Auties transition to Year 1 - thread 3

[LightTripper]

This is the continuation of the thread for parents and carers of autistic children in reception year at school, going into Year 1 in the autumn. All welcome (also parents with older or younger children who want to ask questions or share their wisdom!)

Welcome!

That's awful Harley! Don't they understand that will have exactly the opposite effect? DD is finally (touch wood) off Laxido, but when we tried to come off it previous times it would always lead to more accidents, not less! Can you send them a link about Encopresis and explain that he needs it to keep him regular and stop him having discomfort and the inevitable holding and accidents that result?

I'm glad SENDIASS were helpful: presumably the idea is they will come to the meeting with you? Are you able to make a list of all these issues, and maybe send them in advance? You could copy in the governors so they are aware?

Hope the party goes well LittleSwede. We've always found DD has handled her own parties better as she gets to be there right from set up time when it's really quiet, so she can explore the room and get some of that nervous excitement done with before everyone else arrives. Hope it turns out to be the case for your DD too!

That must have been tough re: DS open. DD had a bit of a cry at drop off this morning because she wanted to wave me off from the gate (which is by reception class room) - even though she was fine just giving me a wave from the line with all the other kids on previous days. I think she was just having a bit of an emotional one. We'd been having a bit of a "discussion" on the way there on whether she could bear to part with some of the (infinite supply of) hazelnuts we pick up on the way to school to her autumn table for the other kids to see/play with, which she wasn't prepared to do - I probably shouldn't have pushed her on it (even though I didn't think I was pushing that hard at the time and did drop it before we got there): but in any case I think it meant she was already a bit stressed when we got there.

Anyway, I guess it's such a big change, it's inevitable there will be a bit of a settling in period. I think quite a few of the kids are struggling a bit in DD's class.

Harley will they attend the meeting with you? How easy is it for you to arrange a meeting with the school? They seem to just stonewall you for the most part.

Light it’s still early days, isn’t it. What I’ve learned is that progress isn’t linear, there are bumps along the way. Hopefully your dd will be fine tomorrow. How’s she getting on with the violin?

Ds has had another good day apparently, though we were 10 mins late again with him running upstairs when it was time to get shoes on. This morning they started the sensory circuits activity for him and a few other children so I’m keen to hear how he got on with that. He said he’s going again tomorrow (I think it will be daily) so hopefully he’ll be keen to get in for it.

I have had a awful day.
Ds head teacher called. Apparently i am making her staff feel like i don't trust them. They don't like the fact i point out him coming home soiled. They don't like that i pick up on things and mention them. They say ds had no issues at all that hes doing brilliantly in his academics socially and every where but the toileting. They say that they think this is due to the over flow and laxido issues nothing to do with anxiety or stress. I pointed out but hes not like that at home hes improving and actually getting some in the toilet. They are trying there best to deal with his issue and that they will do so considering hes such a lovley little boy.
I said how come a pediatrician says he can't figure out whats wrong with ds as his commincation is a massive issue yet you say theres no issues her response to that was ah thats interesting. They ahve requested to get the part of his social story back of his class teacher saying it could be adding to his stress having it up at home but didn't mention the ta part and said the rest can stay fine enough.

Sorry i seem be just talking about my ds and ranting all the time.

Harley sorry your having a rubbish day does your ds have a diagnosis of any kind? Do you see the paediatrician regularly?

Hello to everyone else.

Ds is getting on ok with staying for lunch, he's still not wanting to go into the main dinner hall or playground he's just staying in the classroom for his lunch and playing with the toys with his TA but they said it's fine and it's whatever he wants to do. He seems fine to me with the change thankfully.

Today he had his school photo and ds didn't want to have his photo taken, they took him back at the end to try again but ds wouldn't have it so the guy said to his 1-1 where does he like to play so she said outside so the guy went and set up outside and did ds photo while he was riding the bikes his ta said she see the photo and it was brilliant so I'm looking forwards to seeing that, how nice was that of the man taking the photos?! Rather than saying 'ok well tell mum we tried' he went out of his way so I'm going to email and thank them for that! I thought that was really kind of him.

