Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

Original poster

I had a nucal/intergrated test today

232 replies

Thomcat · 14/06/2005 23:33

Can't **ing believe it.

Did it for DP, he needs to be sure, or more sure of what was happening, so as it's his baby too I thought, okay fine, i'll do the intergrated test for you, then at least you'll relax and we can crack on and enjoy this.

Hmmm, not so **in' fast aye.

Oh, why, why, why.

So pissed off.

Had the 1st of the bloods taken and week of 1st July will have the 2nd lot taken and then 10 days later get full results.

Today they did the scan part too.

It measured 2.4. Was 3 at one point but baby was in a bad position so 2.4 was the measurement she took.
That on it's own, with past history, gives me a 1 in 89 chance.

Why oh why couldn't it just have been a 1.whatever measurement and shut everyone up.

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Someone pass me the remote so I can hit fast forward, to December.

Maybe I should run away and when i come back it'll be too late for anyone to give me any tests and they'll all just have to leave me alone.

Wish D was cooler about it all, I do understand but..... wish I didn't have to be understanding.

It's all bollocks.

Stupid bloody testing.

What have I always said about this, and now look

OP posts:
Dingle · 15/06/2005 11:18

TC, have so much to say, don't know how much help it would be though! Got to go and pick my little angel up from nursery. I will try to catch up later. Chin up honey.{{{{{hugs}}}}

bundle · 15/06/2005 11:24

I thought that might be why, TC. All couples have things they'd rather not say out loud, and this is a biggie for you both. let's hope it doesn't come to that, xxx

dejags · 15/06/2005 11:32

Thomcat, I don't know you very well but I know a little of your history.

Honey try not to worry (stupid thing to say I know). If it is any help DS2 was also 2.4 and was born without DS.

Thinking of you
Dejags
x

JakB · 15/06/2005 11:43

Agree, stupid blood testing. How awful for you, TC. You've already had a stressful start to this pregnancy. I think my DH would be the same about testing so I understand what you mean. Although he loves DD to bits, if there was a test for autism, he would want me to have it. And you are right- it's his baby too. But hideous for you. I'm sure it will be OK, whatever happens. Anyway, I'm thinking of you and fast-forwarding to December when Lottie is dancing around in excitement at her new sibling!

motherinferior · 15/06/2005 11:46

ThomCat, I am so SO sorry you are having to go through this.
xxxxxxxxxxx

Blu · 15/06/2005 11:47

Sweetheart darling Thomcat - so so sorry this is happening, I know very well how horrible it is waiting for tests, and DP and I had the same dynamic between us that you and your DP have, over feelings about a ds baby.
I felt disloyal to my unborn baby, and I was imprisined by all-consu,ing worry.

Please don't blame your self, you are not a fraud, you acted out of real kindness and suport for your DP. He is not as strong about this as you are, he is not as strong about the future in a 'whatever it may bring' sense. you were doing your best to look after him. It was kind, and caring, and in complete respect of his role as father.

Hang on tight, breathe, be proud of yourself and your fierce love for your perfect baby - because whatever any damn old test shows, you baby is perfect as s/he is.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

elliott · 15/06/2005 11:50

well, I can see where you're coming from, 'why go there if you don't have to', although as I said it is not my style. I agree with bundle though, better to have a plan before you have the results, because its easier to think it through when you a) don't have the time pressure on and b) aren't emotionally in turmoil/panic because of the results. Yeah, sure you might not have to use the decision you've come to, but what's the worst that can happen - you understand a bit more of each other? I mean, maybe you're right in what you think D thinks, maybe you're not, but not talking about it isn't going to make it go away - and maybe if you do try and talk, you will find that there isn't such a difference between you after all...and through talking, views can change too.

charleypops · 15/06/2005 11:51

Thomcat, I don't think we've ever "spoken" before but I feel so moved by your situation I have to post. I want to say I find your honesty and humanity absolutely breathtaking. You're most certainly the complete opposite of an "idiot/fraud/fake" I hope everything works out for you x

ninah · 15/06/2005 13:03

Thomcat I am so sorry you are so worried. I can't imagine how you feel but I followed you here from the Ante-Natal thread just to offer support, really. As for dp remember the things they say are not always as cut and dried or as logigal as we imagine them to be. No doubt he's as concerned as you are and trying to be strong. (remember my dp when I told him I was preg?)
Agree with blu, your baby will be beautiful cos it's from you and dp.

