missed all this as I was away.
Look for another school. Reading the meeting with the head is almost identical to the sorts of things my friend had with her dd with AS. She battled and tried to work with the school; she really really tried (they accused her of being aggressive as well) they marked her card and she had no chance. After 2 more pear shaped events, she took her dd out. She is now transitioning to another school where, shock horror the staff listen & understand & are positive (it is an AS unit though attached to a ms school).
If you go on any AS support group you'll get story after story like this. The key really is to find an understanding school, you really can't (IMO) make a school that doesn;t understand into one that does.
Don't feel guilty- the meeting sounds very like the one I had many years ago with ds1's nursery (they laid trhe blame on me for him not speaking for example). I was horrified at how wrong they had it, how little they understood, & just took him out. I can never quite believe that I sent him there, but until it all goes pear shaped it's very hard to find out what's actually going on.