Moving up to secondary school, lets flap about it together.

[lostinwales]

Apologies if anyone has started a thread like this already I just need some handholding before September. DS1 (11, formal diagnosis of Dyspraxia, informal of ASD) is currently in our small village school, 10/15 to a year group everyone knows everyone and he has a nice little group of friends. He copes very well with the routine there and his teacher has time to teach the way he learns and after help with an OT he is doing really well.

The one thing he doesn't cope with is anygthing away from this lovely order. This morning he walked to school ahead of me with DS2 as I dawdled with DS3. He got to school, realised I hadn't signed a form (not essential today but if he's been told it need doing it HAS to be done). He dumped his coat and bag and ran all the way out of school to me in a complete panic, by the time I'd calmed him down and we got to school and signed his form it was 5 past 9, at which point he started to hit himself in the forehead with his homework folder and panic as he was late (and as he has been told not to be late this mega panics him). In the end he was taken to calm down by an LSA and I explained to his teacher and they were lovely and calm and helped him but I could see he would be in a state all morning. How will he cope in a school with 1,000 pupils? Right now I could cry, I want to go with him and keep him safe but I can't and it terrifies me.

No, Ellen, the SA hasn't been requested yet (we have only just received the diagnosis) and the local authority won't accept any more applications until September, so it will be secondary school who apply for it. However, the secondary school are being supportive in recognising DS's needs. They have placed him in their E band , which they claim is 'E for Extra Special!' My son will not be fooled by this. However, this does mean that he will be in a small class and that teachers will come to him, rather than the other way around.

Hmm, A to E sounds a little Victorian. Mind you, they are in 1 to 5 in my DS1's school, so probably even worse. One local school has P, Q, R and S but TBH the kids soon work it out. All that matters is that he's supported to reach his potential, and (try) not to worry about anyone else. It sounds like the new school is being positive. Can't quite understand why the LA are making you wait until Sept to start SA, sounds like an excuse, but as long as you are happy with the support in the meantime... Just make sure they don't delay you again in Sept, saying they need more evidence before starting. Good luck.

Yes, I'm not too happy with the E band concept. I'm sure whatever it was called, the children would soon work it out, but still...But the class itself sounds exactly right for DS at this stage, so I'm not complaining about that.

The SENCO said the reason they won't process a statement application until September is because the schools are closed and the LA wouldn't be able to gather all the required information. As the school seem to be pulling out all the stops in terms of supporting DS's transition, I'm not too worried about that at the moment.

I am meeting with the Education Outreach Worker tomorrow afternoon. He phoned me and said that he will be supporting my son in moving back into full-time education, including being present at school on his first few days. He described DS as a 'vulnerable young man' and seemed very much on our side.

how did your meeting go toffee? I think kids will always work out the banding and which group is which whatever it's called, my older dds always refered to the top, middle and bottom groups whatever they were officially called. As far as ds1 is concerned he's always sat on the bottom table in primary school even though it's always refered to as orange group.

well, officially met the senco on monday evening, I'm not too hopeful ds uses an edulink that will be going up with him, it all seemed way too much trouble. But they will help with organising homework, they also run homework club at lunch for dcs who struggle with the break time and after school where there will always be support when needed and they'll speak to teachers if it's needed too. They stream for maths and literacy but he's going to have to manage everything else it's going to be a disaster so we shall have to see what heppens, I think she'll speak with all the teachers involved but I'm having a massive [wibble] right now.

doesn't help that he's gone for the day today with all the other boys, it should be more fun than anything else but I still had to let him get himself there [panic] although not from home just from the primary school that's 2 roads away where I dropped dd3, AND and and he's going to walk himself back to the primary school this afternoon as well

Thanks for asking, TheNinjaGoose. The EOW is being very supportive. We met him for the second time at the secondary school yesterday, where he introduced DS1 to his 'house leader' (I think she's called) and then took us round the school, introducing us to various staff members who will work with DS. Unfortunately, far from reassuring DS this just made him feel even more anxious. He was in tears afterwards and said he now doesn't want to go at all in September . I think it was just too much for him. He looked utterly terrified during most of the guided tour and was feeling sick all the way through (he always feels sick when he is anxious). It was very hard to watch him trying to cope.