Still struggling with homework, he's not wanting to do it and getting into a right state every day when I tell him it's time, bless him he struggles so much to write. I'll attach a photo of his work the last couple of days its taken almost half an hour each day to write those words and I'm having to help him hold the pen and guide him tell what letter to write and were to write it which kind of defys the object of a spelling test.

You can make some words out he's written but when he's unsure how to form a letter which he often is he makes it up. I think I may speak to his 1-1 tomorrow because he's getting so stressed doing it .

Also a lot of the work he's been set in his scrap book is way beyond ds' capabilities, they of course have to know this? The child has to write a story about a fairy, what does she like to do.. And other fairy info, ds doesn't even know what a fairy is then the next task is collect some leaves make repeating patterns that's fine and I can help him with that, then it was write numbers 1-20 which with my help I'm sure we will manage, then the other thing was about a woodland animal and it was something like if you met a woodland animal what questions would you ask it? Child to write their questions below. Then it was to make a fairy house out of natural materials so we will give that a go.

He doesn't even understand what a woodland animal is and doesn't know how to ask questions. The homework book hasn't been sent in error it has his name on the front on a sticker!

What would you do? I was thinking, Complete the parts i can help him with such as collecting the leaves and number work and making the fairy house and on the other sheets just write sorry this is beyond xxxxx capabilities so unfortunately we will have to miss this task.

Something like that each time? that way at least they can see we are doing the tasks he is able too, I just think it's a bit like making him run before he can walk otherwise!

Once this has been handed in, in a fortnight. we have new tasks set and so forth.

I can just see it, drop ds off at full time school for the first time to now spend my days hunting arts and craft sections and collecting leaves and twigs

You are well within your rights to rant Harley, that's what we're here for. It can't be right him soiling every day when he wasn't over the summer. They should be interested in ways to reduce his anxiety too. If they were doing great academically and socially but going home soiled every day would they think "ah well, two out of three ain't bad?" or would they try to fix the problem. That's all you're trying to help do.

If they think communication has broken down or isn't working for them why aren't they making constructive suggestions (erm... Like a communication book)? If they are worried about the communication book singling him out, why are they not worrying about going home soiled singling him out?

Sorry, I'm ranting now!!

But it makes me frustrated. You're just trying to work with them to help hi.. Why do they not want your help, or to communicate to you what they are doing to help? School doesn't always have to agree with your ideas but they do have a responsibility to listen and to communicate.

Ahhhh.... We'll it's good you have SENDIASS on the team now. I'm sure you'll get to a good place in the end. And your DS seems very resilient, what a trooper!

This is ds' homework I mentioned in my last post. I do feel sorry for him. He absolutely hates doing homework. He said at bed time no reading books today mummy while covering his head with his duvet so I let him off tonight, he looks exhausted. X

That is great about the photographer danni! DD has already decided she doesn't want her photo taken this year and once she's made her mind up....

Re the homework I think I'd either differentiate it for him or ask their help to do it (all the kinds of things you are suggesting really). Maybe you could find some woodland and fairy activities on line that you think he would like and that gets him into the routine and means he's not missing out on the topic? There's no point forcing him to do things that are just going to stress him. At DD's school they've asked us to write "H" on stuff they struggle with so they know if they're getting the level right, but doesn't seem right to make him jump through hoops for 2 weeks in the mean time!

I've just looked on twinkl light and they have some woodland themed bits on there seems it's a 'yr 1 thing' so I'll download and print a few bits of there and see what I can think of.

Hope dd is ok. X

She's fine!! I'll just tell DD school might ask her and it would be nice if she was in the class photo but she doesn't have to, and then I'll tell the school we've said that, which they'll be fine with.

She had a bit of a wobble this morning but nice bedtime tonight so I think she's fine really!

@danni0509 thank you. Yes ds has a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum disorder. The neurodevelopment pediatrician diagnosed ds then said we don't support or keep seeing children with autism now and disacharged him. The other pediatrician was about his heart and pain and he couldn't get to the bottom of anything as ds doesn't communicate or respond how you would expect a child to.

@LittleTripper they don't believe hes that anxious as in presents fine in class. They dont have anything to say on how difficult it is to get him into school every morning it tooks us 30 minutes to do a 3 minute walk into school ( we live literally outside the school gates). They aren't also very helpful in a morning to help get him into school.

