Any news from Aloha's meeting

[Curmudgeonlett]

how did it go?

When I said in the meeting, to hear my sweet, dreamy, eccentric little chap called 'a violent boy' was very hurtful and painful, the reply to me was 'but he is'.
Oh, and they told ds that he was coming home for lunch before they even asked us!

You just have to get him out of there, don't you? You can't have that kind of message filtering through to him, really.

And when I said in the meeting that I needed to know what caused his reactions, I was told 'there isn't a cause. He just attacks people'.
So I ask him and find out it's just his totally wrong, totally aspergers way of trying to play

Oh bless him

Poor ds and poor you

Yay for the NAS lady! Hope she can help you feel a bit more empowered Aloha.

Bloody hell Aloha, had no idea things were this bad. School sounds like a shower of sh1t. Not that that's much help but how unprofessional and incompetent can one bunch of so-called grown-ups be? Feel very sorry for you and for ds being faced with this appalling treatment.

I'm in no position to offer advice on this one, but I'd be tempted to minute the meeting myself and copy to the governors. No idea if that would be inflammatory, though.

God almighty.

They all know they are doing a rotten job for your son, they are extremely uncomfortable about that and they busily stroke each other at every opportunity so that those uncomfortable feelings are rejected and projected onto you and him. Happens exactly like this at my job - hence I am leaving.

Glad you found someone with some nous to support you.

omg, am appalled and so sad for you. absolutely typical that they are trying to turn this round and criticise your behaviour when you stand up to them and their unprofessional behaviour. really hope you find a lovely school to move ds to

Aloha it would be worth finding out if there is a governor responsible for the area of SEN at your school - this is quite common. You could take the issue to them as well as the Chair - if the Governing body is any good this person should be better informed than the average governor.

Sorry to hear things have deteriorated in this way. It sounds as though the school are very much on the defensive.

I can't add anything but have been reading this with my jaw dropping more and more. I CANNOT believe the 'but he is' comment. I would have become violent myself at that point I think! Just wanted to offer sympathies really. DS1 is 'quirky' without a doubt - still wonder if he might have AS traits - and I always felt they didn't really 'get' him at his old school. At his new school the ethos is simply 'quirky is fine' - they are so positive and supportive. Schools like this DO exist - you may have to look around a bit - but they are around and they are so much better for all children, not just those with SEN.

Aloha - so sorry it went so badly x enid

Aloha - this puts the role of the governors into context

The governing body's responsibilities fall into the following areas:

Admissions
the governing body (whether admissions authority or not) must comply with the provisions of the SEN Code of Practice on admissions of children with Special Educational Needs whether those children have a Statement or not. This is further influenced by the SEN and Disability Act 2001 (SENDA) which reinforces the need for Inclusive Schooling (see below)
Policy
the governing body decides the school's general policy and approach to meeting childrens' special educational needs for those with statements and those without
Resources
the governing body should make every effort to see that the necessary special arrangements are made for any pupil who has SEN by setting up appropriate staffing and funding arrangements and overseeing the school's work. The governing body should ensure that those children take part in the everyday activities of the school as far as is practical
Communication
ensure that the school's policy on SEN is made available to parents, staff and the LA and report annually
ensure that staff are aware of children with SEN that they teach and of the importance of identifying pupils who have SEN and providing appropriate teaching
consult the LA and other governing bodies when necessary

sorry the school have been so unprofessional and negative towards you and DS. and agree that you being accused of saying things behind the staff's back is a red herring.

What a depressing meeting, Aloha.
At least you have some rights as a parent in the UK.

Oh Aloha, it sounds awful. Don't blame yourself - of course you are doing what you think is best for your Ds at every stage - sometimes it is just impossible to tell what is best. I agree with others that you should consider other schools. Some are just better with SN than others. Also remember that if you get a statement you can ask for a school to be named on it, and if they agree that would entitle you to a place at that school.

Aloha, I haven't posted before because unfortunately I don't feel I have any advice to give, but I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are going through this. I hope you can soon find a solution for your son that will allow him to thrive.

So sorry to hear this Aloha. Have you thought about removing your ds from the school completely?
They sound absolutely awful tbh

Sorry to hear you had such a crap experience! In real life I go round loads of schools (mainstream and SEN) and the variation in attitude is staggering. I would honestly say if you are considering a managed move look round as many schools as is practical to your own situation.

Do you have contact with other parents locally? Their views can be of use too (just treat them with a little caution!)

All the best and take care of yourself.

Aloha, I'm so sorry they were so rubbish and so unprofessional and unhelpful. But pleased you've found a sane voice with the woman from NAS, hopefully she can help guide you through this horrible time a bit.

Hi, I am so tense my entire back and shoulders have seized up. This is not good! Read three chapters of The Swoose by Dick KIng Smith to ds and left him reading Knock Knock jokes my himself, after a cuddle. He is a lovely boy.
I feel awful that they think of him in such negative terms at school.
NAS woman fantastic. Am definitely planning to move him now.
Can't believe the head tried to turn a meeting about my ds into a meeting all about her. She's really chippy tbh and very defensive. I was just under attack from teh minute I walked into the room.
His teacher (stand in for maternity leave) is absolutely ok, if a bit ineffectual, I mean, at least she had no personal insults for me, but nobody except me had anything to suggest at all. I was in there with my social stories and my home/school book and wanting things to be better, and kept beign told I was obstructive. It just felt really pointless.
They were incredibly rude tbh. And they were calling a rather small, weak, uncoordinated little chap 'a very violent boy' as if he was a teenager with a bleeding knife. I just find it beyond belief tbh.
They don't even seem to want to understand Aspergers tbh.

I have spoken to one local parent with a seven year old with Aspergers who was telling me abotu her quite local school - in house speech therapy, weekly small groups working on social skills, a really positive attitude. I was and am going to put ds on the waiting list. Dh wants to pull him out of school altogether and I'm not far behind him.

I'm not surprised you want to pull him out. Your last line about them not wanting to even understand Aspergers, is absolutely bang on I think.
The warning bells have been ringing for ages haven't they? And you, quite rightly, wanted to help them out but they're not having any of it. Sod them. Move schools for sure.

Hot bath, strong drink?

when is the end of term Aloha?

can you stand it for a few more weeks and then have the summer to think/work out a strategy?

sorry it's so shit, your son sounds lovely in all your posts

xx

I am glad you have decided to move him Aloha. It can only be a move for the better as far as I can see.
I must admit I was totally amazed when DS was dx at how little the staff in school knew about AS-from the head down. Even the Senco! In my borough, the teachers are now being sent on an autism awareness course, but only one at a time as far as I know. I cannot understand why it has never been addressed before-apparently the subject used to be covered by a half day in the entire teacher training course! (or so I have been told-may be wrong!)
But do persevere with finding the right school. I used to despair and came close to removing my DS from the system. But this year he has really done well-he has made friends and is much happier. I am sure your DS will blossom in the right environment too.