Moving up to secondary school, lets flap about it together.

[lostinwales]

Apologies if anyone has started a thread like this already I just need some handholding before September. DS1 (11, formal diagnosis of Dyspraxia, informal of ASD) is currently in our small village school, 10/15 to a year group everyone knows everyone and he has a nice little group of friends. He copes very well with the routine there and his teacher has time to teach the way he learns and after help with an OT he is doing really well.

The one thing he doesn't cope with is anygthing away from this lovely order. This morning he walked to school ahead of me with DS2 as I dawdled with DS3. He got to school, realised I hadn't signed a form (not essential today but if he's been told it need doing it HAS to be done). He dumped his coat and bag and ran all the way out of school to me in a complete panic, by the time I'd calmed him down and we got to school and signed his form it was 5 past 9, at which point he started to hit himself in the forehead with his homework folder and panic as he was late (and as he has been told not to be late this mega panics him). In the end he was taken to calm down by an LSA and I explained to his teacher and they were lovely and calm and helped him but I could see he would be in a state all morning. How will he cope in a school with 1,000 pupils? Right now I could cry, I want to go with him and keep him safe but I can't and it terrifies me.

I think the point of this thread is to whinge away safe where we all understand sleep well tomorrow is another bloody day.

I'm so sorry you've had such a difficult day, Magso. In spite of what the teacher says, it sounds as if you do need a face-to-face meeting (are parental interviews coming up?). How silly to say DS just needs to "pull his socks up". Honestly! Poor boy. I hope tomorrow is a better day for him. It's good that he's making friends. That will help him so much.

Thank you toffee. I agree I think a face to face meeting is in order.
I have slept on it and decided it needs to be his year/ transition teacher I speak with. Parent consultation are after half term.

They have a residential school trip before then and after attending the pre trip meeting I am very concerned. There are only 2 teachers going with 25 learning disabled children. frankly ds will not be the only one who still needs considerable adult support. There are centre staff too but I still feel very worried.
Ds survived cub camp ( ms) but the leaders (and other children) gave him the extra support.

He has gone off in his usually 'hasty haze' but I made a real point of putting his english homework ( and last weeks) in his english file. English is first thing so hopefully he should get a bit of credit.

DS1 had a wobble yesterday. He phoned me from the school loo, saying he felt ill and begging me to bring him home. I went in straight away, but took him to chat to the 'learning manager', who deals with all the non-teaching stuff and was meant to be his contact for times when he felt anxious. Turned out DS had stuffed himself with some awful sweet called 'Toxic Sludge' on his way to school (for a dare - he was very proud of himself) and had then had a jam doughnut and a baguette for his snack. No surprise when he felt sick then! We talked about how he must eat sensibly so that he doesn't make himself feel ill, then discussed how he could go and sit with the learning manager if he did feel ill or anxious again, rather than going home.

He had been to the pastoral office when he first felt sick. They are supposed to look after sick children, but DS said the woman who works there is not very nice and very unsympathetic (you'd have thought this quality would be a prerequisite for the job, wouldn't you?), which is why he'd gone to the loo and phoned me. He was lucky not to have his phone confiscated for this.

DS felt really bad that he'd had to leave school early (I took him home after we'd seen the learning manager) and made sure he was up and out of the house in good time this morning. "No Toxic Sludge!" I reminded him as he left.

On a positive note, at least he is eating at school. At the start, he wouldn't eat anything all day.

Magso - have you been able to arrange a meeting with someone at the school? It certainly sounds as if you have a lot to discuss. I agree that two teachers to 25 learning-disabled children sounds ridiculous. Does your son want to go or could you decide not to send him?

'No Toxic Sludge' a life lesson for us all there I think

Magso have you managed to talk to someone at the school yet?

I'm having a huge dilemma. DS1 is being 'picked on' in the playground by a slightly older boy. He takes away DS1's wallet and won't give it back until this older boy gets bored of the game when he chucks it across the yard away from DS1. This is happening quite frequently, although I have been mainly told this by other children as DS1 is very head in the clouds about this type of behavior. DS1 is aware though as he told me it had happened twice in one day this week. I was wondering if I should call the school but, of course, out of the 1,000 children in the school that could be a pain this one is the son of a 'friend' who is notorious for not believing her PFB could do wrong (although the list is long). Gaaaah. I can see only conflict with his mother if I dare to question his behavior but at the same time he shouldn't be allowed to tease younger children. Where has niecie got to, I need to borrow her terminator powers.

