Primary school auties: summer and beyond - thread 5

[openupmyeagereyes]

This is the continuation of the thread for parents and carers of autistic children in Early Years and KS1. Most of us are parents of children in Reception or Year 1, but all welcome!

Here are the links to the previous threads:

Thread 1: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4

Oh dear, Open and Danni hope that things improve soon.

DS is not having a great week either. He was pushing and hitting other children on Wednesday which is really out of character for him - he avoids any physical contact with almost everyone apart from DD, Granny and me. His TA said yesterday was better so I am anxious to know how today has gone. Also had a call with CAMHS on Tuesday feel like we are going around in circles - still haven't got DS on waiting list for ASD or ADHD assessment.

Usually worrying about DS takes up all my thinking time but the court proceedings for DD have overwhelmed me and I'm starting to worry more about her development (gross motor skills are delayed but speech is coming along well).

dimples I hope ds had a good day yesterday. I’m sorry you’re worrying about dd now too.

danni I hope ds was ok at school and that spitting has stopped for now

Dimples I hope ds was ok on Friday when you picked him up and I hope all the court stuff goes ok with dd.

Open I hope tomorrow ds goes in ok for you.

Hope everyone reading had a nice weekend x

Thanks danni. It’s PE tomorrow so I’m not anticipating a problem.

Here's hoping for an easier week. We have had a pretty good weekend. DS had a new interest, the Titanic which he shares with his cousin. The two of them were gorgeous earlier sharing their thoughts. I am v lucky to be able to bubble up with them as otherwise the local lockdown may have driven me to distraction.

I got the report today from that SEND guy who went to school a couple of weeks ago. (11 pages worth) most of which is true to he completely honest, but it’s not nice to read about your own child like this. 😔

I’ve got it in black and white that school have said ds is only accessing about 10% classroom time and he put ‘that’s giving a generous estimation’ he spends his days outside being supervised babysat

how shocking is that, sending my child to be educated for the last 2 and a bit years at this school and he’s accessing the classroom for about 30 minutes a day (long term problem)

Wouldn’t be bothered but this is with an educational health care plan in place! He’s got no bloody hope.

It says he’s not allowed in the playground at break or lunch because of his dangerous behaviour and they can’t put other children at risk so he’s made to stay with support staff at these times and isn’t allowed to access the playground (Poor kid)

There are comments from his class teacher that she’s said to this SEND guy and he’s repeated snippets in the report, his class teacher said ‘ds does what he wants when he wants’ and she’s said other bits like he has ‘absolutely no understanding of learning in a classroom environment’ Also if she speaks to him and words something wrong for example ‘I say clay instead of grey mud’ he gets aggressive and agitated etc she must say exactly what he wants to hear.

She’s got to know him well during the 10% of the time she’s seen him over the last month hasn’t she 🤔

Then he’s banged on, on almost every page, that ds is disrupting the education of 27 other children (how, when he’s only accessing the class 10% of the time?!) it says his challenging behaviour is detrimental to his peers learning experience.

He’s putting a significant strain on the teaching staff and school funding & resources.

His needs are bordering on extreme and even with a high level of support and pastoral care that he’s receiving it’s extremely difficult for xxxxxx school to meet his needs any longer.

The head teacher and the senco have both said they cannot meet ds needs and I have that written down.

So basically in a nut shell he will get a specialist place but I’m not so sure if the special school we looked at will accept him now because they said they don’t take children who are constantly violent they told me that thereself and in this report he’s wrote that school have reported to him that there is on average 4 or 5 violent incidences per week, biting pinching kicking and pushing usually with no known triggers and during his assessment send guy personally witnessed this taking place, directly aimed at his 1-1 support on this particular day.

So yeah, no fucking idea what will happen next.

Even though he is challenging and his behaviour is bad I still feel desperately sorry for him. I’m not making excuses. He’s not intentionally like it. He just has a lot of complex shit going on and in a school who are not meeting his needs.

Just hope well not hope because I’ll make damn sure he gets ithe gets the correct support he needs because I dread the future.

Fail in the last paragraph. Was supposed to look like this

well not hope because I’ll make damn sure he gets it

Oh Danni. Those reports are never easy to read. However, it does sound like that report was v much written for the school and not for your boy. Did he spend much time identifying strategies that he thinks would help DS?

Danni that's awful, I'm sorry you had to read that. I think once your ds is in a properly supportive environment he hopefully won't have the outbursts he does currently. They will also know how to deal with him better if he does become agitated. I hope that he gets the place that you want.

