Moving up to secondary school, lets flap about it together.

[lostinwales]

Apologies if anyone has started a thread like this already I just need some handholding before September. DS1 (11, formal diagnosis of Dyspraxia, informal of ASD) is currently in our small village school, 10/15 to a year group everyone knows everyone and he has a nice little group of friends. He copes very well with the routine there and his teacher has time to teach the way he learns and after help with an OT he is doing really well.

The one thing he doesn't cope with is anygthing away from this lovely order. This morning he walked to school ahead of me with DS2 as I dawdled with DS3. He got to school, realised I hadn't signed a form (not essential today but if he's been told it need doing it HAS to be done). He dumped his coat and bag and ran all the way out of school to me in a complete panic, by the time I'd calmed him down and we got to school and signed his form it was 5 past 9, at which point he started to hit himself in the forehead with his homework folder and panic as he was late (and as he has been told not to be late this mega panics him). In the end he was taken to calm down by an LSA and I explained to his teacher and they were lovely and calm and helped him but I could see he would be in a state all morning. How will he cope in a school with 1,000 pupils? Right now I could cry, I want to go with him and keep him safe but I can't and it terrifies me.

Thanks, Ninja. I will certainly be relieved to have a break from school issues for a while over the summer. It's brilliant that your son has a place at summer camp at his new school - I'm sure it will really help him to settle in more quickly in September. Hope you sort out the double booking tonight!

my 10 yr old son has certain traits of mild adhd. His issues are mainly
with short attention span and distractability. Its having a big impact on his school work. Its become more evident with his preparation for the 11+. I live in the kingston area and i don't know what i should do now to get him assessed. With the 11+ exams coming up so soon time is of the essence. I am confused about what to do next, can anyone help? Does anyone know a good ed psyc in the kingston area?

Also does anyone have a DS with ADD in a grammer school? Are the tolerant of children ADD?

Hi, Ummesa. Sorry to hear about your son's issues. If you want him assessed privately, you could try the British Psychological Society website to find an accredited educational psychologist. You could also ask your GP for a referral to a psychiatrist but, as I'm sure you're aware, that will all take time. Personally, I found the psychiatrist a lot more helpful than the psychologists we have seen over the years, as she spotted my son's developmental issues (Tourettes and OCD. Possible ADHD) immediately, whereas the psychologists did not seem willing to diagnose him with anything.

Sorry, I don't have any experience to help you with your second question, but I would have thought that, if your son was diagnosed, he would be entitled to help at school.

My friend's DS with ADHD is going to grammar school in Sept, he has a statement for 25 hours 1:1 support but the grammar won't be honouring it! They don't have a budget for SEN! It's ridiculous, SEN doesn't mean low academic ability! I'd say in general that grammars are used to quirky children and will be supportive so long as the ability is there but not sure how good they will be at dealing with extremes of behaviour. It may be that a rigid structure with really good role models might be just what your DS needs.

If you want a wider group of responses you will be better off posting your question on its own thread in SN Children, which is a really busy board.

Hi everyone, how's the holidays going?

ds1 has been going to summer school this week, dd2 has been taking him on the bus, rather stupidly I forgot I have a 2 year old still using a buggy and dd3 in a mac major, bus with me just wasn't doable! It's a walkable distance but I figure bus means a lot less busy main roads to cross so long as he gets the right one and they are busy here. The school is a sports academy so that's what they've done every day, he's very happy, had a go at lots of different sports and hopefully got to know some of the other boys. I think I might have to let him get himself there on his own on friday [wibble] although dd2 said other boys have been on the bus with their mums so hopefully he won't have stood out . . . yet.

ellen, sorry, just remembered you asked about dd3 a while ago She has a genetic syndrome, nothing to do with ds1s difficulties, she has visual and hearing impairments, learning and physical difficulties, severe sal delay/disorder and a few other things, the list is long and I rarely remember everything on it She's 5 and off to ss in september after a disastrous nursery and reception in ms.

Hi ninja, just been on a different thread about being brave and letting our DC have a bit of (carefully managed) independence. If your DS has been on the bus with your DD2 all week, hopefully Friday will be fine. Does he know any of the other boys? Anyone sympathetic he can join up with? My DS2 will go to school on the bus, but with DS1 who's nearly 14, so hopefully it will be ok. DS3 is 9 so a bit young to get to primary on his own.

Well done on your level 2 BSL! Your DD3 sounds like she's got a lot on her plate. Hopefully the new school will be a big improvement on MS. Sounds like it can't be much worse. Does the new school use BSL or Makaton? My DS2 went to a SS for all nursery and 1/2 and 1/2 for Reception year, so the opposite of your DD. I must admit it was a lovely safe feeling having him in SS, staff who seemed to understand and actually helped him progress, other parents who were in the same boat, no stupid competition. It was very hard when he had to move on. It was a child development and assessment school that only went up to end of Reception.

