Co-sleepers - help me with my constantly waking 6 month old please! (LONG POST!)

[ChairmumMiaow]

DS is 6 months old today, and we've been co-sleeping in various ways since he was about 3 months and grew out of his moses basket.

Before he came out of the basket, he was (briefly) sleeping pretty well (IMO) waking 1-2 times a night, and I was feeling good. When we took him out because it was too small, he started waking more often. I presumed this was a combination of the change of sleeping environment and the hot spell we were having at the same time. I thought it would get better!

Since then, its just got worse - he's waking more and more, so I have him in bed with me more and more, and now I'm losing my confidence in what I'm doing. It feels like he won't sleep for long without my nipple in his mouth (although I know its not actually as bad as that). He wakes every 1-2 hours, but seems to only sleep for more than an hour in our bed - he used to do about 3 hours in his cot to start with then wake frequently after that, but now we're lucky if we get an hour at the start of the evening (he normally goes to sleep between 8 and 9pm and just feeds then plays if we do bath earlier)

Some days I feel ok - if he just wakes to get latched on I barely wake up, but after weeks of doing this, I'm getting aches and pains in my back and arms. I normally lay him in the crook of my arm to feed, so when I go to sleep I get a dead arm after a while which wakes me up. Sometimes I can then roll him over onto his back, and he sleeps for a while longer, but other times he wakes up, which wakes me up more, and we have to get comfortable again...

If I try to feed him without being in my arm, I have to roll a bit further onto my side (but not completely over as that seems not to work) which gives me backache as my bac is twisted slightly. I've thought of supporting my back with a long cushion, but thought that it would just wake me up more to get it in place.

If I try to put him back in his bedside cot after every feed, I just wake up shattered. If I try to get him back to sleep by patting etc, he just works himself up into full crying, which I can't stand! Same thing happens when DH tries - as he does when he hears me and DS getting worked up!

I've had people suggesting that I'm waking him up myself, and that he might sleep better in his own room, and as each night I just get that little bit more tired, I'm starting to doubt the route I've chosen and wonder if I make DS sleep as he does! (but I really don't want him in another room just yet)

He doesn't feed as much as he used to in the day, and is not yet eating much solids (he started BLW very slowly about 3 weeks ago) so I know that he needs to catch up at night to a certain extent, but it feels like he's snacking a lot...

So I'm wondering if I can -

a) improve my sleep-feeding technique - any hints?
b) use some other non-crying technique to get him back to sleep
c) try a dummy (I don't particularly like them, but don't hate them...)
d) do something else...

If I can get more comfortable feeding him in bed, I'll be happy, as when I'm not knackered, I don't worry about getting him into bad habits, and DH and I have agreed we're happy to have him in our bed for some time. When I'm tired though, I feel like I'm doing everything wrong!

The method suggests at first getting your bubs to sleep anyway which is easiest for you and baby, be it rocking, feeding, car seat, swing etc. I found feeding to sleep was best as it meant I could still leave her on the bed once she had fallen asleep. Do this when your baby is due her naps. Once baby has caught up with sleep and is well rested you will find it much easier to put baby down to fall asleep by herself.

About the 3rd nap -this is optional not all babies will need this one if their bed time is early enough.

Well here's a quick update.

We did dinner at 5 (He ate for 45 minutes instead of getting fed up after 20!) then bath as soon as DH got home. Was in bed with me at 6.20 and after a quick drain of both boobs was up for a play. We read some books and I gave him a couple of toys but tried not to stimulate him too much. When we got to eye rubbing I let him suck a bit more and then spent about 20 minutes trying to put him down. Mainly cuddling and humming to him, putting him in the cot and patting/holding hands till he was crying, then picking up again and soothing.

He did grumble to sleep a bit, holding my hand, but didn't fall asleep on me or with my nipple in his mouth, so hopefully we'll be in for another good stretch tonight (half an hour so far!)

He was feeding to sleep every night, but in the day will sleep anywhere with assistance - pushchair, sling (one of 3!), on me, car seat, fed to sleep - so I wasn't too worried about the feeding to sleep in itself, more the feeding all night :-)

Now I'm not sure what to do with myself. I might just go to bed!

Oh and he used to play himself to sleep from about 4-5 weeks to about 12 I guess, but stopped that.

I have the same problem every night - what do i do with this new found time!

This is the first time since DD was born that I feel like I have myself back.

Goddammit! 45 minutes and I had to resettle him. Thankfully he was back down again in less than 5 minutes.

Thats fab - keep it up and he'll soon be resettling himself.

Well done

Another update (Its so nice to have people other than my husband to blather on to as my non-co-sleeping baby-friends seem to think its my fault he doesn't sleep so have no sympathy - perhaps they're right!)

