MN Bumpfest: Tell MNHQ what your expectations and realities were of breast feeding after giving birth – £50 voucher prize draw NOW CLOSED

[MichelleMumsnet]

In the run up to BumpFest (if you haven’t got your ticket yet - what are you waiting for?) we’re looking to get a better understanding of the experiences Mumsnetters have had around different issues surrounding childbirth.

Looking at the many threads on the subject, it seems that breastfeeding can often be one of the most challenging aspects of the first weeks after birth. Whether it’s deciding if it’s right for you, or to trying to achieving the perfect latch, we know that everyone has a different experience.

We are keen to find out what Mumsnetters’ initial expectations were around breast feeding, and if they were met. Whether you planned to breastfeed, planned to formula feed or ended up somewhere in the middle - we’d love to hear about your feelings on the subject, What did you base your expectations on (e.g. NCT class, stories from friends or family, books you had read)? Did you expectations turn out to be correct? If you had a subsequent birth, to what extent did your experiences of breast feeding (whether you breast fed your children or not) differ?

As a token of thanks, everyone who posts on this thread will be entered into a prize draw to win a £50 John Lewis voucher.

Thanks ,

MNHQ

I breastfed my 5 DC - it was really important to me to do this.

Initially, it was harder than I thought it would be. I didn't like the sensation and my nipples bled terribly. I would be holding my breath in anticipation of the pain as I brought my DD to my breast.

Breastfeeding my subsequent four DC was far easier than with DC1, however the support I received after each birth from HCPs was minimal to none.

I was surprised at how negatively people responded to my breastfeeding my children (why did they even care?!) including family and friends. I'm so glad I persevered though. Each experience has been truly wonderful.

I thought it would be much easier than it was. The very first feed seemed to go really well but after that, DD just refused to latch on to my nipple at all. She always looked like she was just about to get the hang of it but just couldn't do it. I got conflicting advice from every midwife/breastfeeding advisor on the ward which made me tearful and frustrated. I couldn't express any colostrum and we ended up topping up with formula as DD was becoming more jaundiced.

I had no bottles/steriliser at home as I had planned to breastfeed and the first 6-8 weeks were so hard. The breastfeeding cafe locally saved the day. They loaned me a breastfeeding pump for a month to help my supply and suggested a nipple shield which helped DD latch. Gradually we cut down the formula to just 2 bottles a day which we kept for our convenience. I breastfed for just over a year in the end until I went back to work, something I never dreamed I would be able to do in the beginning.

Next time I like to think I will be more laid back about the whole thing. I felt I put a lot of pressure on myself to breastfeed. While that did cause many tearful moments, I think it did also push me through the tough bit and enable me to breastfeed for as long as I wanted to in the end. And I would definitely try to introduce a bottle early again, whether with expressed milk or formula. So many friends had issues trying to give bottles later down the line, we were fortunate DD always took breastfeeding or bottle because she'd had both from pretty much Day 1, and being able to give the odd bottle was invaluable to me.

i breastfed 3 out of 4 children. my eldest did not take to the breast from day one, she was so hungry and crying, my breast did not provide what she wanted because i was inexperienced and she was my first born. My mum was in hospital with me and although i tried to breastfeed, baby was screaming by late evening and i was tired, my mum just got a bottle and gave it to her, and she loved it. after that i found it extremely hard and had little encouragement from the nurses and i gave up within a week. second time around i knew i wanted to breastfeed so i kept my mum away and tried and tried, first week was hard but after that my daughter started feeding from the breast, her only problem was she would sleep after a little drink and wake up hungry, i fed her for 5 months and started bottlefeeding. third time around I was more confident and my little boy took to the breast straightaway, i was more experienced and had more determination, he was fed for 18 months,
and fourth time around i still found it hard the first 1 week but i kept going and ended feeding her for 18 months again, so my advice is keep trying the first week is always the hardest but it does get better and some children take to the breast bette r than others, so dont beat yourself up if you dont succeed, try again next time.

I assumed i'd breastfeed for the 6 months. At my antenatal class they explained the latch and nose to nipple and then just talked over and over about Breast is best. Nothing was mentioned about pain or problems. One of my friends said that when they latch it "makes your toes curl"

This is my first child and I read up on birth but not about feeding so I was clueless, I don't think I could visulies after the birth.

