever work? Seems so fiddly!). I was made to feel as if I wouldn't have been allowed to go home unless a midwife saw DC1 feed. I was horribly stressed and upset - as if I'd let him starve! Eventually a doctor did his three-day check and advised me to top up with formula, but I was given no instructions on how best to do this. The HV who visited me at home made me feel completely useless and when I said I'd rather not go through the stress of feeding in front of her, she said 'why not?' and demanded I did. Then when DC1 latched perfectly, then gave up sucking after 30 mins, came off and screamed, she suggested a bottle (which he demolished). I gave up trying boob altogether at seven weeks.

DC2 bf like a champ from the start. Midwives left me alone on hospital and I'm loving it.

Completely different each time!

I thought skin to skin was a sure fire way of getting breastfeeding started (all that thing about the baby "crawling" up to the breast and latching on).
Mine wasn't interested at all, didn't even try!

I was gutted as hadn't even thought or prepared for FF.
DS eventually latched for the first time after one week of constant expressing/bottles/offering the breast/formula top ups. Tbh that week was hell. It was a visiting midwife who'd had premmies who gave me the tips that finally worked to get DS latched. I was lucky he did move onto exclusive bf.

Mummageddon what were the tips that eventually got him to latch on? We had similar-10 days of trying without DD ever latching. DS is on his way (actually literally, waters just went!) so am interested in tips in case the same happens again!

Need, not at all, I would never 'lord it over' anyone. We are all simply sharing our experiences and thoughts, and I shared mine. We are all entitled to our opinions...apologies if you don't agree and I've upset you...

Had low or non-existent expectations before DD but she latched on straight away and turned out to be a boob monster and bottle refuser. Some pain in the 1st couple of weeks but it soon settled down and we found bf very convenient to start with. Once she was a few months old I started to find exclusive breastfeeding a pain as I couldn't get anyone else to help out, I felt I was permanently attached to her. She was feeding every couple of hours right up to 7 or 8 months and I found it suffocating. Went cold turkey when I went back to work which felt a bit mean but was liberating for me.

DS also latched on straightaway, ebf for about 4 weeks then started to give him a bottle in the evenings mainly to make sure he didn't also become a bottle refuser. He then gradually went the other way, seeming to prefer the bottle (I had major oversupply with him so sometimes it did feel like I was drowning him). By 4 months he was completely ff.

I have to say breastfeeding is far more convenient when out of the house, I hate faffing about heating up bottles in shops or cafes. But equally a bottle refuser can be a pita.

I realise I was very lucky to have been able to bf both without major difficulty, sorry if my observations seem trivial.

I expected to be able to actually feed ds as all the peer support people kept sayinf it's a myth that people can't feed. long and short of it is my boobs dont work. we ended up back in hospital due to it and me being convinced that it was all about to work because everyone can do it. hopong things are different next time around but will totally be a lot more relaxed around the issue.

I didn't realise how much it would hurt, even though I knew it might not be easy. DS1 was tiny and wouldn't latch. We used a nipple shield even though NCT, midwives etc advised against, and it really helped. Old school HV was fantastically helpful with that and reassured us that he'd ditch it when he was ready, which he did. Rugby ball hold really helped too given the combination of tiny baby and CS. Once we both got the hang of it, though, it was fantastic and much easier with DS2. BF them both for about 13 months.

I always planned to breastfeed but wasn't averse to formula if it didn't work out for us so I had bottles and steriliser at home ready just in case.
After a tricky birth and being taken off to theatre before wing able to feed, I thought i would have issues. Suprisingly I didn't! Three months down the line now and I'm still feeding and actually really enjoy it :-) I took an NCT breastfeeding workshop a month before I have birth which was fantastic and I saw the breastfeeding councillors at my local children's centre a few times for a bit of advice but otherwise it's been pretty straightforward. I would strongly advise getting Lansinoh cream for nipples and Lansinoh pads for leakage. I would also recommend getting a decent hand pump if you don't have a problem feeding and expressing once a day so that the whole feeding burden doesn't fall on you. I did start to resent my DH to start with especially in the nights but the pump has solved that!

I expected it to be hard/tiring/painful, but that it would get better after a few months. I planned to EBF.

I didn't know that there could be "technical" problems that bloody-mindedness alone couldn't get through. I thought NHS staff would know when they had got to the limit of their expertise and refer on if necessary. I did an NCT class which was more about why you should breast feed and the biology of it, rather than what might go wrong and what to do if that happened.

I ended up with DD not gaining weight, and HV telling me to eat more, especially more cheese. I questioned this advice, and asked if she thought there could be anything else wrong other than my not eating enough. She said no, not to worry, just eat more. Until at 6 weeks she said I must top up 3-4 oz formula after every feed.

I still have no idea what was actually wrong (I was at my pre-birth weight by 6 weeks post-birth. I was eating enough!). DD had formula until 12mo then cows' milk, and was BF until weaned at 18mo.

I still feel upset about that. Having believed one could EBF if one tried hard enough, I feel like I failed by not trying hard enough. Which I know is drivel, but I still feel it.

I had my baby at home, and was encouraged to get her on the breast asap, which I did. The MW's gave us a cursory glance, said it all looked okay, and that was it - I was left to my own devices with my baby an hour after she was born. It didn't worry me, but the BF learning curve was steep!

My LO is 7 weeks old and breastfeeding is much easier now. I remember as a child seeing my sister being breastfed and other babies, so I knew it was something I wanted to do with my baby and was determined to soldier on.

