MN Bumpfest: Tell MNHQ what your expectations and realities were of breast feeding after giving birth – £50 voucher prize draw NOW CLOSED

[MichelleMumsnet]

In the run up to BumpFest (if you haven’t got your ticket yet - what are you waiting for?) we’re looking to get a better understanding of the experiences Mumsnetters have had around different issues surrounding childbirth.

Looking at the many threads on the subject, it seems that breastfeeding can often be one of the most challenging aspects of the first weeks after birth. Whether it’s deciding if it’s right for you, or to trying to achieving the perfect latch, we know that everyone has a different experience.

We are keen to find out what Mumsnetters’ initial expectations were around breast feeding, and if they were met. Whether you planned to breastfeed, planned to formula feed or ended up somewhere in the middle - we’d love to hear about your feelings on the subject, What did you base your expectations on (e.g. NCT class, stories from friends or family, books you had read)? Did you expectations turn out to be correct? If you had a subsequent birth, to what extent did your experiences of breast feeding (whether you breast fed your children or not) differ?

As a token of thanks, everyone who posts on this thread will be entered into a prize draw to win a £50 John Lewis voucher.

Thanks ,

MNHQ

My initial expectations were that it would be a cosy bonding experience, my baby would follow it's instinct and it would be convenient, cheap and easy. My NCT course glossed over the difficulties.

In reality I had mastitis, nipple thrush and sore, scabby nipples. With a lot of help from peer supporters and breast feeding counsellors my DD was EBF to six months and I continued to feed her until she was a year old. It was hard to start with but ended up being a fantastic, bonding experience.

I haven't read the other threads as wanted to share without influence (is that the right word) my own experience. I was an older mum both times, 40 and 42 with DC. I wanted to BF but didn't put too much pressure on myself as my mum bottle fed and my MIL BF and both are lovely and hugely supportive. From my own experience, and to be fair due to Hypnobirthing and luck I had two great births I found it is down to the baby and some seem to be born knowing what to do, some don't. I know this isn't a study based on a huge population but my first baby just seemed to know what to do and with a little help we had BFing sorted after about three feeds. He loved to feed and at age 7 now still loves to eat! So it was with a huge sense of (misplaced) complacency that I gave birth to DS2 who was the opposite. Hugely difficult to latch on, just didn't seem to 'get it' and was on and off, on and off the breast. When he wasn't feeding he was crying. Tried the bottle after a couple of weeks and he cried even more. Summary, each baby is so, so different. Please new mums remember that. If you have a strong wish to BF, try your best but please be kind to yourself if it is not as easy as you expect. Get some support, get loads of support and above all, don't beat yourself up xx

With my first child I struggled to breastfeed. I had to top up with formula and expressed milk, we then found our I was anaemic and so wasn't producing enough milk. I was made to feel very guilty for using formula and always felt I had to justify it with the whole story of being re admitted to hospital, having an infection etc.....
I bought a double electric pump so that I could continue to give my son expressed milk and kept this up for 9 months.
With my second child she breastfeed straight away and was exclusively breastfeed for 13 months (solid food at 6 months). It was a completely different experience. I felt confident enough to say that I needed help and had lots of help in hospital then afterwards at breastfeeding clinic at the hospital. I didn't find it easy, I had mastitis at least 4 times but breastfeeding was a lot easier than taking bottles etc out with me and for night feeds- rather than her wake the whole house while I mixed a bottle etc..

My expectations were that I was fully intending to exclusively breastfeed, being fairly well aware of the disadvantages and risks of introducing any formula. I had attended an NCT course which covered the basics of breastfeeding, along with 2 specific sessions from a breastfeeding peer supporter. I also knew several women in my family that had successfully breastfed, so I was aware of some of the issues that could occur. I wasn't particularly expecting to encounter too many difficulties.

My actual experience was that I had a very difficult labour, ending in an EMCS with both myself and my baby having a serious infection. I did attempt an initial feed but we both went downhill quite quickly so couldn't continue.

My baby was in SCBU for a week and was initially on a drip and then tube fed. I was too ill for the first 24 hrs to do any breastfeeding. He was given some formula along with any colostrum that I could express when I was less unwell.

So my first experiences of breastfeeding were of trying to hand express colostrum, whilst in recovery myself. Then trying to get my poorly baby to latch on whilst he was being tube fed, and then trying to express frequently enough to get my supply going whilst my baby was not able to latch on. The midwives and SCBU nurses were generally very helpful and knowledgeable.

We left hospital mix feeding, which was a pragmatic response to the situation even though I had wanted to be exclusively breastfeeding. Once we were home, it took several weeks of hard work to get to a position of 100% breastfeeding. Once we got established I went on to feed until my baby self weaned at about 17 months.