I had an awful 44 hour labour and straight afterwards DD was plonked on my chest and the midwife guided her to my nipple. She latched no problem. I had to spend another day and a bit in the hospital and she spent most of that feeding. By the time I left the hospital my nipples where raw and bleeding. They scabbed and I had a 2 week cycle of bleeding and scabbing. The pain was awful. The HCP's just kept complimenting me about how well she was feeding and that her latch was perfect.

On the 3rd day my milk came in and I was to engorged for her to latch so I expressed a bit and gave her the bottle which she took no problem.

I've had 3 bouts of mastits. Pain that I could have never imagined and have really struggled. It was a battle of wills with myself. The only thing that stopped me switching to formula is the ease of the night feed with the Breast. I can fall back asleep with her still going.

I wanted to get to 6 weeks and then make a descion if to change to formula. I never thought i'd get there it was such a struggle and a hard slog. My friends and family where pushing to change to formula as I was having such a hard time.
I got to 6 weeks and it was getting better. The pain was less and she was thriving.

She is 9 weeks now and I Breast feed 99% of the time. She will occasionally have a bottle of formula but it's very rare. I'll always try and pump but formula is back up.

I'm really proud of myself for lasting this long. I will continue till she is weaned and hope if I have another to do the same.

I wish the antenatal class would have explained the pain and problems that can come with Breast feeding. It wouldn't have put me off as i'm bloody minded but I wouldn't have felt so useless when it wasn't working. I also wish that people would be more open, since I've been feeding so many people have told me their problems with BF but no one mentioned it before. I suppose you have to make up your own mind.

Wow that was long but helpful to write it down.

I had every intention to breast feed and just assumed it would come naturally. I'd watch my Dsis and DSil do it and my mum had fed me too.

I did have some difficulties to begin with (tongue tie and mastitis) but overcome these with a supportive partner and family who helped with other things baby related (rather than insisting I give a bottle, which can sometimes be port advice).

Breast feeding met my expectations and exceeded them really, I found the whole experience so satisfying and rewarding, as I grew my baby with my milk - it was poiynant for me because my body had 'failed' to get pregnant naturally so when breast feeding became relatively easy, I found faith in my body to do what it's suppose to do.

I fed for 2.5 years in the end and had no intenti

oops pressed send too soon

I had no intention to feed beyond 6 months. It was finding decent bf support groups and peer support that helped normalise bf for me beyond the newborn stage.

I always planned to breastfeed, but had heard so many stories about how difficult it is that I always had in the back of my mind that I would switch to bottles if necessary and would be happy to do so.
We were very lucky when DD was born and she fed like a dream at the beginning. We were discharged within 3 hours and she continued to feed well. Apart from the inevitable soreness at the beginning it was fine. A few days/weeks in the cluster feeding began and that was when I found it difficult. NCT friends were complaining of exhaustion due to being up every 2/3 hours in the night. My DD cluster fed from 5pm- midnight every night, then was up every 45 mins in the night, every night. At this point DH started suggesting we introduce a bottle to give me a break and I was surprised by how fiercely I didn't want that to happen, despite the exhaustion. In my post birth haze I knew that while i had no idea what I was doing with this tiny creature, breast feeding was absolutely the best thing I could be doing for her. We persevered through the cluster feeding and tears, and by about the 8 week mark everything got so much easier. Have just stopped breastfeeding now and I really miss it.

I didn't expect breast feeding to be easy but I never imagined it would be so painful either.

Both times the first two weeks were absolute hell, cracked bleeding nipples and no chance for them to heal as they seemed to be feeding all the time. Lansinoh cream was an absolute godsend.

As it happens even with two reflux babies (one quite literally used to shower me in sick, it was soul destroying) I managed six months with the first and thirteen months with the second and I'm so glad I persevered.

My one tip would be wherever possible let your skin air dry, the amount of time I spent with no top on was incredible, I literally used to close the curtains and go about my business.

I planned to breastfeed from the start. It was a lot harder than I expected; it took a few days to get my son to latch on properly. There was some support at the hospital when I had my DS but the best advice was from a bf counsellor who rang me at home to go through some steps to getting a good latch. The widgey pillow, that a dear friend paid for, was an amazing help too. That plus lots of muslin cloths were so good.

