MN Bumpfest: Tell MNHQ what your expectations and realities were of breast feeding after giving birth – £50 voucher prize draw NOW CLOSED

[MichelleMumsnet]

In the run up to BumpFest (if you haven’t got your ticket yet - what are you waiting for?) we’re looking to get a better understanding of the experiences Mumsnetters have had around different issues surrounding childbirth.

Looking at the many threads on the subject, it seems that breastfeeding can often be one of the most challenging aspects of the first weeks after birth. Whether it’s deciding if it’s right for you, or to trying to achieving the perfect latch, we know that everyone has a different experience.

We are keen to find out what Mumsnetters’ initial expectations were around breast feeding, and if they were met. Whether you planned to breastfeed, planned to formula feed or ended up somewhere in the middle - we’d love to hear about your feelings on the subject, What did you base your expectations on (e.g. NCT class, stories from friends or family, books you had read)? Did you expectations turn out to be correct? If you had a subsequent birth, to what extent did your experiences of breast feeding (whether you breast fed your children or not) differ?

As a token of thanks, everyone who posts on this thread will be entered into a prize draw to win a £50 John Lewis voucher.

Thanks ,

MNHQ

[scarletoconnor]

With my first baby I felt strongly that I would breastfeed after I had attended a UNISEF breastfeeding talk.
To be honest I do feel nothing but resentment for that talk now and the utter lies crap the women were talking.
I was a first time mum with no experience of bf, when I came out of the talk I felt like I would be practically guilty of child abuse if I didn't bf.
I was told that hcp's deem bf mums as more 'protective' than ff mums
That if I BF my baby wouldn't get ill, would be smarter, fitter, less likely to get fat. I was told bar double mastectomy / HIV / Aids there was no reason not to bf. Even mums taking medications could have them adjusted to 'safe' ones.
I came out on cloud 9. Didn't buy a bottle or anything, I genuinely thought it would be easy after all the UNISEF women said so.

Well my birth was horrendous, I didn't see my baby for 8hours by which point his bm was so low he needed formula. My dh mentioned cup feeding but the midwife said she was too busy to show him how. I had retained placenta which stopped my milk coming in plus I lost a lot of blood too. I never got any milk in ever. I actually got so upset about it I got pnd. Every runny nose, cough and cold I felt complete responsibility for. I felt like hcp's thought I was a bad mum.

With my second pregnancy I wanted to swing for anyone who told me not to automatically assume things would be bad this time. However the second time I knew it might not work and not breast feeding does not equal bad mother. Luckily I managed it.

I think its good bf is promoted but I think making out breastfeeding is all rainbows and unicorns is wrong as it gives mothers no true perceptions of bf and sets women up to feel like failures if the can't bf or bf with difficulties

[scarletoconnor]

mumtochops12 I think the last sentence of your post is extremely rude and judgemental.
There are stories on here of women getting pnd because they couldn't breastfeed, stories of babies on nicu with severe jaundice that needed fluids too much to get them better to bf, mothers on icu who were unable to bf because they were on life support machines. Women with pph's which often means you get no milk at all.

I had a pph, needed resuscitation and icu and had further surgery for retained placenta as well as my baby getting jaundice. Should my husband have milked me like daisy the cow while people were resuscitating me?

You should count yourself lucky you had a nice birth and bf experience not judge mothers who dont.

[mrsmummytobe]

I thought I wouldn't be able to breastfeed as my mum had issues with it & ended up bottle feeding my sister & I. But in actual fact I had no problems & I absolutely love doing it. I had to stay in the hospital post-birth for a couple of nights & the midwives there were so helpful in establishing a good hold & latch - after that it was easy! I am still exclusively breastfeeding my little girl at 3 months & I plan to continue for the first year of her life. It is an amazing bonding experience & lovely to feel that my milk is helping her to grow strong & healthy.

[Dolallytats]

I didn't manage to BF my first two DC's for longer than a couple of weeks. It was really painful and I didn't know where to go for help.

