Moving up to secondary school, lets flap about it together.

[lostinwales]

Apologies if anyone has started a thread like this already I just need some handholding before September. DS1 (11, formal diagnosis of Dyspraxia, informal of ASD) is currently in our small village school, 10/15 to a year group everyone knows everyone and he has a nice little group of friends. He copes very well with the routine there and his teacher has time to teach the way he learns and after help with an OT he is doing really well.

The one thing he doesn't cope with is anygthing away from this lovely order. This morning he walked to school ahead of me with DS2 as I dawdled with DS3. He got to school, realised I hadn't signed a form (not essential today but if he's been told it need doing it HAS to be done). He dumped his coat and bag and ran all the way out of school to me in a complete panic, by the time I'd calmed him down and we got to school and signed his form it was 5 past 9, at which point he started to hit himself in the forehead with his homework folder and panic as he was late (and as he has been told not to be late this mega panics him). In the end he was taken to calm down by an LSA and I explained to his teacher and they were lovely and calm and helped him but I could see he would be in a state all morning. How will he cope in a school with 1,000 pupils? Right now I could cry, I want to go with him and keep him safe but I can't and it terrifies me.

Lost, was it a mufti day for Children in Need? DS2 looks forward to them, as usual completely different reaction from your DS! Then again, he does struggle on a mufti day, all the DC are a bit hyper which sets him off.

at you hiding squash in DS's water bottle, Ellen.

Good idea to arrange a review with the SEN dept.

DS1 did manage to get to school yesterday, although he was muttering that he felt sick as he went out the door. He lasted all day and didn't go to sit in the learning-area manager's office because he's finding it a bit embarrassing to keep going there. That's no bad thing if it encourages him to stay in lessons. However, on the way home from school he rang to say he was too tired to walk another step, so DH had to drive over and pick him up. Thank goodness it's the weekend now.

Hello again.
well done young Toffeefudge for managing a whole day in class! Hope he recovers in time for next week.
ds had a mufty day for CIN which he now enjoys. He needs to dress in similar feeling clothes but copes with the change with excitement now.
I eventually got a meeting with one of his house teachers and the head of year but it did not go well. Neither knew about the inclass melt down and restraint, and both seemed to think I was moaning about their individual homework setting. I want to know what the homework is, when to hand in and how to support handing it in. They would not allow a home school book and I think they just thought I was a bad and fussy mother. complete waste of time. Very much the dreaded lack of flexibility! Ds junior special school was so understanding of ASD but this one is not. It does not help that ds cannot read or write readably.

Sorry you had such a difficult meeting, Magso. It's awful when you sense that teachers think you are just being a fussy mother. It doesn't sound as if they listened to you properly or offered any help at all. If I were you, I would see how it goes and then, if something crops up, contact head of year again or even go to the head about it. I know it feels as if the battle just goes on and on and on, but hopefully you will get someone to listen in the end. You just need to find the right person.

Ds amazed me yesterday by spending a day at home with his school friend, then agreeing to go swimming with him and his dad and then - as if that wasn't amazing enough - agreeing to sleep over at his house . I can't remember the last time he agreed to sleep over anywhere. I waited for a phone call, but it never came. I had warned his friend's dad that DS might need to ring us and come home. Now I probably look like a neurotic mother . Anyway, DS has been in good spirits ever since and I'm delighted that he is feeling relaxed enough with his new friends to move out of his usual comfort zones.

Brilliant young Toffeefudge - and a sleepover! Well better to look like a typical worrier mum than risk a problem unprepaired. It may well be that the other adults were able to smooth his path knowing young toffee might struggle, so helping success along! Well done to you too!

Thanks for listening to my winging again Toffeefudge. The one good thing was seeing my son come out of school (after the meeting) happily interacting with the other boys. I have decided to try and figure out the homework pattern and double check it with the subject teachers (if I can work them out) at the parent teacher night at the end of term. The difficult thing is there doesn't seem to be any person specifically asigned to monitor my childs needs. The year teacher (actually head of learning for 3 years) was very combative and belittling to talk to. I think writting letters might be the way forward for future communications!

