Surely at age 3 Co sleeping is fine ??

[Thesecretautistic]

Dd is just 3. We co sleep (always have) following guidelines . The HV wasn’t happy about it when dd was a baby but I explained it meant I slept better and we followed the rules.

Dd is still Co sleeping and it works well for us. She’s been unwell lately and we had been to the gp and i mentioned how she’s had a fever at night etc but I’d been able to keep a close eye as we cosleep. The gp has contacted the HV who has called me and wanted to talk about it as apparently it’s an issue and ‘3 year olds need their own bed to get proper rest each night’ she is saying this may be why dd isn’t meeting milestones (it’s not Co sleeping - dd has autism !)

I feel that it’s helping to create a strong bond and makes dd feel secure but I’m being told it’s the opposite.

I’ve reiterated that we co sleep safely but has anyone got any good information explaining the benefits so that I can counter what is being said ?

Honestly, I'd just ignore and not engage with the HV

I don't have anything for you off the top of my head but just ignore them. DD is in the ASC pathway and bedsharing again mostly atm at 4. It's not the need to be close to me that's causing her to struggle, he's struggles make her need to be close to me.

I’m just annoyed that this is being treated as a problem ? I feel as if I have to now justify my decision, the gp was almost talking as if dd hasn’t got a bed because she doesn’t have a bed just for her

It's completely fine and perfectly anthropologically normal. Ignore the HV

Plus it's actually none of their business

Many many cultures co-sleep at that age and have well rounded children.

Thanks I just feel so criticised !! Trying my best to make dd feel safe and secure and she actually sleeps really well but they are (both hv and gp) being negative about my parenting choices.

I suppose being fair to the GP perhaps not having their own bed is a potential red flag for neglect that they want followed up to check. Not that you co-sleeping is a negative thing if it suits you and your child, more that they don't have a bed of their own. Not a standalone concern but could be indicative of a wider problem. They are doing their best to identify at risk children and sometimes need to use a blunt instrument.

But we have a bed a huge one ! Surely they can understand dd has a bed and that we just share ? I’m her room she has all her toys but sleeps in with me (dh is in the spare room !) am I meant to just get a bed for show ?! If that will get them off my back then I’ll happily do it

I suspect that they will want to know she has her own bed, and that if she were to chose to sleep alone she'd be able to.

Without her own bed she has no option but to sleep in your bed. Which she's clearly happy with how, but she needs to have the option should she not want to.

It's a pain because it seems illogical if she will literally never use one, but according to child protection guidelines, children of that age should have the option of their own bed, which means a bed is available for their sole use at all times.

Co-sleeping is fine - it's the fact she doesn't have her own bed that is bringing up a red flag and it would be an easy fix to get her one.

HV is wrong about co-sleeping causing developmental delays - this is just nonsense.

This.

We coslept from birth until it naturally suited us to stop, which gradually tailed off by 15 months. We do cosleep now when it suits us, DD is 3.5 but she also has her own bed.
It is a neglect indicator to not have their own bed at that age, even if they aren’t in it-but they should have an option.

You can of course decline HV involvement though, yours sounds like an idiot. Mine was fully supportive of safe cosleeping.

Don't take it personally. Explain why it works for you and DC and there should be no issue.

So does she not have her own bed in her own room at all? I was a bit confused, is your bed in her room and then nothing in your room?

I'm sorry, OP. We co-slept with dd when she was little, and we let her decide when she was ready to stop. She did have her own bed but she preferred ours! I remember the HV being terribly judgemental at the time! And lots of other people telling us

She is nearly an adult now, and it clearly hasn't done her any harm. Quite the contrary, I would argue!

Oops. That was supposed to say lots of other people telling us that we were making a rod for our own backs etc. All nonsense.

If she doesn’t have her own bed and so it isn’t a choice then it will eventually become a concern.

I’m a big fan of cosleeping but she needs to have choice.

I would get her a bed so she has the choice if she likes.

I’d ignore the health visitor. But from what you’ve said they’re not concerned with the safety, they’re concerned about whether she’s properly rested and cared for. Which feels bullshit to me. It’s parents’ sleep that suffers 😆

But I do agree that to not have the option of a bed for her is odd and in some contexts would be a flag for neglect.

Now you lost me. She has a bedroom with all of her toys that really isn't a bedroom but a playroom. Your partner/husband sleeps in the spare room? For 3 YEARS? That is the part I am having a hard time getting my mind around. I had assumed it was a "family bed" situation.

She had a crib in our room at first and never settled it just became a storage area! she had a cot in her room which she never used so we took it down and put her toys in there instead

I was just planning to get a bed when she was a bit older maybe 4/5?

It’s not for me but if that works best for you and your daughter I can’t see the problem. They were probably just checking that all was well, which is good and fine but I can see how you would feel criticised. I’d put it to bed and move on.

You need to get her a bed, in her own room so it’s an option. If she doesn’t use it that’s fine, but you can’t know that if you don’t have one. It’s not fair to remove choices.

dh is in the spare room !

Cosleeping might be great for the bond between you and your child but it’s not going to do anything for the bond between you and your husband.