With DC3, I really wanted to feed her for at least the first 6 months. After having her, she was attached to my breast for the entire day I was in hospital, but I knew that the struggle starts when I get home. So I asked the midwife on the ward for help. She just said 'it looks like you're doing ok' and walked away.

The health visitors I had following the birth were not very approachable-abrupt and one shouted at me down the phone. I was unable to go to the breastfeeding sessions at the clinic because I am agoraphobic and I was worried about DD not getting enough milk....so I stopped. As it was she was getting enough and gained weight in the first couple of days rather than losing a little like most babies do.

I really regret not feeling able to ask for help and even now she is 13months old and a lovely, lively little girl, it makes me want to cry that I feel I failed her and me.

[CultureSucksDownWords]

Dolallytats, if you haven't yet, would you feel able to make a formal complaint about the way the HV spoke to you? It's really not on for any health care professional to shout at you. The "care" given to you by the MW in the hospital was also substandard care and worth complaining about.

[Dolallytats]

I did complain to the HV who came to see me culture, she knew exactly who I was talking about before I even said her name. I cried and felt an inch tall by the time I came off the phone. My husband wanted to go and find her, he was so angry with her!! I didn't complain about the midwife, they always look so busy. I know they should still help, but I feel a bit sorry for them

[littleducks]

I planned to breastfed. I read about it and was aware of some of the issues. My mum had bf me and my SIL was bfing her 3rd dc when my pfb was born.

They provided advice about things like cabbage leaves in your bra. I also had support from my community midwives. It was a pilot sure start area and then they ran loads of clinics and groups including a bfing cafe.

I went on to bf for 18 months and then bf dc2 and dc3. I have never bought formula or bottles. I have never had issues with the mechanics of bfing but have found reactions and opinions to be tough. There is a pressure to use formula to 'top up' or 'for someone else to feed the baby' which I found unhelpful and frustrating.

[summersoft]

I had an interest in infant feeding for quite some time before becoming a parent. I had a fair bit of knowledge on the subject before becoming pregnant.

Things went really well with my first birth and my baby fed well from the onset. I continued to feed her during pregnancy and for 18 months after my second baby was born. My second child nursed through my third pregnancy and is nearly self weaned. My third child still breast feeds. I always wanted to feed my children until they self weaned but I do get moments when I want to be left alone.

[MrsIgglePiggle]

As soon as I discovered I was pregnant I knew my baby would be breast-fed. My only concern was my small breasts and if they would be able to do the job!

I spent 2 nights in hospital and there was a breast feeding nurse helping all the new mums obtain a latch. My daughter latched on perfectly after 4 or 5 attempts, and it carried on that way. Her and I finding that latch was so easy and remained perfect for nearly 3 years!!

The only negative was for the first 3 months I was in agony with my nipples. Apparently breast feeding is more painful if you have lily white skin? That's what a midwife told me anyway. But then one morning I woke up and all the pain was gone...like magic.

Breastfeeding has been the most beautiful experience of my life. I utterly utterly loved it.

I miss it!!

[qumquat]

I knew some of the issues but never realised how tough it would be. The first night in the hospital dd cried and cried with hunger but couldn't latch on. The frazzled midwife tried for a couple of minutes to help the offered formula. This pattern repeated all night. The next day there was a feeding specialist around who helped, there needs to be feeding specialists available at night. I felt totally alone and abandoned, and like I'd failed at the first hurdle.
Once at home feeding went better, but she still regularly refused to latch on. I kept phoning the midwife phone number in tears but they didn't return my calls. Dd lost a lot of weight and took over a month to get back to her birthweight. (With a lot if formula top ups and feeding all day and all night)
By this time I was also I'm complete agony with cracked nipples and engorgement. Finally started to make it out the house to bf cafés. Dd diagnosed with tongue tie. Dr ridiculously slow to send referral, so I went private to have it snipped at vast expense. This changed nothing and I was still in agony and feeding for hours on end. My supply was also dropping due to reaching for the formula to get an hour's break from feeding.
Then I came up in horrible, infected blisters on one nipple. I vowed never to feed from that breast again. I started pumping from the right breast and feeding from the left. Pumping freed up so much of my day that I started double pumping and feeding ebm. I started to take pleasure in my baby for the first time.
After a while though not being able to go far from my pump (and getting up in the night to pump while dd was asleep) was getting me down. So I started to very tentatively put her back on the breast (at about 4 months I think- it's a blur!). I found that it hurt less and less. My supply had built up from the pumping, and dd had got more efficient so I had time to eat and move a little! Now nearly 8 months and I'm still bf. After all that I never want to give up!

