Any news from Aloha's meeting

[Curmudgeonlett]

how did it go?

Oh, Aloha, I am so sorry, and outraged on your behalf.
It's disgraceful that they won't communicate with you properly and then when you express concern they accuse you of being overemotional. wtf?
It does seem like you won't be able to win with this absurd school.

Oh Aloha, the staff at your DS's school sound shocking. I really can't believe their attitude, I'm not suprised you are seething.

Looking at other schools in your area sounds like a good idea, as your DS's school clearly aren't meeting his needs & I can't believe how rude they were to you.

Your DS sounds lovely. So sorry you are going through all this.

Well done for getting through the meeting.

Tbh, you did well not to wring the head's neck which would have, at least, given them something to write about in their reports.

I just get a horrible feeling that someone is reading and reporting back...as I say, I'm totally paranoid these days. Feel I can't trust anyone at school, not even the other parents.

you've got nothing to hide

What did THEY think should happen, given that they can't apparantly cope, wanting you to take him home for lunch, etc? What was their suggestion?

You must get him out of there Aloha. Everything about the meeting sounds horrendous and totally unprofessional. How dare they refuse the contents of the reports with you! In fact how dare they have "assessments" done without consulting you in the first place.
There is clearly no way to work with this school and you would never be able to trust them with your DS in the future. At least it is the end of year and a good time to move him and make a fresh start.

Well, given my strong reaction to their 'you take him, we can't cope' message, they are actually finding someone to support him at lunchtimes, but why do I have to go ballistic before this happens?

Oh, and I was asked, very aggressively, 'why did you change him from school dinners to packed lunches', er 'because he asked', I replied, mystified. 'Well, he was a lot better and a lot less trouble when he was having school dinners'. 'Was he?' we say, 'Nobody told us'!
Then on the way home I say to dh, 'er wasn't that the same TA who a few months ago told us that he was much better behaved when he was having packed lunches instead of school dinners'?? Yup.

They were absolutely refusing to a home school book at first. I thought this was common practise with SN kids?

I think Blu's idea about contact reporting the meeting in unemotional language may be worthwhile

I am so sorry .. I cannot imagine your level of anguish

Blimey and I thought DS's school was bad!!

You have the right to see ANYTHING they have on your son under the Freedom of Information Act 2000.

Send a letter to your school asking to see his records, and any other information they hold, in any form, relating to him.

I hope things get better soon. I agree with what the others have said though, you need to look at other schools asap.

Sarah

ps - you don't sound mad, scarry or aggressive at all

I sent you an email last night btw .. hope it might be useful

I think dh is worried about me. I feel like I messed everything up when I sent him there, and both of us feel a bit paralysed with worry that we will do the wrong thing again. I have lost a lot of confidence over this tbh.

Thanks for your emails marmitey curmudgeon - I will reply.

there is no need to reply

I can see why they might be slightly intimidated by you if I'm honest .. you have an intelligent and composed air about you and are unnervingly sharp at times .. I think teachers in the main tend to be a softer lot than journalists

I am in no way intimating you are aggressive as that is patently absurd

Aloha-did you ever make contact with the autism/aspergers support group in your area?
It may help at the moment to talk to other parents in a similar situation. They can also be invaluable in finding out which schools in your area might be better for your son and his particular needs.

oh aloha, I can see why you feel that way but it's not your fault. It's impossible to know before your child starts exactly how the school will turn out. That applies to everyone - none of us have a crystal ball and that's what you would have needed.

Now you know what ds is like and know where it has gone wrong this time, you are better equipped to look for another school.

You said in another post that the paediatrician had said the choice of school was important (apols if I've got that wrong) not that he couldn't manage school - so I would take that to heart and look for another school.

I meant 'sharp-witted' not sharp demeanour (just realised that wasn't totally clear)

I agree with FIS. You couldn't possibly have known that this would happen so don't blame yourself. My ds1's school is excellent with him but even after going in and out of the place for 3 years I still have no idea whether ds2 will be equally suited to it.

I agree with contacting your local NAS group. They will be able to tell you of their experiences with schools in your area.

Oh, I am sure I was getting pretty snippy with them...but even right at the end I was trying to be conciliatory, but that fell flat.

We didn't even get a chance to ask how much time he was spending out of the classroom.
I have talked to a local parent with a little boy with Aspergers who loves her school. It is completely full but I will put ds on the waiting list and beg, I think.

All children at our school have a home/school contact book from the moment they start in reception.

I really can't believe how rude & unprofessional the staff at your DS's school are. I can't believe they had assessments done on your DS without consulting you first! That is absolutely appalling.

oh arses hope you get this resolved. the school seem very errr useless tbh.

I have a NAS woman who does local autism support coming to see me on the 26th. I hope she can help. My head hurts from banging it on that brick wall.

My God, I don't think ds is even severely affected! He can do academic stuff, he's really sweet, he always kissing babies, yet I feel like this. What on earth is it like for other people?
I really never thought this woudl happen. I didn't even think we'd need a statement.

When I rang to ask ofsted about soemthing unconnected I was told that if you do not feel that you are getting anywhere with the school then you should contact the school govenors, then the LEA and then if all else fails Ofsted.
You are expected to do it in this order.

After todays meeting I suggest that you contact the govenors, detailing the difficulties and what happened today - as far as possible facts only no emotional language - very difficult I know.

I think requesting a copy of you son's records is a very good idea. As Sarah and someone else said you are entitled to see all and any records kept on DS whether written or on computer under the data protection act. You do have to request it in writing and they are allowed to ask for a fee.

Don't beat yourself up about what has happened. How could you possibly have known the school would be like this.