Primary school auties thread 9 - spring / summer 2022.

[danni0509]

Thread 9.

Links to previous threads below.

For the parents / carers of children with additional needs, most of us have asd / adhd children in primary school, but anybody is welcome to join us to chat x

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4

Thread 5
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?pg=1

Thread 6
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4166833-Primary-school-auties-spring-2021-and-beyond-thread-6?pg=1

Thread 7
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4303826-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-the-new-academic-year-thread-7

Thread 8
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4422100-Primary-school-auties-step-into-Christmas-and-the-New-Year-thread-8

When you say ‘lots of verbal children’, does that mean your ds isn’t the only non-verbal one?

if it were me I would tell them my reservations but be open to their reasoning.

I’m not sure Open, possibly? Do you mean you understand my reservations about other verbal kids or the whole set up just going into the classroom etc etc. I did say to them he’s not going to come in and sit at a desk regardless of who is there and she said that was ok. I would hope if it became apparent to them it was the ‘wrong’ class for him they would move him.

How is DS sleep? Hopefully settled down again

@carriebradshawwithlessshoes I understand your reservations too because you're used to a mainstream school, but special schools are so so different, try to take a step back and give it a ho for your own mental health too. I know what the constant anxiety of mainstream is like.
DS did two transition mornings, he was meant to do more but covid rules at the time made that not possible. He went with his 121 at the time and I remember her being quite weepy when we went to pick him up, she was so happy for him as he didn't seem to need her as much in that setting, and she seemed genuinely happily shocked at how special a special school can be.
So my DS still has his tricky days but he fits in there so much more. And they proactively look for ways to help. E.g. recently he's been struggling to choose an activity to calm down when he gets heightened, so now they ask him to make the choices at the start of the day when he's calm so he still feels in control. If he gets overwhelmed, he will fo his chosen activity with an adult (e.g. a race or sensory room) and then join the class again when he's calmer. They often have several kids doing other activities with adults while the main class carry on. The kids join as and when they can. The focus is always on how much the kids can manage and they understand when they get overwhelmed. No recriminations, no dirty looks, every day a clean slate. Different kids also go for different regular interventions too, e.g. my DS does music therapy and play therapy and emotional regulation sessions, so the whole classroom setup is mire fluid in terms of who is where. High staff ratios make this possible. Also, I can't say for sure of course, but I wouldn't imagine it's set up like a typical classroom. So my DS's classroom has a circle of desks where they do some work, a reading corner with bean bags and weighted blankets, and lots of space! DS and a couple of others also have tables off to the side so they can choose to work there or with the main group. One boy likes to do his work under a table with a blanket and that is fine, they let him, they don't try to make him move. Often when they're doing crafts, I see DS at his desk playing card games with an adult, but that's fine. There's no obsession with making everyone join in all the time. I personally find it very freeing.
Give it a go, the strategies that the staff know about have really surprised me in a good way!

carrie it's perfectly natural for you to be worried about a whole range of different things. I was when ds started mainstream and I was when he started his current school. The transition days will be a chance for the staff to get to know him and if this group is the right fit, it's also for him to become familiar with the new surroundings. Other than that, I'm sure there will be no expectations of him.

How is he feeling about starting a new school? Did he visit it with you?

Ds' sleep is back to normal for him. Awake at 5/4:20/4.30 which is preferable to being up in the night. Dh's turn to get up with him today so I went back to sleep until 7am.

danni how were the baby snuggles?

Thank you both for your kind words. He hasn’t visited the school yet and we haven’t had any discussion with him so far. Because he can’t respond verbally I often find I don’t talk to him in the same way I would talk to DD where a conversation can be opened which is probably wrong. I think he will be ok about going… I know we talk on here a lot about anxiety and I may be wrong but I never feel really that DS is anxious. I feel his main issue is not understanding to a greater extent the wider world around him in his current school and not understanding boundaries/ social expectations. So like every day he walks in to school in a line of kids, they all file into the classroom second on the right. DS unless intercepted will often the second he gets in the building just run past the room, someone has to chase him, often he will shout or make a noise. He doesn’t seem to get that he has to be quiet or sit still when the teacher is speaking. He will try and eat other kids lunch. That sort of thing. But as Susan says, in SS a lot of that may be different and what I would hope that they can observe and advise on these things… really for the first term that’s all I want from them! So current school would eye roll and say ‘ds runs past the classroom shrieking every day’ I hope the SS may say ok, we think the reason he does that is x, what we are going to try is y, and like Susan says even when he gets in there is no one size fits all re learning anyway.