Looking at all I went through I still wonder if I should have just quit and gone onto formula. It was all so traumatic. I'm really proud if myself for having got where I am now, but I do wonder if it was worth all the pain - emotional and physical.

[qumquat]

Sorry was feeling very negative at 4am. I'm pleased I persevered. Think the real life support for mums who have problems is patchy at best and too reliant on volunteers. I felt I'd been told to breast feed but then completely abandoned when it wasn't going well.

[Debs75]

With DD1 I had no real idea how I would feed her before she was born (I know ditsy mummy here didn't even buy a pram till I was almost full term)
When she was born and placed on my chest the MW asked how I was feeding her and I still didn't know so she encouraged me to breastfeed. I gave it a go and hey ho she latched on like a pro and guzzled away for 8 months. She did all the work, the only time I found it hard was when my milk came in and I looked like Jordan and when she teethed a few months down the line and she bit me.
I didn't really have any preconceptions on how she should feed so I just let her take the lead and fed on demand, for as long and how often she wanted to.

I wrongly assumed that DS would be the same but he struggled from the start. He couldn't get comfortable when feeding, he screamed almost constantly and I was exhausted. We struggled for a month and I switched to formula I really didn't want to and from what I know now with some proper breastfeeding support I may have been able to continue.

10 years later with DD2 I decided to breastfeed and we had a wonderful time, she wasn't a natural like DD1 but she quickly learnt and I had all the wonderful Mumsnet support to see me through the bad times. I fed her till she was 3.6 with no formula ever and through my pregnancy with DD3.

DD3 I just knew I would breastfeed as I was still breastfeeding DD2. I tandem fed for 18 months and she self weaned by 2.6.

I think for me breastfeeding has been a relatively easy journey. With DS I was swayed by the apparent easiness of formula but looking back if it hadn't of been easily available, or cheap (milk tokens) I would have persevered. Being a younger mum and not very confident I went with the family members encouraging me to use formula. With DD2 & 3 I was more confident and secure in my choices.

The journey I have had has led me to become a breastfeeding peer supporter so I can support other mums in their choices.

Phew sorry for the essay

[whirlycurlymammy]

Just finished breastfeeding my third, was a total and absolute nightmare.

He fed constantly around the clock, as they do, but at 8 weeks his poos turned green and watery. Then his weight gain slowed right down. Was told he was probably lactose intolerant and to cut all dairy out of my diet, being a vegetarian this left me almost vegan and I had no support in doing so. DS continued with less than minimal weight gain. Saw the GP, who told me to stop breastfeeding and just give him a bottle of cow's-milk formula, said he didn't understand why women breastfeed 'in this day and age' and promised I would never look back.

Went to the HV in tears, who advised me to complain about the GP. DS started to lose weight at this point. Was sent to a dietician at the hospital to check I was eating correctly. DS was now rapidly losing weight. Was told that as DS was on the 99th centile for height I should start giving him solids immediately, he was 17 weeks old. DS continued to lose weight despite eating huge portions.

Had an emergency appointment at a hospital an hours drive away. Was told by the paediatrician that I should consider stopping breastfeeding immediately, give DS normal formula and feed him hard boiled eggs, meat and more carbs. If not, he adivised me to at least stop feeding on demand (every 1.5 hours at this point, and constant in the evening), and told me that DS was using up too much energy feeding. DS also has chronic constipation so blood tests were ordered. Was told by the HV and dietician to complain about the paediatrician, and to expect DS to quickly become very ill and therefore be ready to take him to A&E over the next few days.

