Thread 14 - Autism and any other SEN

[dimples76]

Thread 13.

For parents / carers of disabled children, autism, adhd, and all other related neurological conditions. Most of us have children in primary school. But everybody welcome!

Chatting about anything and everything related to SN!

Links to previous threads.

Thread 12
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4816294-thread-12-autism-and-any-other-additional-needs?page=1

Thread 11
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4711291-primary-school-auties-11-2023-is-here 

Thread 10
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4592899-primary-school-auties-10-summer-and-beyond-2022?page=1

Thread 9
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4502988-Primary-school-auties-thread-9-spring-summer-2022

Thread 8
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4422100-Primary-school-auties-step-into-Christmas-and-the-New-Year-thread-8

Thread 7
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4303826-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-the-new-academic-year-thread-7

Thread 6
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4166833-Primary-school-auties-spring-2021-and-beyond-thread-6

Thread 5
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?page=36&reply=104240251

Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4

Thread 3
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

carrie did the doc give you names of other meds you can try?

Re. school, when is the annual review? All the ideas they are proposing to try should be included there? Do you agree with the content of the current EHCP? In what areas has he improved?

I think it’s a tough one. My ds is sometimes productive (for him) and other days he has none of it and academics go out of the window despite their best efforts. Fluctuating capacity I guess. I’m trying to make my peace with it. Intellectually he may be capable of more but sometimes, emotionally, I suppose he can’t cope with it. I’m sure there are other skills he’s still learning.

Open, can you see any reason for the fluctuation? In your/ his life? Anything that to you could explain it?

Nothing obvious but I’m sure for him there’s something.

Open, would he not tell you if you asked?

this is of course our nightmare but for you or dimples I’d think it may be easier?

What do you mean it’s your nightmare?

To tell us he’d have to understand all the nuances himself. I think for him school is just hard and he doesn’t always enjoy it or find it easy.

Nightmare for us that I can’t ask him or get a response.

Open I thought you may get things like

not feeling well
too noisy
child in his class behaving in a particular way

that sort of thing. Which would be helpful and explain something for us but of course it’s a brick wall.

Otherwise the randomness of it is just puzzling. Bizarre tho that school don’t say it’s typical if it’s seen with other kids!

We do get all manner of complaints about this that and the other but that’s similar day to day.

Complaints from ds I mean.

I think that inconsistent performance/behaviour is very common. My DS talks a lot but only about things that he is interested in and school is not something that he is generally willing to talk about. As with what Open says he would not necessarily understand that his feelings/behaviour relate to anything that happened earlier. The other thing is when it is apparent what is causing the problem there's not always anything I can do about it, eg he completely lost control earlier accordingly to him because DD was walking too loudly and I refused to reprimand her for it!

Just looking at my last post and what seems today like a forlorn hope. I am so tired of all her verbal abuse and threats of violence. I contacted NHS Talking Therapies for support and I am now doing an online anxiety CBT course. I can't help thinking though that if it was a partner being abusive not a child no-one would be encouraging me to find coping mechanisms, just telling me to get out. Although I don't feel physically in danger (yet - because DS is teeny) receiving multiple death threats and being insulted and sworn at all the time is taking its toll (DS's favourite at the moment is to call me fat fucker). Abd in addition to that as this is not the child most of the rest of the world sees (he looks angelic, very charming, inquisitive and smiley) it is so isolating.

Bit less of the pity party and back to more practical challenges. I now have a new school transport problem as taxi firm now says that they can't drop DS off at my Mum's any more. If they bring DS home they get here at about 3;30 but DD gets out of school at 3:20 and we can't get back here until 3:35. So DS has been dropped off at Granny's ((0.5 mile) away. My Mum can't come here as recuperating from hip op and 2 days a week.she needs to be there for my sister's kids. I'm calling the Council.today to see if they can help - it all seems v difficult for the sake if 5 mins. Sort of fortunately DD is off school poorly do today is not an issue (apart from that I am meant to be working).

Sorry, whinge over! It has helped me just typing it out

dimples I think this is one of the hardest things to cope with. It's so exhausting being constantly insulted and criticised, and even though we're told not to take it personally it's just so wearying to try to rise above it. When the violence comes it's overwhelming at times. I don't know if it helps to know you're not alone? I hope the CBT course gives you some helpful techniques (and if it does please let me know what they are...)

Did you have any luck with the council?

carrie DD1 is extremely changeable too. A lot of the time it's related to sleep, but sometimes I can't pinpoint a reason why this thing that was fine an hour ago is no longer fine now. I'm thinking I might need to pay more attention to food and drink intake and see if I notice any patterns there.

