MN Bumpfest: Tell MNHQ what your expectations and realities were of breast feeding after giving birth – £50 voucher prize draw NOW CLOSED

[MichelleMumsnet]

In the run up to BumpFest (if you haven’t got your ticket yet - what are you waiting for?) we’re looking to get a better understanding of the experiences Mumsnetters have had around different issues surrounding childbirth.

Looking at the many threads on the subject, it seems that breastfeeding can often be one of the most challenging aspects of the first weeks after birth. Whether it’s deciding if it’s right for you, or to trying to achieving the perfect latch, we know that everyone has a different experience.

We are keen to find out what Mumsnetters’ initial expectations were around breast feeding, and if they were met. Whether you planned to breastfeed, planned to formula feed or ended up somewhere in the middle - we’d love to hear about your feelings on the subject, What did you base your expectations on (e.g. NCT class, stories from friends or family, books you had read)? Did you expectations turn out to be correct? If you had a subsequent birth, to what extent did your experiences of breast feeding (whether you breast fed your children or not) differ?

As a token of thanks, everyone who posts on this thread will be entered into a prize draw to win a £50 John Lewis voucher.

Thanks ,

MNHQ

Planned to breastfeed with my 1st child. Lasted 10 days as didn't have any milk (midwife couldn't even squeeze any out 5 days after giving birth!). Poor DD1 was dry lipped with dehydration and crying all the time. I was also sore and bleeding. Switching to formula was the best thing ever.

With DD2 didn't even bother to try and glad I didn't. I did do the colostrum feed in the hospital then moved to formula.

Breastfeeding is great if you can do it - but a lot of women cannot. Both my children are now 3 years old and 18 months and have been very healthy thank God.

I always thought I would breastfeed. Never considered there to be any other option. Had a few problems to start with, including difficulties latching and a few bouts of painful mastitis. Got through it through persevere CE and couple of trips to breastfeeding clinic. The most useless advice was that if you are doing it right it doesn't hurt. I haven't met anyone who didn't find it at least very uncomfortable and this advice serves to make you think you must be doing it wrong, adding up the stress.

I honestly expected breastfeeding to be easy - it was anything but.

Ds1 developed neonatal jaundice, and was given phototherapy - initially I was told I had to feed him 4-hourly, and that went OK. Unfortunately his jaundice worsened, his phototherapy was doubled (a second set of lights), and I was told that he had to be fed3-hourly and I was told I had to top him up with formula! as he needed extra fluids and calories - I trusted the medical staff on this, and started supplementing him with formula, and this very quickly caused problems with the breastfeeding.

By the time we got home, when ds1 was 8 days old, breastfeeding had stopped almost completely. I decided to try to resurrect it by hiring a hospital breast pump from the NCT - I pumped after every feed for 10 days - on day 1 I produced 4.5oz, and on the 10th day I produced 4.5oz - at which point I decided I had clearly failed at breastfeeding, and went onto solely formula feeding.

With ds2, I was even more keen to succeed at bf-ing (I was convinced my earlier failure had contributed to me getting PND) - but I had problems this time too. He fed constantly, but with a fairly weak suckle, and having lost 10oz off his birthweight, he hadn't regained that at 6 weeks old. My HV was coming daily or every other day, telling me she wanted ds2 to have gained at least half an ounce a day by her next visit - which he didn't. On one visit, she brought up formula feeding as a possibility, and it told her I was really keen to succeed at bf-ing this time - upon which she told me, "Well, I have to think of the best interests of the baby!" I asked her how she dared suggest I did not have my baby's best interests at heart, and told her to leave my house at once.

A few days later, ds2 woke up from his afternoon nap with breathing difficulties, so, after my GP had visited, we were sent to the paediatric ward. We were kept in, and he was given antibiotics for a chest infection - but the staff were far more interested in his lack of weight gain, and basically we were kept in until he started gaining weight. I heard nursing staff referring to ds2 as 'Failing To Thrive' - and in the end, I agreed to start supplementing with formula. Ds2 did start to gain weight, but supplementing with formula killed bf-ing for me again. I had failed again. I got PND again.