Lost - email the school detailing what is happening to your son and they should deal with this boy's behaviour. It mustn't be allowed to continue. If it helps, a friend of mine had to contact school about her son being bullied in his first week at the new school. The main bully was the son of a friend of ours. The three boys involved had a talking to from their form tutor and the behaviour stopped from that point on. There was no need for the mothers to speak to each other about it.

This bullying must be nipped in the bud. Your poor son. It's not fair.

You're right aren't you toffee, I wish I could just stick my head in the sand and ignore but I'll have to phone. Sad but true I am actually quite scared if his mum . I am even hesitating to say 'bullying' but that's what it is. Ok shoulders back, deep breath, I will phone in the morning.

Here's to a good week for all our boys

You could ask the school if their policy is to tell the parents. It might not be. In the case I referred to before, the school dealt with the matter and the mother of the bully doesn't seem to have been notified.

I know it's daunting, but you have to protect your boy. It's really good that he's told you and it's important that he sees that telling you has a positive effect.

Good luck!

Well I have not managed to set up a meeting but am still trying. Parents are very much kept at arms length! ds party gave me a chance to talk to parents of older children and they said the same! I presume we are allowed in for statement reviews!!

I work one day a week so we had organised for the school bus to drop him at a nearby afterschool club on that day. This is easier for the bus so they agreed. It had been going smoothly. This week the first time with no one at home ( a neighbour was on alert previously incase it went wrong) the driver ( not his usual) dropped him at the empty house. Ds managed very well!. He tried the neighbour, then walked to the club on his own using the long way we have practiced to avoid a busy road crossing. He got there in one piece!! He was sensible and didn't panic and remembered what to do! I am so proud of him! ( I should say that it is only 5 minutes walk - 2 streets away, but ds is still learning to cross roads safely).

I hope we can sort that out too but at least I know he will manage if we can't.

Lost in Wales I hope the school takes this seriously and are effective in stopping this upsetting behaviour from the other boy.

I do find it hard to encourage independence!

Toffee how is your ds doing? Is he better?

I'm impressed magso we got home at 4pm one day to find DS on the doorstep having got in 2 minutes early and he was all blotchy and shakey and needed a very big hug and an apology! He's got an after school club tonight in our village so he is going straight there whilst I take DS3 to swimming lessons, the complications that could arise from this had him nearly hyperventilating this morning. We have settled on him going to his friends house if after school club plans change.

Right keep reminding me that the older boys behaviour is not acceptable. His mum has just I'm getting him into trouble as revenge. I am going to phone the school NOW and ask for some advice.

Perhaps if the other boy understood how upsetting it was he would stop or do you think he just thinks tormenting others is fun?if. You are afraid of getting the other child into trouble would not mentioning the name work?

I would not be surprised if ds was upset but because we had practiced what to do if I was not home he did it! I have no idea how long it took him.Apparently he asked the driver to take him but he told him to get his mum to take him, so I suspect the driver did not realise he should have been dropped elsewhere.
ds can get very upset about some things but things that should concern most kids often pass him by!
After being in the dog house over the shop meltdown he does seem to be a bit more thoughtful he is still on his shop ban!

I just spoke to the 'Behaviour' coordinator! She was lovely and we had a chat about how much more fun children who were individuals were! She says she finds 'normal' children very boring. Anyway I outlined the situation to her, including the line that my above post swallowed that the boy in questions mum had fallen out quite spectacularly with my friend last week and I didn't want it to look like I was retaliating because I'm not like that. What crap timing. Anyway she said she had lots of experience in these matters and would call in DS1's friend and ask him about it because 'the sixth formers on the yard had mentioned it to her' and then she would get the other boy in and gently explain that it is not acceptable behaviour. Happy all round. They will also keep an eye on the dynamics between the boys to make sure nothing similar happened again. I'm fairly sure the boy understands the consequence of his actions as he was the one who upset DS in the holidays. (Marks down in big book of families not to hang out with)

Good idea about practising what to do if the unexpected happens. I have just been running around like an idiot planning everything with military precision so everything happens just so. How I could have convinced myself I could keep that up, or even that it was helpful to DS in the long run I'll never know

Oh good someone at school is experienced and taking it seriously lostinwales but also able to be discreet! Good the 6th formers had noticed too.

I always like to have backup plans - with dh away quite often and my health up and down. Because ds cannot read ( so lists no good) he has to have a clear plan for what to do if mummy is not home.
I am struggling to get things right -ds may have delays and is very vunerable, but he is still 11 and needs to learn independence and self reliance dispite it. I wish there was more guidance in how to do this and keep ds safe!!