We have another meeting at the school next Tuesday, where I will meet with the Head of Special Needs and DS will spend some time with the EOW in the school. I do think that the more time DS spends in the school the better, even though he finds it difficult.

I hope that when the Prozac kicks in, DS will find all these things much easier to cope with.

Unfortunately, the application for a statement won't be automatic, as the secondary school want to make their own observations and assessments of DS first .

TheNinja - I'm sorry you are feeling discouraged by your meeting with the SENCO. Do you mean that the SENCO won't let DS use his Edulink? (Sorry, I don't know what this is - please enlighten me). I can understand your worries over your DS managing to organise himself for lessons other than Maths and Literacy, but remember that he won't be on his own; he will be with all the other children, who will also be trying to find their way around. And the school staff should be there to help any children who are lost.

I do so understand your worries about your DS getting himself to the school and back today. I walked the route to secondary with my son yesterday and was very aware that I was somehow going to have to let him do this himself in September. I'm terrified too. Hopefully, if all goes well for your DS today (which I hope it does) that will give you more confidence in his ability to cope.

Toffee, I think you're right that the more time he spends there the better. Maybe a few short, specific visits to deal with one issue at a time, so he's not overwhelmed? My DS is going in on Monday for an hour to buy lunch at the cafeteria, with a TA. I'm lucky that DS doesn't think too deeply about about the future so isn't getting anxious. Really feel for you him.

Ninja, I hope his day went well! DS enjoyed his but was getting a bit tired by the end, according to the TA. About setting, DS's school sets in everything from Christmas. I'm a bit about it because he'll just have got started to know his tutor group when they'll get all mixed up again. The first term is in tutor groups so similar to primary, with the teachers having to differentiate for all abilities. Having a whole year might be good for your DS, when his difficulties should be properly recognised, while keeping him feeling secure within his tutor group? I don't know what Edulink is either? Some sort of laptop?

how's it going toffee, hope he's not too anxious about going back tomorrow. Ds1 can use the edulink, it was just well it'll have to be charged, how will he get it from one class to the next, what about batteries . . . etc it all seemed too much trouble for them, they're due to get training on one of their insets before september, these really aren't big problems.

ellen, any more visits coming up for your ds? I'm worried about not setting in everything else, I really don't think he'll cope, he can't write fast, spell and his writing is mostly illegible, hoping for lots of handouts!!!

an edulink works like a radio aid for a deaf child except you have no hearing loss. Teacher wears a small microphone round the neck and ds1 has an earpiece a bit like a bluetooth thingy so he gets the teacher straight into his earhole, helps with concentration and distraction issues. Microphone needs plugging in to charge over night and earpiece takes hearing aid batteries, all comes in a neat, small carry case, easily transportable. It's a bit like this one except it's the older version and the microphone is smaller.

got all ds1's uniform at the weekend, he looks so smart, it's a blazer and tie setup, of course I've got everything on the large size so it's rather baggy but he does look smart

I'm currently sitting in reception at his school, while he goes to the cafeteria to try out a normal, busy lunchtime with a TA. He's going again tomorrow to watch their school play rehearsal, just an excuse to spend some time here, really. That will be the last visit. He's been fairly enthusiastic, (for him, he's always pretty non-committal) but did get 'tired' at the whole day induction. Still to get his blazer, bloody expensive non M & S colour, unfortunately.

My godson is deaf and his school is fine about his induction loop thingy (technical term) but he's got a statement so his SSW (TA) does it. He could bring it home at night to recharge if they are stroppy, but doesn't really inspire you with confidence. I'm sure they'll see the benefits over the minor inconvenience.

I'm just waiting to see how it goes with DS2. We'll just have to suck it and see, I think. They've done quite a bit of preparation so hopefully it's been the right preparation!

Thanks for asking after me, Ninja and Ellen. I had a meeting with the Education Outreach Worker today and explained that it was all too much for DS last time we met. So when we meet tomorrow, he is going to take him on a brief (10 minute) tour of the school and see if he can find his house manager and his classroom. Then he's going to teach him a game of cards whilst they wait for me to finish meeting with the Head of Special Needs. We agree that DS needs to go as many times as possible before the end of term, but we want to encourage him, not put him off.

