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South Asian Mumsnetters

This board exists primarily for the use of South Asian Mumsnetters. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful.

Married since 18 and I’m 33 now. Husband given me STI and gonnareah

192 replies

Mummaoftwoo · 21/08/2024 23:23

My heart is broken. I never thought he would do this. I don’t know how to confront him. I only got myself tested as he had penile discharge which we thought was UTI. But something in my heart said he did me dirty and he has. I have two kids. I’m so lonely. Family don’t know yet

OP posts:
HollyKnight · 22/08/2024 17:54

Mummaoftwoo · 22/08/2024 17:50

APPARENTLY IT WAS JUST A BJ

No. It wasn't. He just wants you'll believe that because the truth is much worse.

BattyEyelashes · 22/08/2024 17:55

Mummaoftwoo · 22/08/2024 17:50

APPARENTLY IT WAS JUST A BJ

No it wasn't. He's cooking up stories a bit at a time.

Fluffyelephant · 22/08/2024 17:56

Mummaoftwoo · 22/08/2024 17:50

APPARENTLY IT WAS JUST A BJ

The story seems very far fetched.

And I think it’s quite difficult to pass on chlamydia and gonorrhoea from a woman to a man when giving a blow job (transmission is more likely the other way around).

CowTown · 22/08/2024 18:00

Mummaoftwoo · 22/08/2024 17:50

APPARENTLY IT WAS JUST A BJ

I thought he said he caught it from a cup or a cigarette?

HollyKnight · 22/08/2024 18:11

Think about it. Even if he did catch multiple STIs from one BJ (he didn't), that's what he was there for. No masseuse is going to spontaneously blow a client without prior agreement and extra money.

You should be offended that he thinks you're stupid enough to believe that.

Sadly it seems it has come from him using sex workers, not from an affair. And since he hasnt been using the safer ones who get tested and insist on condoms, you really need to be tested for everything.

BattyEyelashes · 22/08/2024 18:15

We can't tell yet if it's an affair or not. He seems to be slipping out little lies that he thinks are less damaging. Perhaps in his mind, a "little bj on the side" or prostitute is 'less serious' than a full blown sexual and emotional affair with someone.

Yeahno · 22/08/2024 18:20

So little respect for you to come out with that nonsense. Does he think you are an idiot? Tell him has to report her to the police for sexual assault. See what he says. Next he will be telling you he fell and he penis entered her.

Lalgarh · 22/08/2024 18:21

Mummaoftwoo · 22/08/2024 17:48

Thank you my lovelies, I have an appointment coming up. And will have a full screening.

So he messaged me saying I went for a massage ages ago and it was a European lady in a house. When she massaged my front she started to rub my dick and give me BJ. I didn't say anything cause i was embarrassed. But I think that's where it must have come from.

I don’t know if I should laugh or cry.

why do I feel nothing

I am so so sorry for this.

Just to note, masseuses (is that the plural?) would almost certainly not simply proffer oral on a whim. There are horrible stories of women working as therapists getting harassed by blokes thinking (urgh) a "happy finish" is an added plus they offer (Jeffrey Epstein and allegedly A British royal).

No. He went to an sex worker (see? I'm using the proper term). And that sort of stuff would not have been given to him unless he wanted it. So either he's lying about the visit or lying about something else. He's lying.

TransformerZ · 22/08/2024 18:44

This is on the South Asian board - why are non south Asian women giving their advice? It's not relevent to the OP trying to navigate this with her culture in mind.
OP do you just want anyone posting or people from your own culture / religion?

Mummaoftwoo · 22/08/2024 19:42

His literally made my day it’s so funny that he think I believe he only got a blow job. I said I’m so gutted you didn’t do the whole thing. Blowjob or not it’s still the same and your still gave me chlamydia and gonorreah. And I hope your happy that you lost your family from just a “blow job”

OP posts:
Mummaoftwoo · 22/08/2024 19:43

He said he didn’t tell me coz I over react I said I’m calm mate. He said it was one hour massage and ended with a blow job £80 later.

how do I say in a calm nice way, don’t come home pack your bags and do one mate.

OP posts:
HazelPlayer · 22/08/2024 20:04

No masseur is going to do a blow job on a client they don't ask for or agree to.

