Primary school auties: summer and beyond - thread 5

[openupmyeagereyes]

This is the continuation of the thread for parents and carers of autistic children in Early Years and KS1. Most of us are parents of children in Reception or Year 1, but all welcome!

Here are the links to the previous threads:

Thread 1: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed

Thread 2: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2

Thread 3: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3

Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4

@danni0509 ooo I’m raging too! That’s outrageous of the LA. Man, how do they get away with it?! I really hope they see sense soon; your poor boy. for you.

I am cross on your behalf too Danni. I hope that you get some good news soon

If I ever won the lottery I would open up a special needs school just for this threads children and get them the best support money could buy!

I’ve taken my mind off things tonight by using my waxing pot that got delivered today, I’ve just waxed my entire face and believe me it took my mind of the entire school situation 🤣 ouch!

Fnargle @danni0509 may you have all the and !!
We are ok, had meeting with the OT and another EP phone discussion as part of the EHCPNA do we will see. After school club came out the other night and said oh DS has been, well not naughty, but hyper (like yes, he has hyperactivity!) Well, it turns out they gave him a cream cake...! And said sorry we didn't know he was bad with sugar...argh! Hope everyone else is doing ok. We have parents evening next week but then only 2 weeks left till half term!

Sorry not posted in here before but posted in a different thread 're my year 1 child

@danni0509 have been reading your posts. We are in shockingly similar positions :( mine is also practically barred from the classroom. The head was so blunt to me last week and it's actually really upset me. I feel ready to throw up because I have no way of predicting how she will be during her 2 hour session tomorrow. It's awful :( I don't want to send her

Oh and I got the gem of "she's disrupting the education of 180 other children" because she's running up and down the corridors upset because she's being forced into a bloody classroom she can't cope with

Oh no Lottie! I hope ds was ok when you got him home. Glad the needs assessment is going ok. My ds is really funny with sweet stuff, I find some sugary things hype him up but if they are chocolate based they often seem to focus him, I guess because of the caffeine?!

Hi Mumofsend, I read your other thread, I'm sorry you're having such a hard time of it at the moment. It's so stressful when the school is not the right fit.

We've had a funny week here. Ds got a certificate from the head during the week because he was being very kind and supportive of the other kids in his class. First time he's ever been commended like that!
Then we had and ok-ish day Saturday, then a mad day today full of demands (from him to me) which I couldn't fulfill ending with a short, vaguely half hearted (but still painful) violent outburst this evening. Not really sure what's going on really. I'm wondering whether because he's now happy at school whether the weekends are just too unstructured for him? Who knows!

Honestly don’t know how much more I can take off ds school (class teacher) I’m at the point now were I’m thinking hurry up half term (you all know me and I don’t usually wish for half term any sooner than it comes) 😆 he breaks up this week thank god!

I’ve said on here before that ds class teacher is always coming out with an issue (couple of times a week at least) or if she’s not coming out she’s ringing me at home or if its not her it’s his support staff. Very rare to have a day with no comment even rarer to be told he’s had a good day, always something negative. They seem to make mountains out of molehills and it’s been driving me mad the last 6 weeks. I said on here before I’m not liking year 2 at all. It’s awful.

Friday teacher came out, ds has been really unsettled again he’s been crying a lot today, lots of hitting etc etc she asked me if he was unsettled at home, I said nope perfectly himself! She then asked me if anything was going on at home that I thought would be relevant 😡 nope! How cheeky and what exactly are you insinuating 😳😡

Ds came out with his 1-1 & looked poorly so I said what’s hurting he said his head his tummy his back so she said oh he did mention that (🤷🏻‍♀️) so anyway I took him home he had calpol and he’s been fine all weekend we’ve been to the park he’s had McDonald’s and had an ok weekend he’s not mentioned being poorly again.

His class teacher asked me if he’d had an ok weekend I said yes he’s been fine.

Then late this morning school phoned 🙄 so I answered, his class teacher telling me he’s really unsettled again, hit another child, throwing lots of things, she said she’s been asking him all morning what is wrong. She said he was getting stressed with me so I said yes he will do, constantly questioning a child who doesn’t know how to answer will be stressing him out (!) so she said well I did leave it and I’m just keeping a close eye on him he mentioned his head was hurting. I’ll come out at the end of the day and let you know how his afternoon goes or I’ll ring you before if i need to.

Argggghhhh!

If you constantly ask ds what is wrong he will think something is wrong and he will give you an answer for something that would of been wrong with him before if that makes sense, it’s just how he is.

You’ll be making him anxious by implying something is wrong.

That’s just lesson number 1.

I could give her so much advice but I don’t seem to be able to get a word in edgeways, they seem to think they are the autism experts on my son.