Last night he woke again about 10 mins after I settled him, but he settled straight away again. (about 8pm) I went to sleep next to him and when DH came to bed at 11 I turned on the lights to wake him for a nappy change, gave him a mostly-asleep feed then he slept through said nappy change and went straight back down (DH put him back after the nappy!)

Then we had good feeds at about 1 and 3ish, awakeish at about 6.30 then settled himself til 7 when DH got him up! I never manage to settle him awake during the night as he never really wakes up properly (enough that I know he'll kick off if I don't feed him, but he seems to remember the cot is where he was when he fell asleep and stays happy there!)

He's now down for his morning nap and has already been down for 40 minutes!

I can see a light at the end of the tunnel!

Tell me about it. My sister in law has a daughter 6 weeks older then mine and she has been sleeping through from about 12 weeks. She was my only comparison so I really started to doubt myself and thought I had gone really wrong somewhere. But I think what i've discovered is most babies route to that illusive 7 to 7 is not so plain sailing and we just have to do our best and support each other because it is tough!

Last night sounded good for you and well done on extending the morning nap. I found the more sleep she got the more cooperative she became.

They are all so different-from 8 weeks or so dd self settled, woke at 6/7am for milk then went back down til 9 napped from 11-1 then again from 3-4.30 before going to bed at 7. She still woke for milk 3 times in the night until 10 months, it was easy to get her down to one but she still had that until a few weeks ago (aged 2!).

I kind of assumed that ds would fall into the same nap pattern but he is so different-he wakes for the day at 6.30/6.45, naps at 9ish 12ish and 4ish but only for 20-45 mins each time usually. He also doesn't self settle.

Only thing I have done differently is exclusively bf ds whereas dd had a bottle before bed from very early on-she was then ff from 5 months. I'm not sure whether that could make a difference but I do know that having to make bottles 3 times a night was not fun!

Hmm, not a good night last night, but I'm putting it down to the heat which was unpleasant. Oh well, we'll try again tonight and hope its a bit cooler after the forecast rain!

Yeh it was really hot. Bit cooler tonight so hopefully he will settle a bit better.

My DD has been gradually bringing her wake up time earlier and earlier, this morning it was 5.50am. She had a feed then after ignoring her babbling for a while she had another wee snooze for half an hour but I was still shattered. She is still one hundred times better than a few weeks ago so i'm not complaining.

Well we've just had another dreadful night. I think its the plastic backed cot matress that makes DS sweaty and hot as he did sleep better between DH and I (although its annoying as we're trying to get him to sleep in his cot!)

I'm abandoning the evening routines (other than the earlier bedtime) until it is a bit cooler, but am going to persevere with the daytime napping - otherwise I shall go crazy with lack of sleep. Its odd that we slept better in the early hours of this morning with a sweaty DS's head on my arm than I did earlier in the evening when he was in his cot and I was lying awake!

At least I have a nice DH who took DS out at about 6.45 this morning and is yet to return!

Maybe your DH could have a word with mine! My DH slept in til 9, meanwhile I had been up since 6 - again!

My DD gets really sweaty in her cot as well but she tends to cool off when she is asleep. She just sleeps in her p.j's with no covers. I'm always paranoid that she is too cold during the night but everytime I check her she is fine.

Staying over at a hotel tonight so hopefully her sleep won't be too disrupted. I think i'll just take her into the bed with me if she takes a dislike to the strange cot etc. Taking her swimming for the first time as well so really excited!

Another hot one today - good luck.

How's it going? Chairmum? Kristin?

aaaaah isn't it bliss when they get taken away at 6am?!

we were at a hotel the past 2 nights as well kristin, and dd slept as well there as she ever has, if not better, even when all naps etc were totally out the window!

me and her on the big double bed, dh on the camp bed single

Everything's out of the window in this heat :-(

I tried to settle DS for an hour and DH has been at it for about 45 minutes, but he doesn't want to do anything other than be held standing up where his hot little body isn't touching anything :-(

We have bought a mattress topper thingy to stop him getting so hot on the waterproof cover thing, and we have a fan going in the room, so we'll see if it works

I'm praying for this weather to break so we can keep trying properly!

how goes it?

Utterly rubbish!

I tried to get DS to go for his morning nap (which is normally the easiest) today. Settled fine, then 35 minutes later, woke up. According to NCSS they need at least an hour, so I tried to resettle him, and he just wouldn't. He wouldn't even stay asleep on me, so I gave up after another 20 minutes or so.

Then found out that DH hadn't got the car seat or the large brolly out of the car (I don't drive and SIL has spare keys) so I felt pretty much stuck at home so had a good cry and a rant at DH, who cycled home to get them for me. Which was nice but I really wanted him to stay home and cheer me up.

Instead I went out for lunch with my friends and their babies. Their babies sat around happily eating their lunches while DS had a strop half way through because (as expected) he was tired. (and of course all their babies ate tons of puree and we're BLWers) DS then had a nap on me, though of course not as long as NCSS thinks we should have.

