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South Asian Mumsnetters

This board exists primarily for the use of South Asian Mumsnetters. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful.

Original poster

Married since 18 and I’m 33 now. Husband given me STI and gonnareah

192 replies

Mummaoftwoo · 21/08/2024 23:23

My heart is broken. I never thought he would do this. I don’t know how to confront him. I only got myself tested as he had penile discharge which we thought was UTI. But something in my heart said he did me dirty and he has. I have two kids. I’m so lonely. Family don’t know yet

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummaoftwoo · 21/08/2024 23:24

How do i confront him, ladies please advise me.

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Theirishwoman · 21/08/2024 23:26

Oh darling I’m so sorry. Penile discharge is an STI until proven otherwise.

What do you want from the conversation with him? Do you want to stay with this man who has risked your health? The manner of your conversation depends on what you want from it.

Lostworlds · 21/08/2024 23:28

I’m sorry, what a horrible way to find out!

Personally I would say you’ve got an STI and watch for his reaction and go from there.

I wouldn’t make any decisions until you’ve spoken to him but make sure you take time for yourself to process what you want.

patchworkbear · 21/08/2024 23:28

You tell him what you've written here. Not before getting evidence of all paperwork (house, assets) and preparing for divorce. This is the first time you've found out, probably not the first time he's played away from home.

cestlavielife · 21/08/2024 23:29

Tell your family the facts
See azlawywr
Divorce

Original poster
Mummaoftwoo · 21/08/2024 23:30

All I know is I haven’t and he knows he has. When he was going to get tested I asked him he said no, then he went maybe from sharing cup and cigarettes. God is my witness I did nothing. I just can’t bring myself to speak to him or be in the same room as him. I don’t know what I want. I only cried once. I feel so numb

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Original poster
Mummaoftwoo · 21/08/2024 23:34

My family and my Inlaws are so close our families are so so close. His the eldest and I’m the eldest sister in law. Eldest sister. I just have so much to think about . But I just know how I can be with him. How am I going to forgive and forget.

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Original poster
Mummaoftwoo · 21/08/2024 23:35

Why is gonorrhoea worse that chlamydia?

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dwArty · 21/08/2024 23:36

I would tell him that you know he has cheated and that he better man up and own what he's done before it gets worse. I'd point out you're struggling to even look at him. If he wants any kind of future with you he better start talking.
If you are unsure if you'd stay then I really suggest seeing a lawyer and finding out what you need to get in order.

CatchHimDerry · 21/08/2024 23:39

I’m so sorry. I’ve been in this position myself. We weren’t married or had kids, though, that Does complicate things slightly for you, OP, but you must put yourself first now.

Little did I know there was another woman who was not only involved with him but pregnant, and this was how I found out

Im not sure what you mean about gonorrhoea worse than chlamydia though, neither is ideal but both of those are treatable with medication if it helps 💐

Temporaryname158 · 21/08/2024 23:41

I’m sorry OP this is awful.

He didn’t care about your health (or his own ironically) and the excuses are already arriving suggesting shared cups/fags. If he says that again I’d just look in in the eye and deadpan say, that’s not how it’s transmitted, and stand in silence not breaking eye contact.

irrelevant of your close families he has behaved awfully and I’d leave him

Original poster
Mummaoftwoo · 21/08/2024 23:46

Oh I use to hear gonorrhoea is worse. I just really want to know what he did and with who? Obviously she’s dirty to be giving him that 🤢 imagine if he paid for it, omg I’m so disgusted.

since I had my little boy in 2018 things have been rocky and i got big but I’m not as big anymore. I think he wasn’t attracted to me. I don’t know did he play away then or was it recent.

does chlamydia and gonorrhoea stay un symptomised for a while before we know. Does anyone know? Or was it like maybe he did it in the last 6 months? Not that it changes but I just have so many questions in my head.

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Original poster
Mummaoftwoo · 21/08/2024 23:50

I just want other kind of evidence on him. I need to hack his phone. 🙈 any ideas ladies?

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80schildhood · 21/08/2024 23:52

Well you have those sti's too - are you also dirty?

No of course not.

80schildhood · 21/08/2024 23:53

And what more evidence do you need than the fact he gave you two sexually transmitted diseases? What difference will it make going through his phone?

Daisys24 · 21/08/2024 23:54

Mummaoftwoo · 21/08/2024 23:50

I just want other kind of evidence on him. I need to hack his phone. 🙈 any ideas ladies?

I’m all for snooping if the signs are there but I mean what more evidence do you need? You’ve got STIs that came from him. He could only get them if he’s cheated on you.

Redglitter · 21/08/2024 23:55

Mummaoftwoo · 21/08/2024 23:50

I just want other kind of evidence on him. I need to hack his phone. 🙈 any ideas ladies?

You don't need other evidence. You've got an STI that's all the proof you need

StarCourt · 21/08/2024 23:55

What makes you think she's the dirty one?? Its much more likely to be your husband.

CatchHimDerry · 21/08/2024 23:56

Ok so, not “dirty”, these things happen to anyone and everyone. Including you.

I have herpes forever now and have given it to my husband, despite being extremely careful (he is fine with this)
My ex that gave it to me was my first and only, Virgin before him.

These things just get about, all we can do is be as safe as possible and hope for the best.
And not to be cheated on either.

It’s unlikely you’ll work out when or who unless he fesses up, as sometimes they can be undetected for some time. Or sometimes you’ll become aware very quickly.

I knew immediately when it happened to me, but everyone is different.

Just confront him / kick him out OP, he’s disregarded your health, marriage and family that’s all you need to know surely?

otravezempezamos · 21/08/2024 23:57

So sorry OP?
Do you work/have any qualifications or is he such a sexist misogynistic pig that he has never let you have an education or career?
You are going to need money and security. You cannot stay with this disgusting man. Obviously there are cultural factors at play here but he certainly doesn’t seem to care.

AgileGreenSeal · 21/08/2024 23:57

Why do you need other ‘evidence’?
You know he has been unfaithful.
What you need to decide is how you want to go forward for yourself and your children.

Bumcake · 21/08/2024 23:59

Unfortunately you have all the evidence you need. I’d just tell him, then kick him out. He must be expecting it.

Redglitter · 22/08/2024 00:01

Obviously she’s dirty to be giving him this

That's a terrible thing to say.

Original poster
Mummaoftwoo · 22/08/2024 00:05

I know I meant like if his sleep with prostitutes and etc I’m just sad angry mixed emotions and I know I don’t need more evidence but would be nice if I just knew so he can’t deny it. His so stubborn. And I have an education and a job. Financially I don’t need him. I never have. I got my own house and own money. I just be thinking more about my children and what it entails for the family. It’s just hard being south Asian

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Original poster
Mummaoftwoo · 22/08/2024 00:09

My children… I hug and kiss them all the time. Can they catch it?

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