Co-sleepers - help me with my constantly waking 6 month old please! (LONG POST!)

[ChairmumMiaow]

DS is 6 months old today, and we've been co-sleeping in various ways since he was about 3 months and grew out of his moses basket.

Before he came out of the basket, he was (briefly) sleeping pretty well (IMO) waking 1-2 times a night, and I was feeling good. When we took him out because it was too small, he started waking more often. I presumed this was a combination of the change of sleeping environment and the hot spell we were having at the same time. I thought it would get better!

Since then, its just got worse - he's waking more and more, so I have him in bed with me more and more, and now I'm losing my confidence in what I'm doing. It feels like he won't sleep for long without my nipple in his mouth (although I know its not actually as bad as that). He wakes every 1-2 hours, but seems to only sleep for more than an hour in our bed - he used to do about 3 hours in his cot to start with then wake frequently after that, but now we're lucky if we get an hour at the start of the evening (he normally goes to sleep between 8 and 9pm and just feeds then plays if we do bath earlier)

Some days I feel ok - if he just wakes to get latched on I barely wake up, but after weeks of doing this, I'm getting aches and pains in my back and arms. I normally lay him in the crook of my arm to feed, so when I go to sleep I get a dead arm after a while which wakes me up. Sometimes I can then roll him over onto his back, and he sleeps for a while longer, but other times he wakes up, which wakes me up more, and we have to get comfortable again...

If I try to feed him without being in my arm, I have to roll a bit further onto my side (but not completely over as that seems not to work) which gives me backache as my bac is twisted slightly. I've thought of supporting my back with a long cushion, but thought that it would just wake me up more to get it in place.

If I try to put him back in his bedside cot after every feed, I just wake up shattered. If I try to get him back to sleep by patting etc, he just works himself up into full crying, which I can't stand! Same thing happens when DH tries - as he does when he hears me and DS getting worked up!

I've had people suggesting that I'm waking him up myself, and that he might sleep better in his own room, and as each night I just get that little bit more tired, I'm starting to doubt the route I've chosen and wonder if I make DS sleep as he does! (but I really don't want him in another room just yet)

He doesn't feed as much as he used to in the day, and is not yet eating much solids (he started BLW very slowly about 3 weeks ago) so I know that he needs to catch up at night to a certain extent, but it feels like he's snacking a lot...

So I'm wondering if I can -

a) improve my sleep-feeding technique - any hints?
b) use some other non-crying technique to get him back to sleep
c) try a dummy (I don't particularly like them, but don't hate them...)
d) do something else...

If I can get more comfortable feeding him in bed, I'll be happy, as when I'm not knackered, I don't worry about getting him into bad habits, and DH and I have agreed we're happy to have him in our bed for some time. When I'm tired though, I feel like I'm doing everything wrong!

Anyone else had this separation anxiety thing? Since we got back from our trip, and actually during it too a bit, DD just seems to be crying and whingeing all the time, e.g. when she's tired, when she's in her high chair, when we're changing her nappy when we're playing etc etc etc. I can't leave the room without her going crazy.

Jeez, just as you feel you're getting somewhere with the sleep thing, this happens! Babies can be hard work eh? Shouldn't moan though, she is lovely and feels terrible to be complaining, but it isn't always easy. DP is giving her an early bath as she is tired so hoping to have a good night's sleep. Have bought some vanilla chocolate cheesecake for later

Hi peach - nice to have you back. I've been having something like this but I'm undecided as to whether it is separation anxiety or teeth.

Our might was disturbed, again by teeth I think, so DH has given me the night off and I'm going to sleep i the spare room till 7am! Woo hoo!

Have had a hopeless day. After DD had her early bath I was about to put her to bed but then realised that I hadn't given her any tea!!! Idiot.

sigh...

This cold is never going to end. That's how it feels anyway. DS has actually been napping for longer (albeit in the sling) but his night sleep is still rubbish. Two weeks, it's been now, of this blardy cough/cold. And now I have it. I am feeling thoroughly sorry for myself. It makes me write in very simple sentences. Am off to make some comfort pasta. Will attempt to ignore the monitor through which I can hear DH struggling to put DS down.

PS - I am one of the few women who suffers badly from man-colds on occasion. Does it show??

How's it going now guys?

Had aweird night with DD waking every hour. I just took her into bed. Hopefully it's a one off.

Peach - I think we have separation anxiety here. DD has gone from being able to play by herself for 45 minutes to screaming every time I put her down. Exhausting.

We're doing pretty well here. Naps are erratic as normal but despite having a few early (9.30) night wakings we're generally getting one night feed here.

If he continues like this (when teeth are not an issue) I won't have to night wean as we decided as long as he's generally progressing with his sleeping we won't force the issue!

Hi all,

We were away for the weekend so haven't been here for a while.

