Surely at age 3 Co sleeping is fine ??

[Thesecretautistic]

Dd is just 3. We co sleep (always have) following guidelines . The HV wasn’t happy about it when dd was a baby but I explained it meant I slept better and we followed the rules.

Dd is still Co sleeping and it works well for us. She’s been unwell lately and we had been to the gp and i mentioned how she’s had a fever at night etc but I’d been able to keep a close eye as we cosleep. The gp has contacted the HV who has called me and wanted to talk about it as apparently it’s an issue and ‘3 year olds need their own bed to get proper rest each night’ she is saying this may be why dd isn’t meeting milestones (it’s not Co sleeping - dd has autism !)

I feel that it’s helping to create a strong bond and makes dd feel secure but I’m being told it’s the opposite.

I’ve reiterated that we co sleep safely but has anyone got any good information explaining the benefits so that I can counter what is being said ?

Dd was still cosleeping if she wanted to at 7 but she's always had her own bed

From your updates I don't think there are potential concerns because of co-sleeping but because DC doesn't have an alternative bed that could even be tried.

As others have said, it's expected a child will have their own bed, even if they aren't using it. It is seen as a safeguarding red flag if a child doesn't have a bed of their own and doesn't have the option not to co-sleep.

It is a bit of a blunt instrument, but I think the best thing to do would be (if you can) to buy a cheap, appropriate bed for your daughter which could hopefully last a few years and she will eventually use.

If you've mentioned issues like not being able to afford a bed for her, again that could be seen as a problem.

It’s absolutely fine. Many families do it until age 10. Some children sleep better alone, many children sleep much better with their parents.

Sorry your HV is an ignorant dick.

My bond with dh is fine !! Actually better as we are both well rested !!

Ps my HV told me off for picking up DD when she was crying because “babies should learn to self DD was 5 weeks old. Some HVs are mad. I found out later that my HV had a nervous breakdown with her own baby and was subsequently obsessed with control.

Change GP. You should be able to mention cosleeping in passing without him referring you as a concern!

In Japan (home country), children tend to co sleep until age 5 or so. A lot of it can be down to lack of space, but also, it's...just what's done. It's not taboo, at all, it's utterly normal. Do what works for you and your family.

maybe I should just get the cot back out it has the option to take the sides off to make a toddler bed and that will satisfy them

I think that would make sense. It would also get her used to the idea of a bed being in that room for when you do decide you want to move to her sleeping in there.

I haven’t shared a bedroom with my husband in 10 years and that’s nothing to do with cosleeping! A lot of couples have separate rooms, our bond is fine thanks.

It's perfectly all right to co sleep. We used to put ours in own bed, then during the night, would get up, quietly come in to our room, then slide down between us in our bed :-). We all had a good night's sleep.

Another one here who sleeps separately from DH. It's saved our marriage My DS is also just three. He has his own bed, in which he usually falls asleep. He normally requests to come in with me during the night though, which I allow purely so we can all get some rest. Recently he's been staying put for the whole night a bit more, which I think (hope) is a sign he'll eventually prefer his own space. The more 'old school' among our relatives have scared us with the 'rod for own back' warnings but other friends suggest kids will sleep on their own when they're ready. Who knows? I say do whatever works for you at the time; things change so frequently when they're young. What usually keeps me going when I'm having my hair twiddled at 2am is the certainty that he won't be in my bed forever and I'll likely miss being needed and cuddled at some point in the future. Agree you should introduce a toddler bed (ours is a floor bed type) but don't panic if it's not immediately preferable over yours. Good luck!

Yes, just make the cot into a toddler bed and put her soft toys on it. She can use it as a play space and it is available to sleep in if she wants to.

IGNORE.

I have so many friends that co sleep with their 3+ year olds and they are all completely normal children. It's the norm in most of the world! It's actually hilarious but also infuriating that they've said this to you. HV just want something to say and to act like they know things.

Exactly this! Unfortunately they aren't always very well informed.

But that's not the HVs business!

I agree with this approach. If she's always slept with you, she probably doesn't even realise that children usually have their own bed. She might even want to try it out.

My 3yo wakes up countless times if in his own bed, asking for me.

When we co sleep, he sleeps through for 11 hours.

Hence, we co sleep.

Yes, make the cot into a toddler bed, and give DD the option to sleep away from you if she chooses to.
The lack of a bed is a possible flag. Co-sleeping shouldn't be.

I was initially shocked but reading on see she doesn't have an individual bed at all. Co sleeping at 3 is absolutely fine - dd still gets in mine sometimes and she's 10. It was every night until about 8 months ago. Having her own bed is important though so there is choice

How long are you planning on co-sleeping? What if you introduce her to her own bed at 5 but she refuses to stay in the bed all night until she is 8? Also (just out of curiosity) do you ever have sex?

To all those saying that a 3 year should have a choice of where to sleep.
I know of many 3 year olds who aren't given a choice. They're put in their own bed, and that's that. Co-sleeping is not an option.
I can't imagine a GP making a referral, and the HV insisting that the parents offer the 3 year old the choice to co-sleep.

This is true, a lot of babies and children would prefer to cosleep but are not allowed that option.

Also a kid can ask for things they don't have, DD is 4 doesn't really have any jeans leggings or jogging bottoms for completely valid reasons, she asked for them this week and I'll get her some ASAP

My first HV was very supportive about cosleeping but my second one wasn't. I lied to the second one as I didn't want to discuss it. I'd had all the leaflets. Was confident we were doing it safely.

Cosleeping is lovely and totally natural. If it's working for you don't worry but personally i would avoid talking about it with HCPs as everyone has an opinion.

I'm a single parent with a 7 year and he has slept in my bed since he was 2. He has his own bedroom but prefers to stay with me.