Hope everyone els is having an ok week.

We had a weird Friday- Sunday with ds where we had lots of mini meltdowns, not sure what caused it really. It culminated with me having to help dh get out of the park after being there for nearly 4 hours with ds not wanting to come home. He seems absolutely fine now, so hopefully whatever triggered the behaviour is now better.
It's very nice having both kids back at school but I'm definitely on edge waiting for another email about closing a pod!

That sounds like a really tough read @danni0509. Hopefully though the new school will realise how these reports have to be written (they must see LOTS) and will go more on what they have seen for themselves. There is no reason for him to have violent outbursts if his needs are being met - and clearly they are NOT being met where he is, whereas the other school seemed keen to have him...

I wonder if it might be worth a call or e-mail to the potential new school - at least to understand the process and put in a note that this is not DS's normal behaviour at home/in environments where he is understood?

Dimples everything he suggested the school have already tried (this is why he thought they were saints) School have previously had a specialist teacher in during reception and year 1 to assess ds and give advice aswell, I always thought those strategies recommended were one fits all and didn’t find there advice very helpful, all they banged on about was star charts, sand timers & praising positive behaviour! Asif we don’t think to do any of that x

To be fair on this report he has recommended Ds has some intensive therapies, I can’t remember off the top of my head but it was called something or other for his demand avoidant profile and then he needs specialist intervention for his adhd and also he needs intensive therapy / phycological intervention to help him understand emotions as his social and emotional understanding is at that of a toddler and this is an area he has made zero progress in since his baseline in reception.

I’ve probably worded all that wrong but I don’t have the report with me to check back! But It’s all things I can use to make sure the local authority put the correct support in place, I’m not just accepting any old shit which is basically what his current ehcp is. I’m sad at the report reading it about my son especially the bit about being on his own all the time hate the thought of that, but then we know that the la reports are really basic and deliberately miss the important information out so I’m pleased they paid for him to come in actually as he’s been brutal but that’s what you need in reality! x

Light I don’t really want to phone the new school to be honest, i don’t want to go rocking no boat I’m just not going to mention it and hope they don’t find out 😯 if anything is said in the future I can just say well what do you expect when he’s in an environment not meeting his needs? I’ll see what happens just hard to know what to do for the best x

Liv I feel the same regarding school bubbles there has been 4 cases in ds school so it’s only a matter of time before he’s off for 14 days when his class shuts down. It seems to be the staff catching it in ds school. Sorry you had a hard time getting ds off the park he sounds just like my ds 😂 is your Dh good with him? Mine is getting better shall we say, or should I say his skin is getting thicker 🤣🤣

I’m at school again this afternoon, I’m going to just move in would be bloody easier! I have the LA Ed phyc appointment, will be interesting I’m sure x

Yes good point @danni0509! Hope the Ed Psych meeting is useful later.

What are the next steps for the new school - do you know when you might hear about timing?

From what I understand. The LA have got a panel meeting on the 1st November (Which is a sunday so I’m not so sure I’ve been given the correct date unless they work a weekend!) to look through all his evidence / reports etc and they make a desicion and if they agree that it is a yes they then have 15 days from the decision to consult the special school to see if they would accept him (which they told me they would)

I’m not counting chickens or anything but I don’t see how the la can say no! It’s blindingly obvious ds needs special school so I’m sure all will be ok.

X

Fingers crossed Danni

Oh good - not too far off then, especially with half term inbetween....
Fingers crossed here too!

Hope the panel goes in your favour danni!

Yes dh is generally brilliant with ds. I think he still finds it hard to understand that anxious behaviour is not ds being naughty, but I think that idea is so deeply ingrained (I find it sometimes myself) that it has to be actively unlearnt! He's much better at being silly with the kids than I am, which they love and can really help distract ds when he's getting stressed. I'm a bit too serious I think!

Well the Ed psych wasn’t allowed to attend today because ds school has had covid cases, so when I arrived at school this afternoon (I didn’t know at this point) I was told she’s doing an online appointment with us instead.

So me and the senco in one room, the EP at home and ds teacher in another room all linked together.

So she explained she just wanted to ask why we requested special school and what made us come to that desicion, so I thought where to start?so I explained everything and she was like well the local authority have a lot of other children from all over the county waiting on a specialist school placement we have limited places so we basically have to make sure we are only admitting dc with the severest of needs (fuck off!) so I said I’m only interested in my ds and his place not who else is waiting. I don’t give a shit about the other kids just as their parents won’t give a shit about my ds.

