Primary School Auties 11: 2023 is here

[openupmyeagereyes]

Thread 11.

This is a thread for the parents & carers of children with additional needs. Most of us have autistic/ADHD children in primary school, but anybody is welcome to join us to chat x

Links to previous threads below.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed
Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2
Thread 3
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3
Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4
Thread 5
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?pg=1
Thread 6
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4166833-Primary-school-auties-spring-2021-and-beyond-thread-6?pg=1
Thread 7
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4303826-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-the-new-academic-year-thread-7
Thread 8
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4422100-Primary-school-auties-step-into-Christmas-and-the-New-Year-thread-8
Thread 9
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4502988-Primary-school-auties-thread-9-spring-summer-2022
Thread 10
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4592899-primary-school-auties-10-summer-and-beyond-2022?page=1

I can’t really drink any more. I do occasionally but even then just one. Can’t deal with feeling crap and it’s not compatible with ds’ sleep habits.

I haven’t drunk much since ttc ds really.

Agree, if I doze off on dS bed I can’t sleep then when I get into my own!!

Would one drink affect your sleep also Open? I’ve been wondering if I’ve a medical issue!!! 🤣🤣

I don’t think I sleep very well even after 1 drink. I think it’s very common for women’s to not tolerate alcohol as well as they get older.

It’s my one guilty pleasure!! Don’t know what else to do (that sounds bad!!! 🤣)

Liv my DS is sleeping later at the moment but then gets upset as there's no time for screen time before school. Part of me wonders whether to get him up at our normal time so we can stick to our usual routine but I think he really needs more sleep at the moment.

Ahna sorry to hear about your DH. Hope that he can get some help sorted.

I am ready for bed now but I guess I had better put DS to bed first. We are also having more toileting success here - 5 weeks without a poo accident is a record! Still weeing though and wet at night but there's been an improvement!

carrie you don’t have to give it up if you don’t want to. You could try a natural wine, wine is supposed to have lots of additives.

dimples hooray for toileting success!

www.buonvino.co.uk/product-category/wines/natural-wine/

Yes dimples he clearly needs the extra sleep but the bus comes so early to pick him up that I'm often walking him there carrying his breakfast!
Great news on the toileting!

My phone is always on orange light Open and I've started not looking at it once I'm in bed and reading instead. It definitely makes a difference to my sleep.

Carrie yes I think women don't tolerate booze as well when they get older. My sleep is definitely very affected when I drink. Like you say it's one of my great enjoyments in life so it's very annoying.

Not a good morning trying to get ds in to school.

Oh no liv, sorry it’s so tricky.

Much as I would like ds to sleep later I think he’d still need to be up at 6ish to get some tv time in before school; we all need a bit of time to relax and wake up in the morning here. If we all woke at 7 mid-week it would be a disaster.

I always use the night-mode on my iPhone too. I’m not really doing anything different but have noticed that I’m getting a lot less deep sleep lately, though the Fitbit is not 100% accurate. I used the yellow lenses yesterday evening, went to bed early and it was even worse today 😆

Whereas DS gets up usually between 7.15 and 7.45. But he doesn't sleep till 10pm is despite going up to bed at 6.30! We have our routine now of games, books etc and he really needs that downtime. I have started going straight to bed with a herbal tea in the week, so at least I'm getting lots of reading done! I love a red wine on the weekend but I notice the difference when I wake up even if its only a glass. More tired, dehydrated etc. I think though if we can not drink all week, that's pretty good going!

Uno what does he do between 6:30-10pm?

@openupmyeagereyes bath, board or card games till 8 ish, then we read for just over an hour usually, then lights off and he chats about his day and makes up stories until he falls asleep. Sometimes he wants me to leave earlier but we're going through a phase of wanting me to stay until he's fully asleep.

That sounds like lovely 1:1 time. Does your dh do some nights?

Makes me realise how uncivilised we are in our house!

Mornings, as DS needs supervision frankly I don’t want him up! And he’s tired. So we have it down to a fine art, up 7.50, loo, downstairs, breakfast 8, in the kitchen, TV on. That still gives him 25 mins to eat and watch a bit of TV. 8.25 dressed, loo again, leaving the house 8.40 for school.