Am also slowly building up his social contact and, hopefully, his confidence and self esteem. Took him to his end-of-term party in a park last week and he had a wonderful welcome from his classmates and ended up joining in with some games. Today, he has a friend here to play with for the afternoon. Little and often, I think.

Ninja - I'm sorry the school aren't being very co-operative about the edulink. They have to co-operate though, don't they? . I hope they are a bit more obliging once they've had time to learn more about it. How did he manage the journey to and from school last time he went, by the way?

Ellen - it's great that the school are being so welcoming and letting your son visit so many times. How did he get on at lunchtime today?

Little and often sounds good, Toffee. Lunch went well, but most of the other DC with SEN take a packed lunch and have it in the learning skills dept together, so we'll have to see what he prefers. I'd rather he has lunch safely and with some like minded DC that may be potential friends really, but because DS1 has school dinners, DS2 wants to be the same. I met the lady who will be his main TA and I know her! She used to be a TA at the school I work in, she used to support a DC with Downs. (I support a DC with ASD.) Small world! She's nice but very strict, may be a good thing?

Hope your visit goes well tomorrow, not too overwhelming.

Glad to hear that lunch went well, Ellen. Tricky issue about packed lunch v. canteen lunch, though. I can see why you'd rather he stayed in a safer, more controlled environment. Is there anyone he knows at primary school that he could go to lunch with or would that be too difficult to arrange?

It's good that you know the TA. I think nice but strict is generally a good thing, so I wouldn't worry about that. Plus, if she has been doing that job for a while, she has experience, which is also an advantage.

The psychiatrist phoned tonight and asked me to put up DS's Prozac dose by one more ml as he is not suffering any side effects. I just hope that it works - DS needs a break from all his anxieties (as do we ).

Ooh, I was just looking though SN education, saw this thread and thought 'that's just the thread I need' and then realised I was the OP . In my defense I accidentally had two jobs for a while and got a bit distracted. DS1's new school have been very good at talking the talk we just have to see how that pans out when he starts in September.

Anyway, stuff all that for a moment, we are just back from the year 6 leaving assembly and DS1 won the year 6 trophy for Improving so much over the 6 years he has been in the school. The headmistress took me aside after and said it had been unanimous to award it to him as everyone was so amazed by how well he has done in the last two years. Did I cry? I'm still blowing snot bubbles now.

What with his prize in the national Eisteddfordd I think I may keep him home forever now, we can't top the last month surely? (I will have a read of everyone else's posts in a bit, I'm floating in my happy bubble for a little while)

Lostinwales, wondered why you'd abandoned us! I waved at you on the other thread.

What a lovely school, I bet you are really proud and emotional. My DS's school only does a sports prize. He's not likely to get that. Their leavers' assembly is next Friday and I'm expecting tears from all and sundry. See you later.

Sorry, I didn't really abandon you, it all went quiet and so it fell off my radar, then I got stupid jobs and had to do lots or RL stuff instead of MN (highly overated IMHO). I've got to say I am so proud of DS1's school. He's always had problems but I never thought of it (married to a teacher, it's like a cobblers children never having shoes ) but they gently persuaded me to let them refer him to the Paed and then took on board everything his OT suggested (I must send her a card) and he has done so well with their help. He is nearly top of the class, unbelievable 3 years ago. I am going to realx into how good the day had been and not obsess about it not continuing in secondary at least until tomorrow

Oh and I saw your wave and appreciated it

Snort

DS2 is going to secondary in Sept too. He has APD (auditory processing difficulties), dyslexia, dyspraxia and dysgraphia - all the dys's.

I am sending him to an independent dyslexia school in Fulham called The Moat. I took our LA to court and they have agreed to pay for it - with a taxi back and forth (yay!)

DS2 recently went with 3 other kids on a "day" at the Moat and he had a good time. However, 2 of the other 3 kids very obviously had very severe SN and the other was on crutches and had lower limb probs - poss spina bifida. DS2 said the kid on crutches was a great laugh and super fast on his crutches and pretty vicious in "tig" - also lent DS2 his crutches (!) and asked for them back for the stairs.