I started to get a bit defensive at this point because I thought she was trying to talk me out of it in a way, do you know the usual tactics they use to fob you off,

so I said have you met ds? I didn’t think she had but just wanted to clarify. And she said no, so I didn’t need to ask anything further. If you haven’t met my ds you wouldn’t understand until you see him.

She has no idea about ds. It’s unbelievable really. The last EP he see in reception wasn’t her.

I just said if a child is only accessing 10% of time in a classroom how is that acceptable? 1-1 isn’t cutting it anymore he’s needing a lot of 2-1 and at times 3-1 care to keep everyone safe. He has no friends at school he’s not allowed around the kids, he isn’t included in anything. How is it fair that a disabled child can’t access an education? He’s not accessing the curriculum I could of gone on forever. I wasn’t even bothered the senco was sat beside me, she was chiming in with the same views as me actually.

The EP said it sounds like ds needed a specialist placement, but she needed to make sure school have done everything possible first so she started talking about how it might be useful if they use now and next boards 🙈🙈🙈🤷🏻‍♀️ I mean come on....... he was on them in nursery. He’s gone way way way past that sort of intervention. She said maybe a specialist teacher would be good I said oh xxxxx xxx she came in 2 years ago. We’ve tried it ALL.

She then said it would be a good idea if she can do an online assessment of ds to speed up the process, to which I laughed the senco looked at me and did too and she explained that ds wouldn’t sit still and it would not be possible at all he would probably lick the screen or switch her off (he does with my mum on face time)

So she wants to see him in school but the LA aren’t allowing their staff into school at the moment because of our areas rise in cases, so said she would be in touch.

Ds teacher was also chiming in but it’s so negative the way she speaks of ds. It was all about her class and she kept referring back to her other class children and what ds does to them and why he can’t be in the clasroom. How depressing!

He hasn’t been in the classroom at all today btw.

The Ed phycologist asked if ds had any friends and the senco and the class teacher both said no. So the EP said why can’t you sit another child next to him at lunch and the teacher said he eats his lunch in the classroom, he’s not allowed into the hall because he takes all the other children’s lunches and stops everyone eating. We have tried it before and the one friendship he did start to make he because obsessed with the child and wouldn’t leave them alone so the other child became scared of ds so we had to stop them being together.

I understand that’s not acceptable, but then it’s also not acceptable he’s just sat eating his lunch by himself with just a staff member. Fuming! It’s completely alienated him from any contact with children. if this is how disabled children are being treated it’s discrimination but school are saying they don’t know what else they can do they’ve exhausted all options.

Honestly have no idea what the answers are.

I want to pull him out of school but I can’t because then the La will wash there hands of ds so he has to stay were he is until he gets his specialist place.

The only good thing is the staff are lovely to him and he’s not arsed about being left out of EVERYTHING because he doesn’t understand but I fucking do.

Sorry I’m ranting now 😡

The school aren’t even hiding they are discriminating against ds anymore, they have fully put there hands up and said we aren’t meeting his needs we can’t cope and he needs to go.

The senco told the EP all of this today she said he’s never in the classroom and he deserves more we can’t give him the support he needs.

The EP then still tried to offer advice to help (now and next boards, visual timetables yada yada) done it, got the T-shirts, not working 😡

Danni that sounds infuriating! Pointless LA box ticking waste of time. It makes me angry for you!

I know liv. It is so infuriating. I know ds will get a specialist placement I’d go as far to put my life on it. It’s just when and in the meantime he’s being left not having his needs met being left on his own, practically banned from the classroom and having any social interaction with children denied from him.

I don’t exaggerate his needs on here what I say is what ds is like and everyone who works with him are like wow at how he is, so I know he will get a special school eventually, just pisses me off the lengths the La go to too try save a few quid.

They haven’t even said no yet 😂 but they don’t have the best reputation so I’m assuming, but I feel like they are trying to keep ds in mainstream and that’s why they offered ds school a band increase and a further 2k to keep him and the EP is trying to give them some additional strategies.

They can shove the money up their arse that’s not what I want.

I want my child to be treated fairly, included and given an education, not discriminated against & those are just the basic things for starters.

danni I’m not surprised you’re furious, it’s completely unacceptable. Nobody could argue that this is an appropriate education for your son. There shouldn’t be such a lack of places for children like this. I’m angry on your behalf