Jesus, it's at times like these that Mumsnet massively comes into it's own aye.
JimJams - thanks for the post. They are taking Lottie into account so my risk is already increased because of that. Although she is translocation she is 'nonfamilial translocation', meaning a fluke as I'm sure you know, so they are treating her as a trisomy 21 for the sake of the risk factor.
elliot - they shouldn't have told us, and she said that at the time, but the doctor is pregant herself and she said 'if I see something I'm going to tell you ok, and if you want I'll calculate your risk at this stage, so you have some sort of idea in your heads right away', she was putting herself in our shoes. She spent ages and ages with us. Bubs was lying too close to the membrane to get a good reading for ages but she kept on and on and then she sent us off and put us in a little private lounge room and made us tea in the hope that baby would move to a better position, which it did. She made us very aware of exactly what was happening and what it meant etc. I was actually incredibly grateful to her for that.
Re talking to D - well he knows how I feel but he's so different to me in that way. He's really only just saying lets cross each bridge at a time and 'everything is going to be ok'. I can't really get past that and the genetic consellors advised that that is the best way to deal with things, althought she understood I needed to fast forward a bit.
Beachyhead - I'll do a search on internet and try and find out more, but elliot has a good point tbh. God knows what to do now tbh.
It's not that I feel disloyal to Lottie, nothing, nothing in this world changes how I feel about my baby girl. If anything I love her more and am even more grateful for her. But I feel like an idiot and a fraud and a fake. I've been doing interviews, speaking to people about how testing is awful and how I won't get tested. I didn't realsie D felt differently, I didn't stop to think for a second that he wouldn't feel the same way. So I did the test, I didn't want to but I did, and now look what's happened. It just proves my point, but a point now I wish I'd never made beacuse I've gone back onb what I said and I feel gutted.
What percantage will be be happy with and what if it's high? I can't get my head round what a high risk might mean, what if D wants me to go through with an amnio? And what if I do that and then we find out it will have DS? Dear God, what then? And if... if, ........ will all future pregancies go down the same route?
What was the point of me and D not being carriers of the extra chromosome if this is going to happen to us all the time anyway.
I remeber when the genetic consellor told us we were flukes and I was so happy, but life just isn't that simple is it.
And I'm spouting all this out at you and I could be sat here with a totallly NT child inside me.
FFS, why, why, why does this test exist. Why is it possible to detect DS? And if it has to exist why then is it even an option (unless in very special circumstances) that you can terminate? Go and find a cure for cancer and stop finding ways to worry pregant women and then offering them terminations.
Ohhhh a long rambled post and I',
m not going to preview it. you'll just have to take me as i am.