With ds3, I mixed-fed almost from the word 'go' - I bf-ed during the day, and gave ds3 a formula feed for his last feed of the day and for one of the night time feeds. As long as he had two formula feeds within each 24 hours, ds3 gained weight at an acceptable rate. If I cut it down by even one feed, he stopped gaining weight.

I have struggled for years with my feelings of failure from this - it seems to me that every other woman can feed their babies except me - I am very good at self-criticism, and being harsh towards myself - and this has contributed to my long history of depression.

I should have said - I managed to mixed-feed ds3 for 12 weeks - twice as long as I managed to bf with either of the other two.

Always planned to BF and thought it would be a complete no-brainer. 'Technically' got it together easily with DC 1&2, but found it quite physically challenging to haul babies out of their cot to feed on demand post csection: maternity ward staff weren't offering any help at night. Simply wasn't prepared by the antenatal classes etc for the realities of babies who wanted feed on and off through the night and the sheer level of exhaustion linked to that, plus the overall amount of time feeding took up. Was saved by the suggestion to co-sleep (before latest guidance), and am not sure the advice I've seen recently adequately engages with the health benefits and risks for nursing mothers (those who make a conscious choice and take sensible precautions)?

Went on to discover, after the crazy first 12 weeks or so, that things settle down into much manageable sittings, and the whole experience became extremely positive, and helped us maintain a really strong sense of connection even through my return to work etc. It has ended up being quite a major plank of my parenting: both DC fed until they wanted to stop (at 3 and 4 yrs respectively).

I don't really understand why we have such screwed up attitudes in the UK. Felt health professionals set unreasonable early expectations in their desire to go ra-ra-ra for breastfeeding, but were then pretty unsupportive in practice. Especially of any BF over the age of 12 months (had hospital stays: BF at night was quite tricky and their was little respect for our need for privacy for daytime feeds despite snidey comments from other people's visitors). Would rather have had straight advice on the pros and cons at the start, but then to have received real practical support for my choice from the NHS. What happened in practice made the early messaging all feel a bit hollow.

I wish people talked widely about how hard breast feeding can be. I wish I had known it can be difficult before I got to that realisation myself.
I mix fed my DS. I really wanted to breast feed my DS & once I worked out how I really loved doing it. Mix feeding was born out of necessity & practicality - I have a long standing illness/disability and pregnancy & birth made me quite poorly - I needed assistance post birth & that included feeding.
Breast feeding was a struggle I have inverted nipples which made it harder to sort out a good latch but with the help of a fab & practical MW who suggested trying with a thin nipple shield, combined with pumping & bottle feeding I sorted out feeding DS well enough that they let me take him home. As I got more confident & my nipples adapted I managed without the shield. Before the MWs suggestion I'd never heard of them. I'm so glad she did as I loved those snuggling feeding sessions on the sofa (well some of them) and wouldn't have swapped them for the world. We stopped breast feeding at 7mths as I couldn't last any longer without my medication.

I always assumed I would breastfeed - the maternity unit here is very pro breastfeeding and all my family breastfed etc. In actual fact I had a horrible emergency CS, my DS was very sleepy and reluctant to feed and had an upper lip tie which we never realised until he got teeth which meant it didn't all go to plan.

I remember sitting attached to an industrial sized pump in the maternity ward once we'd got readmitted due to his weight loss sobbing and the midwives getting all enthusiastic about a few mls of breast milk...then sobbing a few days later when my milk finally came in properly and I hadn't noticed and I had two huge massive wet patches on my hoody!

I mix fed for 4 1/2 months in the end as I was determined to at least try but it was pumping and feeding through bottles as my DS never did get it. I had really supportive midwives, parents and in laws but my DS's dad was very keen to get going on formula and that probably contributed to me starting that as early as I did.