My HV was supportive of me wanting to 100% breastfeed but didn't actually offer much specific advice. I worked out a plan for myself using online resources like Kellymom and from starting some threads on the Breastfeeding section on Mumsnet. I imagine that if I hadn't have been very determined to exclusively breastfeed and able to research and find out information for myself, then I might have ended up permanently mixed feeding.

Once over the difficult start I thoroughly enjoyed breastfeeding and miss it now my baby is weaned. I fully intend to breastfeed any subsequent children I am able to have.

I found breastfeeding harder than I expected as I never seemed to have a lot of milk and struggled to keep up with the DC's appetites. I expected to lose some weight, all the information tells women you will probably lose weight, yet I put on 3 stone in 3 months with each child despite eating sensibly (after one of them I was doing Weightwatchers and still gaining )

I went to some great NHS ante natal classes and determined to bf. I was very lucky in that after a grim and very long delivery at the JR in Oxford, got to spend 4 days in the local nhs ottage hospital 4 bed maternity unit. There was basically just me in it and a couple of absolutely wonderful midwives to look after me and ds1. They both spent hours helping me get the latch right. Yes it was bloody painful for a couple of weeks but I was totally NOT going to give in to that when ds was doing well.
Once I was home, the weekly baby weighing clinic where I met up with my ante natal buddies was a huge support. There was a breastfeeding counselor there every week. She visited me at home a couple of times too when things went a bit off.
I wish I had had better advice on diet and how much yo drink. I think I struggled a bit v with supply for the first 6 weeks until I realised how much extra protein and extra water my body needed to help. I needed pints of extra water a day. Then we were well and truly off and running with it.
Had a few bad patches when growth spurts and teeth came asking. Fed for 12 months when ds1 self weaned of.

With ds2 I didn't need any help. We were well off and feeding within an hour of birth. He was born at 8lb 2 and never dropped under his birth weight. Gained something like a pound a week for the first month. Had sore nips again for a couple of weeks. But otherwise it was a doddle second time around. Fed him till 18 months.

I must admit I find it hard to see what all the fuss was about - I was expecting a real challenge, having heard lots of stories about all the difficulties mums encounter, much like those above. But with a bit of help latching from midwives, and one week of soreness and plenty of Lansinoh, I found it very easy and natural. I remember proudly feeling like a "pro" hours after the birth when I was able to walk around the ward while feeding my baby! It made up for the fact that I'd "failed" to be as strong as planned during labour and ended up having every type of pain relief possible. I know it sounds awful because I truly do not judge formula feeding mums at all, but it gave me something I could secretly feel smug and confident about, at a time when everything feels daunting and difficult.

I also don't see how formula feeding is easier - I'd hate faffing around with bottles and having to figure out amounts. My advice to new mums would be to seek help as much as possible in the early days, and don't give up - it's so worth it!

I had assumed I would breastfeed and had stated so during pregnancy and to family etc.

When he was born he was slightly low birth weight and had low blood sugars, showing no signs of interest in latching on a MW gave him a bottle of formula as it was that or he went to special care. I said I wanted to bf and was given syringes to express, which I did and once home I used a manual pump to express for around 3 weeks while still trying to latch him but no MW or anyone else ever tried to help me. Whenever I asked they'd just tell me I was managing fine with expressing, even thought it was exhausting me.

He's now 4 and seems to have a lisp, so I wonder if the fact he never latched was down to an overlooked tongue tie alongside his low birth weight.

The amount of pressure I'd put on myself to breastfeed I believe significantly contributed to me requiring medication for severe PND a couple of months after he was born.

I knew I would bf and once I learnt how, I suddenly felt like a real woman; my body was doing what it was designed for.

In the first few days with my first baby it was a steep learning curve, and when we got home I was positive he would starve! But we learnt together and I fed him for a year.

By the time I had my daughter I knew what I was doing. An auxiliary bustled in in the middle of the night to get her latched on, but she already was, much to the disdain of this beehived busybody, who I summarily dismissed. I fed my daughter for 10 months.

I say to all mothers-to-be: you wouldn't get behind the wheel of a car for the first time and know how to drive. The same is true of breast feeding. You have to learn, both you and baby, but when you do, the rush of endorphins, the bonding that occurs, the looking down and watching as you know YOU are providing their only source of nourishment and helping them grow and thrive is incredible.

Please try. It is so worth it.

Planned to breastfeed, managed 2 days and DD couldn't latch, didn't like it, screamed and screamed. I wanted to go home from hospital, the nurses couldn't figure out why she wasn't latching, so I switched to formula.

I was gutted but in hindsight, it was a good thing. I ended up on medication at 8 weeks that would've made me had to stop breastfeeding; I'm going back to uni in September so couldn't have breastfed to the recommended 6 months, I still have an amazing bond with DD and I like that sometimes, OH can feed her.

