Co-sleepers - help me with my constantly waking 6 month old please! (LONG POST!)

[ChairmumMiaow]

DS is 6 months old today, and we've been co-sleeping in various ways since he was about 3 months and grew out of his moses basket.

Before he came out of the basket, he was (briefly) sleeping pretty well (IMO) waking 1-2 times a night, and I was feeling good. When we took him out because it was too small, he started waking more often. I presumed this was a combination of the change of sleeping environment and the hot spell we were having at the same time. I thought it would get better!

Since then, its just got worse - he's waking more and more, so I have him in bed with me more and more, and now I'm losing my confidence in what I'm doing. It feels like he won't sleep for long without my nipple in his mouth (although I know its not actually as bad as that). He wakes every 1-2 hours, but seems to only sleep for more than an hour in our bed - he used to do about 3 hours in his cot to start with then wake frequently after that, but now we're lucky if we get an hour at the start of the evening (he normally goes to sleep between 8 and 9pm and just feeds then plays if we do bath earlier)

Some days I feel ok - if he just wakes to get latched on I barely wake up, but after weeks of doing this, I'm getting aches and pains in my back and arms. I normally lay him in the crook of my arm to feed, so when I go to sleep I get a dead arm after a while which wakes me up. Sometimes I can then roll him over onto his back, and he sleeps for a while longer, but other times he wakes up, which wakes me up more, and we have to get comfortable again...

If I try to feed him without being in my arm, I have to roll a bit further onto my side (but not completely over as that seems not to work) which gives me backache as my bac is twisted slightly. I've thought of supporting my back with a long cushion, but thought that it would just wake me up more to get it in place.

If I try to put him back in his bedside cot after every feed, I just wake up shattered. If I try to get him back to sleep by patting etc, he just works himself up into full crying, which I can't stand! Same thing happens when DH tries - as he does when he hears me and DS getting worked up!

I've had people suggesting that I'm waking him up myself, and that he might sleep better in his own room, and as each night I just get that little bit more tired, I'm starting to doubt the route I've chosen and wonder if I make DS sleep as he does! (but I really don't want him in another room just yet)

He doesn't feed as much as he used to in the day, and is not yet eating much solids (he started BLW very slowly about 3 weeks ago) so I know that he needs to catch up at night to a certain extent, but it feels like he's snacking a lot...

So I'm wondering if I can -

a) improve my sleep-feeding technique - any hints?
b) use some other non-crying technique to get him back to sleep
c) try a dummy (I don't particularly like them, but don't hate them...)
d) do something else...

If I can get more comfortable feeding him in bed, I'll be happy, as when I'm not knackered, I don't worry about getting him into bad habits, and DH and I have agreed we're happy to have him in our bed for some time. When I'm tired though, I feel like I'm doing everything wrong!

It's worth a go LaTurkey. Let us know how it goes.

We had a bit of a nightmare last night. I spent about 40 mins trying to get DD down without any luck but then was going out do left DP to get on with it. She didn't go to sleep till 11.30pm!!! He normally rocks/bounces her and then when she is asleep puts her in the cot but she just kept waking up. She's has a cold and bit of a temperature so I am hoping that is all it is, but the last week she has been really tricky to get to sleep. I have also got a cold now and am not in the mood to spend the entire evening getting her to sleep, especially since we are going up to Scotland tomorrow for the holidays and haven't packed yet.

Think we might try pU/PD again in the new year to hopefully help her to fall asleep more easily.

Anyway, will be offline for a couple of weeks now so wishing you and your families a fantastic Christmas and Happy New Year!

Bye Peach - have a lovely holiday!

My body is in shock this morning because for the first time since DS arrived I slept for 6 hours in a row!!!!! Such excitement. And it could have been longer if I hadn't snapped my eyes open at 4am sure that DS had died because he hadn't called out yet . I know we've all done it, but I felt very silly when he woke about 5 minutes after I checked on him. I must have disturbed him. However, that does not at all detract from the joy of my sleep. So blissful. So he slept for 9 hours straight. There is hope. I don't expect it to happen again for a while... but at least I know it can happen. The only thing we did differently last night was leaving him to cry for 5 minutes as he went to sleep. I was about to go in when it all went quiet, and I checked 5 mins later and he was asleep.
Yay!

Yay Takingit!

Happy holidays Peach!

Well, I cut her total sleep time yesterday by at least an hour and I got about 40 minutes extra at night, so worth it I think. She's really tired this morning though, so if I keep it up I think she may go a bit longer still.

Hi everyone,

Sorry, we've been absent for ages. Had a great time in South Africa but I got a chest infection and was wiped out last week. Then DD got a cold and the norovirus so she was wiped out too. We're slowly starting to come out of it but she's been really unwell. Hate all this sickness!

Takingit - wonderful to hear about your 6 hour sleep! I hope your DS does decide to treat you to a repeat performance soon.