I went into it with no expectations. I ended up really rather ill after having DS1, though and never managed to get back to full time breastfeeding. Latching on was always so to curlingly painful and a feed would take ages - well over an hour. I stuck it out and we made it to 18 months, but it never got particularly easy.

He was also prone to nursing strikes. Sometimes he'd bite me then refuse. Other he'd just plain refuse for the best part of a day.

Totally made up for when we'd been out at what turned out to be the start of a local norovirus epidemic, when he was 11 months. Breastmilk was the only thing he could keep down for a couple of days.

DS2 was easy peasy. I had a better start, he had a better latch and I was prepared for cluster feeding, right from the start. So many books still recommended scheduled nursing, at the time, so having the experience and wisdom to just go with it, the moment he was showing any inclination towards cluster feeding, helped me to build up my supply in response really quickly and we were back to our normal feed spacing within a day.

I didn't know what to expect as it really wasn't something I had much experience of. I was over-prepared for problems with breastfeeding and way pretty much expecting agonising pain and both my nipples to fall off.

Breastfeeding definitely seemed like some optional 'extra' that would be good for my baby. Kind of like making your own organic baby food from scratch rather than buying jars.

I didn't appreciate that breastfeeding was the 'normal' way babies are fed. The 'exclusive for 6 months' message definitely came across to me as you only need to breastfeed for 6 months, rather than if you don't want to use formula you'll need to breastfeed for at least a year.

I expected it to be easy and natural, and didn't put a great deal of thought into it. In reality with DC1 he was in special care for 4 days, I was given an antiquated breast pump and told to get on with it. I hardly made a drop. When we were reunited, I tried tried and tried again. He suckled well but after 2 weeks of him losing more and more weight I was advised to bottle feed. I was gutted. Felt such a failure. With DC2 and DC3 my hopes were not so high but I blamed the seperation factor so tried feeding immediately. DC2 cried with hunger a lot. The midwives encouraged me to give a bottle as we were both distressed. I was gutted again but as my first child had been fine on a bottle, I went ahead. With DC3 I attempted breast feeding again (why oh why do I not have any milk?) But after 2 weeks she had lost 25% of her bodyweight so I had to resort to the bottle. I managed to breast and bottle feed for six months, though I don't kid myself, she used me as a comfort rather than a good feed! Overall I was devastated that my body failed me, I had thought milk would come naturally like the rest of pregnancy.

I planned to, I went to NCT sessions on it (which were useless). Then DS spent his first few days in nicu, where he was fed by bottle like a foie gras duck. When he was discharged, neither of us knew how to feed - he was starving and I was anxious. We muddled through, with the odd bottle and ruined nipples, until I went to the local bf cafes. I had excellent support, advice and a bit of a hug. Within two weeks, we'd stopped using formula and I still breastfeed 9m later. Later this year, I plan to train as a bf supporter.

I can't overstate how dreadful things were. I cried everytime he woke up because he'd want feeding. I was in constant pain and felt like a failure. Things were grim and I felt awful for taking a tiny newborn out on the bus to go to the cafes.

If I had known anything, I would have asked for donor milk in hospital (I became a donor earlier this year), and really pushed for better help feeding in nicu. The idea that he must finish so many mls of milk before he could be discharged to someone who would bf is silly - and his consultant said as much. I'm sorry that I didn't have access to better support in those early days, but I'm glad I had the support of my husband and experts to allow us to get there in the end.

I expected to bf. All the MWs and NCT people expected me too, so why not! It's natural, so must be easy right? Except DS refused, point blank, to feed. I expressed and cup fed him a bit, but he persistently turned his head away for my boobs. Expressing was incredibly inefficient - over an hour for less than an ounce. Had loads of support from MWs and LLL team in hospital, and the lady in the next bed who was and NCT bf counsellor. MWs even did a "rebirth" in a warm bath for ds and I. Nothing. By the time he was a week old (we were still in hospital) he'd lost 23% of his birth wright and the paediatrician came to take him to SCBU. He suggested I might like to try a bottle.