I felt completely bereft, stopped breastfeeding and began feeding DS jars of food rather than homemade purees (although I chose not to feed DS eggs due to his constipation), and he put on 24 oz in a WEEK. Felt devastated that for some reason, despite all my hard work, breastfeeding seemed to make DS ill. In 5 weeks his weight has gone from the 7th centile to the 75th, and he is much happier. His constipation is also righting itself slowly. Nobody can tell me why it all went so wrong. I had such a positive experience of breastfeeding previously, with DD especially, that it has completely knocked my confidence as a mother. Still waiting on DS' blood test results, but most of the problems have resolved themselves. Now honestly feel very jealous and upset when I see other mothers breastfeeding. I miss it so much.

[whirlycurlymammy]

Forgot to mention that during this time I rang several breastfeeding support helplines, saw my HV weekly, attended my local breastfeeding support weekly, and canvassed opinions on what on earth was happening on several different websites. All did their very best to help me, but unfortunately nobody had a clue what was happening. Right - definitely finished now!

[redtop1]

I had read a little bit that breastfeeding might be hard, but to be honest, I hadn't got to that chapter of the book yet, (why read further than the birth bit?!) and no midwives / classes had said anything other than a good latch was the key. So I was quite surprised when it hurt, when I got thrush, and when DD1 failed to put on weight. If "breast is best" then why all the problems? When I decided at 5 weeks to go onto formula, the health visitor said she thought it was definitely for the best (but hadn't been able to suggest it - my baby was hungry for five weeks and she couldn't suggest formula??!!!). I was scared to tell the midwife (we hadn't yet been signed off due to lack of weight gain) but she couldn't have cared less. I realised then that they just want to tick the breastfeeding box, and I'd already made my decision to switch.
When DS2 came along, I decided to try breastfeeding again, but would switch to formula at the drop of a hat if there were any problems. 5 months on and I'm still breastfeeding - it's been a breeze, and no one is more surprised about it than me. I knew what to expect this time, but only through my own previous experience.
There needs to be more realistic information available out there. So, to the NHS and the breastfeeding brigade out there, please drop the slogans, stop patronising us with knitted boobs and dolls, don't try to humour us with boob cupcakes, or trot out the same cliches again and again. The fact is, it can be difficult, it can be painful, it can be unsuccessful.

[Pointlessfan]

I honestly expected to hate breastfeeding but had the attitude that I'd give it a go and if it was awful, I'd stop. We ended up being in hospital for over a week after the birth which was an emergency c section and the midwives and their support workers were amazing. They helped me to breastfeed lying down after the epidural and when I could sit they were more than happy to keep checking the latch.
We are now almost 6 months in and loving breastfeeding. It's so convenient - no sterilizing etc and so easy to sooth my baby.
I was so upset to be stuck in hospital so long but maybe it's the best thing that could have happened to set us up for a happy breastfeeding experience.

[CaptainSinker]

I expected it to be more difficult than it was. I thought i would try it then give up. Ended up breastfeeding for 2.5 years, and giving up reluctantly.

Dd couldn't be breastfed from 2 days only til about 9 days old for medical reasons. Used an electric breast pump. Switching her back to the breast wasn't too hard. Just had to persist when she wanted the bottle and she got the hang quite quickly. It was sore sometimes in the first couple of months.

In the early days it was a bit messy and as I had oversupply issues I had problems with leaking etc. but nothing to really bother me.

[woolymum]

I didn't know if I would do it or not but tried when my eldest was born because I knew it was the best (and cheapest) option. It was tough, she didn't take to it immediately, and dear christ the chaffing, but the more she struggled the more determined I felt and I continued till slightly over a year until peer pressure kicked in and I felt that I should stop.
I was very determined with ds because I knew what a positive and loving experience it could be. He had tongue tie so it was a confusing struggle initially until a very kindly HV spotted it and got us sorted. After that, we kept going and at 2.5 he still wants his "mummy milk" before bed. I don't know how long we will carry on but I have a loving relationship with two healthy smart fantastic kids that breastfeeding has really helped with.
It's not easy, nothing really usually is, but long term I think that's when the ideal really truly kicks in. It's not right for everyone, but it's such a shame mum's don't get more support and help in the early days so they get to share the positives as well as the negatives.