@dimples76 that sounds really hard. I can’t offer much advice on the first issue but the second practical one did resonate as our neighbour with a child at DSs school has exactly your issue. The bus is really good in that for those 5 mins they are aware, they will wait for mum to get home if she’s not yet back (and she often isn’t). They just park up wait outside! It’s no skin off their nose really, is it?! It’s hardly long!

the other obvious one which I’m sure you have thought of (sorry!) is telling DDs school she needs to be out first/ 5 mins earlier. IMO there’s a huge amount of faffing time in little ones coming out. If they make sure even that she’s the front of the queue (if not, out a few mins earlier) would that solve it?! Again no great issue for them I would think?!

thsnks @GrouchyKiwi I’m feeling not quite so on my own now!

Hi all, we've both been ill this week and now I'm in that situation where DS is much better than me and getting bored! Going to try and get us both back into school and work tomorrow! Horrible bug, cough and cold and loads of sinus pain urgh.
@dimples76 that sounds really hard. Could.you chat to him when he's regulated about unkind words? I'm sure you've tried though!
@carrie I don't know, really. DS tends to be similar in his presentation but generally more relaxed at home. He was very upset at the end of last week at school but now I think he was incubating this bug! Also the strict TA setting off his pda anxiety doesn't help, which school have promised to address so we'll see. He goes through quieter patches and then more bombastic times, but I think that's partly down to how regulated he is and how much exercise he's had. We have been watching a lot of boss baby and pokemon while being ill. I think the cat is starting to get annoyed with us being at home so much!

Thank you all.

@GrouchyKiwi Thanks for your kind words - it helps having others who understand.

The Council have said no, on the grounds that it is extra money. The detour is 0.6 miles - the taxi firms have not been charging the Council extra and I have offered to pay the difference..and suggested as an alternative that DS is dropped off at DD's school (which they pass as part of their normal route).@carriebradshawwithlessshoes I have requested that I collect DD early and they are supportive as a temporary measure. I am waiting to hear back from transport. Could really do without this!

@LydiaWickhamsBonnet hope that you're all better soon.

@dimples76 how do you mean extra money? DS is legally entitled to be brought to your/his home though isn’t he? Irrespective of whether he’s previously been dropped at your mums? Sorry if I’ve misunderstood!

I mean for the extra distance from my house to my Mum's - the 0.6 mile detour

Yes I get that but what I’m saying is that even though DS has previously been taken to your mums at your request, you are now and always have been entitled to say that actually you want him bringing home which has been your legal entitlement all along (you have just chosen to allow the LA to drop him somewhere different/ nearer which has been better for them but now you are saying you expect him to be brought home as is your right!).

I suppose it’s no different to moving is it? So a child lives 5 miles from school and the taxi does 5 miles. Family move to a new house and it’s 10 miles. So what? LA has to bring the child home, legally (even though you have opted for the drop at your mums for a while. You haven’t waived your right to have him brought home?).

are there no other kids in your area who go to this school dimples, I’m always surprised when people say taxis. There are loads of buses beetling to DSs, packed to the rafters!

I must have mistyped, Carrie. I still want him to go to Granny's but it turns out that the original firm just did it as a favour (without getting approval from the LA) but now there is a new taxi firm (with the driver from the original one) it has become an issue.

Ah I see. I hope you get sorted dimples!

dimples good god, half a mile is literally just down the road. How petty. I hope you can get it sorted. Sorry things are tough with ds’ behaviour. I’m sure you know from all your training but I think this is his way of testing the conditionality of your love? It’s so hard in the moment though

Lydia I hope you’re feeling better.

hello! new here!

i have a little girl age 2 recently diagnosed with autism. and we have been taking melatonin for atleast 5 months now. just wondering if anyone know if i can give her magnesium gummies along side them? or if its a big no no? she will be three in 3 weeks time x

Hi @kirstblxo I don't think the two are at all related so as long as amounts are OK for age etc I think you can do both. Out of interest why do you want to start the magnesium - for sleep I guess? Is the melatonin not helping (and if not are you going to continue, as 5 months seems quite long)?

Always interested in hearing any solutions found for sleep! We tried low dosage of melatonin at age 3 and even tho it helped with the getting to sleep the nights got even worse than before so we didn't carry on long tbh. Have done magnesium spray with no luck but not gummies. My DD is 5 now.

Hi kirstblxo

Like ahna says, I think it would be fine to use them together. Just keep in mind how much magnesium she might be getting from other sources.

@Ahna65 DD1 had no success with melatonin, but she finds that magnesium cream on her feet actually helps. When she uses it.

We got a surprise in the post today: they've finally accepted our request for an assessment! We were first rejected at the end of 2023, sent in more information nearly a year ago, hadn't heard from them since, and had given up on getting an answer, so this is amazing. Huge form to fill in, but DD is so glad she gets an assessment.