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MN Bumpfest: Tell MNHQ what your expectations and realities were of breast feeding after giving birth – £50 voucher prize draw NOW CLOSED

262 replies

MichelleMumsnet · 07/08/2014 09:38

In the run up to BumpFest (if you haven’t got your ticket yet - what are you waiting for?) we’re looking to get a better understanding of the experiences Mumsnetters have had around different issues surrounding childbirth.

Looking at the many threads on the subject, it seems that breastfeeding can often be one of the most challenging aspects of the first weeks after birth. Whether it’s deciding if it’s right for you, or to trying to achieving the perfect latch, we know that everyone has a different experience.

We are keen to find out what Mumsnetters’ initial expectations were around breast feeding, and if they were met. Whether you planned to breastfeed, planned to formula feed or ended up somewhere in the middle - we’d love to hear about your feelings on the subject, What did you base your expectations on (e.g. NCT class, stories from friends or family, books you had read)? Did you expectations turn out to be correct? If you had a subsequent birth, to what extent did your experiences of breast feeding (whether you breast fed your children or not) differ?

As a token of thanks, everyone who posts on this thread will be entered into a prize draw to win a £50 John Lewis voucher.

Thanks Thanks,

MNHQ

OP posts:
prettybird · 09/08/2014 20:29

I remember at my ante-natal workshop, the bf counsellor/midwife saying that the biggest correlation with successful bf was a supportive partner. Not sure of they had included bf support in that analysis! Wink

STDG - you shouldn't feel any guilt. I wish you could've got the wonderful Rosemary for support (those older mums who had babies at the Queen Mums will know who I mean). She was wonderfully pragmatic and had no aversion to (informed) mixed feeding. As far as she was concerned, any bm was good - and if mixed feeding was what made you a happy mum, then so be it. She also had no concerns about nipple/teat confusion if done early enough (the opposite of the normal received wisdom), so ebm was fine. It's thanks to her that I was able to bf ds for as long as I did.

Miscellany23 · 09/08/2014 22:08

I breast fed both my kids, I did it because I felt it was the right thing to do. Although the patronising sanctimonious attitude I got from the HCPs did tempt me to be bloody minded and not! I found it relatively easy but was well aware that others didn't and thought the pressure that they we're put under by the HCPs was extremely unhelpful because they were made to feel very guilty which lead to them feeling anxious which meant the milk would not let down and therefore the babies didn't get anything and it was a viscous cycle from then on!
I had an emergency C section both times so did have trouble with getting comfortable soon sorted that by putting a triangle pillow on my lap and resting baby on that. Latching on was a bit of a fiddle but soon got the hang of it - if they didn't get it right (it hurt) I unhooked them and tried again. I was not comfortable doing it in public places nor with anyone other than my husband around and only the privacy of my own home. This meant I was practically house bound for the first 4 months - I hated the breast pump! I did demand feeding so early on it wasn't an issue being at home all the time because both kids were very slow sleepy feeders who took at least 1.5 hours to do a feed and they wanted to be fed every 2-3 hours so there was bugger all time to do anything else anyway. As they got older and got teeth both tried them out on me ! Soon sorted that - the second they bit I said OW very loudly, unlatched them made eye contact frowned and said No very firmly - they soon got the message.

Advice I would give others is try it if you want but don't worry if you can't it's not for everyone, you need to be relaxed about it and ignore the breast is best mantra - it's only best if it suits you .. happy mum = happy baby; unhappy mum = unhappy baby...

KB02 · 09/08/2014 22:33

I had always wanted to breastfeed my children from being a young girl. My mum breastfed me and sister and was a big advocate of it, was just a natural thing to her.

I was lucky enough to meet my husband and start a family just when I thought it wasn't going to happen.

With my first I went to a couple of ante natal breastfeeding sessions, asked lots of questions, watched the dvd, read the leaflets etc.

When she was born I put her to my breast straight away and she suckled, I was so thrilled. She continued to feed well except her latch was a little wrong for a week or so which was a bit sore but fine after that.

I continued to feed her while trying for a baby and when I got pregnant, when she was 17 months. I am now tandem feeding my toddler and 8 week old baby. I love it. My second child took to it a bit easier than first and I had no soreness, Just a blocked duct which lasted less than 24 hours.