Hope you all have a very happy Christmas . My family descends on us tomorrow so we will have a full house and I'll be offline for a while. I am looking forward to it though - they've insisted on doing all the cooking, I'm just supplying the kitchen!

HOPe yo uall had a good Christmas

Hello again all!

We had an ok Xmas - some illness, too much time with the MIL, but generally good, and DS has been happy with all his presents.

I've had enough of various things like biting and the continued night waking for no apparent reason, so we're night weaning from tonight. DH knows its down to him so I'm going to be on morning duty while DH gets a lay in (even though I will probably be awake as much as him it seems fair as he's doing the hard bit)

Wish me luck!

Good luck Chairmum! When is DS's birthday? Must be soon.... DD's on the 1st

He's 1 on the 20th of next month. Its really scary thinking we've had him nearly a year, and that already everything's changed so much.

Oh and I probably should have mentioned that I think we're at step 1 on the ladder to self settling. DS will, when he doesn't fall asleep on the boob (which is rare at bedtime these days it seems) be settled to sleep by DS - or for the past 2 nights, me! - without any intervention other than cuddles! Basically when he's ready he lays his head down and settles himself to sleep. Its so relaxing to just sit there (in the pitch black, doesn't work otherwise) and listen to him settle down!

Anyway, am a bit nervous about tonight, but DS has had no milk other than a little sup this afternoon (which was cut very short when he bit) between 6am and 7pm! And he didn't seem to care, plus he's eaten loads of solids, so who knows what will happen!

SOoooo? How'd it go Chairmum?

Not too bad. DS woke at around 11.30 last night, and DS settle him in around an hour and a half. He kept settling then DH would put him down and it would all start again. However, DH changed DS's nappy (we've gone back to cloth at night but hadn't had any of the ones that worked best, dry, so used a different one) and that time he settled, so we're hopeful for an easier night tonight.

He woke at 4.30 and I fed him then, and when he wouldn't settle the first time I brought him in to bed with us and he slept really well from 5-7.15, so I'm pretty pleased with that.

We didn't do the dream feed so we're starting with no milk till 4am, then we'll work up to 5, and perhaps 6 (although I don't mind doing a feed at 5 and bringing him in with us because then he just has a quick sip when he wakes and actually eats his breakfast

Good luck Chairmum - it sounds like it's going ok so far.

Everything has changed here since I last posted. DS started sleeping through on his own!!! And that led me to try CIO for daytime naps as I felt that he'd reached a bit of a developmental milestone (he has also stopped waking at every cough/sqeaky floorboard etc) and so worth a shot. Day one was ok - he slept 1 1/2 at one stretch and only cried for 20 mins to begin with. Day two and three were so terrible I don't even want to think about it. He cried for a whole hour at both nap times, and only slept for 40 mins when I put him down a third time. But it has got better every day since. We've now had no crying at all for his last 4 times in the cot (last night, two naps today and tonight) and today he slept 1 1/2 hours in his first nap and 1 3/4 hours in the second, so I think tentatively that we might have finally reached sleep nirvana, and I may have to be kicked off this thread.

I am very sad that I had to use CIO in the end, and I don't regret having used the sling up until now as I still don't think CIO would have worked with him before this. What a relief it is to now have 8 hours sleep in a row occasionally! (He's waking anywhere between 5.45 and 6.30am).

Best of luck to everyone here - I will keep watching the thread even though I (fingers crossed) won't need to post too often anymore.

takingit - wow! Sounds great. DS magically slept "through" several times early in december, but then stopped But it was what made us sure he was ready to night wean.

Last night it took DH 50 minutes to settle DS, then he was up at 4.50 for his feed, then slept till around 7am. We're pretty happy with that progress, and if he sleeps till 7, I'm happy keeping the 5amish feed, as that means I can try to skip the wakeup feed and go straight to breakfast.

I have just found this post & while I am sat with dd on my knee I can't read through all the posts but am hoping to find some help.

Dd is 7 months and her sleeping is getting worse and worse. Last night she woke up 17 times for food (bf) and over the past few nights seems to have developed a need to bf constantly throughout the night.

Everyone around us thinks I've created the mess myself by co sleeping and bfing on demand (even dp is starting to make comments alluding to feeding on demand & co sleeping being to blame)

Dd goes to bed at c. 730 after a bath most nights and a story. She goes in her cot (in our room) She wakes at around 9 usually and can be put back to sleep in 5 minutes with a feed and cuddle. She then sleeps until 11 when we bring her in with us. Then it starts - waking every hour-30 minutes all night.

I am starting to shout at her & get really angry sometimes which is just not me and not how I want to be with her.

I'll read this thread from the start and hope I can find some comfort.

MM

monkeysmama - its horrible when you get so tired.