Thats my point if the commincation book singles him out what do they think the soiling does. The head also talked about how badly he smells. They are seeing the soiling problem as a medication and inpaction problem she he continued this when i pointed hes not that bad at home. I picked him up today for his appintment and from 1pm till 7pm he had once accident nothing like up to 7 a day at school in 6 hours. He told me last week he was soiling at school ao much on purpose school dont believe it.

They want me to be quite not communicate and be grateful that in there words they are trying there best. They just want me to drop him off and let them do as they want to with no input.

Then head even wants to have a conversation with incontince nurse and some bowel and bladder chart just for school and them send them to her. They obviously don't trust me!

They have also said that i shouldnt talk about school at home at all to try reduce anxiety they aren't even bothered he wont so homework spellings or his reading book. Thing is his younger brother is in his first year of school bloody loves it and is so excited and wants to talk about school. He attacks him alot because of it as he doesnt want to hear it as his brothers in his old class.

@danni wow thats lovely of the photographer wish we had people around for that.
We have very similar issues with writing made even harder with the cursive. We don't do homework as ds simple won't do it. He won't even read. School aren't bothered by this at all not sure thats helpful. They have even stopped sending his reading book home.

Harley I’m not sure where to start re. school. I just don’t understand them at all. How does a communication book single him out? You take it out of the book bag in the morning and put it back in at the end of the day, it doesn’t have to be a performance. Still, our school ditched it as soon as they could and they are generally very good. If there was an ongoing problem though I would expect it to be used.

The toileting issues are definitely going to single him out if he’s smelling of poo. When Ds had an upset tummy at school last term I could smell poo as soon as I went near him and I’m pretty sure children’s sense of smell is better than ours.

The sooner you can arrange this meeting with SENDIASS on your side the better. He needs more support than they are currently giving him.

danni that was so kind of the photographer, I bet you can’t wait to see it. It warms the heart to know there are people who will go out of their way like that.

My ds is also eating his lunch in the classroom at the moment. The hall is just too loud for him.

I would definitely speak to the school about homework. It needs to be differentiated for him. Also, our school said not to do it if it is causing ‘the screaming ab dabs’ (their words) as they want children to love learning and to speak to the school if that’s the case. Also, it sounds like a lot of homework generally. I’d ask them how long they expect it to take each day and stick to that.

I’m really not sure if there’s any point me trying to teach ds to spell when he’s not reading yet? I must google and see.

liv ds was inspired to want to do some crafting yesterday! He’s been watching episodes of Mr Maker on YouTube and wanted to make a flying saucer. I did most of it but he helped a little and he’s so pleased with it

Harley honestly words fail me about how the school are treating you and ds. Hope that SENDIASS can help you.

Danni that is so lovely about the photo. It generally sounds like the school are making more of an effort this year.

Light hope dd is ok today.

Open that's so great about the crafting!

Ds is currently obsessed with Paddington. I thought I would jump on the marmalade sandwich idea as he has had such a limited diet recently. Ds then insisted on wearing the marmalade sandwich in his hat all evening.

@open i don't get them either. I don't get why they don't do the toilet routine correctly it would be far easier than all the changes.
So of the things school say ds says doesnt add up. The head told me that she had a conversation with ds where ds had said he was worried coming into school that he was so happy that he had over his fear and actually coming in. The things they are saying hes saying shouts to me that he is copying a adults speech. She seemed un aware that you have to be careful around ds as he mimics speech patterns but often doesn't have a understanding what hes saying.
I get the feeling they see me as the problem.

I also don't get the request for the part of his social story back with his teachers picture on. Hasn't asked for the Teaching assistants one though.

liv that is sweet and hilarious

Ds had a Paddington obsession when we watched the films earlier this year but he drew the line at expanding his diet!

@livpotter thats just brilliant also a good idea my ds also has a restricted diet.

Ds was so keen to go this morning for his ‘celery circits’

He went straight to the hall and helped set it all up. Apparently he did really well yesterday. It’s a nice social activity for him too, there are about 7 children from different classes. And he did well in class yesterday so hopefully it will help him focus, that’s the point of it after all.