I bf DS for 15 months and only stopped because I was halfway through my pregnancy with DD, who I bf for 22 months.

I bf my first for 3 days and my second for 22 mths.

Education is the key. Books such as the womanly art of breastfeeding and the food of love are so good. As is a read of the politics of breastfeeding to explain all the differing societal views.

Surround yourself with like minded people. Personally I couldn't care if someone bottle fed from day one if they have made an informed choice but please don't belittle my hard work (and it is hard and lonely as well as rewarding!) but telling me you aren't giving your baby enough/ there is no difference between breast and formula . you'll have to give her a bottle one day.

At times I could have cried through pain and sleep deprivation and it would have been so easy to give up. But a wise mama from breast feeding group said. Don't give up on a bad day when your judgement is clouded. Make the decision on a good day.

And on the good day...I had the strength to carry on until Imy daughter and I wanted to.

I simply expected to be able to do it and didn't think much of it. It all became much more important after dd was born by emergency c-section with no labour and dd wouldn't feed. Somehow ivwsnted to do something, 'the way it should be' although that is nonsense when it comesvto things like emergency births that you have no control over. Then, as dd had more and more problems feeding it became very emotional. Thankfully, we got good suport from our local support group. I never thought it woukd become such a feature of my life!

I didn't expect that DS would really enjoy it but that I never would, even once it stopped being painful, I just really didn't like it. I felt horribly dizzy at let down every time and often nauseous. I really disliked the miserable clothes/bras/public awkwardness etc involved in the whole thing as well. I think the burden it places upon the mother, especially in terms of night wakings, is very much underplayed by NCT etc. It's all very well saying that your husband can help with 'everything else' but at least for our DS as a small baby feeding was the only interactive activity he really seemed to enjoy - everything else, changing bathing etc was just more or less of an ordeal. So I think partners do miss out to be honest.

Also I had a very difficult pregnancy with severe HG (vomiting throughout) and severe SPD (in a wheelchair by delivery) and breastfeeding definitely slowed my recovery from both conditions because of the perpetuation of pregnancy-like hormones. I was warned about this with the SPD, but not with the HG. I continued to experience nausea, food aversions and occasional vomiting until I finished breastfeeding (mix-fed from about 5 months when I went back to work, stopped entirely at about 10 months). I also think it slowed down my physical recovery more generally - I was very deficient in many things by the end of pregnancy and I think my body continued to prioritise milk production over my recovery. My immunity was absolutely dreadful until I finished breastfeeding, I was constantly ill and even had viral meningitis when DS was 6 weeks old.

I think there should be more realism about the lifestyle downsides of breastfeeding, and more careful advice about the demands it places on the body, especially for women who have had a complicated pregnancy. I think there is much too much pressure to breastfeed in general, and almost no realistic advice about mix feeding, for instance (which actually worked well for us). I stuck with it because DS loved it and obviously found it both easy and really comforting; but also if I am honest because I was very badly depressed and I felt it was the only thing I was 'getting right' for DS.

I am expecting another baby now, and again experiencing a very difficult pregnancy (have already been in hospital for weeks). I plan to breastfeed again for the health benefits for the baby, but I will mix feed to a small extent from the start (and if that leads to the end of breastfeeding, as one is always told it might, then that's fine), and if would definitely stop if I had a baby who struggled with it (as well as disliking it myself).

I read so so many threads/articles that said how difficult it was at first but how worth persevering because then it became easy and lovely. I think it would be helpful for some women to admit that they didn't enjoy it or find it emotionally rewarding (whether or not they then chose to stop or decided to stick with it as I did).

The posts above from Threeyorkshires (razor pain when latching on - in my case despite latch being fine and thrush ruled out - and not being able to ever express enough to be away from baby for a feed etc) and Rummikub ('I had to get into position exactly right so latch would happen. And i only Fed at home') both rang a bell with me.

I'll post more tomorrow but my main feedback is that there was a massive gap between my expectations of breastfeeding (created by the NHS and NCT information I was given) and the reality of it. Horrendous sums my experience up, but there's far more to say, which I'll write tomorrow when I have more time.