Peach/LaT - yes, we are getting separation anxiety too. Co-incided with me going back to work. Can't put her down, can't leave her for 2 secs, can't let other people hold her (which is something she's always been good with). We even had a few awful nights where she'd only let me put her to sleep. It is exhausting, I completely agree. And I can't WAIT for her to grow out of it as, to be honest, it really annoys me.

Have had some very disturbed nights here (a few with me getting about 3.5 hours sleep). Could be colds - we're onto the 3rd one since she started nursery. Could be the cold weather. But, having said that, last night was ok - she was up just after midnight and then again just after 3 but went back to sleep pretty quickly both times.

Takingit - hope you get over your cold soon, my DH gets manflu so I know you are VERY ILL!

Separation anxiety is the pits I agree!

My blimmin cold has come back. Went to bed at 9.30 last night. Luckily DD only woke once during the night (yayyy) and had 2 and a half hour nap this morning, which enabled me to lie on the sofa groaning.

Wish I had bought a snot-sucker, then I could have used it on myself!!

peach - I feel your pain. DS and I have the same nasty bug but I got it first and am coming out of it while he's in the worst bit.

Bad news is we've got the whole snot-swallowing and coughing thing causing a nice big vomit a couple of times a day, and DS is pretty much back on BF only.

Good news is he's so knackered he's sleeping really well. Generally one wakeup or sleeping through till 5am! And this morning I reckon he would have stayed asleep in bed with us if he hadn't been sick all over me!

DS is now napping on the sofa (second nap of the day) with me in the same room watching him.

Ah tis a very glamorous life we live indeed eh Chairmum? The snot, the vomit, the coughing. Hope you all get better soon.

After yesterday morning's marathon nap, I went and laid down with her at 3. When we woke I had a feeling it was quite late and was astonished to see it was 5.30pm!! Of course this mean it took a while to get her to sleep at night, but she was out for the count at 8 and then slept till (ta da!) 7.30 this morning when I had to wake her up. She has now been napping since 10.

So that is twice she has slept through the night and proof that the silly old HV knows nothing!

Still sick here. Horrible nights. All progress lost. Many wake-ups and have been up since 4am for three nights in a row with DS inconsolable. We are also dealing with shipping our things to NZ (am now camping in the house) and saying endless goodbyes to many good friends. If I sound a little desperate, it's because I am. We've had to pack DS's cot, so he's in with us all night. So DH and I have to take turns eating dinner and the other in bed. Feel like I have a newborn again. Please remind me that it will not always be like this.

Lol at Peach and snot-sucker idea. I haven't tried it on myself yet but might just be tired enough to do so tonight as we've run out of tissues and I can't face going to the shop for more this afternoon. Moan moan moan.... (Takingit stomps off to enjoy her mancold a little longer).

Poor you takingit. It will not last forever.

Glad things are still goin gwell Chairmum.

Sorry for illnesses.

We seem to be having one bad night and one good night. I'm not sure why.

Sounds pretty stressful takingit, you poor thing. Will you still be mumsnetting from NZ?

Go peachsmuggler! Ptoof that there may in fact be light at the end of the tunnel, and boy do I need that right now. Still waking every 2 hours here, aaargh, plus she didn't nap AT ALL today as we were waiting in for a delivery and she only naps on the move. Had I been thinking straight I might have unearthed the sling and tried that but the sleep deprivation has done for me.

takingit, I really feel for you, it must be so rough coping with such a major upheaval on no sleep. However - my dd1, who was a terrible sleeper, suddenly (like literally overnight) turned a corner when we moved up north when she was 8 mths and started sleeping 2 solid hours in the day and 11 at night. So, you never know....fingers crossed.

Obviously that should have been proof not ptoof.

We've got a challenge tonight - that perhaps we shouldn't have set ourselves while DS is still ill but nevermind!

Anyway, we've moved our rooms around to make our second bedroom back into a guest room (which we'll need for xmas visits and a friend+toddler coming in december) so DS now has a new bedroom (the box room as I think I can cope now without a feeding chair in his room).

Tonight we were (well DH was) still moving stuff at his bedtime, so I fed him to sleep downstairs and let him sleep on me. Of course about half an hour later he woke, I decided to give him calpol and he vomited up his entire dinner (not that he ate that much) I don't know whether its the calpol, the calpol in combination with the dinner, or whether he just can't keep his dinner down at the moment (for the last 3 days he's refused all food except at around 4pm) but that's the third day in a row he's woken up, we've given calpol and he's been sick. Plus it smells foul. I want normal milky baby vomit back!

Thanks everyone for the sympathy . I'm feeling a bit less frazzled tonight as DS is asleep and has been for over an hour and a half. DH and I have had a meal and even a cup of tea to follow in peace! How luxurious that feels after several nights without it.

I know what you mean about the yicky vomit Chairmum. Maybe it is the Calpol/Ibuprofen/Medised as DS tends to bring any medicines back fairly shortly afterwards too. I wonder if the sticky sweetness of it makes their small stomachs rebel? It makes it tought to work out how much they've actually taken, doesn't it?

Piccalilli that's sounds like a miraculous change... let's hope my DS pulls it off too!

