Married since 18 and I’m 33 now. Husband given me STI and gonnareah

[Mummaoftwoo]

My heart is broken. I never thought he would do this. I don’t know how to confront him. I only got myself tested as he had penile discharge which we thought was UTI. But something in my heart said he did me dirty and he has. I have two kids. I’m so lonely. Family don’t know yet

I’m so numb. I cried once. I just don’t feel normal

My local doc was brought to court by a patient as she diagnosed her as having an std. Turns out it was just a regular infection. Get checked again.

It'd be worse if you stay with this AH. Monkey pox is highly unpleasant and whilst HIV can be controlled it can still kill you. And no idea about herpes, but ew just ew.

Tell him you have sn STI and it can only be from him. He has broken up the family and must move out now. Tell the family, everyone. Do nit keep this a secret because he will tell them you cheated on him.

My friend caught gonorrhoea and she was told that symptoms normally show within 2 weeks so if he had discharge recently then he’s cheated within the last few weeks. It doesn’t lay dormant whereas chlamydia can. You know he’s cheated that’s all your proof. Kick him out

You need to leave him and never have sex with him again.

Did you have full STI test for HIV and hep b and c too?

He will never tell you the truth.

( Gonorrhea can spread to the eyes if bacteria come into contact with the area).

I just had a chlamydia and gonorrhoea test.

and they said today I got both.

I know I need to leave. Pray for me guys. I need strength, he is all I know.

thank you for all your responses and sorry I was abit of a mean girl. I fully well know he is the problem.

I am just really scared about my children. I am going to have a full testing done.

then they will treat me. I’m on right now but will go pick up my test next week and do it and hand it in.

It doesn't matter what the details are, who he's been with. Doesn't matter if it was once, 100 times with one person or 100 times with 100 different sex workers.

What matters is that his behaviour has injured you and broken your boundaries within your relationship.

You don't need detailed evidence, you've got all that you need in the form of an STI. Imagine if it was HIV ffs, he could have essentially handed his child's mother a life sentence. He doesn't respect you, and that's all you need to know.

You deserve better.

YOU CANNOT spread it to your children by hugging and/or kissing them, unless you are pregnant ? which I do not believe you are..

This is from my friend Google:

How gonorrhoea is spread
The bacteria that cause gonorrhoea are mainly found in discharge from the penis and in vaginal fluid.
Gonorrhoea is easily passed between people through:

• unprotected vaginal, oral or anal sex
• sharing vibrators or other sex toys that have not been washed or covered with a new condom each time they're used

The bacteria can infect the entrance to the womb (cervix), the tube that passes urine out of the body (urethra), the rectum and, less commonly, the throat or eyes. The infection can also be passed from a pregnant woman to her baby. If you're pregnant and may have gonorrhoea, it's important to get tested and treated before your baby is born. Without treatment, gonorrhoea can cause permanent blindness in a newborn baby. Gonorrhoea is not spread by hugging, swimming pools, toilet seats or sharing baths, towels, cups, plates or cutlery. The bacteria cannot survive outside the human body for long.

You need a full test it’s unlikely however you need to know so HIV, Hep B and C, Syphilis.

Tell the clinic you suspect your DH has been having sex with male and female sex workers and this should trigger a test for every STD to be done.

You cannot stay with this man. He is a danger to you and your children.

I'm sorry for you. Your husband is reckless! Can you imagine how little you care about infecting you.

what if it’s HIV or hepatitis? He is putting your life at risk with his unfaithful habits.

You have to decide what you want in life…. Do you want to stay with him? Or is your marriage over? Only you can make that choice.

Btw is it an arranged marriage?

No not arranged marriage.

so sex toys. We are both adventurous in our marriage. Can we catch it by accident if the toy wasn’t washed properly ?

or does the toy had to be used by someone that was already infected.

or can the bacteria grow on a unwashed you. Without him actually cheating?

im not making excuses, I just need facts before I actually go for him.

Herpes is not "Ew just ew" what a disrespectful thing to say. Someone on this thread has already posted about having it, I also have it. Grow up and educate yourself

Get all the tests done and results first. Then you will have all the facts regarding what STD’s you both have.

