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Co-sleepers - help me with my constantly waking 6 month old please! (LONG POST!)

903 replies

ChairmumMiaow · 20/07/2008 10:47

DS is 6 months old today, and we've been co-sleeping in various ways since he was about 3 months and grew out of his moses basket.

Before he came out of the basket, he was (briefly) sleeping pretty well (IMO) waking 1-2 times a night, and I was feeling good. When we took him out because it was too small, he started waking more often. I presumed this was a combination of the change of sleeping environment and the hot spell we were having at the same time. I thought it would get better!

Since then, its just got worse - he's waking more and more, so I have him in bed with me more and more, and now I'm losing my confidence in what I'm doing. It feels like he won't sleep for long without my nipple in his mouth (although I know its not actually as bad as that). He wakes every 1-2 hours, but seems to only sleep for more than an hour in our bed - he used to do about 3 hours in his cot to start with then wake frequently after that, but now we're lucky if we get an hour at the start of the evening (he normally goes to sleep between 8 and 9pm and just feeds then plays if we do bath earlier)

Some days I feel ok - if he just wakes to get latched on I barely wake up, but after weeks of doing this, I'm getting aches and pains in my back and arms. I normally lay him in the crook of my arm to feed, so when I go to sleep I get a dead arm after a while which wakes me up. Sometimes I can then roll him over onto his back, and he sleeps for a while longer, but other times he wakes up, which wakes me up more, and we have to get comfortable again...

If I try to feed him without being in my arm, I have to roll a bit further onto my side (but not completely over as that seems not to work) which gives me backache as my bac is twisted slightly. I've thought of supporting my back with a long cushion, but thought that it would just wake me up more to get it in place.

If I try to put him back in his bedside cot after every feed, I just wake up shattered. If I try to get him back to sleep by patting etc, he just works himself up into full crying, which I can't stand! Same thing happens when DH tries - as he does when he hears me and DS getting worked up!

I've had people suggesting that I'm waking him up myself, and that he might sleep better in his own room, and as each night I just get that little bit more tired, I'm starting to doubt the route I've chosen and wonder if I make DS sleep as he does! (but I really don't want him in another room just yet)

He doesn't feed as much as he used to in the day, and is not yet eating much solids (he started BLW very slowly about 3 weeks ago) so I know that he needs to catch up at night to a certain extent, but it feels like he's snacking a lot...

So I'm wondering if I can -

a) improve my sleep-feeding technique - any hints?
b) use some other non-crying technique to get him back to sleep
c) try a dummy (I don't particularly like them, but don't hate them...)
d) do something else...

If I can get more comfortable feeding him in bed, I'll be happy, as when I'm not knackered, I don't worry about getting him into bad habits, and DH and I have agreed we're happy to have him in our bed for some time. When I'm tired though, I feel like I'm doing everything wrong!

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
peachsmuggler · 30/01/2009 15:27

Oh dear that is tough. Don't feel guilty about it though, even if you were to stop before you really want to you've still done a brilliant job. I can imagine it must be hard though. I am hoping to bf DD until she self weans but even then am sure it will be hard.

I think I have read that it only hurts at the start of the pregnancy though this may be wrong. Perhaps your body will adjust and start producing more milk again.

Also excited by prospect of snow!

DD has been sleeping through 6 nights out of 7 for the last 3 weeks and going really good for naps as well so have no complaints. She is 11 months next week, which is just mad. This time last year I was my last day at work!

ChairmumMiaow · 30/01/2009 17:40

Hadeda - Its very sad when they cut down isn't it Perhaps she'll change her mind when the colostrum appears? :-)

Peach - glad to hear thingsare going so well.

