Married since 18 and I’m 33 now. Husband given me STI and gonnareah

[Mummaoftwoo]

My heart is broken. I never thought he would do this. I don’t know how to confront him. I only got myself tested as he had penile discharge which we thought was UTI. But something in my heart said he did me dirty and he has. I have two kids. I’m so lonely. Family don’t know yet

Oh come on, sores on your genitals are 'ew' in the same way as a boil on your nose or a stinky fart - it's a reaction to something unpleasant not a personal attack on anyone whoever suffered from them. I'm sure you were horrified when you first found out.

I'm sorry this happened to you OP. You have all the proof you need with having the infections. No matter what your DH says, you don't catch it off toilet seats or whatever other excuse he comes up with. Please get treated. I don't see how you could trust him again. He put your health at risk with no regard to you.

Gonorrhoea can cause serious complications if left untreated: heart valve, brain and liver damage. Fortunately it's easily treated.
Remember your strength and courage. Put yourself and your children first now.

The person he caught an STI off isn't 'dirty'. Anyone who has unprotected sex even once could get one.
But he's disgusting for cheating and endangering your health. Tell him he needs to get down the clinic and obviously do not have sex with him until both of you are clear. But if I were you I'd kick his arse out the house. And never have sex with him again.
The details of who and when etc won't make things any better. I'd just want rid of him right now tbh.

I'm so sorry he's put you in that position OP, what a horrible thing to go through. You're showing a lot of strength with this though, you're holding yourself together much better than some people do in your situation, and that's a good thing. You will be okay, you will get through this, the pain and anger and fear and everything else will stop. It won't happen today, or tomorrow, next week... to be brutally honest I don't think even 2025 is looking too promising for you at the moment, but I hand on heart swear to you that this will get better, you'll get through it, and you'll be a stronger, happier woman once you get out of the tunnel.

Gonorrhoea is worse than Chlamydia, significantly so, and particularly for women. It's caused by a bacteria which means you can get rid of it as you know, and if it's picked up on and treated early on, like in your case, you'll be just fine. If it's left untreated for long periods, years perhaps, it can spread throughout the body and cause all sorts of permanent irreversible harm. Chlamydia is also bacterial, but it's much less severe - not completely safe, but not nearly as bad. About 90% of the men and women who have it never know unless it comes up on a test, as it produces absolutely no symptoms at all. It's also very easy to treat - often people have it but don't realise, then they get general purpose antibiotics for a totally different unrelated infection, and that's enough to cure them completely.

Here's some info on both infections from a well trusted medical website:

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/gonorrhoea/
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/chlamydia/

Hope this helps. There's no need at all for you to apologise for getting angry with him and the situation he's put you in, he's earned that fair and square! Stay strong, you've got this

@Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice I admit I was horrified yes, when I found out. Being young and very naive and all, with limited sexual experience.
Then did my research and realised how uneducated I was.

Nobody asked, but lemme fill ya all in!

(Also it’s nice to see the comments from the ones with sense on here that nobody is “dirty”)

A quick google will tell you (via the WHO) Herpes-1, in the form of “coldsores” on the mouth or genitals, is present in about 67% of people under 50. That’s a huge number of people.
HSV-2 is around 13% (genital only).

It starts to get even higher as people get over 50 as some of them think “fuck it, can’t get preggers or knock up my bit on the side anymore”.

So group of 10 friends? Statistically 6/7 of you have it in some form or other.
1 or 2 have you have the “ew” kind on ya bits (cus somehow that’s usually far less socially acceptable even though it’s the same thing)

Its NOT tested for in a standard STI panel, as it is only reliably detected when you have the sores present.
A blood test will show a previous infection via antibodies but not when / where / why or the location on your body.

It can be entirely asymptomatic in either strain.

So if a person has ever had a cold sore they have herpes, and even if they didn’t, they still might have it 😂

Unless one remains a virgin and never has oral sex or kiss anybody, even family, then it’s not completely avoidable unfortunately.

Do I wish my ex wasn’t a cheating fuckboy? Sure. Do I wish I didn’t have it? No. I’m glad in many ways. It’s an amazing filter for the kind of person somebody is, whether they have compassion and can treat me respectfully etc. when I disclosed it.

Now, back to the point in hand OP. Anything he tells you is lies.
If you have previously tested negative for both of these / Virgin previously then the only possible source is him.
He’s a liar and a cheat so in the bin with him 🗑️

I felt for you until you started calling another woman dirty and blamed her instead of your husband. Even if he paid for it, there is a high likelihood that the woman wasn't doing it through choice and was trafficked or desperate for money.

Your lack of knowledge around STI's is really quite astounding and also your lack of punctuation! Does anybody in this day and age seriously question whether it can be caught through hugs and kisses?