[snappycow]

Before having baby : thought BF was easiest most natural thing in the world. Thought mums who didn't do it were selfish people who didn't care about their children. Laughed at the idea of classes!
After baby : I can't believe how difficult this is, I am a failure! How can it be this difficult?

I managed it in the end for about 5 months . And I apologise for my thoughts pre baby.

[MinesAPintOfTea]

After the nhs ante natal classes and reading on MN I went into it with the attitude that I'd try it and if it wasn't working out I'd switch to formula.

The first few Weeks were mildly tough, bleeding nipples, cluster feeding for so long one night that dh went to buy formula the next day. But that day was when the corner was turned.

I went to the local bf cafe a couple if times to practise feeding in public and ds still has bedtime "nyeh" at 2.4 years.

[Daisybell1]

I was determined to breastfeed, went to all the classes and when I asked about support in my location was told I'd have to form my own support group as there was none and they didn't know where the town I live in was located . The NCT breastfeeding counsellor was 1.5 hours away as well.

DD was emcs and took a couple of feeds in hospital but nothing substantial. I had numerous people staring at my nipples trying to work out why she wouldn't latch, the problem was never identified. I tried expressing but couldn't. So after 10 days we resorted to formula.

And 3 years later I still feel like a second class citizen and a failure for bottle feeding.

[cheekyezme]

I fed for 6 weeks an adored it! Even the days when I couldn't leave the house as she was feeding every 20 mins!! Turns out I wasn't making enough milk an the poor little thing was getting hungry! The first bottle I gave her she necked 6 onces in about a minute which made me cry! I will always best feed any other baby's I have though there is no going like it! I was also very lucky to never experience any negative Ness from people, I had people bring me cups of tea an give supportive smiles!

[BlackeyedSusan]

dd. I expected it to be hard. three weeeks in the dr told me to give her a bottle as she was feeding upward of 18 times per day. I was gutted at having to mix feed. she was weaned at 13 months when I was pregnant.

ds. chewed on my boobs all night and they hurt. badly. tried breastshields, two sorts. after three days I looked at him and knew that I could not let him feed on them again. he was given a bottle. we then did right boob at one feed, left boob at the next and bottle at the third and repeat. the midwife said that he would give up breast feeding if he had a bottle of formula, though apparently a bottle of expressed milk would be ok...

ds did give up feeding. eventually. two and a half years later

toddler feeding. they stand on their head, they try to turn over, and even feed on one leg with the other in the air. You have the means of settling dodgy tummies when they have diarrhoea and sickness and of comforting them when they cry.

out and about, they fed under baggy shirts with a strategically placed pushchair most people never knew.

[Eva50]

I thought I would just pop the baby to my breast and he would feed. It didn't work quite like that and I struggled feeding all three of mine.

[boopdoop]

I thought it'd be easier than it was. Had a bumpy start as DS was in scbu for 2 days, and fed through a tube, no-one really talked to me about expressing for the first 24 hours. Once he was out of scbu it was tough doing bf, then feeding him expressed bm, then top up with ff then having to express. It was quite full on. Got easier when they realise he was tt and sorted it (3 days old) and it was then much easier. I had seen lots if friends start bf and knew it wouldn't be totally easy, but I don't thing anything really prepares you.

The thing I found most hard in the first few days was having about 15 people giving me advice and everyone saying something different. We were in hospital for 6 days so I don't think that helped, but in the end I got very fed up if all the advice. It was well meaning but hard when it was all so different.

6 months in and I have loved feeding my son and we did settle into it really quickly after our tough start, I'm so glad we persevered, so glad his tt was sorted, and I'm sad that I'll soon be stopping (though he now has too and bottom teeth so can't keep going much longer as it's too painful!)