I'm typing 1 handed as DS is now on day 7 of this virus and currently sleep 20+ hours a day so long as someone will cuddle him - but he wakes every 45 mins for resettling all day andgoes for a couple of hours at night. Back to the docs on monday if no imporovement

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Hadeda · 02/02/2009 12:30

Oh Chairmum, I'm really sorry to hear your DS is still so poorly . It's so worrying when they're little and just so sick. I really hope he's a bit better by now, am guessing it would be very difficult to get to the doctor today with all the snow.

peachsmuggler · 02/02/2009 20:55

Did you manage to the docs Chairmum?

Has anyone made it out with a pram in this snow? Was going a little stir crazy today as DD is a funny mood and spent most of the day whinging!

ChairmumMiaow · 04/02/2009 23:05

well we ended up at the out of hours gp on sunday then DS was admitted. still not better so he was rushed in a blue light ambulance to bristol tonight from the midlands and tomorrow he's having an operation to drain the infection from his mastoid bone and fit gromits.
its all scary but we should see some real improvement after the op. sleeping's not really on our list of concerns right now

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takingitasitcomes · 05/02/2009 08:16

Oh Chairmum - I am sorry that your DS is so ill! That must be terrible for you all to go through. I'm glad the docs can help your wee boy though. Scary stuff. I hope he recovers quickly.

(Hi everyone - I check in on this thread every now and then to see how everyone is, but haven't written for ages because I am still feeling very lucky with DS's sleep ATM)

peachsmuggler · 05/02/2009 09:13

Oh goodness Chairmum, what a nightmare. Hope all goes well at the op today, will be thinking of you.

Hadeda · 05/02/2009 09:50

Chairman - just saw this, I really hope everything went ok with your DS's operation. We'll be thinking of you and hope your DS is better and home soon.

ChairmumMiaow · 05/02/2009 11:13

Thanks for the thoughts. We're still waiting but its only the gromits now (much less major than drilling into a bone in his head!) it should be done within the hour now (we've seen the anesthetist already and he's been nil by mouth since 5am, poor boy).
Thankfully he's just fallen asleep on his daddy - he won't let me hold him without divebombing my boobs (not really a surprise) but within a couple of hours he should be awake and feeding again!

Thanks again and hopefully I'll be complaining about his sleep in another week or two as I need to recover from two weeks of really broken sleep!

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LaTrucha · 06/02/2009 09:41

Chairmum - sorry to hear about DSs illness. I hope he's feeling better very soon - and you too! If it's any consolation, the idea of him divebombing your boobs is very familliar. DD is doing it too!

How's the bf going Hadeda? It's a funny situation, isn't it? I was sad when DD seemed to be cutting down but ATM she is feeding like a newborn again and I'm a bit worried about that too!

Glad things are going well PEach.

Well, we missed all the snow as we have now been a week in Spain. We're here for 6 months or so. I must say I'm really not enjoying it. We're living with my PILs and we're having a few teething troubles to say the least - real and metaphorical ones. DD is sleeping ok though. She has ahd some kind of virus or possibly reaction to the MMR so she's been unhappy and that makes me unhappy. She's also cut her 8th tooth! Fun, fun, fun.. Oh well. We're all fine really though, so I should be glad.

ChairmumMiaow · 06/02/2009 11:19

just a quick update on my phone.

op went fine and DS has been cheery today and not even had pain relief since midnight.

we'll be going home as soon as the snow allows!

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Hadeda · 06/02/2009 14:19

Chairmum - really happy to hear everything seems to have gone well for your DS. Hope you can get him home soon and spoil him rotten!

LaT - Spain?! Wow! I hope your DD settles soon. And you as well, hope living with the inlaws is ok.
Mrs McJnr is in Spain, are you near enough to meet up with her? (I was a lurker/occasional poster on the Jan 08 antenatal thread under my old name.)

I'm off to Cambridge for an Unsupervised Night Out! DH is staying home with DD and I'm off for a catch up with a really old friend (we go back to school lift club, age 6....). Dinner in a real restaurant, glass of good red wine, and I get to sleep all night, guaranteed! Can you tell I'm slightly demob happy

LaTrucha · 06/02/2009 14:33

What was your old name Hadeda you old sly boots? MrsMc is in Malaga - which is a long way, but we may be going nearish while we're here so maybe we canmeet. She is pg too BTW. Did you know?