I find breastfeeding very useful to soothe my toddler and get her to sleep if struggling. I feed both children at the same time at bedtime which means I don't have to keep an eye on what the Toddler is up to while feeding baby.

I have a breast pump and bottles but have never really liked expressing or leaving my young baby. I bought ready made formula just in case for both children but not used it.

I feel very lucky that breastfeeding has come easily and naturally to me and my children, reading some other mum's experiences on Mumsnet makes me feel like this is unusual.

EstellaSpitsEmOut · 10/08/2014 07:21

I was under the impression that breast feeding would be reasonably easy. How can something so natural not be? The NCT classes focused on all the positives, none of the negatives and wouldn't even mention formula feeding.

When DS was born he initially latched on at hospital but as soon as we got home nothing seemed to work. I had no support (as my mum is ill and my friends weren't yet parents) and my midwife told me to go to a sure start centre. But I couldn't drive and I was in so much pain for the first few days I just couldn't bring myself to think of public transport.

After day 3 of a very hungry baby my partner convinced me to use formula. I cried and cried as I felt I had let him down and we wouldn't bond. But... Once I saw him happily feed and sleep so well I never looked back. Honestly the best decision I made.

I am amazed and disappointed by the lack of support you get over B/F and I think classes should warn you how hard it really is. Only then can new mothers prepare themselves properly. For baby 2, I will still try to B/F. At least I now know what it involves, but I won't cut myself up if I move to formula quickly.

TobyLerone · 10/08/2014 08:38

I have BF all of my children.

DC1 started out easy. No problems feeding or expressing. Then I got mastitis. Then I got it again. Then it turned into an abscess requiring hospital admission and a GA when he was 3 months old. Then I FF!

DC2 was easy enough. I was afraid to express for fear of messing with my supply and causing mastitis again. So I ended up with a bottle refuser. But we managed.

DC3 is 7 months old and I have absolutely loved BFing her. She took to it immediately (she was born, I held her skin to skin while the cord pulsated, she found my breast herself and was feeding within 2 minutes of birth). This time has been very easy and I have no intention of stopping any time soon. But I fully realise how lucky I am.

Jcee · 10/08/2014 13:48

Like many have said, I thought it would be straightforward and it would just happen.

At my ante natal class there was no suggestion that it would be difficult, painful or take a lot of time or that I would have to persevere, just lots of talk about the positives.

I had an emcs, DD latched on in hospital OK and I was discharged 2 days later on Xmas eve. I got home, struggled, no support available due to Xmas, I had painful, bleeding nipples, and a screaming hungry baby so I gave up and got some formula & never looked back.

I realise now I was incredibly naiive and totally illprepared, so I don't feel guilty about the decision to formula feed.

I look back on that ante natal class now, in which I spent an afternoon writing pros and cons of breastfeeding on flip charts, learning about breast anatomy and how breastfeeding works with no mention of actually how to do it and the realities of it and I think WTF?!

milliemoon · 10/08/2014 14:34

I had planned to breastfeed from the start but my baby had other ideas. He just would not suck. He would put the nipple in his mouth but would just sit there not doing anything. I tried everything. We were in hospital for 5 days as they would not let us leave until feeding was established. He would drink out of a bottle so I ended up expressing and feeding him that way but I was exhausted being on the pump constantly and couldn't keep up with the demand and the pump also hurt. By the time we were home my hubby practically begged me to switch to formula as I was in pain and kept crying and seemed to be connected to the pump constantly. That's what we did. It was the best decision we made. However, there was so much pressure to breast feed from the hospital, media, nct groups etc that I felt like i'd failed him. I know now that this is ridiculous but in those early days it was very hard to accept. I really wish I'd been kinder to myself and I really wish that the choice to formula feed was more accepted. My little boy is healthy and happy and it certainly did him no harm x