Have you got transport sorted out for her? So this means no DC at MS primary until your youngest goes? No wonder it was an emotional week. Life is never simple, is it?

thought I'd bump this and see how everyone's doing Have been distinctly head in sand for past couple of weeks!

ellen, friday went ok although he did turn up with a stray boy and he'd got walloped in the face at school so I'd had the teacher on the phone too, so not entirely non eventful. Transport is sort of sorted for dd3, it's organised by our lea transport but done by neighbouring lea so once I've sorted who I'm supposed to call to get the start date and school times corrected then it'll be fine! No more ms primary for another 2 years New school use both bsl/sse and makaton! No, new school would have to go hell of a lick to be worse for dd3, not sure it's actually possible Must be good to know your ds won't be on his own on the bus, will ds1 keep an eye out for him?

He'd better or I'll want to know why not!! DS1 is looking forward to DS2 starting, he's thinking it'll give him some sort of kudos!? The naïveté of youth... I have explained he may get teased and bullied for merely having a brother with SN, but he can't see it. I'm hoping it goes well, obviously.

The only problem with transport to school is that you don't get to 'pop in' or informally chat to the teachers. Your DDs new school sounds lovely, though. The mix of signing techniques must be hard to manage. Will your DD be using BSL or SSE? Does it depend on the level of hearing loss? I can see for lip reading and living in the hearing world SSE may be preferable, but would it be isolating her from the Deaf community? I have two adult friends who are deaf, one was brought up without signing and has married a hearing chap and the other signs (and lip reads brilliantly) and is married to someone who is Deaf. Just being nosy.

I don't remember to look on this board often enough. There's a thread by Chummybud on SN children. Her DS in Scotland has just started secondary, may be worth a read. He's doing well so far.

Just found this thread again after a long search as it had dropped off my 'active posts'. Next week is my 'preparation for school' week. I'm going to get DS to do a trial walk to secondary 'alone' for the first time (but with me trailing him, which he'll know), so we can time it and he can practise. I think I'm more nervous than him. Then am planning on him doing a second trial run with the friend who'll walk with him on the first day.

I can't believe that he will have to get himself to school and back every day from the week after next. This is a child who gets in a panic if I even leave him in the house to pop to the corner shop opposite our house.

Then there's all the uniforms to label, but that's the easy bit compared to actually getting him to school and helping him cope.

Next week, I'm also going to start gradually waking the boys up earlier and getting them to bed earlier, so they are back in the school routine before they go back to school. They have been waking at 8 to 9am during the holidays, so will get an awful shock when it's school time again.

The good thing is that the Prozac my son has been prescribed (for OCD and anxiety) is having a really good effect on him and his anxiety levels have dropped noticeably. Hopefully this will enable him to settle into his new school.

Am not looking forward to dealing with SENCOs and all that stuff again. It has been good to have a break from it all over the summer.

Hope you are all doing OK. Ninja - summer school sounds a great idea and will give your son lots of practise at independence. Ellen - it's lovely that your eldest son is so looking forward to your youngest starting at his school. I'm sure that feeling will rub off on your youngest.

I'm panicking a bit now, as we're on holiday all next week with a wedding to go to on Friday, so we won't be home til Saturday, school starts Monday. We won't be able to do any of that practising the trip to school, getting up a bit earlier, etc. I've just about finished labelling everything and we've started teaching him to tie his tie.

You'll have to put this thread into 'threads I'm watching' but then you have to remember to check it!

Well, you are ahead of me with the tie-teaching and labelling, Ellen! I have all that still to do. Maybe it's a good thing that your son will be distracted by other things the week before school starts. I'm not sure my son is looking forward to practising the trip or any of that stuff. When I talk about getting ready for school, he puts his hands over his ears.

Do 'threads I'm watching' stay there for longer than 'threads I'm on' or would this drop off that list too?

Anyway, I will probably be back a few times in the next crucial weeks...

toffee, yes, threads I'm watching stay until you delete them so for as long as you want to find this thread, you will Good news on the nerves, sounding positive and good plan for getting the route learnt to school. I'm planning on doing the same with getting the timings all back to normal, my lot have been going to bed really late over the holidays.

ellen, shit, I knew I'd forgotten something, bloody tie tying. Dd3 will be using sse for now, just because I think one grammar system will be enough to cope with for now especially as she has lds. If she wants when she's older she can learn the different grammar, it shouldn't be too hard, for most of us learning the vocab and retaining it is the hard part and she'll already have that in place. Her new school is pretty good, they have coffee mornings every so often and I already have email addresses, the teachers are lovely. Really, really hope your holiday goes well.

well, he's cost me a small fortune in new shoes, trainers and football boots, I hate shoe shopping, it's one of the worst bits of the whole return to school thing. So far he seems ok with it all, just worrying about what school bag he's going to get for now, just hope he carries on like this until they go back.

Thanks, Ninja, I didn't realise that about 'watched' threads.

You are right about the kit costing a small fortune. I haven't dared add up all it has cost so far and we have still to buy football shoes and trainers .