So my expectation was that it'd be easy and perfect. The reality was that it wasn't right for us, I prefer formula feeding, and that there shouldn't be any pressure to breastfeed. Supporting those who choose to bf is very, very important. Shaming those who don't just makes you look like a (pardon the expression) tit. We bond perfectly well with our healthy, happy, intelligent babies too, y'know

I didn't have any expectations. I just hoped to be able to breastfeed but didn't put any pressure on myself.

It was tough in the first few days then we both got the hang of it and did it everywhere and anywhere

I ended up BF for over a year & although I introduced formula when I returned to work we continued to feed morning and night.

It was a great experience for me but I think part of the reason I found it so enjoyable was because I had to pressure from myself or anyone else about how long I should BF for not at the start anyway but near the end I just stopped telling people I was still feeding and they just assumed I had stopped

After a disappointing birth (home birth, but third degree tear meant had to go for surgery) I felt bfing was my chance to put right my failings. I never expected it to be so hard, just thought boob/baby, this isn't rocket science! How wrong was I?! I know as mothers we put a lot of guilt on ourselves but wish I had been told how hard bfing is -it wouldn't have put me off, I just would have been more prepared and less likely to best myself up. I persevered through mw help/hv/bfing expert at hosp when dd weight dropped to 5lbs. The day I buckled and gave her a bottle of formula I wept, I would hide the box so that anyone walking past the window wouldn't see it and know. I think a little bit of honesty from hcp would go a long way in curbing formula-feeding guilt. I thought they thought I was poisoning my dd!

mamushka 'I know it sounds awful because I truly do not judge formula feeding mums at all, but it gave me something I could secretly feel smug and confident about, at a time when everything feels daunting and difficult.'

I'm sorry you feel you failed at labour (something I don't think anyone else would think of you) and I know you acknowledge that the above is awful, but do you think women who 'succeed' at labour (by your standards) feel smug about it? It's a process your body goes through that you have little control over and for some women BF offers the same difficulties-and you can't do anything about it. The kind of smugness and lack of understanding from BF mums that you describe feeling, albeit only projected by a tiny, tiny minority of people I've met, made me feel all the more shit about my inability to feed DD-at a time when I too found everything daunting and difficult. I find this really quite upsetting. I hope anyone who finds an aspect of pregnancy/birth/feeding/parenting particularly easy or problem-free would think twice before feeling smug about it, especially when aware that there are others out there beating themselves up about their own 'failures'.

(That's not to say you shouldn't feel proud of yourself-you should. But you can feel proud of yourself without feeling smug, which implies a certain enjoyment of other people's 'failures'.)

I wa

I was

I was

What?? Sorry!
I never for a moment thought I'd do anything other than bf. I assumed it would come naturally and be part of being a loving and nurturing mum.
Rubbish!
I struggled for four months with my son. I expressed, drank fennel tea, maxed out on skin to skin and fed constantly. I attended clinics to help and even took pills to maximise my supply.
My boobs don't work! I never had the tingly let down feeling. My DS lost weight and eventually I had to introduce some formula. I would feed him, express (whilst he yelled) then top up with formula. Every feed. It was soul destroying.
I was convinced if I just tried harder I could do it. No MW or nurse ever told me any different.
I cried. A lot.
I was exhausted.
Switched to formula. All was well.
Second baby. Tried to feed for a couple of days. Lack of wet nappies. Unsettled. Feeding until she was exhausted. Got my latch checked. Fine. Tried a feed. Fed until she fell off. Offered formula and she gulped it down like a starving child.
My boobs don't work. Not all women can bf.

I always knew that breastfeeding would be very important to me. I read lots of books on breastfeeding whilst pregnant and can thoroughly recommend the womanly art of breastfeeding. It is a big advocate of attachment parenting as well which may not be your thing but the breastfeeding advice is excellent.

When my little boy was born breastfeeding was easy and natural, there was never any pain. I had an NHS breastfeeding consultant visit twice to give tips on latch and positioning. At 6 months I went back to work whilst my partner took additional paternity leave. I expressed 3 times a day at work and then breastfed mornings, evenings and weekends. At 9 months now, I am still expressing a couple of times a day and play to keep doing good so until baby is 1 year.

I gave birth to my first child 2 weeks ago. I had every intention of breast beefing as I thought it's the most natural way, it must be easy, it's better for the baby, cheaper and helps u to loose weight. Women have bf since the dawn of time so I figured it would be easy.