That sounds like a good plan for the homework, Magso. However, it does sound as if your son needs someone to look out for him and it's a shame if that is meant to be the year teacher, as he sounds rubbish. My DS is checked on by his tutor and the 'area learning manager', who is non-teaching staff.

Well, back to normality now, after DS's successful weekend. He felt sick this morning, but went to school anyway. Then, just as I was leaving on the school run with my younger son, I started receiving panicky texts from him, begging me to help him because he felt so ill. I contacted the area learning manager, who knows him well, and she brought him through to her office for the first lesson period. I have emailed the tutor to warn him that DS wasn't feeling well today and booked a dr's appointment this afternoon just to check.

DH collected DS from school at 2pm after receiving increasingly panic-stricken texts from him. I am wondering if nose bleeds at night are making him feel nauseous in the morning. Hopefully, the dr will know.

DS was checked by his GP on Tuesday afternoon. Diagnosis: anxiety. She didn't think the nosebleeds were an issue at all. She gave him a paper bag to breathe into when he feels sick. I had, vainly, hoped the nausea would be caused by something physical that we could treat, rather than the usual anxiety issue .

On a positive note, DS has been into school for the two days since and seems to be OK.

A tummy bug will (usually) get better with a little TLC but anxiety is so much harder for us mums to fix - so I know what you mean Toffee! I suppose the paper bag trick gives him something to do as well as hopefully feeling more in control. Good that young Toffee is soldiering on and staying at school.

We've had a couple of different days. First ds was dropped at an empty house again , but was taken in by our lovely new neighbour, who took him for a walk with her son and even fed him! Ds likes the young lad next door ( they play together even though he is much younger) so he was very happy and did not volunteer where he was supposed to be!! I was blissfully unaware of all this having forgotten to put my mobile back on after a meeting a train ride away from home. I was so impressed that this lady whom I hardly know was so responsible and it is lovely to know I have such a wonderful understanding neighbour (she works in a school so recognised ds as vunerable dispite his size and age).
Then today I drove into an island curbe thing that I failed to notice in the half light after school (ds was having a meltdown in the back as is common when I pick him up) and I completely wrote off a tyre. Oddly ds calmed down and was as cool as a cucumber once the lovely AA man came to our rescue! Tonight we are eating home made pizza that ds made in school none the worst for our prang! How the school bus drivers manage to never get distracted with all the chidlrens noise is beyond me!
I think I have worked out the homework schedule at last!

Maybe it's the distractions that make them forget where to drop your DS!? Thank goodness for your lovely neighbour. Glad you are all well after your prang.

You might have a point there Ellen! I completely forgot cubs for ds tonight so I can guess the drivers have to be very focussed on just driving safely! How are you and ds?

Yes, you're right about the paper-bag trick giving him something to do when he's panicking. I have started giving him his medication when he comes home from school instead of first thing in the morning because he says it makes him feel sick for a bit (not that he'd even had it when he felt sick the other day, but anyway...). I think the psychiatrist thought it would affect his sleep if he had it later in the day, but it doesn't seem to.

I am that your poor son has been dropped off at an empty house again! Your next-door neighbour sounds absolutely fantastic, but supposing you hadn't had such a lovely, understanding neighbour? Can you complain to the school (if it's a school bus)?

Sorry to hear about your accident - a perfect example of how stressful and upsetting meltdowns are for the carer. Well done on the homework schedule!

Ellen - how are things going?

DS is worried because his friends haven't met him every breaktime this week, as usual, and he has been spending some breaktimes on his own . He says they are making new friends. He won't join in with the new friends because one of them called him a 'retard' (this is the second time someone has called him this, btw). Nice, eh? I have said he can invite his friends round at the weekend (to encourage the friendship), but refuse to let him have another sleepover at the moment as it turned out he and his friends managed to download some very unsuitable films that night (the mother had gone out and left her boyfriend in charge and he didn't supervise them ).

DS's tutor is still being fantastic. He emailed me to say that he still thought DS was doing "exceptionally well" and DS told me that he had sent an older boy over to chat with him during one tutor period because he noticed that DS wasn't mixing with the other children in the tutor group.