I mean he’s never even in the classroom so how’s shes constantly asking him all morning what is wrong with him I don’t know.

I’m at school in the morning (again) for the senco so I’m going to have a polite word I think because this is too much.

What I just said about autism experts on him is really funny though because that they are most certainly not.

Even I having spent almost 7 years with ds struggles to understand everything he does and says. So how they would ‘know’ him in just short of 6 weeks is such a scary thought.

They seem to think they have the answers. But yet they have stated they can’t meet his needs and they can’t cope with him.

The staff are like oh he’s doing X because of Y or he’s doing A because of B and I’m stood like 🧐 wrong wrong wrong!

The ed psych said something the other day on why ds was doing something in particular and I disagreed. She might have the qualifications, but I have the experience, what she said wasn’t right so I told her this.

I’ll bloody argue about ds until I’m blue in the face by the way.

School know this and I don’t think they like me questioning shit and mentioning stuff to sendiass and on some paperwork they gave me for his annual review they had to recall was a sheet asking for parental views which she asked me to fill out last week and on it I’ve wrote - ds school are no longer meeting his needs, he needs to be educated in a classroom amongst his peers, be allowed to socialise and not be isolated with another adult and denied peer interaction and in the hopes and dreams bit I’ve wrote ds to not be isolated, for him to be INCLUDED in the school he attends, to have opportunities to have social interactions with his peers which he doesn’t have now and to above all receive an education.

I took the photo of it all and sent it back to his senco via email like she asked me to do.

I haven’t heard anything back and I’m there tomorrow.

I feel like they are being arsey with me now, but so what.

danni everything you say is absolutely right. It is shocking. I really hope the upside of this is that you get the specialist place that ds needs. In the meantime you really don’t need the stress do you?

Awful day here. After what seemed a good week last week ds refused to go to school today and he has been dreadful because I refused to take him to the park until after school hours. He’s supposed to go in the afternoons on Monday so he can do PE. I had already offered to take him to the park in the morning but he was too busy playing.

Dh and I are have no idea what to do. He will not talk about what the problem is or what he doesn’t like about school, just reiterates that he doesn’t want to go. I am hoping we can engage our own private EP to help. It’s all so bloody stressful

liv sorry you had a tricky day. It’s hard at the moment but maybe see if a more structured weekend helps. Does ds respond to a visual timetable? Ours doesn’t.

Lottie I hope the assessment goes well. It’s all so hard with everything being remote. How can professionals do a proper assessment if they don’t see what’s going on? They have to take staff’s word in everything rather than seeing in practice what’s actually going on.

Mumofsend I read your other thread too, I’m sorry things are so difficult

I need to re-read what’s going on to post anything of any use.

I just wrote a long post and my battery died and lost it all.

Basically picked ds up, his teacher said he settled a little this afternoon and after his lunch he calmed down a bit so she thinks he was hungry (he doesn’t eat much breakfast before school) he doesn’t like toast or cereal so usually has fruit / go ahead bar / soreen loaf or something small like that but often refuses to eat it altogether unless he gets a chocolate bar of some sort.

Then he has mid morning satsuma at school but because he’s so active I reckon he’s probably hungry and now the year 2’s don’t have lunch until 1pm because of staggered lunches even though ds eats his in the classroom it’s probably too long of a stretch for him so I said I’d send something additional in his lunch bag for him to have alongside his school fruit at 10am. Can only see can’t we. I used to do that during lockdown when they couldn’t get their school fruit delivered he used to have a Barney bear at 10am with a carton of milk.

He came out with a paper aeroplane and a well done sticker on his jumper so I made a big deal like wow ds look at that sticker! We’ll bake those cupcakes after tea for being good this afternoon etc etc

I looked at this picture he’s drawn on the paper aeroplane and alongside it he’s wrote SMACK in capitals, if he’s not talking about it or actually doing it he’s now writing about it. I said what was you doing naughty this morning and he said chewing stones and eating Lego 😡 really stresses me him putting things in his mouth because I worry he’s going to choke. He found a window key in my house the other day randomly in his toy box and laid on his back laughing with it in his mouth. Good job I supervise him really!

I got 2 books yesterday, teeth are not for biting and feet are not for kicking. We have the hands are not for hitting what I bought earlier this year so I’m going to keep reading him those.

Open I’m sorry you are still struggling with ds and school, is he still on his reduced timetable? It seems a few of ours are having settling in issues

Liv that’s nice ds got the award at school, my ds is very demanding it’s bloody wearing isn’t it, sorry you didn’t have a great weekend, I hope you are feeling better today

Lottie Ds has adhd and people often comment on his hyperactivity I always think the clue is in the name. Sweets don’t affect ds which is a good bloody job because he’s always eating them

Mumofsend how did this afternoon with your dd go? How old is your other child? x

@danni0509 that teacher would drive me utterly bonkers!