I bought some coloured sticky tabs to put on to remind him to hand homework in. Apparentlt they do not ask for it as a matter of policy. Trouble is ds needs prompts!! They get marked as not having done homework if it is not put quietly on the teachers desk at the beginning of a lesson.! You would have thought they would at least prompt them initially!!

Oh well, 'behaviour lady' spoke to problem child, he claimed he didn't realise DS1 was upset (at which point lovely friend snorted and said 'as if') so to cap an already wonderful day where DS1 had his wallet taken again the bastard horrid child made him cry by making fun of the fact that he couldn't think of a word in after school club. Confidence going down by the day. Why oh why does this have to happen. He was doing so well and this boy and his family were well aware of how worried we were about the whole transition. Even worse I hear his mother has been bitching about my son to all and sundry as he has been sitting with a boy her son wants to sit next to on the bus. I am so low this evening, if I can't expect ex friends to be on my side how will we get anywhere. Sorry, thanks for reading, I need to put it down somewhere.

Oh, Lost, that's awful. Can you go back to 'behaviour lady' and explain what else is happening? Maybe they have a 'buddy' system or something. It sounds as if your son needs someone to be keeping an eye on him to see that this doesn't happen again. You can see where the other boy gets his behaviour from though - what an awful, bitchy mother.

I hope things improve. Keep us posted.

I am so sorry Lost! Similar happenened to my (NT) nephew and that was also friends slightly older child. There is nothing I can say but hope that the behaviour settles and ds finds a way to minimise the stress to himself. It sounds like the other child is acting up because he thinks ds is more popular and his nose is out of joint. My nephew is now very happy.

Ahh it's so tough eh? Anyway school has been awesome and the troubling boy was given a warning yesterday and again today when the coordinator heard about after school club teasing. If he does anything else he will be in serious trouble with the head of year, I think this has scared him off for now. What doesn't kill us and all that bollocks.

Lost - glad to hear the school are taking this seriously. I hope that's an end to it.

Magso - your son behaved with admirable calm when he was dropped off at home by mistake. I'm not surprised you are proud of him.

We have all been ill with a sickness bug, so DS1 is off school today. Since his wobble last week, he has gone to sit with the learning manager whenever he feels anxious. He only needs to sit there for 10 minutes or so, then feels able to join his class. He says nobody tells him off for being late. This may be because he is in a special nurture class, where they understand his difficulties.

I'm so impressed by the school. DS's tutor emails us regularly to check that DS is OK and still enjoying school. DS says the tutor and his teachers are all very nice to him. He is enjoying the lessons, on the whole. He had to miss a dance lesson for a CAMHS appointment on Monday (first CBT session to help him cope with OCD and anxiety) and he was sorry to miss it - dance, his least favourite subject! He said dance is different and more fun at this school .

Actually, I can't believe how smoothly his transition to secondary has gone so far. He is so much happier than he was at primary school. We can never relax with DS as history shows that the next challenge will be just round the corner, but it's good to have this period of calm at any rate.

Hello! I lost this thread again temporarily. Nothing personal - I don't seem to have been posting much this week. More worryingly, now I come to think about it, I have no idea what I have been doing instead.

LostinWales - what a horrible time your poor DS seems to be having. I am glad that the school are taking it seriously and not doing the 'we didn't see it, therefore we can't do anything about it' bollocks. Hopefully the head of year is scary and will keep the other boy firmly in his place. And well done to him for making the top set in maths. I hope it works out for him and being in the top set has given him a confidence boost.

ToffeeFudge - sorry to hear you have been ill but glad that you think the transition has gone smoothly. With NT children you kind of think all will be well and give it very little worry time but I think we have all been apprehensive about this transition for so many months that it is a relief to have finally got things moving and if they are going well it must be a huge bonus. Let's hope that you can evenutually feel able to relax.

Magso - I think it is a bit mean of the school not to prompt your DS over his homework. Surely there should be exceptions to the policies where there is a real need? What possible good does it do not to remind him, especially at this stage. Hopefully he will get used to the routine but that isn't going to happen if they don't help, I wouldn't have thought. I know the kind of crap our head of year would have come out with - very little tolerance for differences but surely if there is a clear need for help, they should want to provide it.