Hi Toffee, Magso. Sorry friendships aren't going entirely smoothly, but you've got to admire their resourcefulness in downloading the unsuitable films!

DS2 is still having a bit of trouble on the bus. He's quite noticeable when he gets excited and is drawing the wrong sort of attention, much to the embarrassment of DS1, who he insists on sitting next to. I've found out that I'll have to ask for a meeting with learning skills, they only do an annual review over and above the normal parents' evening with his (NQT) tutor, unless there are any problems, so I suppose I should be glad there are no problems! I do want a chat about too much scribing for him and him not using a laptop. But generally all is fine.

He hasn't made any friends yet. But, TBH, he's not really bothered. I'm going to ask at my meeting if there are any likely DC to cultivate.

Sounds like DS1 is being a very good brother, Ellen, even if he does get a bit embarrassed. I'm glad to hear that things are fine, on the whole. I suppose it's good that he's not bothered by friendships, except that it makes him a bit more vulnerable if he doesn't have children who are 'on his side'. Sounds like it's going well, on the whole. How are you, though?

DS had a day off school today, after complaining of the usual - feeling sick on waking up. He also said he had stomach cramps. I'm sure he feels upset and worried about his friends making new friendships, but he won't talk about it or admit that that is why he feels ill.

I have emailed the school special needs' head to ask about handwriting lessons for him. He was supposed to be having handwriting lessons once a week, but it hasn't materialised. I helped him with his homework yesterday and was shocked at how bad his writing is! I just hope that something can be done about it before it's too late.

Night all.

Handwriting lessons will start on Friday - hurray!

Hurray for handwriting lessons indeed!

I still can't believe that another child would use the word 'retard' mind you one of DS2's football team called another teams player a 'paki' last week, thank god he has been banned from playing for them or I'd have to take my boy out, shocking.

I've been feeling a fraud and thinking DS1 and I don't need to be here as he's doing ok then he phoned me at 3.50 to say his after school club had to be cancelled when I was getting DS3 changed for swimming club and I unceremoniously dumped a four year old on the mercy of other mums and flew back home to get to DS1 before he was left waiting outside our house! Since then he's been 'on one' mega flappy and hyper and just plain daft . At the weekend I was in our new lovely kitchen extension and caught him hitting one of the huge windows with a hammer when I screamed at him calmly took the hammer away and asked what he was doing he was as baffled as I was, he didn't see what he was doing was at all dangerous or silly, he was just curious.

Anyway, we had parents meeting in school last week and apart from the handwriting and concentration issues he's doing really well academically speaking. Had all A* and A's for maths and his other subjects are all good. Main complaint was that he wasn't vocal in lessons but as his work reflects a good understanding they aren't that worried. Horrible drama teacher completely took the wind out of my sails by apologising she hadn't read his file properly and telling me that they had a code in class for when he was feeling uncomfortable and if he gave the signal she would give him a task organising something for her and he is to be director of the play they are doing so he doesn't have to go on stage. And she spoke English so I didn't have to deploy DH and his teacher Welsh to intimidate her .

Sorry the anxiety is bad Magso, cannot believe they dropped him at an empty house again, yay for understanding neighbour . I don't think people realise how physical true anxiety is, nothing like 'feeling a bit anxious'. I can sweat buckets quite literally (that's probably TMI isn't it?) let alone all the other ways it can affect physically.

Exams this week

Hurray for handwriting lessons, lost - except that DS forgot he was having one and didn't go . Better luck this week, I hope.

It's fantastic that your DS is doing so well academically. It sounds as if the drama teacher is doing better with him now and has a good understanding of his needs.

Why does he have exams, lost?

Hope all's well with Ellen and Magso.

Oh no he forgot! Sorry I know I shouldn't find it amusing but they are what they are eh? When we went to parents evening the children were allowed to wait in school for their parents to turn up but we didn't want to change the routine so waited for him to get off the bus then drove back. It might seem daft but when we got there DS1 was accosted by the lovely mum of another dyspraxic boy who was supposed to wait but had gone home (dad still at home thank goodness)

The whole school has exams this week, I can't even imagine the organising that goes into coordinating that. They have 2 or 3 exams every day, I think to be honest for his year group it's more about teaching them about sitting an exam, so more of an extended lesson IYSWIM. They are given booklets for each subject so they know what is needed and in French they did the paper in a lesson last week and then got it back corrected the next day to learn. Hopefully it's about the experience so by the time it counts it's all very normal. I'm on tenter hooks waiting for him to come home though!