It's a chore for them

They're not doing it unless it's asked for/agreed for the price.

And the price would be agree beforehand. And what was included would v likely be understood.

Anyway, there are real, legitimate masseurs who do massages, and masseurs who are essentially sex workers)l/in brothels. You don't book that type accidentally.
You know what you're booking when you book that type. You have to go looking for them.

Now onto his claim that he was infected with clamydia and gonorrehea from a blowjob. That's extremely unlikely.

I think you can get clamydia in your mouth/throat from doing a blowjob on an infected man.
I don't think a man can get it from receiving a blow job. Or it's extremely unlikely.

Gonorrehea is probably similar.

Anyway, it seems very very unlikely that he got those two from a blowjob.

Far far more likely he got them from sex.

I notice when people are forced to admit to cheating, they always admit the absolute minimum they think they can admit.

Men often say "it was a blow job" because they think that's less "serious" and major than sex.

He now knows the "colleagues' cups & cigarettes" excuse is not working, so he's got to admit to sexual contact with someone. It can't be his choice so he has to say it was pushed on him (yeah right), and not planned/intentional/his choice. And it was "only" a BJ.

Reality, it was likely penetrative sex.
It was entirely his choice.
It was probably not once.

Oh and even if he was the unluckiest man who got twk STDs from a BJ ...... If a masseur starred doing a sex act on you - uninvited and unexpected, and that means you were now cheating (and having a sex act on you that you didn't want) ; wouldn't you stop them immediately??
Just how many STDs can you get from one second of oral sex on you?

It's BS anyway.

FlannelShirt · 22/08/2024 20:04

Mummaoftwoo · 22/08/2024 19:43

He said he didn’t tell me coz I over react I said I’m calm mate. He said it was one hour massage and ended with a blow job £80 later.

how do I say in a calm nice way, don’t come home pack your bags and do one mate.

how do I say in a calm nice way, don’t come home pack your bags and do one mate.

You say exactly that!

HazelPlayer · 22/08/2024 20:15

He said he didn’t tell me coz I over react

Typical gas lighting.

Just how would he react to you saying you went for a massage with a male masseur without telling him and the male masseur gave you oral sex.

You then go two STDs as a result (yeah, very likely from a second of oral sex before you stopped him) and that's how he contracted two STDs from you.

(But you didn't feel it necessary mention anything about it, until the STDs were discovered).

He'd really under react, I'm sure.

CatchHimDerry · 22/08/2024 20:47

Just tell him what you’ve said here, OP.

PP are right, the chances it’s just a BJ are vanishingly small. He’s just trying to make it less sound less “bad”

PyongyangKipperbang · 22/08/2024 23:34

"I am perfectly calm thank you, now that I have come to terms with the fact that I married a disgusting cheating pig who has given me not one but TWO sexually transmitted diseases that you picked up from who knows where. You will leave tonight. I dont care where you go or what you do but you WILL leave."

HazelPlayer · 22/08/2024 23:36

CowTown · 22/08/2024 18:00

I thought he said he caught it from a cup or a cigarette?

Since the cup & cigarette story wasn't being believed, a masseur who forced an expected blow job on him had to be invented
.
What legitimate/non sex worker "masseur" has a man naked and with his dick out anyway?
Are we to believe that this giver of free blow jobs just whipped a towel off during a therapeutic massage to have her evil way with him?
He would have protested and stopped it immediately, of course; she must have some super strains of clamydia and gonorrehea in her mouth to have infected him during a few seconds of oral sex on a shocked man.

Any massage during which he was naked with his genitals exposed would have been the "massage parlour that's really a brothel" type. Often staffed my immigrant Asian women (who do not have freedom to decline sex work). He chose that kind of place, he went there knowing exactly what they offer.

Op, I think - while that story is bullshit - you are perhaps getting into. closer to the real circumstances in which he got two STDs.

Mummaoftwoo · 22/08/2024 23:36

I don’t why I am so calm ladies.

I told him not to come home but he still did.

I really don’t like fighting in front of my kids. They are 12 and 6. Breaks my heart.

the gum clinic said two weeks for an appointment!! I’m going to call my gp and say I need to start medication soon.