I have similar arguments with the school. "She's running because it's a game" no she's running because she needs to escape. She can't cope in the bloody classroom.

Just sent a bit of an email to the senco and LA trying to establish exactly why they are placing so much pressure on her to be in the classroom when her ehcp explicitly states gradual exposure and safe places. Her IEP small steps school sent home today says safe space in her classroom. To me her safe place being in a classroom isn't a safe place. Also questioned why they had 4 adults in a small room with a terrified 5 year old child last week.

She actually is doing ok with the two hour sessions. To get her through two hours she has 3 sensory breaks and a mountain of other stuff but she only ran off once today!

DS was 4 last week. He also has autism and likely ADHD but luckily he isn't anywhere near as complicated or sensory as DD. Poor kid doesn't get a look in!

Thank you @openupmyeagereyes and @livpotter

Mumofsend try not to feel too bad about your son. You are doing your best & the main of your attention is rightly at this point in time having to go to the child with the highest needs hope you get somewhere with the email you have sent. I don’t think you did mention if you have sendiass involved? I deffo do advise them. My own ds was on part time for the whole of reception & have had half day illegal exclusions more recently until they intervened, they do keep school in line with the law.

Does your ds go to nursery? x

I know I sound soft, but I do feel a bit bad for saying what I do about ds teacher about her being an interferer, I think she is just genuinely bothered about him and does want to help, but I’m one of those people who don’t like too much involvement, just leave me to it and if I need your help I’ll ask. I’m also guilty of taking things the wrong way such as when she’s talking about what he had for breakfast and saying he must be hungry! for a minute I thought she was wondering if I was feeding him so I automatically got defensive then I think she realised how it sounded 😬 and the other day when she asked if anything was going on at home I was a bit like erm wtf of course not, I think she probably didn’t mean it how I took it but since I don’t really know her it’s hard to know.

Im just not used to having someone constantly phoning me, it’s all a bit much for me.

I do think she means well, just not my cup of tea iyswim.

@danni0509 I have been in contact with sendiass but they aren't directly involved.

Really oddly senco said just hee and 1-1 dealt with DD last weds even though I know the head carried her into the sensory room and there was 4 of them there when I got there.

DS has just started at preschool, he has a rubbish day today too. All go here! Already have requested his echna but not sure I have enough evidence thanks to covid

danni still on the reduced timetable. We moved up to half an hour extra on Friday and he enjoyed joining in with some of the music class. Then complete refusal again yesterday. His teacher sent him a lovely letter with photos yesterday and he really liked it. I’m hoping he’ll go in today 🤞

We had teeth are not for biting and hands are not for hitting. They were used a lot back then! Ds is going through a physical phase at the moment but only when he gets to crisis point over something. We had a few of them yesterday, it was a tough day.

attwoodandgarnettevents.com/2018/11/29/school-refusal-by-professor-tony-attwood/

Interesting (and sad) article on school refusal.

I meant to post previously that I was so happy to see Beth, the autistic young woman who was being kept in solitary confinement, had been moved to an open residential facility. Such great news, I hope the same happens for many others soon

Sorry things are still rubbish open I’ll check that link out soon, how did today go?

I went to the senco app this morning to sign some more paperwork (that’s all done now, adhd paperwork and recalled annual review resent!) She mentioned ds teacher, asked what was going on as she had said to the senco ds is really unsettled so she wanted to find out from me what was going on and I said she came out Friday then phoned me yesterday, she asked me how regular she was coming out so I said about twice a week / 3 times a week or twice a week and a phone call, I’m not exactly sure as I’m not recording it just estimating but I said his 1-1’s often comment aswell, senco said no that shouldn’t be happening over every single incident as she would be out forever and she said she would suggest she comes out on a Friday afternoon to let me know how the week has been in general. She said it’s too much & isn’t usual practise for the teacher to want to talk to a parent that often I said they ask me every morning what he’s had for breakfast has he been ok in the morning how was his sleep and she said no that’s not right it doesn’t matter how ds has been at home his mood can be perfect one minute and flip so quickly.

I picked ds up today and teacher was waiting for me again.

Ds has hit another child, bit his 1-1, he’s had 2-1 today and sounds like he has terrorised them 😔

I’m really fed up of it all to be honest. He doesn’t kick or bite me at home he swipes at me and smacks me but never kicks me or bites me and he deffo doesn’t hit me as much as he’s hitting them. I’m asking him why and he can’t explain he just says because I did. (He doesn’t have the skill to explain himself yet)

Seems every day he’s lashing out multiple times a day. He thinks it’s funny and he won’t bloody stop. I’m wondering if he likes there reaction. He thrives off reaction.