I HAVE to give it a go because I have no choice. So I hope they can do something to progress him as current setting has done nothing and I can’t think what more I can do for him. My feelings are a mix of nervousness, hope (hopefully not false hope!) and genuine curiosity about what they can do.

Open, that sounds a bit more manageable re sleep I’m glad to here that.

Hi. Sorry all. I’m reading, I went to see my niece, she’s cute, she cries like a little baby lamb. She’s tiny. I went to see her in the morning, I didn’t feel very well but did a Covid test and it was negative, my sister said to still go. So yesterday when I got home I inspected in the mirror and my tonsils were green.

I’ve got tonsillitis, but I’ve had to send some pics to my gp yesterday as I can’t swallow, and he’s rung me this morning and thinks I’ve got a quinsy, I have to take 8 antibiotics a day and he wants another picture Monday and if it’s no better he wants me to go to hospital. Honestly don’t have the time with ds! My dh wouldn’t manage him alone, well he’d have too, but I can only imagine, actually scrap that I don’t want too!.

I just hope these tablets work as I can’t go in to hospital. Feel so shit and ds due home in an hour for the weekend, dh is at work and honestly I don’t know how am supposed to look after him, I don’t have the energy and my throat feel like it’s closed 😫 I’ve just taken 2 antibiotics so I hope they hurry up and work.

Carrie i warned ds teacher (before he had met him) just before he started that he would still need 1-1, I can remember writing about the conversation on here, he laughed and said no no he won’t, don’t worry, all parents think that. It’s unusual to have 1-1 in SS…. 1 year later ds still has to have 1-1 in special school, sometimes 2-1, I’ve got emails on that say he’s had 3-1 at times. They moan their fucking heads off about it, saying it’s taking too much support from the other kids. His teacher literally moans about it to me every time I speak to him. Saying ds shouldn’t still be on 1-1 a year on in a specialist setting. If ever they try wean him off and do 2 kids to 1 adult, so ds and another child with 1 adult, something goes wrong and he’s back on 1-1. Just accept he’s a full time 1-1 job, ask for more funding if necessary and quit moaning.

I have the opposite problem to what you have, ds is the only verbal child in his group, it’s one class of 10, split into group a) and group b).

Group a) is academic, group b) is sensory. Ds was supposed to be splitting half and half as he needs both, but because of his behavioural and sensory needs he’s stayed in b) but they are bringing academic to him. (So they say but by their emails he doesn’t seem to do much work!) Rather than him going between the groups as he couldn’t cope with the half and half all the changing about half here mornings and half here afternoons. Fair enough.

So he’s in with 4 other kids, in the sensory, ds has 1-1 then 2 other staff for the other 4. So they have 1-2 support.

3 are non verbal and 1 is pre verbal then there is ds who talks the legs of a donkey. I don’t feel this group is right for ds as he’s not with the correct peers. He uses makaton to communicate with them, which is fine, but I feel like it’s not meeting ds needs as he’s in a class of children who aren’t like him, well they are because they all have similar diagnosis’ and behaviour but ds speech isn’t as much a problem. Its not the correct peer group for him. I have his annual review shortly, and was supposed to have an over the phone parents evening where I was going to voice my concerns, but no one phoned me to book……

Its sort of a similar problem to yours but reversed iyswim, so I understand your worries x

Also carrie don’t want to put a downer on it, hopefully your school will be different, but ds SS moan more than his old school.

They are total nit pickers. When actually I expected the opposite!

Ds doesn’t understand rules and boundaries, I often think that’s the main problem. It’s ds world and ds rules if that makes sense.

He eats kids lunch too doesn’t think twice, do you know what his school did when he ate someone’s chocolate bar? Took ds’ and gave it to the girl whose he took. Ds shouldn’t of done it but he doesn’t understand and I thought it was cruel. I said so aswell. I don’t think that’s how they should of handled the situation.

He doesn’t know to be quiet when you’re talking, or teacher is talking or whatever.

He has zero understanding of what is expected in the wider world, and yes I get he has autism and that’s what autism is about but it’s learning him to be socially acceptable and that’s the bit I could bang my head off a wall with, we don’t seem to make a lot of progress in this area unfortunately.

Btw.

I’ve not had a great week with ds, first week I thought we were on to something, this week nope!

He has another appointment Monday. I’ll see how the weekend goes when no school stress etc.

carrie it’s what he needs at this point in time. I really hope that they get him and he makes progress. When will the transition visits start?

one of my criticisms of ds’ school is that I don’t think they are being proactive enough. We have a review meeting next week so we’ll see what they say. The previous one things had started to go well but we haven’t progressed much since then. He is going daily though, so that’s something.

danni sorry you’re poorly, I hope the antibiotics kick in soon. Disappointing about the medication this week but things often don’t continue in a linear fashion so fingers crossed.