Then I ask my friends about their babies napping, and one said (tongue in cheek I think) "oh we do baby led napping" Basically all theirs nap as little as DS, but they sleep better at night so they thing the whole needing 3-4 hours over the day thing is rubbish, which makes me seem (or at least feel) like I'm trying to parent out of a book!

I had high hopes that with the heat having broken, today would be better, but so far it hasn't (and was partly my fault too) and I just feel pretty crap about it. I'm sure I'll pick myself up tomorrow (I always do!) but today is just one of those days where I want someone to magically make DS sleep or take him away

I'm getting a bit about the long naps now. DD has been refusing them as teething but is sleeping longer or as long. Confused here too.

aaargh tis a nightmare isn't it? dd had a week or so of magical long napping and i thought we'd cracked it, now it's back to 40 mins and can't persuade her otherwise.

isn't it awful when they strop next to calm babies too, I hardly ever feed dd in public now (BF) as she is so damm nosey she just shrieks and pulls off and it looks like i'm forcing her to my boob while everyone else proffers bottles and tuts under their breath...

you will have the last laugh with BLW though I think - dd is getting pretty good now, and the other day we were out for lunch I was just handing over sticks of veg and then getting on with my lunch when everyone else was spooning and their lunch was getting cold!

I managed to get DD (almost 5 months) to sleep for 90 mins in the morning and 2 hours in the afternoon yesterday thinking we would have less problems getting her down in the evening. She didn't go to bed till 10pm and was wide awake showing no signs of tiredness before then so I don't know about the long nap thing....

I don't want to sound like i'm on commision here but if you haven't already read 'Healthy sleep habits, Happy child' then it is really worth a go.

It really explains a lot more about the science of baby sleep than other books do. I am quite a logical thinker so being able to apply the theories explained in the book worked for me and DD.

She is still waking up a couple of times during the night for a feed but the main thing for me is that she is now going down at around 7pm every night without a fight. Just a couple of weeks ago she wouldn't go to sleep until 10 or 11, only fall asleep on the breast, feed every other hour during the night and during the evening she would cry because she was so tired.

Our stay in the hotel went well. She took her naps and slept for the first part of the night in the hotel's cot. Swimming was fun although she only lasted 20 mins before getting cold and swallowing some water. Holidays are not what they used to be, long lies in, breakfast in bed, romantic meals for 2, champagne in bath, long carefree walks............ah the memories! I did get a couple of hours to myself to have some spa treatments - fabulous!

I'm following this thread with interest as we are currently applying the "healthy sleep habits, happy child" principles to our 4.5 month old DD. She has co-slept with us since she was born and it has been lovely but we decided to move her to her cot a couple of weeks ago for all our sakes. I wasn't convinced she was getting enough sleep at night (and I definitely wasn't getting enough sleep at night!) and I had started to feel envious when friends would talk about "putting their little ones down" at 7pm - this whole concept was completely foreign to me! We are only on day 3 but already I am seeing a strong pattern emerging which is quite uplifting. For the past two nights she has gone to sleep at 7pm ish - admittedly she then wakes up about an hour later but then has gone back to sleep with me in bed at 10pm ish. Both times I have managed to transfer her to her bedside cot where she has slept for 3/4 hours before waking for feeding. I've then brought her back into bed and although I've meant to put her back in her cot I've inevitably fallen asleep.

My point is that she seems to quite naturally want to sleep at the times HTHHC dictates and I am hoping that after a certain period of time during which she has regular consistent napping and is put to bed at the same time each night she'll start sleeping for longer in the evenings before her 10/11pm feed and eventually start to want to go to sleep herself. At the moment I either rock or feed her to sleep before putting her down - Dr Weissbluth advocates letting them cry it out but I am not ready for that yet and anyway I think DD is too young. It does mean we are completely tied to the house for the next couple of weeks because I'm not allowing DD to nap in her pram or the car but that doesn't bother me at the moment - I think the benefits will outweigh the disadvantages in the long run and anyway, I'm quite enjoying cleaning the house and having some time to spend on Mumsnet! I am ridiculously tired and feel my patience limits being pushed to the max but I always remember that mantra ladies, "This too shall pass".

Good luck to all that are in the same boat, it's nice to know I'm not alone in all this!

AvonBarksdale just popping in to say, I love your name.
Just finished watching series 1 of The Wire and looking forward to watching series 2 when it arrives from HMV!

Ha ha ha, thanks FeelingLucky, I have to admit one of the reasons we decided to try and put DD into a routine where she goes to sleep at 7.30pm is so we can finally finish watching series 4. Throughout my pregnancy the bump was known as Barksdale, much to my parents and parents-in-law's disgust! Enjoy series 2, I am very jealous you have it all to come, it does just get better and better.