MW took him off for his first bottle. He guzzled it! Fog from then on. I guess I felt that I needed medical "permission" to ff. it certainly changed my relationship with ds and parenting got the better. I still had a niggle that bf hadn't worked though. A few weeks later I took ds into work to show him off. I gave him a bottle there. A colleague I was (still am) quite friendly with, and whose outlook on life is very similar (liberal, lefty, lentil weaving) to mine, commented that his dd's had both been bf from birth. This made me feel much better. I suppose it was a sort of closure.

3 years later I bf dd (a more enthusiastic bf'er) for three weeks, and decided to ff for various reasons. I had the same Community Midwife as previously. When I told her I was going to ff dd, she said "well, there's no point in telling you the benefits of long term bf, because well - " at which pint big, strong, healthy, happy, articulate 3 year old ff DS bounded in.

I think the reason I struggled to give up bf first time, despite ds clearly not thriving, was that everything I had ever been told about infant feeding assumed bf. I understand why this is the case (really I do, I have since worked for NCT and local milk bank) but I really needed "permission" to f&v from the paed (my collegue's comments also supported thus "permission").

I had no understanding that the milk came out as a spray and not a single jet. So that was a surprise!

I also though it worked the same for everyone. But it doesn't - breast type, baby type, where you are, what you're wearing. It's different at every feed. Some holds that worked for me (gg cup) would have been impossible for my friend (b cup) and vice versa.

The worse thing was being told post c section not to lift anything and having to ring the call bell all night for every feed and the hatchet faced midwife being really angry as though I was being lazy. But I was just following orders.

I feel that there was such an emphasis on how good breastfeeding is that, when I did not manage to do it, I was ridden with guilt! I dreaded going to my first baby groups, as I felt the other Mums would be judging me, thinking "huh, she's not doing the best for her baby". I realise now that only weird people would think that, but my paranoia was a mixture of the hormones raging around my body, and all the leaflets/videos/classes on breastfeeding I received before giving birth.

My actual experience was that my baby did appear to be latching on properly (that's what the breastfeeding advisers at the hospital said) but my nipples were being damaged - they looked (and felt) like they were being sandpapered during each feed. The baby seemed to be getting colostrum, but each feed was hellish for me. I had had an emergency c section, and was in pain, and the added pain of the feeding was too much. The moment I said, a couple of days in, that I didn't think I could do this, the nurses instantly said "we agree, it is just not for some people". In the many moments of regret I had over the first year of my baby's life, I often thought maybe they just didn't bother trying to help more, as they were so busy and other Mums were more likely to succeed.

The upset over not managing to do it stayed... I was still regularly bursting into tears about it up to a year later! I have talked to other Mums who had similar experiences to me. What creates such strong feelings over this?! I am sure it is partly the pressure put on people before having a baby. I think there is perhaps a better way to inform people about the benefits of breastfeeding, without making those who can't do it feel like 'lesser' mothers! Although I am now pregnant with my second baby, and I have noticed the literature I have been given is a bit more forgiving - it at least mentions that breastfeeding doesn't turn out to be for everyone. I am putting a huge pressure on myself to try again, and I hope I don't suffer the same emotions if that doesn't happen.

My expectations were that I would be BF'ing, that breastmilk was far superior to FF & that FF was not even an option. End of discussion.

Then I had a 29-weeker, who I expressed for 3 months for, starting 6 hours after delivery, when I tried to express colostrum for him in NICU, while I was in HDU with severe PE & multi-organ failure. It took one hour to get 1ml of colostrum, hand-expressing. I continued to express for him despite several near-death experiences for him, mastitis & the stress of NICU (plus a house move). By his term date, it was increasingly obvious that he needed more calories due to IUGR & oxygen dependency. So a high calorie bottle feed was required; my poor DS didn't have the strength to latch on & I couldn't bear for him to struggle to BF (he couldn't anyway, despite massive amounts of support from the neonatal unit). It was a relief to stop. Expressing was soul-destroying & contributed to my isolation at a time when I needed support. My frozen EBM went in the bin; there was no donor milk bank nearby. I'll post separately about DD.