Why would your own sex toys be a risk?

Someone with it would have to use your sex toy and you then use it and that's how it would pass. The only way for gonorreah or Chlamydia bacteria to get on it would be for someone with those infections using that toy, it can't just grow. Sorry op, an awful position to be in.
A bit of a hard question but are you worried for your safety at all confronting him? Does he have previous for being violent or aggressive.

You have all the proof you need.

He will of course try to say that you gave it to him, you could have cheated blah blah. You look him dead in the eye (with another person present, be safe) and say "I know I have never had sex with anyone else. We both know that YOU HAVE. The proof is in the fact that despite you being my only sexual partner I now have TWO sexually transmitted diseases. Do not insult my intelligence by trying to suggest otherwise, I am divorcing you"

And do not keep his secret. "Why did you split up?" "Because he had sex with dirty women and gave me two STI's" Get your narrative out there first because you can be damn sure he will try to paint you as some sort of diseased slut otherwise.

OP, I'm going to be blunt.

You have STD's because your DH cheated on you. There is NO other way you got an STD.

It doesn't matter who gave it to him, the point is he gave it to you.

Big hug to you. You are smart, capable, and financially strong.

You are going to be just fine without this asshole.

@PyongyangKipperbang No need to call women ‘dirty’ we do not know their circumstances they may have been trafficked sex workers.

Please show some compassion to fellow human beings.

Stop doing this to yourself. No, you didn't catch sexually transmitted diseases from moldy sex toys, a public toilet seat, used gym equipment etc. Your husband gave them to you. He cheated. And not only did he cheat, he cared not a thing about your health while he did it. It's unforgivable imo.

You got this OP!Leave him and shame him to everyone!

I am. I am showing compassion to a woman who has been given STI's from a cheating bastard piece of shit. And I used that language specifically because the OP has stated that she is South Asian, that will have a far bigger impact within her familial and social circle in terms of its meaning in order to exonerate her from blame for the break down of their marriage. Whether that is right or wrong in our culture is not the issue, in hers it has meaning.

You dont know it was prostitutes anymore than the OP does.

What we do know is that her husband went without a condom with someone (everyone is assuming its a woman, but thinking about it, could equally have caught it from a man, my bad) who has these infections and didnt care as long as he got condom free sex, and then passed it on to his wife.

Op stop making excuses. He has fucked another woman and given you multiple diseases. Whether you have an adventurous sex life doesn’t matter this has come from another woman. Please go and get the full STI screening if you have gonorrhoea and chlamydia you could have anything

She isnt making excuses. @Mummaoftwoo knows the truth, she is simply trying to cover all the bases of what he will say in "defence" of himself when she confronts him.

If, for example, it is theoretically possible for an STI to randomly grow on an unproperly washed vibrator, then he will cling to this as his defence. By knowing for sure that this isnt possible, she can blow that out of the water.

She is clearly very intelligent and is lining up the rebuttals for all the potential bullshit he will throw in an attempt to wriggle out of this.

ETA that I agree that a full screening at a GUM clinic is the best way to go now, both for her health and also to stop the "home tests are crap, they say you have things to make you pay for treatment" bullshit.

OP I’m sorry this has happened to you. You need to get a full STI screening and all the CORRECT information from the GP/clinic and then calmly tell him what you know armed with it all, so he can’t bamboozle you. Decided what you need to do for you and your family. But no, you cannot pass on his onto your children by kissing and cuddling them.

Now, can we please stop calling the other person involved, or even people who have STI’s dirty etc. This language is stigmatising and is what stops people from going and getting tested in the first place, and/or being open about their ‘status’ because they don’t want people to call them dirty, filthy etc. And prostitutes/sex workers are also not dirty, they know it is in their best interests to be safe and get tested regularly. They are not going to jeopardise everything for a few quid. Don’t judge the majority for the bad actions of a few.

Then just get treatment for the diseases he has given you, get a really good therapist for yourself, get your act together in terms of finances, and get a solicitor.

There are a lot of south Asian women who have taken that deep breath when they have suffered this sort of betrayal, have trusted themselves to show their children what determined and clear-thinking women they are, and have realized in doing so just how strong they were.