OP posts:
Mummaoftwoo · 22/08/2024 23:38

HazelPlayer · 22/08/2024 23:36

Since the cup & cigarette story wasn't being believed, a masseur who forced an expected blow job on him had to be invented
.
What legitimate/non sex worker "masseur" has a man naked and with his dick out anyway?
Are we to believe that this giver of free blow jobs just whipped a towel off during a therapeutic massage to have her evil way with him?
He would have protested and stopped it immediately, of course; she must have some super strains of clamydia and gonorrehea in her mouth to have infected him during a few seconds of oral sex on a shocked man.

Any massage during which he was naked with his genitals exposed would have been the "massage parlour that's really a brothel" type. Often staffed my immigrant Asian women (who do not have freedom to decline sex work). He chose that kind of place, he went there knowing exactly what they offer.

Op, I think - while that story is bullshit - you are perhaps getting into. closer to the real circumstances in which he got two STDs.

Edited

His so funny. To actually come up with bullshit he thinks I will believe him. His a liar. And I’m going ruin his life. That’s all really :)

OP posts:
HazelPlayer · 22/08/2024 23:42

Mummaoftwoo · 22/08/2024 23:36

I don’t why I am so calm ladies.

I told him not to come home but he still did.

I really don’t like fighting in front of my kids. They are 12 and 6. Breaks my heart.

the gum clinic said two weeks for an appointment!! I’m going to call my gp and say I need to start medication soon.

Did you get the tests done online op?

You definitely need antibiotics for those stds ASAP if you tested positive for them and have had no treatment.

I don't know about gonorrehea but untreated clamydia can lead to pelvic inflammatory disease.

HazelPlayer · 22/08/2024 23:47

Mummaoftwoo · 22/08/2024 23:38

His so funny. To actually come up with bullshit he thinks I will believe him. His a liar. And I’m going ruin his life. That’s all really :)

Your poor kids, and you op.

He doesn't deserve any of you

BoundaryGirl3939 · 22/08/2024 23:51

Gosh. What an absolute d**k.

HazelPlayer · 23/08/2024 00:02

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/oral-sex-std-risk-chart#st-is-that-spread-through-oral-sex

Looks like you could contract clamydia or gonorrehea from having oral sex done on you.

Even if he got them from oral sex, seems highly unlikely he got both from one blow job though.

And again, that couldn't have been a few seconds - which would be all he'd have, surely, if he was taken totally by surprise and didn't want it and stopped it continuing.

You don't get masseuses doing blow jobs in legitimate massage places .... Only dodgy, sex worker places. And there's no way you'd book and attend an appointment in one of those without knowing exactly what they are.

If he'd only wanted a massage, he'd go to a sports masseur, or similar. Not to an "erotic" massage joint.

If he truly got those stds from a "masseuse" (prostitute) he knew where he was going and why, and there was nothing unexpected about any sex acts

Still think Jess more likely to have contracted them from sex though.

Does he travel to your families' home country? Any lads trips, stag do's, trips alone?

It's just that another poster from the region had this with her husband who went on lads trips to their families home country (they brought prostitutes back to their hotel). I'm just thinking prostitutes there possibly have less access to condoms, screening and medical treatment.

Oral sex STD risk charts: Safety and prevention

Oral sex, such as fellatio, cunnilingus, or rimming, can spread sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Learn how to prevent STDs and when to see a doctor here.

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/oral-sex-std-risk-chart#st-is-that-spread-through-oral-sex

NotSoHotMess24 · 23/08/2024 00:02

Mummaoftwoo · 22/08/2024 23:38

His so funny. To actually come up with bullshit he thinks I will believe him. His a liar. And I’m going ruin his life. That’s all really :)

Good for you. Use that anger, it's an energy!

Lalgarh · 23/08/2024 00:12

Mummaoftwoo · 21/08/2024 23:30

All I know is I haven’t and he knows he has. When he was going to get tested I asked him he said no, then he went maybe from sharing cup and cigarettes. God is my witness I did nothing. I just can’t bring myself to speak to him or be in the same room as him. I don’t know what I want. I only cried once. I feel so numb

Sorry for the late posting. I assume he got tested. Is he actually taking medication now. Sorry if it's personal