I asked the TA to ask the teacher about whether I should be trying to teach spelling at this point.

It’s a novelty at the moment but I’ll enjoy it while it lasts. It’s so nice to get there on time with no stress.

Liv I loved the Paddington story!

Harley I hope that you and SENDIASS are able to meet with school soon to sort out some of these issues. Toileting remains a problem here.

Danni that was lovely about the pic.

I'm feeling rather nervous as my Mum is off to Australia which means me taking and collecting 4 children (2 ASD and 2 other SN) to and from school every day as my sister is still recovering from her riding accident. I think I may need to stock up on chocolate so that I can bribe them home!

Sorry, I'm a bit behind, trying to catch up on the recent conversations! Had my first day back at work yesterday and it really threw me! It's only very part time with a few hours Tuesday and Wednesday morning but haven't taught/worked since the 15th July so it's a long break!

Harley so sorry your DS, and you, are having such a tough time. It really can't be right that he should be soiling himself when he was ok during the summer. Even worse when they are making you feel bad about it. Really hope you can get some support through Sendiass or that they can get you in touch with the right people.

LightTripper Hope your DD had a good day today, it's really catching up with them now isn't it. How did she get on this moring? Also good that she is off then Laxido, DD is still on Movicol here.

Openupyoureagereyes Great new about DS and his 'celery circits' (so cute!) hope he has a lovely day today. DD also loves Mr Maker and was delighted to find it available on demand on Prime Video!

Danni Sounds like DS is doing well to stay on for lunch. And what a lovely photographer! It does sound like a lot of homework. Is it differentiated for him?

DD I still going in ok in the mornings (will see how long that lasts!) but I am really struggling to get school to understand she needs support at lunch. It turns out there are no adults at the lunch tables (which might be the norm?) and when I asked the teacher about this yesterday she said the dinner ladies walk around and keep an eye on the children and would be able to spot DD if she was choking. I didn't feel comfortable with this and as my lovely neighbour (whose DD is in my DD's class) pointed out, choking is silent! I remember the paramedic asking me last summer if DD made a sound when she choked and I said no, this is how he determined it was a real choke and not a gag. So emailed Senco requesting a 1:1 for the eating part of lunch. Haven't heard back... I am definitely 'that parent' now!

Dimples Can you drive them to and from school? Chocolate bribery si the way forward!

livpotter chuckling at the thought of the marmalade sandwich in your DS's hat! Did he eat any of it?

LittleSwede We normally walk but will be driving - the bribe is just to get them out of the school grounds to the car! They (especially DS) have a tendancy to run off onto the school playing fields

Ouch dimples, how long is she away for? I think I would be doing whatever it takes to get them all in the car.

Little I hope dd is doing ok and is getting some lunchtime support.

Ds has been awake since 2:30 today after waking up wet. What do people find are the best pull ups for nighttime? We are using Pampers but maybe we need to go up to size 7.

He’s gone in happily for circuits though today is only a mini session for him as the assembly starts earlier on a Thursday. Hopefully he’ll be ok with that, he has been told but that doesn’t guarantee no fussing. I am always anxious picking him up when he’s slept so badly, though often he is ok.

He refuses to go round to the playground so we are going through the office door and have been a few minutes early both days!

@LittleSwede i hope senco has got back to you and they are willing to give your dd the lunch time support.
@dimples76 i hope its not to bad and you managed with school runs.
@openupmyeagereyes i hope ds is ok on your pick up ans sleeps a little better tonight.

Ds said he was to poorly to go school today he had tummy ache. He really didint want to put his uniform on so i said ok we will put some other clothes on he said but i promised ta i would put my uniform on. I said its ok if your finding that difficult we will put the other clothes on he then got dressed ran down stairs led on the sofa with his arms and legs stimming everyone and shouted i love my mummy. We then slowly walked round school to his door and the ta came out ran across the yard and said come on ds hurry up its pe today and i need to get you ready. School are still saying hes fully independent and needs no help with changing pe ect. Ds also got his first ever party invite today. I must say the school aren't very supportive but the other parents of the other children in both year 1 classes who have watched ds and me everyday are very supportive and actually tell the school too.