Evenings, he can’t be left to his own devices upstairs so we do any reading etc after school/ tea, tea usually finishes 6 ish. He is usually then happy to mill about, watch tv etc, DH home at 7.30 wanting dinner so I can’t be engaged with DS then. Melatonin 8.15, he will then really just chill out on the sofa until it starts to kick in and hopefully around 9 he’s looking tired so one of us (and we argue as to which) takes him up and stays til he’s asleep or he would just get up/ mess around/ jump on his bed which would bring him round. If we are lucky whoever has gone up with him is back down for 9.30. Last night was 10. Night before was 11.30!

im impressed when you all say your DC want to do things. Do you think it’s odd that DS doesn’t? Really he doesn’t want to do anything in the house other than mill about. So in our kitchen we have a TV and a big radiator, he will happily hang around, watching TV or just watching me cook for hours. In cold weather glued to the radiator! He will come over and interact or bring me something to open (usually food), or if I’m unloading dishwasher etc he will come over to help. But no way is he interested in sitting down to do ‘something’ beyond maybe a book and he will positively cry if I try to get him to do anything. So I just let him carry on like that as he’s not doing any harm and obviously I’m talking to him and trying to get word approximations back. Which often happens, I do feel he’s engaged and so on.

thanks for the 🍷🍷🍷link Open!

exsmple of needing him in my line of vision, mum was over last night. DS milling about then vanished. Was deep in conversation then said to mum, where is he? Both rushed upstairs he was in the bath, taps on, still fully clothed ffs! Laid out in the bath!

Thanks for the wine reassurances!!! How much would you drink in a weekend at home Uno if you don’t mind me asking. Last week one night I had 2 large glasses which over a whole night and given my size (I’m no waif) I didn’t think was bad, over a meal. I actually thought I was going to die the next day!

my work colleagues say I’m pathetic!!!!

Oh no open! Maybe it's something that needs persistence to work?

Carrie we are completely uncivilised! Ds has iPad/tv plus food and snacks on the sofa. On the weekends I can barely get him out of the house and away from screens without a massive amount of bribery. They go up to bed 6.30, we read them a story and the just leave them to it. Ds is now quite defensive about his private time in his room and gets annoyed it we disturb him, he needs quite a lot of down time i think.
I still feel bad that we don't do family meals, but it's very rare we're all in the house at the same time or that we are all hungry at the same time. I despair of ds's diet but at least he is actually getting some food into him even if it's not massively nutritional.

Uno that sounds lovely.

I’m sure we all have different routines carrie. School starts earlier for us so we aim to leave about 8:15.

Re. your ds, it’s unusual but I’m sure he’s not unique. I think you said he likes drawing with dd, does he do that sort of thing with you too?

I think you have to persist with putting him in the way of different things to do. If he isn’t offered the opportunity then he won’t be able to do so and then things continue as they are. I’m not saying you don’t, just generalising.

Left to his own devices my ds would be on screens most of they day. When he has to have time off he might moan a bit but will eventually occupy himself with Lego or something or do something with us. Screen time is an ongoing issue for us to manage because he’ll always push for more (video games and mainly YouTubers playing said video games). I try and plan a loose list of things I want to try and do with him each week.

Thankfully ds doesn’t need to be watched, I am very grateful for that.

liv we moved to ds eating breakfast and lunch in front of the TV and now he has half of his dinners there too. He’s so averse to seeing and smelling our food a lot of the time it’s easier than spending half an hour trying to cajole him in and we’ve finished anyway. Sometimes he comes in and sits happily.

He doesn’t go up to bed until 7-7:30 and usually asleep 8-8:15 depending on how tired he is.

Light I meant to say <hi>. Glad things are going well and the school are being supportive of dd.

Think that was my confusion Open, no he doesn’t draw. So if I say put out pens and paint he would under duress grab one and scribble for maybe 20 seconds (sometimes more under heavy persistence) then push his chair away from the table and walk off. Sometimes I get really cross and say no, come back, you haven’t finished and he just cries or yells at me. That would all apply to anything I may try and get him to do, Lego, cars, anything really. Sometimes he does it on the floor but he’s shuffling away from me and I can see he’s just waiting for his chance to bolt. Sometimes in all honesty I just can’t be bothered when he’s like that.

And yes hello Light!!!!

We have a TV in the kitchen and a high kitchen table so DS will often eat there and I’ll stick the TV on. Always with subtitles and often I can see he’s reading those rather than watching the TV itself iykwim..

Liv we don’t often do family meals either! In the week DH not home til 7.30 so that wouldn’t work. On a weekend I’d rather eat at 8 ish with a glass of wine (here we go again), not the 5 ish that the kids eat!! When people say they eat together my first thought is always how the hell do you drag your DH out of the office to be home / want to eat at 5 o’clock?! DH argued with me the other day 7.30 was not late to be home. Tbf when I was in my last job I didn’t leave the office til well after then (pre kids obv).