After 27hrs in labour I was shattered, Baby was 2weeks early and was jaundice so was very sleepy. He just would not latch on and the more I tried the more stressed and upset I got. At each feed I tried to fb but couldn't so I expressed then fed if to him via a cup. By the time I finished it was time for the next feed. I was struggling to express, my nipples were sore, I was tired and stressed so after 3 days of baby not getting enough food I gave in and fed him a mixture of my expressed breast milk topped up with formula. I have continued this for 2 weeks but the amount of formula is increasing.

Despite growing up watching my mum breastfeed 7 more babies after me, I chose to formula feed. To be honest, I wasn't even sure I have the right nipples to actually be able to breastfeed successfully?! But that is probably just ridiculousness on my part! I also liked the idea of my husband being able to feed our son, too, and have those moments. But he didn't even end up feeding him all that much in the end!

When my son was born, the midwife asked me if I wanted his first feed to be from my breast. I said no.

Now, I hope to have another child one day. And I definitely want to try breastfeeding. I think deep down I always wanted to, and regret not at least trying it with my first. I know it's not always easy and can really hurt, but it's also the most natural way to feed your baby and I want to have that experience one day.

I knew I wanted for breastfeed, and just assumed I'd be able to - my mum and sisters all had, so I had plenty of positive role models. But then dd was prem and had to be tube fed, I was barely allowed to hold her, the first few days were so awful. I made it my mission to get my milk going - it felt like the only thing I could do for her and the only natural thing in her world of tubes and beeping machines. At least the tube in her nose would have my milk in, rather than formula, which I'd read would give my teeny baby a better chance, and she'd also have that connection to me. I sat in nicu hooked up to the breast pump (awful!) but dd thrived, we quickly established proper breast feeding, and were allowed home much sooner than planned.
I am very grateful to support I had from a lovely breast feeding volunteer that spent time with me soon after my csection, when I'd have been way too woozy to get organised on my own. Also specialist breast feeding nurse on the labour ward, and surestart peer supporters - all so lovely and helpful. I also made some of my best mum friends at bf group once we got home.
DD is nearly 2 and I'm still bf. I do feel proud of managing to bf her, I know this might sound smug, but so much else was a total disaster, so I think on balance a bit of pride in this is OK

I thought it would be easier than it turned out to be but fortunately I'd been to an ante natal bf workshop (run at the maternity hospital) where one of the bf mums had a gigantic baby and had had no problems and the other mum had a petit baby and had really struggled (ended up feeding through nipple shields, having been prepared to ebf her baby).

The latter mum was my inspiration - and the bf counsellor midwifes at the maternity hospital my support. They loaned me an expressing machine, double-checked my latch, confirmed ds was ok by referring him (non urgently) to the consultant paediatrician and eventually agreeing that ds was a perfect example of a "NON- failure to thrive" baby who didn't follow the growth curves.

With hindsight, ds was an example of "catchdown" growth - born heavier than he should've been and adjusting to his "natural" curve (which is what the paediatrician said). That explains why he lost a pound at birth and took nearly 7 weeks to regain birthweight. He never lost weight after that big initial drop, he just never gained much weight per week.

Ds did eventually and gradually move his way up to the 50th centile and then (I think) roughly followed that. After starting on the 91st and then dropping to below the curves and them following them in parallel for 2 months, I became somewhat cynical about their value.

Apparently I in turn became inspiration to later attendees of the bf workshop when I went along to it with ds and talked about the problems I'd had and the determination I'd shown.

I ended up feeding ds for 13 months - having initially thought (ie antenatally) thought I'd do it for 6 months.

For the record, ds is now a healthy slim almost 14 year old. Judging by his friends (and looking at his dad) he is on the short side of average - but to be frank, it doesn't really matter.

Dc1- I thought I'd exclusively bf for 6 months. The reality- cs, undiagnosed tongue tie and 3 pints of blood lost during birth (and no transfusion) meant we mixed fed for 6 months.

Dc2- decided to take it a week at a time. Exclusively fed to ) months and am still feeding now at 11 months. Had to get bossy with ill informed hcp for the first month, who are still incapable of diagnosing tt.

I planned to breastfeed and was determined to do it, I tried for the first 24 hours but found it much more painful than I'd expected and struggled to get my daughter to latch on. The midwives were very helpful and suggested different feeding positions etc. However once she was latched on the pain was intense the whole way through feeding rather than just the initial first few seconds as I'd expected. I based my expectations on antenatal classes, none of my friends with children had breastfed. Even using a breast pump in hospital I couldn't bear the pain. In the end one midwife was very honest and suggested formula feeding might be best for us. I was upset at first as I felt I'd failed but my daughter wolfed down her first bottle and I was so relieved then. Looking back now I feel I did the right thing switching to formula feeding as I was starting to dread my daughter waking up and needing feeding and I feel persevering with breastfeeding may have affected our bond negatively.