Also, phineyj's post ' But I don't think 'it will hurt like hell for six weeks then get better...probably...' would be very motivating as a message following labour. Nor do I think it is right to make women feel they have failed, as babies can be fed in other ways. So I have no solution, sorry.' I hear you phineyj!!

I planned to give breastfeeding a go. When I gave birth at 7 weeks early, my little boy had to spend two weeks in neonatal, being fed through his nose. I was encouraged to express for him so they could give it to him. I tried to keep it up, but struggled getting the milk to flow, and they said I needed to be doing it every 2-3 hours. After getting a bit stressed and upset, I decided it was best for us to give it up and spend the time with my boy, giving cuddles. I don't regret this decision, i feel it was best for us at the time, but would like to think I'd give it a proper go with my next child.

I had twins by C section at 38 weeks. Despite getting help from the midwives in the hospital I came home in despair and was ready to give up.
The local NCT breast feeding counsellor visited and spent ages adjusting my and the babies' position and I succeeded. The tweaks included putting my feet on an upturned waging up bowl. I could then breastfeed, but only if I was in the 'right' position. I envied other mums who just seemed to let their babies have sight of the nipple and they were off!
Breastfeeding was incredibly important to me and I ended up breastfeeding each baby for 30 mins then topping up with a bottle. A compromise but the best I could do.
I wished I'd been forewarned that it might not be straight forward and that the midwives had been as expert as the NCT counsellor.
I might not have ended up with such painful nipples. My DH used to get so upset when he could see the pain I was in while latching on.
I would definitely have tried again if I'd had another child - once you know how it's fine.

I had no idea how much hard work it would be in the initial stages. All the info I read, discussions with midwives etc focused on what a positive thing it was for me and my baby but did make it seem somewhat idealised in retrospect. I always intended to breast feed but didn't realise I would basically spend the first weeks of my daughters life glued to a sofa feeding her. That being said I never seriously considered giving up (perhaps because I'm stubborn and like to stick to 'the plan') and I'm so glad I did it. I ended up feeding her until she was 13 months old, when she decided to stop herself one day (which made me cry as I was not expecting it!).

I am now breastfeeding my second child which has been much easier as I knew what to expect and was much more accepting and laid back about the whole experience, from dealing with the cluster feeding, frequent night feeding and having confidence to feed in public.

I planned to BF. Never imagined it would involve hours of pumping to enable my surviving baby to take milk in NICU at 29 weeks gestation. I felt very strongly about this and did manage it. Getting her to latch was difficult as she was simply so small. We got there and I fed her for around 19 months! I also BFed DD3 from start to around the same time. I suppose it was the only thing that I could do for DD2 hence me feeling so strongly about it.

Expectations - that getting the latch right was the main thing, and everything else would follow on from that. If you have the latch right it won't hurt.

Reality - both baby and I took to breastfeeding easily, but boy did it hurt even with the latch correct. The pain did gradually ease, but I think I would have been less stressed if I'd been warned beforehand.

Also, didn't have a clue about what was normal, how long to feed from one side for example.

Also, lansinoh is your BFF for the first couple of weeks.

And finally, when it works out its awesome!!!

I love being able to feed wherever and whenever, not having to worry about taking enough bottles on a trip out, having comfort on tap, not having to prepare and sterilise bottles etc etc etc.

Slightly gutted about having to wean, though her face when you give her 'real' food is a picture

I just presumed I would be able to do it and put immense pressure on myself as my sister and friends had mastered the art of Breastfeeding...how wrong was I! After many visits from midwife and Breastfeeding support worker, and much stress and tearful outbursts with my partner pleading with me to feed our little one a bottle....I had mastered it....but still found it tough. Even when I stopped at 11 months I was still finding it a little uncomfortable, but that feeling you get from being able to feed your own child is priceless, and was definitely worth all the stress and pain! I genuinely think that my little boy is better off for it. Friends used to tell me they didn't know how I could keep doing it, or they found it embarrassing in public, or there was some other excuse which meant they 'wanted to but just couldn't'. I think if you really want to Breastfeed then you should stick to it, it does get easier....if you don't then you'll be one of the ones that gives up and tries to make yourself feel better by saying formula milk is just as good....