ecofreckle · 10/08/2014 15:25

I set out optimistically hoping I'd be able to breastfeed, mostlm because of positive stories among friends and the science/world health organisation recommendations. Our initial attempt in the birthing pool didn't work but an hour after we got going. I was surprised how sucky the suck was. I had a couple of months of having problems on one side. Lots of pain and needed to do rugby ball hold whilst feeding on that side for several months. Lots of advice sought from breastfeeding clinic and doc and health visitors but they were all stumped. We carried on and found a groove after several months. Despite troubles my daughter's weight always tracked nicely so I never worried too much or felt pressure to formula feed. I wanted to breastfeed mostly because I thought it'd help her with health (I've had problems and keen to do anything to avoid some of those) and because I found boobs easier when out and about, and we were out and about a lot. She's 17 months now and still feeding twice a day. I am amazed I'm still going, I'd been hoping to make it to six months. I took approach of offering and see if she wants it. She always does thus far! I'll stop age two if she's still going. The downsides for me are finding it hard to have baby free time (never really able to pump much) and not being able to take drugs for migraine and other stuff. I love the ten minutes peace I get morning and evening now though, the times when my lively toddler is lying down feeding. Nice cuddles! Problem we have is that she doesn't want whole milk from beaker or cup and that's a shame. I want her to drink milk after I stop feeding and right now that's looking unlikely. That won't be great for her future nutrition. There's always something to ponder over.....

Cric · 10/08/2014 16:19

I didn't really think about whether I wanted to breast feed or not before the baby... I was very focused on the birth and just figured it would all fall into place! Once I started I was very surprised at how hard it is the establish. It hurt, felt never ending, feeding in public scared and I was worried about what to wear! The first two weeks I cried about it every day and wanted someone to say that formula was the best thing for my baby. The guilt of know it was best for my baby kept me going! Then one day it all fell into place, no longer hurt, I sorted out some clothes that made me feel comfortable and feed it public. From then on I realised it was the best thing for not only my baby but for me too. I like to keep busy and it is so easy when you don't have to worry about feeding. However I can see why so many people don't keep going. If you don't know anyone with good experiences it is hard to see beyond the moments full of tears!

MakeTeaNotWar · 10/08/2014 18:48

Like many others, it was much MUCH more difficult than I was led to believe. I did eventually manage to breastfeed both DCs for a year each but cried and struggled for 6 weeks with DD and 3 weeks with DS. I found the breastfeeding clinics and helplines a lifeline that saved the feeding relationship many times.

Whatsforpudding · 10/08/2014 19:06

I had planned to breast feed for at least 3 months, and hadn't anticpated any problems. It was absolute agony. I was sore, cracked, bleeding and had mastitis. I struggled on for nearly two months using nipple shields, but when my baby started to fail to put on enough weight I began using formula.

I felt very pressurised to continue with breast feeding even though it was so painful. I remember seeing another mother buying formula in Boots and feeling a wave of jealousy as I was suffering so much, but the emotional pressure to breast feed is very great, and makes it hard for those who find it difficult to give up.

ImATotJeSuisUneTot · 10/08/2014 19:21

I had no expectations for breastfeeding, as I wasnt going to do it.

It was a very clear, informed, decision in my mind, supported by DP.

We took these into hospital with us, although they were happy to supply the same ones to us.

DirtyDancing · 10/08/2014 22:13

I always planned to BF but I had no idea how painful it would be at first. Despite attending an NCT BF workshop & my local NHS one, not once did anyone mention that for 2 weeks my breasts would be so cracked, bleeding, sore & engorged. I wish this had been ex

DirtyDancing · 10/08/2014 22:17

Explained to me. I had mastitis 3 times in 3 weeks on top of this.

Having said this, 7 months on I am glad I stuck with it & still feed my baby every morning from the breast . It provides an incredible bond with your baby, calms them, is better for them than formula & easier once established (no sterilizing bottles in the middle of the night!)

But I wish I knew how tough it was at the start- a real labour of love!

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 10/08/2014 22:38

I went to a NHS run bf class (one morning session) where we were told about latching the baby on and different positions. We were told that if it hurt, something was wrong (probably positioning). Nobody talked about frequency of feeding, cluster feeding, what is normal in terms of pain.

I had skin to skin with ds1 immediately after he was born and he latched on straight away. He was left with DH while. I was taken to theatre. After that he became very sleepy and didn't wake for ages. A lovely MW helped me to express some colostrum and undress him (I was bed bound after having a spinal anaesthetic) to wake him enough to syringe feed him. She made sure that he had some colostrum every hour until he latched on properly himself, and then that I fed him at least every 3 hours. She was great.

