I had a nucal/intergrated test today

[Thomcat]

Can't **ing believe it.

Did it for DP, he needs to be sure, or more sure of what was happening, so as it's his baby too I thought, okay fine, i'll do the intergrated test for you, then at least you'll relax and we can crack on and enjoy this.

Hmmm, not so **in' fast aye.

Oh, why, why, why.

So pissed off.

Had the 1st of the bloods taken and week of 1st July will have the 2nd lot taken and then 10 days later get full results.

Today they did the scan part too.

It measured 2.4. Was 3 at one point but baby was in a bad position so 2.4 was the measurement she took.
That on it's own, with past history, gives me a 1 in 89 chance.

Why oh why couldn't it just have been a 1.whatever measurement and shut everyone up.

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Someone pass me the remote so I can hit fast forward, to December.

Maybe I should run away and when i come back it'll be too late for anyone to give me any tests and they'll all just have to leave me alone.

Wish D was cooler about it all, I do understand but..... wish I didn't have to be understanding.

It's all bollocks.

Stupid bloody testing.

What have I always said about this, and now look

Oh hon. I'm sorry they're all wanting you to be poked and prodded

Oh, honey, huge huggy hugs and a shoulder if you need it.

Any time, sweetheart - I'm sorry things weren't more conclusive at the scan. I hope that the bloods give you higher odds, but I feel a bit disloyal to Lottie saying that I have no idea how you must be feeling, except that I always seem to do the understanding thing with other people, but don't seem to get it back - I comfort myself with thinking I'm a nice person, and I know you are, so you should too.

Am I making no sense? Probably!

Lots of love, TC xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I'm so gutted babes. When I said 'yeah, yeah, okay bloody lets do the intergrated' it was so that D would chill and fell okay and enjoy this pregnancy with me.

Why does it have to be like this?
Why couldn't I get a clear - you're going to be fine result today? Why wasn't it the 1.whatever, it was supposed to be?

Now what have I started?

Gutted. Gutted beyond gutted.
This isn't supposed to be like this.

Those bloody blood tests better sort themselves out now and come back and make it all better.

HM - uk knows what your on about but I love you anyway [insert weak pathetic attempt at a smile] Thank you babes.

Oh Lord, that's so unfair TC. How does D feel about one in 89? That's still not much more than 1 per cent, isn't it? (Maths a little rusty).
It's such a b*gger when you didn't want the ruddy tests in the first place.

Babes, you got through when you thought this pregnancy was not going to work out and you'll get through this too. I hope the blood tests are more conclusive for you and they'll leave you alone. And if you do want to run away I'm sure we can sort out several months of sleepovers for you (and the lovely Lottie) - you could have a whistle-stop tour of MNers and their homes. I wish the scan had been better for you.

Oh TC that so hard on you both

Still odds are very much in your favour - although I know that doesn't help much right now!

Take care of yourselves

Makes no sense to me either - can only imagine that a small gremlin crept down my arms and tapped away at the keyboard while I was in some kind of trance - I don't remember writing that post

More hugs and try to only to worry about things you can change (and please feel free to poke me hard for saying that and tell me that I should follow my own advice!).

God, that sounds patronising - it's really not meant to! Just want to help and am putting far bigger feet than I possess into my gob in the process!

Tell you wath, just laugh at me - you'll feel better (a bit? Maybe?)

Thinking of you.

I don't know how either of us feel about 1 in 89. He just keeps being lovley and telling me it'll all be ok. But what if the intergrated comes back and it's all bad???? What is he going to want then? What will he feel? What will I feel when I'm confronted with not great news?

I have never wished so much that these tests didn't exist.

I've always been so adament and now I feel ..... like I've let me, and Lottie down. But how could I refuse D this 'simple' non invasive test?

Cheers everyone.
And thanks HM, XX
and Marthamoo, can I come and stay with you 1st pls?

Darling, I'll make you up a bed straightaway!

TC, you're welcome to come and stay here, only we only have a spare bed in DS's room... It's v comfy, but DS will stand up in his cot and say surprised tone of voice things to you all night so you might not get much rest!

cheers hon'.

Talking of beds, may as well go and lie in mine till it gets light!

And yes I am just being silly now, but I'm allowed to be.

Re: the test. You were damned if you did and damned if you didn't. You were doing the reasonable and fair thing and going along with D's wishes. I'm just sorry it didn't give you the peace of mind you were hoping for.

that cheers is to you both Marthamoo and HM, xx

Would Lottie be OK in a Bob the Builder inflatable bed ?

Go to bed, get some sleep - things usually seem a bit better in the morning.

Yes, totally allowed to be!

Huggy hugs - sweet dreams, sweetheart and try not to dwell on it (yeah, yeah, more advice I could do with following, etc...) xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Yes starring at the ceiling is much more appealing right now than this bright screen.

oh but................

i wish

oh nothing, night, xx

TC - I'm still here if you want to chat about this a bit longer...

Night night, try and get some sleep xxx

I can't.

I want to, but............

oh fuck, what have I done?

TC.
Dont know what to say. Just want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

cheers. You can't turn back time can you?