Thread 14 - Autism and any other SEN

[dimples76]

Thread 13.

For parents / carers of disabled children, autism, adhd, and all other related neurological conditions. Most of us have children in primary school. But everybody welcome!

Chatting about anything and everything related to SN!

Links to previous threads.

Thread 12
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4816294-thread-12-autism-and-any-other-additional-needs?page=1

Thread 11
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4711291-primary-school-auties-11-2023-is-here 

Thread 10
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4592899-primary-school-auties-10-summer-and-beyond-2022?page=1

Thread 9
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4502988-Primary-school-auties-thread-9-spring-summer-2022

Thread 8
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4422100-Primary-school-auties-step-into-Christmas-and-the-New-Year-thread-8

Thread 7
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4303826-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-the-new-academic-year-thread-7

Thread 6
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4166833-Primary-school-auties-spring-2021-and-beyond-thread-6

Thread 5
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?page=36&reply=104240251

Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4

Thread 3
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

kirstblxo as others have said, they’re different so ok to take together, just make sure she’s not exceeding daily requirements. Is the melatonin prescribed? Quite rare to be prescribed at that age I thought.

How was everyone's weekends? Glad that the days are getting a little longer but finding the very cold weather challenging with DDs!

DD has been pretty challenging the last week or so. Lots more headbanging on my head - often she's being very sweet and gentle, stroking my face or cheek on cheek (she likes skin on skin) then just a huge head bang or similar. Obviously try to be constantly on guard but it's hard - painful, and I also find it really upsetting. I guess in the same 'skin on skin' theme she keeps trying to pull my trousers down and put her hands against my bottom - I obviously just stop her each time but depending what I'm wearing / wear we are it can be hard when out and about. Sorry, perhaps that was TMI - I'm just really worried about her doing this with strangers too, wondering if anyone has had similar. She's also started spitting lots, I guess just a new sensory thing, and not the most problematic of the behaviours but not great.

Do you relate to having a week or so where a few new things all seem to emerge at once?

PS @dimples76 I don't think I wrote a response to your post about the things DS has been saying - it just sounds so hard. Very different type of difficulties from the ones we are facing, but gosh I really feel for you x

@Ahna65 ds has always put his hand down my top, more so when younger. On occasions down my bra! I’ve seen it as a comfort thing he does it more if tired or seeking affection. V necks have revealed more than I want to display! He would even try with a polo neck … as I say it’s waned over the years.

and yes to new things. Screaming/ weird noises, latest putting his own hair and eyelashes and wanting to touch everyone’s hair. Never done this before…

Pulling!

Yes, Open he is very much testing me out and checking that I am indeed safe. Also, I think there is dopamine hit seeking behaviour going on - seeking out a reward from the adrenaline rush from aggression (that is what I hoped ADHD meds could help with).

DS was rather wild this evening. There was lots of hitting and death threats. The next minute seemingly calm as he asked me to help him get his top off. Not my finest parenting hour - I said you better practice doing it yourself as I won't be able to help you if you chop my head off and I doubt that the prison guards will help.

I have decided to pause trying ADHD meds for now as the disgusting smelling liquid one was just making life more difficult - we were both getting anxious about it. I am hoping to revisit trying to teach him how to swallow a pill in tye next couple of weeks. If he masters that then we should have more options.

@Ahna65 thanks for your words of sympathy - it is pretty tough at the moment. My DS does not do it any more but he used to always be trying to put his hand down my top. He also used to regularly comment on people's nipples!

Hope everyone is doing OK.

I had an awful parenting moment today. DD1 was annoying her sister, trying to get her to do something she didn't want to do, and I told her to stop. She came out of the room they were in swinging at me, hitting me in the face with her soft toy (she carries it with her everywhere as a comfort/support), which was surprisingly painful, and I told her if she didn't stop I'd punch her. So she decided to try strangling me instead, but stopped after a short time. Not my finest moment; it was so hard to think of how to defuse the situation while being hit in the face. I think I thought saying that might shock her out of it.

One of the things I find so hard about it is that I want to talk it over when she's calm, but then because she's calm I don't want to provoke the same thing again.

This was the first time I felt like she might have been stronger than me. She's not yet 13.

Just needed to tell someone, I guess. DH isn't home yet.

Oh @GrouchyKiwi that sounds awful. I go for shock tactics too sometimes- when he threatens me I have been known to say, come on bring it on! To be fair it can be quite a successful distraction technique. I have also said that I will call the police but since my neighbour did that and they were lovely to him that does not feel like a negative consequence to him. Totally relate to wanting to talk about it later but not wanting to risk disturbing the peace. No advice there apart from just leaving it a lot longer than you think someone would need to calm down. I try to have the conversations during drives in the car if possible or I give him a crunchy snack.

Thanks dimples. Might try the snack technique next time we need a big chat. With a cup of tea.

Better day today. Probably due to the fact there were almost no demands.

How is everyone? Are you on half term.hols? Ours is next week.

Had some breakthroughs with DS this last fortnight. One morning, last week when I was helping DS get dressed he slapped me on the thigh. I said, that's it, I have had enough I am not going to help you get dressed any more. When he came home from school he told me that he had been thinking and suggested that for dressing/undressing he does the bottom half and I do the top half. I can't believe that he suggested a compromise!