Chocol8 · 15/06/2005 13:08

Thomcat, I just wanted to lend my support to what has been said already and that I am thinking of you and your lovely family.
We all support you 110% (you can see that from all the posts below) for who you are and what you do and I hope so much that everything will work out for you.
(((((((((big, massive, stupendous hugs)))))))))) x

Original poster
Thomcat · 15/06/2005 13:11

Yes i know babes, i know this baby is beautiful and perfect, i know that, it's not me that's the problem though.
D is trying to be strong and he's being lovley, i can't fault him, just wish he was prepapred to just go with this, but maybe he's the sensible one and i'm just putting my head in the sand and hoping that the baby won't have special needs. But it might. And what if it does? Can i cope with that, really, truly? having Lottie already with SN, would it not be better to know for sure, and .... and what???????? i can't bring myself to talk about doing anything about it if.....

I want this baby so much, but at what cost?

i just need it to all be okay, and it isn't going to be okay 'no matter what', at least I really don't think it is.

it's all so raw and up in the air still.

I mean, i don't want another child with DS, or other SN, of course I don't, but can I really do anything about it if that's the hand I've been dealt?

See - it's not right that there is an even an option, not for me anyway, i don't want there to be an option.

i just want it all to be okay. Please.

OP posts:
elliott · 15/06/2005 13:17

TC, we all want it to be okay for you too.
there's nothing more I can say, but I hope jimjams or some of the others who have been there can give you some words of wisdom.

oliveoil · 15/06/2005 13:21

Just seen this, . Bastard tests.
Take care.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Original poster
Thomcat · 15/06/2005 13:21

Thanks elliot, and i know hon', but we've just got to play the waiting game, and not that it'll do any good now but keep fingers and toes and everything crossed and hope and pray and see what happens.

At least i have somewhere to come to cry.
Can't do that in real life with anyone at the moment, too raw, and worried i won't be able to stop! It's easiest here. Thanks.

OP posts:
MINNIE1 · 15/06/2005 13:46

Sending you positive vibes, and to let you know that were all there for you no matter what (on the dec thread)

Original poster
Thomcat · 15/06/2005 13:52

Thanks Minnie, I appreciate that.

And edisvold - got your email and have replied, thanks babes.

OP posts:
dramaqueen72 · 15/06/2005 13:57

ditto what minnie said, -whole december thread thinking super positive thoughts for you tc.

Original poster
Thomcat · 15/06/2005 14:10

bless you all.

Anyway it is going to be fine. When I was looking out of the window in the little quiet side room we were put in to wait for bubs to move, i had a word with him upstairs and, I know this is bonkers/barmy/mad but, I said to myself if the girl who was making me tea bought it in in a china cup, rather than all the polysterine cups that were around and I'd jhad my coffee and my water in, I'd take that as a good sign, and she did, so really I don't need any more tests, i got the china cup all clear! !!!!!! I know, "cuckooooooo"!!!

OP posts:
gaelsgirl · 15/06/2005 14:10

thinking of you tc

elliott · 15/06/2005 14:13

btw TC, in all of this, how was the rest of the scan - was it lovely seeing the bub? Or all a bit overshadowed by the 'testing'....

Heathcliffscathy · 15/06/2005 14:16

Thomcat, I'm so sorry, so so sorry. This is anguish for you. I jsut wanted to say, sod the interviews you've done, you're not a hypocrite. everything goes out the window when you're in this kind of situation and have a partner that feels the way he does.

I would second the recommendation of the fetal medicine centre in harley st. £100 ish for instant knowledge of what the next choices are.

CountessDracula · 15/06/2005 14:18

oh tc tc tc

I'm so so sorry this is happening.
All I can say is fingers crossed for you. You are in an impossible situation but you are wonderful and strong and you will get through it whatever the outcome of the tests.

I wish I could wave a magic wand.

katierocket · 15/06/2005 14:20

Thomcat - just wanted to add my support; so sorry that you are having to deal with this. I LOVE the china cup test, definitely a good sign I'd say.

bunny2 · 15/06/2005 14:22

TC, havent read all the messages but wanted to send you my support too. My baby had a measurment of 2.4 too and I was given a 1:44 chance of Downs, I spent the next 6 months worrying (I refused a CVS/amnio)unnecessarily. Try and remember 1 in 89 is tiny, only a little over 1% which means your baby is almost 99% likely to be absolutely fine.
bunny
XX

SenoraPostrophe · 15/06/2005 14:26

I'm so sorry, tc. I was going to say what bunny said. It's still a small risk.