My Mum told me how much it would hurt to begin with, for at least three weeks, as it was for her! And that I would feel like I had to be scraped off the ceiling. Well, she wasn't wrong! It hurt like hell and my nipples were shredded the first week. I dreaded each feed as the pain was bad. But it turned out I was getting the latch wrong. I had been to NCT so knew the theory, but the practise is not so easy. I ended up googling videos, so I could get it straight in my head and recognise that I was getting it wrong. Since then we have not looked back. I had to be vigilant though and be prepared to unlatch my baby if she wasn't latched on correctly, as I was determined to protect my poor nipples! I think it helped her learn too.

My Mum didn't even know there was such as thing as a 'latch' - I think we know more now than they did back then - but just knowing isn't the same as doing it, as I found out.

I hope to continue BF as long as possible. But those first few weeks were hard, and no on really tells you to expect that.

Mumtochops -thank you for apologising. If you re-read the entire last sentence of your OP I hope you'll see how it could be upsetting to the many mums on this thread who were unable to BF, even though they wanted to, even though they persisted. If your baby loses weight or you can't build your supply - try as you might and having sought NCT and LLL advice there's not much you can do. For those mums formula is indeed as good as BF.

I am an archaeologist by training and while I was pregnant with DD1 I remember thinking many times that it must be possible to have a drug-free labour and breastfeed perfectly until the child was at least 2 yrs old - or else how would the human race had survived. For millions of years women all over the world hve done this and as long as I tried hard enough I would to.

In reality I was induced 2 weeks after the due date, it took days and so many drugs to get labour started. Labour was so long and I was strapped to so many machines that I had an epidural. Breastfeeding totally failed and DD1 was admitted back into hospital where I ended up taking more drugs to bring my milk in. I paid £100 to hire an expressing machine that looked like it should be in a dairy. Still no milk so we finally formula feed.

The whole experience was not as similar to that of a neolithic woman as I had naively anticipated. So - hooray for modern medicine, hooray for the Nhs and (yes I am going to say it) hooray for baby formula because without them me and DD1 (and presumably DD2) would not be here now!

I didn't think about not breastfeeding - my mum bf me and my siblings and a good friend of mine had bf both her children after emcs. I was aware it is better for the baby and also I liked the idea of it being free. However I did know it may be hard. At first it was, DS didn't want to match after a long and difficult birth. The midwives in the hospital seemed very concerned and I began to panic. We were in hospital for 2 days after birth and I never managed to feed him then but it all changed after we got out of the boiling ward and went home. We had a sleep and then he latched on fine and I fed him for over 2 years with few issues. I think one reason for this was because I knew in advance about how often he'd want to feed and then read 'the food of love' when he was about 4/5 days old which also made the realities clear.

I enjoyed bf and am hoping I will enjoy it again soon as I'm 37 weeks with DC2. It's also something I have become rather passionate about - there's no denying it's better for your baby and the criticism of breastfeeding advocates, calling them nazis and brrastapos goes far too far. All these women (and me want) is for women to get the advice and support they need to breastfeed and for formula marketing to end to stop undermining them. I'd also like to see the end if crappy sleep training advice which really undermines successful breastfeeding.

I knew I would breastfeed, it didn't cross my mind that I wouldn't be able to. I spent a lot of time on Mumsnet before DS1 was born reading up on it, so I could prepare for any problems. I think I actually found it easier than I expected due to reading so many stories of people finding it hard. I ended up feeding him for 16 months (self weaned when I got pregnant with DD), and never had a problem. I got bought a bottle by a well meaning work colleague, just in case I needed it-it's still in a box in a kitchen drawer, 5 years and 3 DCs later.

When DD was born I expected her to be just as easy, so it was a bit of a shock when she would refuse to latch on and projectile vomit when she would eventually feed. This time around I had support from my mum, who had a similar problem with me when I was a baby. I cut out caffeine and chocolate and within a day or two I had a happily feeding baby. Again I fed her for 16 months.
I'm still feeding DS2 at 18 months, and feeling simultaneously happy that he's beginning to lose interest, and sad that I won't feed a baby again. Being able to feed them all myself is something I'm proud of, even though I know rationally that it was down to a combination of luck and support.

I was absolutely determined to breastfeed.

Had a long pretty traumatic labour with DS. He wasn't that keen on latching for very long and nobody observed us feeding. Nonetheless we were discharged within 24 hours of his birth.

He never latched on for more than 5 minutes. Various midwives had a look and said we were doing everything right. 3 days in he wasn't very happy. My milk came in and boobs were engorged, but he was still crying constantly. On day 5 he was admitted to hospital due to weight loss. He necked a bottle of formula and slept, contentedly for the first time in two days.

I pumped loads of milk with the hospital pumps and after 4 days in hospital his weight was back up and he was exclusively drinking expressed milk. Only one person came to observe us feed and she wasn't too much help.

After some exclusive pumping we moved to exclusive nipple shields, then finally on to exclusive feeding without the shields. My nipples were a mess and were still bleeding when DS was 6 months old. I have a scar.

We went on to feed for 20 months.

DD was born by planned section. She fed wonderfully from the first time she was put to the breast. She is 51weeks and still hasn't had a bottle.

I wish i had had more support first time around. More folk on hand who knew what they were doing. DS has a lip tie which I think didn't help, but nobody local diagnoses that sort of thing.