I know SN is a great leveller but I am worrying that I have gone too far. DS2 COULD have gone day to day in an MS school but I feel he would have been super miserable and he needs much more support than he would have got in a massive MS school.

But, have I done the wrong thing in sending him to a "special" school from the outset.

I really like the ethos of the school - 90 kids from 11 - 16 and all dys/dys. Some with extra SN too.

Friends say that it was hard to get him in. It will be easy to get him out if I have made the wrong decision.

Welcome back to your thread, Lost! Congratulations to your son. That's a fantastic achievement.

Had a very discouraging meeting with the Head of Special Needs at my son's secondary today. No, he probably won't get a statement; no, they won't let him use a computer for most of his work even though it's recommended by his educational psychologist (not their policy, apparently); and no, he can't have a yellow card to allow him to leave lessons if he's feeling anxious.

My son survived another meeting with the EOW and had another look round the school. Now I just have to remain positive about a place I'm beginning to have doubts about.

I hate sending him off to a place that he may be utterly miserable in. We have to try it, but I'm not feeling overly optimistic right now.

Hi Whatever. I think your friend is right, try it and if it proves not to be the right place the LA will be desperate to find you somewhere cheaper! When my DS went to his early years SS I had similar doubts, but there will be a broad mix of DC with varying SN, your DS will find his place and his friends. Sounds like he's made one already.

Toffee, that does sound a little disappointing. How do they justify ignoring the EP's recommendations, do they think they know better? Or is it a funding issue?

You can request statutory assessment yourself, the school doesn't have to agree, but they will need to provide reports which might not be very useful with that attitude. It might be a case of 'suck it and see' how your DS gets on. If it's not working out that will be evidence for SA and hopefully the school will be flexible enough to change to accommodate your DS's needs.

Ellen - the school say they are not legally obliged to follow the advice given in a private assessment. It's a no-win situation for us, because the SENCO at his primary school never referred him to the NHS educational psychologist, in spite of a letter from CAMHS asking them to do so. And dyslexia - which was his first diagnosis - cannot be diagnosed on the NHS anyway.

I think 'suck it and see' is about right, sadly.

DS has two more visits coming up. On Monday, I am taking him to a parents and pupils evening, where we'll buy his uniform (hopefully he'll enjoy this bit) and he'll meet his tutor. Then, on Tuesday, the EOW is driving him down to the school to meet his tutor again, this time individually. DS is terrified about this and refuses to talk about it - I'm worried it's a bit much for him. But I can see that it will be a good thing for him if he manages it.

Only a statement is legally binding, unfortunately. I didn't realise it was a private EP, not that it should really make a difference but recommendations made by the LAs EP would have been harder to ignore. Keep on top of things, toffee. Your child has SEN, the school is obliged to make reasonable modifications to ensure that he can access the curriculum, whether he has a statement or not. It's defining 'reasonable' that can be a problem.

You are right about keeping on top of things, Ellen. I realise that I will never be able to relax and assume DS is OK. There will probably always be another crisis round the corner. So I just have to keep a close eye on him and keep channels of communication open with the Special Needs department. Maybe I should do an assertiveness-training course as well - I think I'm going to need it.

You'll want PITA training! MN is a really good place to get advice. If you get any specific concerns put them on a new thread in SN children.

Yes, that's what I need! Or, as a friend with a son with autism told me: "it's the squeaky wheel that gets the oil."

you certainly end up feeling like a stuck record after a while

hope all goes well next week toffee, at least after that there'll be no more for a while until we hit september. Do keep on at the senco, his/her email is useful to have, that way you get everything in writing and they are less likely to lie to you

ds has got a place on the summer camp at his new school in the first week of the holidays it's all sports based as it's a sports college so should be a real confidence builder, he'll know the building a bit better and some of the staff and they'll get to know him. Also gives us a chance to practice the journey without all the other kids around as they'll probably all still be in bed at 9am that week! He has his leavers party tonight and decided yesterday he wanted to go to scouts instead as it's the last one, can't really understand as they are going climbing and he doesn't like that so we shall see what we end up doing.

at lost