My DS started in his new class last week and was really happy the first day. Since then I have asked how his day has been and he just says OK. However, he does then say that even OK is 100 times better than his old class! I am still getting used to the idea that OK is well,....... OK, that it mean we have made a mistake in getting him moved and that he is back to normal really. Perfectly content to go to school and not finding it a big deal. Can't ask for more than that. His tutor says he seems to have settled too which is good. He has some changes to his timetable and he is losing an art lesson for some 1 to 1 with an LSA which is good too. I am glad they haven't cut him adrift completely. That wasn't what we wanted but now they seem to have it right. Just hope his CAT test results don't throw up any anomalies which lead the school to question where they put him. You never know with DS!

Does anybody's child use a computer to do all or a significant amount of their work? I am pretty sure that DS's writing marks have always suffered because of his handwriting and presentation and the juniors and I think doing homework on computer would be a good idea but it doesn't seem to be something that secondary have suggested yet. It might be my next crusade - ensure DS is allowed to use a computer for his homework. We are letting the dust settle on his move first though!

Hi all. Just a quickie. DS2's birthday today.

Though I feel lucky he reached 12. He caught the wrong bus home yesterday. My DS1 rang me on the bus in a panic, that DS2 wasn't on it. I rang the school in case he had just missed it or something, even rang dickhead, then remembered to ring DS2. Luckily he had got his phone out to ring me as it was on 'silent' as it has to be in class. He'd got on the number 3 bus instead of the number 4 one and had got off on it's last stop and was in a blue funk! Some of the other children helped him to get his phone and he answered me. The other children told him where he was, the road name and I raced over in the car to pick him up. The other children had gone home, not realising how vulnerable DS2 was, but he was so pleased to see me.

Can you imagine a few years ago, before mobiles? I would have had no idea what bus he was on and no idea where in town or surrounding country he was. Police would have been called. Thank God I'd taught him how to use his phone. School are escorting him on to his bus now!

Oh god, Ellen, what a scary incident! How lovely that the other children had helped him though. Hopefully, your son will never make the same mistake again (I'm sure he'll be checking and doublechecking the bus number from now on).

Funnily enough, it was my son's 12th birthday yesterday too .

Goodness Ellen how incredibly scary, thank goodness for mobile phones. I know DS1 having his is very reassuring. I can imagine how happy he was to see you, extra big hugs that night then.

Happy 12th birthdays to thread boys, we've got a few months to go before that momentous occasion, 12 sounds so grown up.

DS1 was quite low when he got in from school yesterday. He didn't have anyone to play with at either break so spent an hour and a half wandering around on his own although on the plus side that meant the bully boy didn't' find him either!

DS1 was going to have a computer Niecie but the alterations to his seating and pens really helped and now he seems to be doing alright. It's down in his file that he can use one all the way through school if he needs to. I'm really glad you feel he in the right place in school now, how's your friend the head of year?

Hi all, apologies for being absent, been a bit rushed recently, it never ends does it?!

ellen, happy birthday to ds2 for yesterday, 12 seems so grown up, we have until may here. Thank god indeed for mobiles, ds1 gets really anxious and always calls on his way home.

lostin, pleased you got the bully sorted for now, hope ds has had a better day.

toffee, happy birthday to your ds as well

niecie, my older dcs all do their homework on the computer, they rarely handwrite anything even if I think they should it seems to be the expected way round here. Pleased to hear the move has worked well, well done him.

magso, your boy did fab although you missed the bit where you said you rang transport and yelled at them I'm surprised the school aren't more welcoming though and why don't they ask for homework in, ds1 and dd2's schools both do and they're ms seems daft.

things have been pretty full on with ds1, he's had some problems with a few boys at school but didn't tell us [sigh] one of his friends told dd2 so we found out just after the meeting with his tutor, typical! But we're hoping it's sorted now, school seem to be pretty hot on this kind of thing and have spoken to the boys involved who are leaving ds1 alone. He's also saying his edulink doesn't work so we're not sure if it's really not working or he doesn't want to use it because it makes him stand out so we've someone going in next week to get to the bottom of it. He's getting stuck into the football and rugby clubs which is great but he gets really anxious when this means going to a different school or somewhere else to practice or for a game, I can' t manage to reassure him.

Wow, toffee, what a coincidence! Happy Birthday, boys!

Hi Lost. DS2 goes to a SEN club at lunchtimes, so he's quite happy, (They have a Wii!) But his needs are perhaps more obvious than some of your DC, so it seems the right place for him. I can imagine that if you can 'pass for normal' an SEN club would be uber uncool!

Niecie, DS2 does nearly all his homework on the computer. I print it out and stick it in his book. No-one has said anything yet... TBH, DS1 does as well and he's NT.

Ninja, DS playing team games? I am impressed, hopefully the experience of away fixtures will give him more confidence, eventually.