DD was also premature; I was determined to BF as I hadn't been able to with DS. And I'm a resolute believer in BF.

DD needed to come out by EMCS at 35+6. I wanted to harvest colostrum beforehand, just in case, but there were no hospital beds & I was left waiting round the hospital until a theatre slot came up at 10pm. She was born at nearly 11pm.

Her blood glucose was low but she couldn't latch on. So formula it was, to try & avoid scbu. Despite being FF all night her glucose was still low & scbu was required. I hand-expressed for her, but she was mostly tube-fed with formula to her her sugars up.

I was sent home 48hours after delivery, with DD in scbu, DS (4) at home & trying to express 3 hourly. Trying to get to hospital, DS to nursery & being unable to drive after a CS (with a large blood loss) further compounded my attempts to express.

I roomed in with DD the night before she was due home. Jaundiced & sleepy, she still didn't latch on. So I expressed & fed her EBM in bottles. It was a 24 hour job & one which I couldn't keep up with at home.,

Despite my best efforts, I didn't get the supply needed & was caught in the vicious circle of expressing, failing to BF & having to bottle feed. I didn't leave the house for a month, DD had lost nearly 10% of her body weight. My midwife came in once & tried to latch her on, unsuccessfully.

I couldn't get to any support groups as I couldn't drive, DP was back at work, we had no family support & DS was only in nursery 2.5 hours a day. I tried BF support lines, internet etc. Something had to give.

I the end, DD had a massive growth spurt, my supply couldn't keep up & I made the decision to stop.

So someone like myself, totally committed to breastfeeding, have up.

In my experience, BF is all promotion & no practical support.

I was determined to give breast feeding my best shot, but on both occasions I've had bottles and formula standing by as a precaution.

Probably just as well, as for some reason my milk seems to take an extra 48 hours to come in compared to normal, and in the meantime I end up with very hungry babies and getting told off by the MWs due to them having a >10% weight loss despite me feeding constantly.

A little bit of formula on day 2/3 kept them going alongside all the colostrum they could drink until my milk arrived and filled their tummies. It also helped them stop losing weight, so the MWs would stop threatening admitting us to hospital.

From that point, both my girls clustered fed all evening, every evening, until they were about 2 to 3 months old. In order to enable me to at least use the toilet/stretch my legs/take a shower, my DH would give a small bottle of formula each evening.

Mixed feeding of 1 bottle of formula a day worked well for us. Meant my nerves and nipples didn't end up quite as shredded as they might have otherwise done and didn't stop me BFing until 6 months with my first (I stopped before going back to work) and still going strong at 10 weeks with my second.

It also meant we didn't have any issues switching to bottles 100% at 6 months with my eldest, as she was already used to them.

An extra thought... All the virgin gut stuff is nice, but how does that work if the baby receives oral treatment for thrush in the first few weeks? Surely that ruins the virgin gut anyway...

I have 3 dc, exclusively breast fed all 3.
with dd1, I was the 1st of my close friendship group to have a child, so none of them had a clue...my mum and MIL were both total breast feeders...MIL was a MW herself too. There was really no other option for me. I read literature that said it was best for me and the baby; and I thought it would be maybe a knack. not hard, not tough, but once you got the hang of it you'd be fine.
I had a horrendous birth with readmission 10 days PN for surgery, I am proud of myself for BF despite everything. It was very painful at first, the Mw at hospital were worse than rubbish. BF support staff were unheard of 8yrs ago. Her eis an example:
MW - whatever you do NEVER let the baby empty the breast.
Me - Ah, OK, I didn't know that. How will I know?
MW - I don't know.
that stupid cow.