Once I left HDU, I was pretty much left to it but the bf advisor did pop in once and checked his latch (he just happened to be feeding). His arms were very busy so she taught me a good way of keeping them out of the way which made latching him on much easier.

I was amazed when my milk came in on day 3 - I woke with rock hard, very painful boobs and a soaking wet bed. It would have been nice to know that was coming! I got through a huge amount of breat pads and needed nighttime bras too which I had no idea I might need.

I was amazed at how painful the first minute or two was of each feed - it really made my toes curl. He really was a grazer and I got little free time in the early weeks, the evenings were the worst when he would cluster feed.

I went to our local bf group when he was 3 weeks old and it was the best thing that I did. There were lovely peer supporters, other mums with babies that were slightly older than ds and a great hv. If I hadn't have gone there I'm not sure that I'd have stuck at it. He got weighed most weeks, and seeing how well he was gaining weight was a huge boost (1lb a week at some points!) I had 2 bouts of mastitis which made feel appallingly ill, luckily DH was very supportive and helped me through it each time. I went to the group every week, and some weeks when things had seemed really hard I had pretty much decided that I'd stop bf after I'd been. Once I'd talked to other people and realised that whatever it was was pretty normal (growth spurts etc) I had the confidence to carry on: I fed him until he was 10 months.

Ds2 was a great feeder, and I was pretty good at it too by then. I had confidence to try different positions and nipped a bout of mastitis in the bud by spotting the signs very early. I went to the bf group with him too - ds1 was able to come too which was great. Knowing what to expect made things much easier IME (mostly in term a of discomfort and frequency/ length of feeds) though I had no idea that feeding would give me so much abdominal pain (like contractions). Once I knew that was to be expected I coped much better. I didn't have any unrealistic expectations 2nd time round.

The night times were hard each time. I ended up writing feed times and lengths down as I would forget what time we'd done what and ended up giving small, insufficient feeds some night when I was very tired. Having a log helped me a lot.

I fed out and about within the first few days of having both ds's, and to me that convenience was the biggest plus. The health benefits wer shined down my throat as the best bit - obviously they are, but I'm not sure that I'd have been out and about as much as I was and as soon after having each ds if I had to factor in bottle feeding.

WowOoo · 10/08/2014 22:55

I thought it would be harder than it was after friends telling me about pain and troubles with latching on.
What I did not anticipate was how much of my time would be spent with a baby attached to me. I felt like a cow in a factory at times. But I had no pain and both my sons were chunky and gained loads of weight.
Night feeds were also exhausting.
I didn't like expressing, but was amazed to see the colour of my milk change depending on what I'd eaten.
One thing I'd change was the amount of food I ate. I was ravenous all the time. My excuse being that I and dc needed all the nutrition they could get. Healthy stuff, but loads of it!

Singsongmama · 11/08/2014 05:21

I was determined to breastfeed and I knew that however hard it was that I'd persevere. There was no formula or bottles in the house because I was so set on feeding pfb myself. I'd read a lot about it and watched a really good DVD so I knew in advance what the problems might be. I'd also spoken to my mum a lot as she breastfed me and my three brothers.

The hospital midwives were very supportive and helped me with latch and position. I also asked the community midwives to observe him feeding in the first few days of his life so that I knew he was getting colostrum/milk and to ensure neither of us were setting up with bad habits. My DH was great too, he'd watch and say things like, "tummy to mummy". He helped most by explaining how I had to make sure DS was at the correct angle with my nipple so moving him left/right a little made all the difference. He was so patient, my poor brain struggled to understand which way to move DS - I felt like I was trying to reverse park a caravan.

It was very hard establishing supply and never knowing if DS was full and just becoming first proficient then confident. The first weeks were incredibly demanding, especially at night. But it's the best decision I ever made and it's an amazing, lovely experience that is clearly so good for both DS and I. (He heaped weight on, my weight fell off!). He was EBF til 6 months and now we're weaning onto food so balancing breast feeds with solids, every stage is a new challenge!

ButterflyOfFreedom · 11/08/2014 12:52

I wanted to breastfeed although we did stock up on bottles, sterilisers, formula, a breast pump etc., just in case as I'd heard (mainly from friends) that it might not be as easy as you think and ultimately it might not happen for one reason or another.