Then this Tuesday DS told me after school that he had decided not to say mean things to me any more or scare DD. This is the first time he seems to have reflected on his behaviour. The next morning he was sitting in a daydream next to his school shoes, when I reminded him to put them on he shouted, 'I am, you stupid, fat idiot'. I responded 'uh oh' in a lighthearted way. And he said 'whoops, I meant I am'. He has of course used abusive language since then but it really feels like progress.

Is this a SEN child thing ? I'm really struggling with my sons language atm too he's 5 and has just learnt to speak and calls me a fat shit I remind him it's a bad word but it's something he can't help

dimples that’s fantastic, a great start. I have found over the last year, ds has increasingly been able to reflect more on his behaviour and rein in some of them. It must be an age thing.

We’ve had half term this week so it’s over now

Oh and <whispers> sleeping has been much better this year so far. He’s slept until 6am (sometimes later) numerous times. That is massive for us. I really hope it continues and isn’t just a phase 🍀 🤞

@Accbabymom1994 I think it can be a SEN thing but also not, it could just be boundary testing. With DS I think it stems from his, ADHD in that he seeks out strong reactions from others and unfortunately now it has become a habit.

@openupmyeagereyes I am so thrilled that you're experiencing better sleep. Fingers crossed it continues

@openupmyeagereyes is he still taking 3mg of melatonin? I thought that his sleep had resolved when he started taking that. If not, what has been happening? Still early starts or night wakings? DS does still take it but you hear lots of people who have trialled it and found it doesn’t help. Your last message suggests it’s not been foolproof for you!

@dimples76 thats great. I can’t remember, is DS on his (new) meds?

we have been away for half term. It’s been good! Far better than school times…

carrie he’s on 4mg now but it’s not the melatonin, I think it’s just hormones as he’s getting older. The melatonin helps him get to sleep earlier but it never prevented early wake-ups. Time will tell if this is a permanent change but I hope it is.

We do still get some early wakes but he’s more prone now to staying in bed until 5 (or close to) if he does. Even so, they are much less frequent atm.

@Carrie DS has been off the meds for a few weeks. He was switched to a non-stimulant one before Christmas which came in liquid form. He took it a few times with massive bribery but he said it smelled and tasted disgusting. I decided that trying to persuade him to take it was damaging his trust in me and basically making us both more anxious. I was disappointed in myself as I wish that I had reached that conclusion sooner, however, the meds had had a positive impact at home and school so I was loathe to give up on them. We actually saw the psychiatrist today and (having previously left me a rather sarky voicemail saying that he could not change the flavour of the medicine) revealed that we can actually get the same drug in a capsule which I can open and mix into yoghurt. I have been trying to teach DS how to swallow a pill using sprinkles and tic tacs but with no success as yet (although DD5 can do it!)

Hopefully collecting new prescription on Monday so fingers crossed we have found a way forward.

How are the building works going Carrie?

dimples how are the new meds going? I hope that these will help.

Ds was aggressive at school this morning. His teacher is very nice about it but it still makes you feel crap when they act like this and question what you’ve done or not done. Ffs.

@openupmyeagereyes did school give any thoughts on what may have triggered this? I understand where you are coming from, I think we all have these moments. Tomorrow is another day. Even NT kids have blips.

@dimples76 sorry I missed your question… house works been chaotic but we are back in a week Monday thank God. I’m telling myself that I need to declutter before moving back!

That's great that you are almost back home @carriebradshawwithlessshoes

@openupmyeagereyes first week back after hols can often be tricky. Often I can't pin down a particular reason.

DS is complaining about the taste of the capsules too and the amount is set to treble on Monday so I am not feeling very hopeful. It takes a while for it to take effect so only time will tell. That said the better behaviour trend and fewer violent outbursts have continued. I am enjoying having a more peaceful home life...for however long it lasts! He also seems to want to engage with me more. We are off to SEND cycling/Trike session soon which both children are looking forward to.

Ah yes those types of interactions leave you feeling rubbish @openupmyeagereyes

i was quite upset yesterday as DD was frustrated and meltdowny and headbutted me hard in the mouth and I have some swelling on my lip now - no broken teeth but it was soo painful. In those moments I do shout (then cry) then feel awful. The head banging is bad atm and sometimes she goes from stroking my eyelashes or something to banging my head.

DD has had an ok week, we had half term last week and she was very unsettled throughout , seems better now back in the usual routine.

Oh @Ahna65 I don't think that you need to feel bad about shouting and crying in those circumstances. Sounds very painful.

Ouch Ahna that must have been painful, I hope it’s subsided now.

dimples glad ds’ behaviour is improved, I hope it lasts for you.

Ds had a much better day at school Friday and we had a lovely trip out yesterday, despite the battle in actually getting him to agree to go in the first place. I knew he’d love it and he did.

Hi there, just found this thread. We've only recently had a AuADHD diagnosis for DD (10). Her sensory issues are getting so much worse as she gets older. She is obsessed with her shoes not being tight enough and I'm wondering if compression socks might help? Does anyone know where I can get some plain black ankle compression socks for kids? Not having any luck online.