do you ever feel so different that you just don't fit?

[special2shoes]

or is it just me, I think dd has changed me.
i just got told of for posting on a home birth thread, how dare I say that dd would have died if I had a home birth.
I just don't fit sometimes.

I agree ladyfio. I would find a late termination (even an 'unavoidable' one for something incompatible with life) far more traumatic and stressful than a life with child with learning disabilities

here is the my email and the repky I got, I have asked if mn hq could post on this thread.

hello
I wondered if you could clear something up for me.
I assumed that when mn hq decided to create a new topic, they were taking on board not only the concerns of the posters who were discussing terminations, but alos the parents of disabled children who might wish to post showing that having a disabled child

Thanks for your email. Of course you'll be able to. Perhaps that initial response wasn't terribly well worded. What we meant was for people not to feel wary of upsetting other members who made different decisions, as we were conscious, for that reason, people may not post at all and everyone deserves the chance to seek support or compassion if needed.
We hope that makes it a bit clearer. Do come back to us if not.
Best,
Catherine
MNHQ

riven don't they kill it first

riven they basically inject something into the womb that suffocates the foetus. That is not to say in all cases the baby will die prior to birth though

I think usually with abnencephaly an Pateaus they let the baby be born so that the parents can spend time with their babies prior to their death

Hi, I don't know where to start really so forgive me as this is going to be a self indulgent post.

I would love to have the balls to write a long post to one particular poster on the thread we were all on this week but I feel it would be pointless and probably result in more distress for all concerened.

I have been thinking about this all day and my heart and head hurt. I posted on the pregnancy thread in the beginning as I have said only to help, and I was genuinely shocked at how people viewed disability. I was not shocked at the termination topic however.

I looked last night at my sleeping beautiful boy tucked up with his big brother where he had sneaked to after he had been put to bed and I felt overwhelmed for him. The realisation of how society would judge him, view him and how they would not want to protect him filled me with fear and a sadness I cannot describe. I have been naive as as a family (extended included) we just don't have that view point and I have clearly been going round with my head up my arse!

I have a head/ heart issue with the whole debate, my head tells me I support a womans right to decisions about her own body, but everytime someone posts about terminating for disability my heart is bruised.

As for the mumsnet side of things I am if I have made a fool of myself by being too emotional. After I read 'that' post last night I asked for all of my posts on that thread to be deleted. I had given the names of my children, and just too much emotion for it to remain for all to see after being portrayed so unfairly by her.

mrsturnip, fio, riven, 2shoes, amber, totalchaos, thank you for your kind posts and for continuing a debate in an appropriate way, quite how you keep your cool and are able to go back for another kicking is (dare I use the word) saintly.

xxx

btw, through a sea of tears the new names have made me chortle!

Now will someone please tell me how to hide a topic and how the bloody hell I do CAT!

btw I am also for my shocking spelling!

can you email me please [email protected]

Aww slightlycrumpled. Believe me I felt a flash of anger on reading the manipulative posts but years on mn have taught me a way to remove myself. The first few times I had my words played with I felt terribly exposed. Sometimes I still get it wrong and give too much away but I'm more cautious now. I can understand why you had your posts removed and I have done the same in the past.

slightlycrumpled, you've not made a fool of yourself. Goodness me, there is SUCH emotion to be had when we read of these things. If anything, I feel I have been underemotional - perhaps not shown how very, very sad I am to think of all the lovely people I know with disabilities who are too often seen as nothing more than blobs of suffering that need to be sent to heaven pronto to save them from uncertainty - as the brave thing to do.

Well, I don't want to go to heaven right now. I've never wanted to go there early, not once. I want to live.

thanks.

2shoes have sent you an email, but I didn't know what to say.... so um it doesn't say much.

Anyway DH is home soon with the boys after they have spent the day with their grandparents so I guess I should be doing something more productive.

I will take a very deep breath, brush myself down and be back to fight another day I'm sure, just with a few lessons learned.

This is a great article about DS, written by someone with DS:

www.intellectualdisability.info/values/downs_as.html

If people really want 'the other side' linked to from the antenatal testing thread this would be a great one as it doesn't expose our kids and is very positive yet realistic.

That's a fab article MrsT.

I've just finished reading this book, which is really positive about having a child with learning disabilities (the author's dd has DS):

Tuesday's Child

I can't bear to read them tclanger.

Same here, I tend to steer clear of them, as they cause more harm than good.

Ah interesting tclanger. I have just started reading Unstrange Minds - just started so not sure I have this right, but in part it seems to be about the cultural construction of autism. An interesting point for me is that the author states that the increased recognition of autism is a good thing because it leads to better services and education (as opposed to being locked in a cage in an asylum for the insane). Which got me thinking about DS in particular but also other disabilities. With fewer interested parties fighting the corner for people with DS - because of increased terminations then there could be a large effect on the 'rights' of those with LDs. Right at a time when increased educational opportunities and increased access to healthcare should be massively improving quality of life. The seek out and destroy culture has the potential to damage this. Or at least make it less powerful than it would have been. I have no doubt that people who terminate would have been parents who would have fought. Those numbers are lost in some way.

Which of course doesn't criticise anyone's individual choicem but shows the effect that 'choice' can have on the LD culture.

So people who would have ended up embracing everything that goes with LD's and understanding the positives remain sidelined, terrified and ignorance. Potential - even probable future ambassadors become people who will instead encourage it's extermination.

'I have an overriding sense of sadness, because I know how much children with disabilities, including profound ones bring to the lives of the people who post on the SN boards.'

That sums it up exactly tclanger. My gorgeous girl is 5 today, and she really is the best thing that has ever, ever happened to me and dh. She also just happens to be profoundly disabled.

Thanks for the book recommendation MrsT, I'd be really interested in reading that.