However, I was extremely lucky and as soon as DC1 was born, he latched on and starting feeding! Yes it hurt like crazy for at least the first week but then my nips seemed to toughen up and with thanks to Lanolin, I persisted and it became easier and easier!

I breastfed for 12 months in total, really enjoyed it and I am proud of myself for doing so.

Am currently pregnant with DC2 and am trying not to be naïve enough to think it will be as straightforward again as I know it could be completely different. I will try though and fingers crossed, will breast feed for a whole 12 months again.

IncaAztec · 11/08/2014 14:16

I breastfed both DD. What I did not understand on my first was the pressures and issues surrounding BF and why the midwife kept going on about it. It was never forefront of my mind - other, more serious worries came first.

I planned to try breastfeeding and my NCT group all did the same. However, it was never the latch that seemed to be my issue - it was the supply. I tried literally everything - expressing after feeding, feeding and expressing (at the same time!) and all manner of herbal concoctions. Nothing worked and in reality I was too exhausted. I then combine fed and enjoyed it a lot more. No pressure and easier to bond with my baby.

My experience didn't differ on my second DD. I combine fed from the outset and was a lot happier. I still don't understand why combine feeding isn't discussed as for some women, it is the better option.

Cherryjellybean · 11/08/2014 15:33

With my first dh helped me latch her on for the first 2 weeks, then the pain soon stopped and she latched herself on quite easily. I only really wanted to do it for 6 months at the most but she didnt want to stop.I felt that I had purpose at first, like I had to be with her so she could eat, and no one else could replace me. I found it hard stopping work for a baby so the sence of purpose helped. Second time it hurt for a shorter period. Both times I have stocked up on formula just incase.

Empireofdirt · 11/08/2014 17:29

I always planned to breastfeed, aiming to get to 6 months, and I researched what it would be like. I read lots of mumsnet, and talked to friends who had recently had babies, so I was expecting it to be difficult and, at first, painful. I knew my Mum had breastfed me, and asked her about her experiences too. She told me it had never hurt her at all, which I dismissed as nonsense (thinking it was a case of rose-tinted hindsight in the same way that for ages she maintained that I never, ever cried as a baby).

But then I had the baby, in a straightforward delivery, with no need for painkillers, and she latched on straightaway (the baby, that is, not my Mum). And it was magical. And we didn't have any major problems at all, ever, in the whole 3 years we did it.

bettythebuilder · 11/08/2014 18:26

I assumed I would breastfeed and thought that it would just...work, really. DD just cried and cried for days and never seemed satisfied after feeding. I tried expressing, managed to get a couple of ounces which dd wouldn't take. Exhausted, at the end of my tether and so worried about my poor unhappy baby, after a week I gave her a bottle of formula, which she guzzled and slept properly for the first time.

BabyFrasersMum · 11/08/2014 19:55

I was in a bad way after the birth of my DS and didn't get initial skin on skin for his first 6 hours. Plus his first feed was from a bottle. Due to my injuries I had to stay in hospital for his first week and was unable to sit for a further two:( with steely determination I insisted on breastfeeding him lying down, several times with him latched onto my nipple incorrectly just giving me more injuries!! Several MW were very helpful and squeezed and scraped syringes over my boobs for that week to ensure he got enough. Oh the glamour. It took a further three months before I could feed him sitting up and so I felt quite isolated in those months. I even said to my DH that I hated it to which he replied it's not about you is it!!! Wow gee thanks!! More steely determination followed and I ended up Love love loving it and I BF until my DS was 14 months and he stopped of his own accord!!

telsa · 11/08/2014 19:59

I breasted both my DC. It was awkward at first with the first one...she didn't latch very well for a couple of days. I remember on day three going with her high on a hill, with no one but DP around, and breast feeding and really appreciating the cool breeze on my sore nipples. things were easier with no 2, who did not stop until he was 5. Crikey!

VeryLittleGravitasIndeed · 11/08/2014 20:05

My expectations : I wanted to breastfeed and therefore wanted skin to skin after the birth plus peace and quiet.

Reality : fairly close to expectations. DD was born in a birth pool at home, put straight on my chest, she fed as soon as I got out of the pool (pool was foul, immediate exit required!), my midwife showed me how to position her gently by pushing between her shoulder blades and bf was pretty plain sailing thereafter.