I'm taking the boys swimming this morning, but the swimming pool is conveniently near the school, so this means I can time the journey and talk to DS about the best route. Also downloaded a leaflet on the Green Cross Code from this website. I hesitated over this, as I don't want to scare my son too much, but, on the other hand, I want him to have a sensible wariness of crossing the road.

Also found a good luck card on the Moonpig website.

Ninja - DS chose a red Gola bag. Gola is popular at his new school and I am doing my best to make him fit in. I read on another thread that backpacks are uncool.

The children managed to wake themselves up at 6 this morning , so am hoping this means I can get them to bed at a decent hour tonight so they can start getting into the school routine.

More school kit paid for yesterday. This is costing a fortune! Still trying to get the boys to bed at a decent hour in the evenings so they get into the routine before school.

I'm really nervous about Monday and have to hide it from DS1, who is bound to be nervous himself. And my mum keeps ringing up to tell me how nervous she is about it too.

feeling the same about monday too. We'll have to compare notes! I'm hoping we've got everything now, spent today labelling everything and had to remember to mark the actual fabric for high school and not just the labels [sigh]

Yes, Ninja, I'm all up for comparing notes. Just spoke to a friend of mine whose son started secondary today and came back very happy and looking forward to Monday. Cross fingers for us, eh?

Here we go then, I will have to admit I'm bawling my eyes out typing this. I've had to leave this thread (well pretty much all threads) for the summer as I'm too nervous so have decided ignoring everything is the only way forward. But now it is tomorrow and I'm terrified (whilst managing to hide that away from DS1) We have had a lovely summer apart from one 'incident' whilst camping with two boys who are supposed to be his friends and will be a year above him at school, it just outlined to me how hard it's going to be for him. He's going to be so far away from everyone who knows him and his 'quirks', where will he run when he panics, who will know how to calm him down? He won't even have his special seat and weighted blanket as we decided we didn't want him to appear 'different' from the start and attract bullies, but how is he going to cope in lessons and the teachers won't know him from Adam (who coincidentally is a very intelligent well behaved boy ) Oh god and bloody DH is fucking useless, won't discuss anything with me, bloody teachers.

Right rant over, just have to get through this week, nothing else to do and then we can see how he has got on. Sorry for abandoning you all but I was happy in my little trophy winning bubble. God he looks gorgeous in his uniform though, I've plonked him on my profile for the world to see. He likes the photo but worries that he's got 'distracted eyes on'. God I'm having a PFB moment

lostin, he looks so smart, lovely boys you have! Think we've all been a bit 'head in sand' over the holidays, you're not on your own there.

fingers crossed and best of luck to everyone and our dcs

Hello all. Panic setting in. Just reminded DS2 how to use his mobile phone. Everything labelled and ready, except for me! He goes on the bus with DS1 at 8.10am.

Love the pictures, lostinwales. What lovely boys. I'll take some tomorrow and put them on my profile for a few days. You should, too, Ninja, toffee et al. Group hug needed as DH has gone off on one, so getting no help from him.

Yes good luck to everyone's DC's. group hug appreciated Manly slap on the back to all. See you for in the week and we can dissect how they got on. for now though!

oh no ellen, how was your week, been thinking about you?

Panic definitely setting in here for me, but DS1 seems surprising chilled about it all. Thank god for Prozac, I say, as things would be very different for him if he wasn't taking it. In fact, I doubt he would be going at all.

I do have this awful feeling that I've forgotten something vital, but everything is packed away in his school bag and his uniform is hanging up ready to wear. Early bedtimes for both boys tonight (running baths already).

lostinwales - I think ignoring the upcoming school challenge was probably the very best thing to do and enabled you to have a good summer. I'm sorry your son had an 'incident' with his friends and that it shook your confidence. I do think you should speak with his teachers as much as possible so that they do understand your son's quirks and can do their very best to help him. My son has been introduced to a member of staff who will be his point of contact if everything gets too much for him. That is a great comfort to me, as well as to him (although I'm sure he won't want to use her - he just wants to be like everyone else). Your son looks very smart in his uniform, by the way.

Best of luck to lost, Ellen, Ninja and anyone else who is looking for support tomorrow. Hope you all manage to get enough sleep tonight. I'm setting my alarm for 6am tomorrow so that I can flap around without worrying DS1 and then can (hopefully) appear calm and unflappable when he comes down.

His friend is calling for him at 7.45 and they are walking the half-hour walk together.

Holiday was OK, a bit unreal, putting a brave face on for the kids. DH and I have got counselling next week, but he's making no promises. It came a bit out of the blue for me; unsurprisingly he's crap at communicating how he's feeling.

Anyway, thanks for my label. Now I'm ready for anything. Bath is running and toad in the hole is being wolfed down. Complaints that the veg was peas and sweetcorn, and not the usual raw carrots!

I'm sorry to hear that ellen, I hope you can sort things out. What is it with blokes and communication?!

well, we're up and so far so good. Hope all goes well