Just a quickie as dashing to school….

danni I hope you are feeling better soon!

open, they start after the next school hol! Just 2 hours initially, extended if they think it’s going ok. In what way do you feel that DSs school isn’t proactive (or is that a too complex qu?).

I guess with anything I have to give it a go. As we sit here at present it can’t be worse than the current situation which is the only consolation!!

Danni do you mean poor week at home or school? Fingers xxxx for the wkend…

I don't see them being very proactive about trying to encourage him into the classroom, it is mostly left to me. We've started bringing him in just as they have their outside time at 9.30 which has circumvented this a bit, but I was the one to instigate this, they haven't really come up with any ideas.

Danni yes I am told that too about the one to one. They have told me they have children come on 3 to 1 arrangements and don’t need it. Time will tell tho won’t it!

when they moan to you about this do they not acknowledge at all that the failure to get ds to a position where he doesn’t need it is theirs, not DS?!!

Send help. I feel shitter than I did earlier if that’s possible. Maxed out on painkillers until 9pm, I can’t have codiene, any other recommendations? I’m alternating paracetamol / ibuprofen, hot salt wash gargling, and have these antibacterial throat lozenges, trying to avoid hospital at all costs. Can’t think what else I can do. I’m having ice lollies too. I’ve got another dose of antibiotics at 8pm, I’ve had 2 lots today so far.

Ds is purposely making himself cry so he can taste the salt in his tears, but he’s actually crying crying… like he would cry if he was really upset, but this is deliberately

I made him apple pie and custard after tea and he cried and let his tears fall in to it so it tasted salty. He’s just been ‘crying’ all night.

WTF! I know he’s strange usually, but what the hell goes through their heads?

I had an email off school earlier. Ds deliberately smashed a school iPad this afternoon and another list of shit he did wrong, I didn’t even reply. Cannot be bothered to think of anything to write back today.

It’s not just my throat, my ear drum feels like it’s trying to burst out of my ear.

I don’t know what bits worse 😣

Oh danni that sounds awful! Have you tired Difflam spray? I used to get tonsillitis a lot when I was younger and it was great for numbing my throat. I hope you feel better soon. Although I don't know about anyone else but a trip to the hospital with enforced rest sometimes sounds quite nice!

Carrie I hope the settling sessions go well, it's always stressful when there is a change.

Liv no but I have just read that on an old thread I was searching on here, I’ll see if Amazon can deliver if not I’ll pop to boots tomoz.

I have gargled corsydyl I read that’s meant to help the bacteria but it’s not soothed it, salt water helped more.

Ive just eaten some salt and vinegar walkers, crushed up and sprinkled in my mouth and then a bite of an ice Lolly to mush it up, there isn’t any wonder I’m fat nothing stops me eating 🤣

That made me laugh! You have to keep your strength up 😂

Omg @danni0509 hope you're feeling OK!!

I have discovered, ever late to the party, Bridgerton. Yesssss!

Oh Danni I do hope that you feel better soon and do go to the hospital if necessary.

We have had a pretty good week. We had our first session with the adoption therapist and DS engaged fairly well. One of the things that she asked him to do was to look in my eyes to see the 'love sparkle'. It was my birthday yesterday and DS told his 1:1 who helped him make a card. He told her that when he gave it to me he would see the sparkle. When he gave it to me and he saw how happy I was he just looked a picture of happiness himself. I felt on cloud nine.

Now feeling guilty as DD took ages to settle tonight. I gave up at 9pm as DS was still downstairs. I brought him up and he said he could hear DD was still awake. I told him to ignore her and I would sort her out after our books. Of course he didn't, he left his bedroom and screamed at her. She was crying hysterically so I told DS no stories for him as he had upset DD so now I had to settle her. DS then started crying too. I felt like crying as well as it was after 9 and I was hoping for a few minutes of child-free non-working time.

Susan I envy you not having watched Bridgerton yet - I need a bit of undemanding feel-good telly.

Enjoy Susan!

Happy birthday for yesterday dimples. That's so lovely about the card! Don't beat yourself up sometimes bedtimes are just like that. I hope they slept ok in the end.

Hope you're feeling a bit better danni.

Sorry last night didn't go well dimples, I hope tomorrow is better. Belated happy birthday to you, I hope you got to do something nice

danni I hope you're feeling a bit better today.

Susan I'm even later to the party, currently watching Downton for the first time. I'm not sure dh could cope with Bridgerton straight after that so it will have to wait a while. We are looking forward to the new series of Stranger Things.