When you say you have got big do you mean fat? Or gone big? Soujdslike you guys have a bit to work through…..

I hope you are ok OP.
Your health is the most important thing and you cannot ignore that you have STIs that if untreated can cause you serious heath issues.
Get tested , get treated.
Family is important but that is not a consideration purely on your shoulders. Your husband put you at risk by choosing to have unprotected sEx with others then contaminating you. He could have used a condom but chose not to. HE PUT YOU in this awful position no one else.

Whatever you do remember that. X

That would be a very rare event and I’m not sure what regular infections of the genital region are. I don’t think this is very helpful to the OP.

OP, you are understandably shocked and upset, anyone would be. If your husband is saying he had a coffee and a cigarette only and trying to pretend he hasn’t slept with anyone else, he is gaslighting you. You need to decide what you want to happen, whether you want to try and sort things out but he needs to be honest and work with you, or whether you want to him to leave. Is there someone in the family or a close friend you can talk things through with? I do know of a couple who managed to repair their relationship after something like this but they had to get help with a marriage counsellor and it took a lot of work.

Your lack of knowledge around STI's is really quite astounding and also your lack of punctuation! Does anybody in this day and age seriously question whether it can be caught through hugs and kisses?

In the UK it is possible that you get more education about these things and even if someone is brought up in the UK, you can be removed from lessons at your parents request. OP has said she is South Asian so it’s possible she has limited sex education and English may not be her first language.

I was given two bits of advice by my parents. Never sleep with anyone until you are married and STDs can be caught by kissing. This is possibly told to stop you from kissing people while you are younger. Or it could be that they believe it themselves as that is what they were told.

UK is pretty good at a lot of things but one thing that is lacking is knowledge and understanding of other cultures. Children are taught to be accepting of other cultures and understand basics why someone might wear certain clothing etc, but we need to understand that the education can be completely different and some things are just not taught at all and that words hold slightly different meanings when translated directly from another language.

I have been where you are. The clinic staff gave me details on relationship counselling and offered to make contact with my then partner.

it took me 6 months to walk away.

He has likely cheated, he has betrayed you. Worse of all he has put your health at risk.

Only you know what you need to do.

Yup

If as you say you have your own house and money there is no reason for you to stay with him. The diseases he has given you are treatable, but you need to get this treatment soon. Are you in the UK? If so go along to the clinic asap. You would not need an appointment

Whoever he got the STI from is dirty and so is he - they should've worn protection.

The OP is NOT dirty as she had unprotected sex with her HUSBAND who she thought was decent like her.

Are you/he Muslim?

You're not a mean girl.

He had sex with someone that has diseases or lots of people that have diseases he and they are disgusting. At least wear a condom!

Get a full test for everything who knows what else he has given you.

Might not be a woman could be men he has been cheating with.

Prostitutes would be careful as this is their job so would wear condoms - who knows who he's been going to!

He could infect your kids - what if he scratched himself and then uses that hand to touch their face or eyes or lips by accident?!

Tell him to leave.

And be careful with towels etc.

South Asian you said - good - embarrass him within the whole community - don't say you have the diseases, just him.

Read up on diseases.

Sue him, he endangered your life.
.

I know you're financially secure, but use the next few days to try and find out as much as possibly about his finances, taking photos if possible. If you split and children are with you, then you don't want him wiggling out of paying maintenance. If you've got time, might be worth getting an appointment at Citizens Advice or a Solicitor, just to see where you stand and advice about kicking him out.

If you can play the long game, make out you're not feeling well for a few days if you're not up to speaking to him much. That way, you'll have had time to be sure of how you feel, get information and then hit it with him, so quick that you know/he's going, he won't know what's hit him.

You find it disrespectful because you have it.
That poster doesn't have it so funds it 'Ew' - it's not really hard to understand.
Diseases polarise opinion.

The only way you can catch STO is to have sex with an infected person. So your DH slept with an infected person and didn't use a condom. Then he came home and had sex with you. Now you have it. You have all the evidence you need.

Your parents were right - kissing can give you tonsillitis and coldsores.

100%!!!

This thread is highlighting how poor sex education is in this country.

OP- I hope you’re okay. What a horrible shock. You’re not alone xx

None of what has happened is to do with you or anything you've done, and the fact you put on weight does not in any way make what he's done excusable. Imagine if he put on weight. Would you have cheated on him, and not even bothered to use protection? Then gone home and slept with him, without protection? Of course you wouldn't. So sorry this is happening OP x

Please test your children:

N gonorrhoea was believed to solely sexually transmitted when first identified in the 1880s. However it became recognised that when the infection was introduced into children’s institutions, it rapidly spread among pre-pubertal girls. The medical literature records over 40 epidemics involving about 2000 children in Europe and the United States. Communal baths, towels or fabric, rectal thermometers and caregivers hands were identified as means of transmission.