My hopes and expectations were that I wanted to try to breastfeed. I took a lot longer than I hoped to get comfortable with it. I remember sitting on the sofa totally tensed up waiting for each feed to get underway, it was so painful to start with. I think it took about a month for it to be totally pain free and I did start expressing and bottle feeding some feeds just to give me a break. I was determined to carry on with it though for a variety of reasons - costs, health, convenience. Interestingly though, DS ended up having eczema and a nut allergy so some of the health benefits passed him by! Once we got settled into it though, I loved it. I have such lovely memories of sitting in bed in the morning with the radio on, feeding DS.

Second time round was simple - whether that was because I was more comfortable or just that all babies are different but second time was a breeze.

I wanted to bf. DS1 made it easy and he was a doddle to feed, nice wide open mouth, got stuck in and got on with it.

So when ds2 turned up, my assumptions were that breastfeeding was brilliant, and off we go again, I love it. Cue stand-up fight by the time he was 6 hours old - with the midwives (I'd expected better, astonishing) who wanted to take him off and bottle feed him. With a few hormones running around I told them first of all politely then a little more firmly that they could bugger off. Further "discussions" followed and they took him off for a "cup feed" - absolutely bizarre. I had plenty of milk, he was fine at latching on (not the best, but I knew what I was doing) but the midwives were an appalling obstruction to me. They were absolutely anti breastfeeding, and it was as if I had to have a battle for my rights (and ds2's!)

Disgusted, I had dd in a different hospital. Now here, I got what I expected. She was born a month early so didn't find it particularly to feed for long enough. The support I got from staff and volunteers alike, at all levels from the moment she was born, was amazing, and by the time she was a few months old I was back there training to be a bf peer counsellor. All midwives should be like these. the right care and support makes an absolutely enormous difference.
I'm still a bf counsellor btw.

I heard from NCT friends that the midwives were a little rough with newborns. Obviously they weren't really being rough, but to a new mum someone turning your babies head and pushing it into your boob feels quite rough.

I therefore asked the midwife who I buzzed to check my latch to just look and not touch due to the above. I explained that I knew they were just doing their job and not hurting the baby but I just wanted to do it myself.

DS and I just took our time and slowly worked it out together. I knew (hoped) that we would get there in the end and knew he had enough to sustain him for the first few days while we worked on it.

Having the midwives check the latch in those first 12 hours and following my instincts really helped. I know I might just have been really lucky (though still ended up with blistered nipped from the midwife approved latch) but being really calm and relaxed about it worked for me.

I think that the baby picks up if you are stressed about it and that impacts on them.

Took about 4 days to work it out and a few more for him and me to really get the hang of the right side - little trip to the bf drop in at health centre helped with this - rugby style for that side for a few weeks.

I also concentrated on feeding laying down which really worked well for me.

Even if I am in pain with my back/leg (bulging disc) I can still feed laying down. I can also feed from both boobs laying on the same side, I just pop DS on a pillow to feed from top boob. Good for anyone in pain.

With my first I had these images of feeding immediately post-birth - breast crawl and everything. In reality, after three hours spent pushing him out we were both knackered and ds refused to feed for the first 24 hours. Cue two days enforced stay in hospital (planned a hb but had to be induced) and horrendous pressure to get him to latch. Turned out he was tongue tied but hospital deemed it unnecessary to snip. I had 11 weeks of excruciatingly painful feeding (we got the tt snipped privately at 4 weeks) which severely affected my bonding before his mouth grew and things improved. We then fed for 15 months until he self weaned.

With dd we were extremely vigilant to tt causing problems; unfortunately it was completely missed this time and we had a very similar experience to ds with tt, thrush, mastitis etc in the first few weeks. She was also a very sicky baby. She's now 4 months and things have settled down. Both times I found bf support to be inconsistent and not always very helpful (saying they could watch a feed but not offer much in the way of diagnosis/advice). I don't know what I would have done without mumsnet anyway!

I was expecting it to be difficult so it wasn't much of a surprise when it was! I was still unprepared though. I got a sample of lansinoh in a bounty pack and it was so lovely that I sent dh out for more.

One of the most helpful things someone said to me was, "You can be doing it right and it still hurts/ you're sore." This was incredibly reassuring so that I wasn't worried that I was doing it all wrong. I found this to be so true the first time around. Second time around, I got used to it much more quickly and was only sore for a few days.