MIL helped me fix my latch in the end, I persevered and slathered on the lansinoh. At 8mths I got an infected nipple through dd biting me, but kept on. I fed her for a year altogether. I never bought bottles/formula anything, it just didn't occur to me that I wouldn't be able to bf/wouldn't enjoy it. maybe naïve, looking back.

with ds2 I knew after what had occurred with dd that I could feed no problem. It only hurt for 10 days, even though he was a far rougher feeder. I fed him until 8mths, then he didn't want any more, I was sad, but kind of glad to get my body back.

fast forward to ds2: we relocated so now in my local hospital approx. 3 bf support workers were there to help me whenever I needed. He was tongue tied; and I had to be firm that I want him sorted as I knew it wouldn't help bf. Again there was no way I'd ff. The thought of buying all the stuff freaks me out as money is tight now. I do occasionally wonder how to make a bottle as it all seems v complex. But he's 4mths now and sleeps through about 1 night a week so I'm very happy. I'm much more confident feeding in public this time, and with what type of clothes to wear.

I'm glad I bf all 3 - very proud tbh.

I also thought it would be easier than it was. Intended to fb, took a while to get into it, then dd1 seemingly lost her latch at three weeks. Cue unhappy baby and a very distressed me. Expressed to maintain my supply as well as struggling on with bf but I had very little (like 1oz) and three weeks on, I gave up and started ff. dd1 much happier and I was hugely relieved. I stopped expressing and never leaked. My supply was clearly shocking.

Three years later and dd2 took to bf much better, but again at three weeks I ran out. This time I didn't muck around or anguish about it, and just went to ff. again, no leakage, not a drop.

I only seem to be able to bf for three weeks. I wish I had been able to do it for longer, but it just didn't work out for me and I'm not going to beat myself up about it.

Sorry, every fb should be bf

I thought it would be easy and had no worries about it. I had the NCT training with the knitted boobs and it all sounded so simple!
I had issues getting ds to latch and after a day of trying I went to our local midwife led unit. They were fab and helped me get ds latched and gave me syringes just in case I had more problems at home. We never looked back after that and I fed until 20 months.
However, I went through a horrible phase of getting mastitis every couple of weeks for a few months. It was beyond hideous and I had lots and lots of antibiotics. Fortunately, the wisdom of mumsnet helped no end and I went to my dr and got double strength abs for a fortnight which cleared it all up.
Hoping to breastfeed dc2 as successfully!

I think I expected to be able to breastfeed, and didn't have particular difficulties. Yes it was sore in the very initial stages but I seem to have forgotten about how that felt. I think my baby lost a very small amount of her birth weight in the first week, and then started putting weight on. My partner was very positive and supportive. He'd make me cheese sandwiches and tea in the middle of the night. I was surprised by how hungry I got when breastfeeding, and did sometimes find the very prolonged feeds in the evening tiring. I fed her till she was thirteen months old.

I was totally unmaternal in every way....all my friends had breastfed and presumed it would be important to me. I honestly didn't give a fig one way or the other....I knew I would have to breastfeed in hospital because in Italy where dd was born no-one ever considers not breastfeeding. I bought all the formula stuff ready for when I left hospital..so many of my friends had had so many problems I just expected to hate it.

Almost 6 years later dd self weaned from breastfeeding.....

It never occurred to me that I wouldn't breast feed DD. I had a bit of a rough birth (long labour, forceps, PPH, & the epidural didn't fully work). So I was pretty out of it by the time DD arrived, don't remember much about the first feed. Except that it hurt. I looked down later & had a crescent bruise on my nipple from DD's mouth.

DD & I stayed in hospital for 4 days more, I had a canula in each hand & wasn't allowed them out until day 3, which made picking her up quite hard as they were very sore. The midwives were encouraging but fairly clueless regarding BFing, TBH.

Over the next fortnight, I got such bad cracked nipples the HV winced when she saw them, & suggested I give consider giving up, but she didn't push. I started mix feeding. I also saw a brilliant lactation consultant & we got DD's tongue tie snipped, & I borrowed a pump from hospital, however I'd lost my milk in one side. We were back to fully BF by 8 weeks & I did regain some milk in the side that had gone, but it was never equal to the other side.

I BFed DD until she was nearly 6 months when she got her 2nd tooth & bit at every possible opportunity. Gutted to give up after I'd fought so hard to do it.