Man I'm queen of sitting on MN today, DS3 is having an operation on Wednesday and there are so many bugs flying around school were hunkering down at home so he is healthy for his 'slot' in the hospital. I am getting a bit bored of cbeebies at the moment.

Lost - I hope your DS3's operation goes well today - hope it's nothing serious.

Oh dear, that poor boy, going all the way home! Yes, I can imagine my DS doing exactly that. I do wonder how on earth he'll cope as an adult, but I hope he'll have learnt some more coping strategies by then. DS's wonderful English tutor taught him a memory technique last week (how to remember a list using exaggerated images, such as giant loaves of bread), which is exactly what he needs.

Your poor DS, having two or three exams on a daily basis. That's a lot of pressure for him to be under.

I have booked DS into an after-school singing club next term, which I'm hoping is going to boost his confidence and give him the sense of being part of a group. He has a lovely singing voice (not just saying that!) and it seems a shame for him to waste his talent.

Hello! Happy New Year!

I know I haven't been on this thread for ages but I suddenly thought of you all whilst replying to a thread about stimming earlier and wondered how you are all getting on.

DS is doing OK. He is holding his own in the mainstream although he does have one 1 to 1 lesson a week which he seems to love because they make (and eat) toast and hot chocolate. I think they are trying to teach him some practical skills. He is so not interested at home but wants to do it at school. I bet they think I am a terrible mother for not teaching this stuff already but he gets in a right strop if I suggest he does it!

The CAT test results were as expected - bottom 20% on the non-verbal tests. Not surprising for a boy with dyspraxia! He did really well in the verbal tests though so there was something for him to be proper proud of. He was average for the numberical tests but average is just fine. Unfortunately, I ended up having to teacher his tutor how to interpret the scores. She seemed to think the non-verbal tests were reading and writing and the verbal ones were speaking and listening. A bit of a worry when she is his English teacher and she can see what he is capable of and didn't think to query it. She started the review meeting by saying she was sceptical about the usefulness of using CATs for predictions purposes but since she doesn't even know what they mean (or didn't) it isn't surprising she doesn't get it! I had to be very diplomatic and tell her about it - I didn't want anybody to make assumptions about DS based on the wrong ideas. We know where that got us at the beginning of the year when.

Anyway, I will stop rambling now because probably nobody will see this thread anyway!

Hi BigBoobiedBertha. Making toast and hot chocolate would appeal to my son too! We have a toaster at home but much more fun to do this at school!
I don't know if special schools do assessments, but ds report at christmas indicated they must have done some kind of assessments. I too have been suprised by lack of understanding of ASD in secondary as opposed to junior teachers. Ds report constantly critisised his figity (sensory seeking/ stims). We eventually had a parents evening ( just before the holiday) and it was helpful to meet ds teachers. It must be so much harder for secondary teachers to get to know their students especially those who perhaps only teach a student once a week. Even in a sn school the range of ability is huge.

Christmas and the break from all the stress of school was lovely!!

How is everyone else?

Hi everyone. Lost this thread for a while - sorry.

Not such good news here. DS1 is off school again. He went downhill towards the end of last term and I had to pick him up early one day (responding to his panic-stricken text messages). He missed the last few days of term, then missed the first week of term thanks to a virus.After that, he managed to go in for just two days and since then has felt too anxious to go. He is also refusing his medication because it was making him feel sick, although his anxiety levels were creeping up before he stopped taking it.

He is in such a permanently anxious state now that I have told school he won't be coming in until we get new medication sorted out and he is in a better state of mind. I have rung his psychiatrist as a matter of urgency, but she hasn't phoned back today.

I am strict about him having to do school work or BBC Bitesize at home during the day - no computer games allowed or he'll be on Minecraft all day - but, apart from that, am giving him lots of tlc. I feel so sorry for him, poor boy. Life shouldn't be so difficult when you are only 12.