Peach I will indeed be MNing from NZ - at slightly different hours, of course, but then again perhaps not if DS finds the time-change too difficult LOL!

Chairmum - DH and I have a suspicion that calpol upsets DD's stomach. Maybe it is that.

Terrible night here. She was awake from 1am prety much until 9am. Short naps but mostly awake. Tooth number four has made a breakthrough this morning so hopefully that was it. Am leaving the baby with DH this weekend! I have to go and do some stuff for my mother and it's too far to take the baby for two days. I'm dreading it. I've never been more than two hours away from her.

How are all the colds doing?

Oh dear LaTrucha, that will be hard on you, especially when you are having got deal with such difficult things, but she will be fine with your DH, and you will get lots of smiles and hugs when you get back.

What a shocking night you had too. Glad the tooth is through.

We had one wakeup at 4.40. Took me till 6.30 to get back to sleep due to terrible cough. Feeling absolutely rotten today. Took about an hour to get her down for her nap and after sleeping for 30 mins I can hear her now. All because a man came round to fix the guttering and was speaking in enormous booming voice. Am furious with him, even though it is not his fault as he doesn't know we have a baby. arrrrgggghhhhh

Am heading to bed now as DS is getting a bit better each day, but it is really slow. He slept really well last night from 7 through til 12.30, but then it all went to custard, what with nappy change (horrendous poo)/ big vomit and resulting clothing change for both of us and then him wanting to play. Didn't sleep again til 2.45. Ugh. Then another couple of sleepy feeds and awake finally at 5am. Better than the 4am of the previous three days, but still not fab. Am hoping for more sleep tonight.

I hope the trip goes well LaTrucha - that sounds really difficult. I guess it has to happen sometime, but I'm sure I'll be the same (i.e. dreading it) when it does. Sorry that sleep has been especially rubbish recently too as that always makes everything seem worse doesn't it?

Things are going pretty well here.

Went out last night (yayyy!) and DP took 10 mins to get DD down. Then, other than a brief awakening at 10 before I got in, she slept till I got her up at 7.30.

She has now slept through 3 times and the other nights is only usually waking once.

According to Dr Weissbluth, she is reaching sleep maturity (9 months this week). Sleep maturity rocks!!!

Chins just above the water here. Glad to hear that 9 months has been pivotal Peach as I need some hope. DS is bringing through another tooth, so we had two 5am mornings and are now back at 4am. I am over the cold, but am on antibiotics as the bite DS gave me last week on my nipple has gone septic. Lovely. Very painful, but am keeping the feeding going as I figure breast milk is probably the best thing for it anyway.

We leave on Thursday so are in the throws of the final clean and pack. I am slinging DS as I write which for once feels like I've got the easy deal!

I hope I will be posting more positively once we've arrived in NZ and become a little more settled.

Wishing everyone good sleeps while I'm gone!

Good luck for the move takingit. Hope to hear from you soon!

Good news Peach - long may it last.

The weekend went ok. I was glad I went though VERY hard leaving LO. DH survived the weeekend by the skin of his teeth and DD rewarded me withthe worst night's sleep ever - she slpet from 7 to 10.30, was pretty much awake until 1, slpet in my arms until 3.30 then nothing until 6.30ish when I left her to cry, dived into the spare room and we both slept for about 45 minutes. She just wanted to be next to me and checking I was there all the time.

I'm hoping it was a one of as she's just gone off with nary a tear.

takingit - that sounds painful. DS has started biting but thankfully not hard - enough to make me sore but no bleeding or anything.

peach - that's about when DS's sleep got much better. Now, of course, he's had a horrendous week with various vomiting, wind and unexplainable night wakings. He's really coming out of the cold now though, and tonight we fed him gripe water before he went to bed

We do seem to be having bedtime issues though as he's really reluctant to go to sleep, but I reckon we've been trying too hard to keep the 6pm bedtime. He seems to be having later naps and so we're gonna have to try moving his bedtime and see if that helps.

Hopefully we'll have less than 3 night wakings (including an hour of crying at 4am) tonight!

Oh, and I'm really proud I've just made my sling hire site live! here!

takingtit - Ouch! you poor thing, that sounds awful. I've had a bit of scraping and biting but never broken the skin. Good luck for the big move!

LaTrucha - Glad you made it through the weekend. Must have been very hard. Guess your DD just needed the extra reassurance when you got back. And well done to your DH!

Chairmum - Yes, I think maybe you are right about bedtime. I find that I am just getting into my stride with some sort of routine, but then have to remember to watch DD as I think it's 10am time for a nap, rather than properly noticing if she is tired.

She slept through again last night. Am dizzy with sleep. The HV whose "advice" I ignored re. night feeds is supposed to be phoning next week to check that DD can now sit (as she couldn't at the 8 month assesment), I might tell him that despite not "STOPPING MILK FEEDS AT NIGHT" as per his words in our red book, that she has slept through 3 times in 2 weeks!!