Married since 18 and I’m 33 now. Husband given me STI and gonnareah

[Mummaoftwoo]

My heart is broken. I never thought he would do this. I don’t know how to confront him. I only got myself tested as he had penile discharge which we thought was UTI. But something in my heart said he did me dirty and he has. I have two kids. I’m so lonely. Family don’t know yet

OP, you are reeling at the moment and understandably, and things may get worse over the coming days as you confront him and gather more facts, but please take some time to envisage the future you want to build for your children, with a mother who is a strong woman able to defend her boundaries who will not tolerate poor treatment, and particularly not from those she was most reliant on. You are educated, financially independent, young and sound amazing. You will get through it all. One of the greatest gifts we give our children is to show them how we get through adversity and come out strong. Make that your mission for the short term just to get you through and keep you strong. You can do it.
And don't let him fob you off with nonsense because he has been unfaithful to you and disregarded your health by not using a condom.

Obviously she’s dirty to be giving him that 🤢 imagine if he paid for it, omg I’m so disgusted.

I’d say he’s worse. Cheating on his wife and destroying his family for a quick shag. And getting an STD and putting you at risk.

Horrible thing to say about her when you’re not even criticising your ‘DH’

He's looking you in the eye and trying to tell you that he may have caught a sexually transmitted diesase by sharing cigarettes and crockery? I would point out that he is using those things wrong, and so is his disease-riddled friend he he is having his coffee-and-fag-breaks with. * *

Sorry OP, what a shit he is.

So if a person has ever had a cold sore they have herpes, and even if they didn’t, they still might have it 😂

@CatchHimDerry fabulous summing up of herpes! People are so uneducated and weird about a really common infection. It's basically a cold sore on your lips or genitals. How many people do we all know who get cold sores? My DH gets them on his lips. I've never caught it but might still on either my lips or genitals because HSV1 can pass in that direction. What am I going to do? Never kiss him? And he likely caught it as a child.

You know in your heart what you need to do OP. I'm sorry this have happened to you 😔

Agree.

I would punch him in the face with my foot for this!
what a disgusting C**T!

on a second note, dont....

LEAVE!!!!!!!! Save your energy with this one!

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

The only way you have caught it is if one of you has had sex with someone else.

If it wasn’t you, then it was him.

You don’t need any more proof as you have the most solid proof you can get.

I don’t think cheating always mean the end of a relationship.
Some relationships can work through it and get past it.

But I could never forgive him in this situation.

He could have been honest or even lied and said it was at the beginning of the relationship or it was a ONS after having difficulties etc and he really regrets it and will never do it again etc.

But to say he got it from sharing cups and cigarettes like you are some gullible idiot, would be the last straw for me.

He’s cheated, he’s put you at risk, you have the proof and instead of coming clean and admitting it, he has lied to your face again and has the nerve to think you will believe his ridiculous lies.

Bear in mind that your husband could also have had unprotected sex with another man, so don’t just assume it’s another woman.

Your husband is the dirty one. I wouldn’t be doing any more mental gymnastics about what he’s done and when. He didn’t give a fuck about your health or the family you made together. Ducks in a row and get rid.

@nervouslandlord yep, thank you 🙏🏼
There’s a few of them about, I get it I was naive once.
But some people be telling outright fake news 😂

There are scientific facts and evidence for all of this, easily available by a 2 second google search or medical journals if people don’t trust Google.

I tried to explain this to a relative of mine when she was Facebook slamming the herpes baby kissers.

She’s the mother - no HSV at all that she knows of.
Father - gets visible outbreaks on face, vary in severity but could be quite bad on times
Baby - born to these two

Baby has no immunity as mother negative, no antibodies passed.

Mother ballistic at person wanting a kiss in case of herpes as their status not known, fair enough.
Father, who we know has it, that’s somehow ok to plaster baby in kisses cus he’s the daddy baby won’t get it off him??

Baffled

I'm not saying her husband is innocent but please get a second opinion before you walk away.

www.irishtimes.com/news/health/doctor-found-guilty-of-poor-professional-performance-after-std-misdiagnosis-1.1593579

Its probably been mentioned but OP, please seek medical help immediately. At the every least.

No

Herpes /cold sores can be caught by kissing so they weren't wrong

Say what?

If you're not a virgin then you have more than a 1 in 10 chance of having Herpes (it may just never have showed symptoms or you may not have realised that's what it was). Or you almost definitely have HPV, especially if you didn't get the vaccine.

So stop being so judgemental.

You should be careful if you shave down there you're much more vulnerable to infection if he does down on you soon after you've shaved

Good point

Op I strongly advise you speak to a lawyer for advice before you confront your husband so you know where you stand and can get your ducks in a row.

You deserve better than this. Some couples do forgive and move on with counselling after affairs (50% I believe) however it's not like this was historical or he's fessed up - if you hadn't been made ill you'd likely never have known.

Also it may be that he's already thinking about leaving you for the other person. Or he may want to have his cake and eat it. Just hold that in mind - don't assume he'll want to save the marriage

I'm so sorry for you my lovely but you need to get real here..you need no other evidence & HE is the only one to blame for breaking up your family! You have said yourself you don't need him financially..I have 4 kids and their father left after 18 years & also walked away leaving me in serious debt..if I were you I'd be getting shot of him,kids or no kids & cutting my losses..
No your kids cannot catch it. I just think you need to see a solicitor & serve him the divorce papers claiming infidelity & make sure he can't get his grubby hands on your money/house.

Take care & look after number 1 & your kiddies. Xx

@Unexpectedlysinglemum hahah don't worry. Wrong generation to want to be smooth as a baby down there! No shaving!
In fact it's one of the reasons am anti hair removal down there. It's evolved for good reasons!

Have you looked on google images honestly you will never go near him again .

He must have been doing some cheating OP

He has torn your family apart not you .
You must be devastated but hope your head high and walk away before he brings you down more.

It used to be easily treatable. There's a strain that's resistant to the usual medications.

OP you need a full screen, he also needs a full screen. Go to your GUM clinic and they'll help you with everything you need to know. They're really nice and will treat you well. Don't delay, your health comes before your marriage. Deal with that later.

@TransformerZ oh behave, life isn’t black and white like that and in the UK you can’t sue people for “life endangerment” from sex it would be nigh on impossible to prove.

@Flopsy145 does not find the comment disrespectful because they have it.
I have it, we’re not “offended”.
It just IS disrespectful and uneducated.

@Fluffyelephant well said, I’ve been trying to make this point also here upthread.

Cheating is grim but who’s to say the other party is a dirty slapper who jumped at the chance to shag a married guy?
He’s possibly led some other poor bugger right up the garden path with lies for all we know.

I’ll say it again… Unless somebody is a virgin, never been kissed anywhere near a mucous membrane and / or has had an IgG antibody screening for HSV-1 or HSV-2 there’s a very real possibility they have herpes themselves.

Condoms won’t stop any disease or pregnancy 100%, they mitigate risk and of course should be used.

Hepatitis is also not exclusive to sex. Needles, drugs, tattoos, working in healthcare, travel to foreign destinations, blood transfusions pre the 90s etc.

Agreed it’s a polarising topic, especially where crafty cheaters are involved. I would know!

UK sex Ed is WOEFUL as well, that doesn’t help the situation for sure