Sounds like a great night out. I'm here and bored because MIL won't let me do anything, can't take DD because DD hates MIL, DD has been ill so we couldn't go out and there are no mum and baby groups anyway. I just have ALL day to play with the baby by myself. Whoopee

Glad DS is improving, Chairmum. Bet you can't wait to get him home.

LaTrucha · 07/02/2009 19:27

Glad to hear on nappyaddict's thread that DS is home and smiling Chairmum.

ChairmumMiaow · 07/02/2009 19:56

Thanks LaT - he's currently woken up and grumbling, but he went off to sleep at around 6.15 with no trouble. I think it will take him a while to get back into any sort of routine. DH is walking him up and down to try to settle him.

We've had the most amazing day. He slept quite late and had a little nap around 11am, and since then has just been the most amazing smiling little man. Everything has been hilarious to him and its like he's determined to make the most of every minute.

We went out for lunch and he stuffed his face on his favourite fish, chips and peas and was a little angel. We can't stop smiling when he's so happy, and playing games with us again.

There's nothing like getting your child back after such a scare.

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LaTrucha · 07/02/2009 20:45

Well, I know how happy DD is when we go home after a stay away, so I cna only imagine! Very happy for you.

peachsmuggler · 09/02/2009 10:04

Aww Chairmum that is great news. Must be so lovely to see him happy again. What a relief for you!

Has anyone's LO gone through a phase of going spare on the changing mat? DD goes balistic when I lay her down, starting rolling about and crying. Am hoping it is just a phase!

LaTrucha · 09/02/2009 10:49

Absolutely Peach. It's all new to me too but she suddenly hates being changed most of the time. I'm trying to tell her I'm going to do it for a few times before I do it and hopefully she'll learn the sound of the phrase and it won't be such a shock. I think someone on another thread recommended this for toddlers (ie. telling htem you're going to do something a few times before you actually do it). It cuts down on what Aitch - I think - called the 'WTFness' of being a toddler. Wonder if it'll work.

peachsmuggler · 09/02/2009 12:41

I'll give it a go. She seems ok if she is in a REALLY good mood, but otherwise is not a happy bunny!

Have also had similar reaction to going in high chair, but if I get the food out and show her it first then she is fine, so that goes aong with the 'WTFness' theory.

LaTrucha · 09/02/2009 20:43

DD does the same thing with her (or me putting on my)coat unless I show ehr the pushcahir first

Hadeda · 10/02/2009 12:41

Peach - DD has never loved changing her clothes, we go through phases of awful and phases of truly terrible so I do sympathise with you. I'm going to try telling her what we're going to do - will let you know if it helps.
I really like the idea of the "WTFness of being a toddler", think I'm going to adopt it!

DD has slept through for a week now AND has excellent naps every day!! It's absolutely wonderful, sleeping nirvana...

Hadeda · 10/02/2009 12:42

Oh LaT - my old posting name was BWMum, but I didn't post a lot. The thread used to move so fast I found I just couldn't keep up!

LaTrucha · 10/02/2009 13:00

I remember! I liked the WTF thing too. I find it's a good way of putting yourself in their shoes!

Drop into the thread if you feel like it. We don't mind! Everyone will remember you.

ChairmumMiaow · 14/02/2009 09:50

Well, since he's been back we've had good nights and bad ones. We now think he's teething as a small dose of painkillers stops the hourly wakings with loads of screaming we were getting. And the poor boy has a cold again already!

I'm beginning to think that, for us, there is no such thing as 'normal' - just a series of phases of different lengths!

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LaTrucha · 14/02/2009 09:59

Oh blimey, Chairmum! Poor liitle thing.

I think you're right on the phase thing though.

Hope he gets a break soon.

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