Sorry Open, Dimples, Danni. And happy new year Light. Here’s what I think. Just my thoughts, not everyone may agree.
Open, DS new school sounds SO promising. I know it’s hard but sit tight, it could be a game changer for him. I think all the time about the super nanny moving in in whatever form she takes, sometimes the paediatrician, sometimes someone else. One of the mums in DDs class has a very senior MH job and I’m on the verge of asking her some questions. But I digress… I think the best advice should come from a really good, specialist school. Magrat seems to have struck lucky, Open this may open a whole new chapter for DS. When does he start? We all have everything crossed for you.
Dimples, when I read a lot of what you say it’s like talking to my friend who is in exactly your position (mum to 2 adopted children, her DS is 8 with some SEN, delayed with all assessments for asd because of concerns his issues may be linked to trauma and so on.) Her DS is lovely, super sociable but very impulsive and other things. I almost didn’t type this as I hate peoples who make blase assumption comments about what other people can afford but if you think adhd could be something, could you get a private assessment done and meds prescribed that way? It’s all online and quick and doesn’t cost the earth. It’s what we did for DS though we are now held up with this ecg but that’s my issue not DSs! We would have had the meds (same ones as prescribed by nhs) otherwise within days. I’m not anti nhs but waiting for 2 years for a CAHMS assessment is ridiculous if you have a child that needs help now. They may not work at all and I understand Dannis position, that could be us too! But I don’t want to have to wait 2 years to even try if it could be a game changer. I can PM you details if you want me to dimples.
I know how you mentioned SSs before Xmas… have you seen anything? Much of what I’m writing here is on the back of a conversation I’ve just had which I’ll summarise below….!
Danni, did you have to take the door frames off for DS to get that toy in? 😆😆. I’m no expert in EHCP meetings but I know everything involving the LA takes a day and age. Personally (and it’s only me) I would be demanding a meeting face to face (or zoom if they won’t accommodate that) so they have no room to wriggle out of not answering emails and so on. I would tell them I’m making notes and they will be sent to the LA too. I would want someone senior there and I’d be saying very bluntly no taxi discussions, targets for DS to be set 3 monthly and then a follow up meeting, a diary to explain daily exactly what he is doing and increased hours! Can you take someone with you, your mum? Dad? DH? Magrats school seem really on it, I appreciate our DC are all different but she is probably best placed to give a steer. At the end of the day though you shouldn’t be having to fight them all the time… can you be applying elsewhere? I know your local school you said was good but rejected your application. Why? On what grounds? Can you revisit this option?
I don’t think any of our children hate us, I think they say that for a reaction or because they are angry and can’t appropriately express that. I think a lot of it is testing the waters. Obviously I don’t have this but think some suggestions above are good, I like Magrat words of let’s cross that out. I think downplaying is best but I don’t know. A good school (SS) should in my opinion be able to identify why a child is saying this and give some educated responses as to ways to respond. Just saying oh dear, he’s saying this, does I’ve say it at home? Then looking puzzled isn’t good enough really, is it?!
I spoke with the SS that has offered the place for DS in sep and it sounded amazing. Just really understanding, full of suggestions and strategies, plans, targets, regular liaison with parents re those targets and revisions if they weren’t being met. Speech and communication top of the list of things to push with life skills as much as academics. Now this may all be rubbish and not come off I’m not daft but they just sounded so in tune with what DS needs. At the end she wrapped up by saying look, we really think we can help him. And that’s all I want really. I’m still waiting to hear from the unit… if DS could try that in the meantime that would be good but who knows.
Magrat I keep meaning to say and then forgetting… a friend of a friend at uni wrote books for years!!! I mean over a decade… couldn’t get a publisher. She is now a publisher fiction author and has had several published but it took soooo long! So don’t give up!!