I was like you when DS was 6mo, and as you'll see while you read, I ended up doing CIO with mine. I don't regret it as such, as it didn't seem to affect him, but I do wish we'd started trying to do something a little earlier before we were quite so exhausted.

With the benefit of hindsight, this is what I would do:

1. Make sure nothing silly is waking her. If she's in bed with you is she too hot? When DS comes in with us between 5 and 7 we strip off a layer or two (depends how warm you keep your house of course, but your body heat will make a difference, even if you're not snuggled up) Also, try to rule out teething - try some teething powders or a half dose of calpol - if that settles her then she might genuinely be uncomfortable, and if you can find an alternative method that soothes her, you can take turns to get more sleep!

1. Set yourself a time frame for feeding. Start by saying you won't feed her to sleep until 2 hours after the start of the last feed. Any wakeups before that time are dealt with by DH. He can cuddle, rock, sing etc, offer water - but no mummy! It will be hard for a night or two, but at 7mo, your DD doesn't need food every hour. She might need comfort, but your DH can give that too! Also, if your DH is doing this for you, I would recommend doing something nice like taking DD away after, say, 5am and giving him a couple of hours of uninterrupted sleep as its a hard job for a dad!

1. Once she's going 2 hours between feeds without waking, start extending it - 2.5, then 3 etc until you're getting longer periods between sleeps. I'd be aiming for 4 hours between feeds, meaning 2 night feeds. Once we got to this stage with DS, he gradually went longer and got to 1 feed on his own (and now at 11mo we're night weaning to give us more sleep (no milk between 10 and 5 atm))

Hope this helps, and good luck!

oh, and I didn't want to do it but putting DS in his own room really really helped as I'm sure we were disturbing him. If you want DD to sleep in her own cot, as she's over 6mo this might really help

Thanks for the support & suggestions. Will read thread and think about where we go from here. How did you decide when to start doing things differently? Dp is on holiday for another week (i.e at home not at work) so maybe now's the time to try?

She is teething though but this has been going on for around 2 months already and she has only 1 small tooth.

monkey - that's why we're doing the night weaning now. DH doesn't have to get up for work. If you can take turns giving each other an afternoon nap too, it will take a lot of the strain off!

I really really wanted to co-sleep and continue BF on demand, but DS was regularly waking 10 times a night at 6mo, and not always settling straight after a feed, and he wouldn't co-sleep properly (really disturbed after around 2am). However much I wanted it, it just wasn't working for us. We started off doing NCSS stuff but DH was at work, and we were both so exhausted that I had moments where I really just wanted to throw DS away from me - I knew we had to do something then

That sounds great Chairmum. Good progress.

Takingit - Really pleased for you. COme back and visit us though!

Monkeysmama - I feel for you. As you read through you'll see that we all came to different decisions but I think all had some improvement pretty quickly. You could start by making some small NCSS type changes first. That might get you a bit more sleep and then you'll be able to go from there.

I'm thinking of starting an early risers thread like this one if anyone wants to join! DD is now regualry on a 4am wake up followed by mammoth nap around 9am. I've tried tinkering eg. cutting the nap short but it doesn't do much. Any tips welcomed. hmmmmmmmmzzzzzzzzzzz

Last night - massive vomit at bedtime - he'd fed, gone to sleep and I was just patting him and half his dinner came up with his feed! cleaned up, fed again, then did a dream feed at 10 in case he was hungry and he went through till.... 5.30! Fed in bed till around 6.45 so good going!

woo!

"Set yourself a time frame for feeding. Start by saying you won't feed her to sleep until 2 hours after the start of the last feed. Any wakeups before that time are dealt with by DH. He can cuddle, rock, sing etc, offer water - but no mummy!"

Chrismummiaow - That's a fab piece of advice, I have a 5 1/2 month old, basically b/f on demand but not co-sleeping. He sleeps like a dream between 7pm-10:30pm and then after that we occasionally have just one 4am waking (RARE) but usually then have 3 wakings between 10pm and 6:30am. He always feeds but the middle feed is more a snack. Next time my DH is on holiday we are going to try that!
Mine is another one that won't sleep during the day apart from a 5 minute nap at the end of a breast-feed (and WW3 breaks out if I try and put him in his cot during that!)

I think it's good advice too.

I've just decided to cut out the 4.30 feed and up for the day routine, hoping she may fall asleep for a short time.

DH is away, and the neighbours, so it's only me to deal with the crying. She woke at 4.30 am. I took her into bed and cuddled and stroked her. She wailed like a banshee at first, butt hen started trying to settle herself, though she found this very difficult. In the end, she fell asleep in my arms at 5.20ish and then slept until 7.30! . I decided to reinforce the new regime by not feeding her in bed then. I took her downsatirs and gave her some cereal then fed her on the sofa. Smiles all round this morning. Am trying her on one long nap too. Working well so far - two and a half hours! I may even have to wake her up for lucnh.

Well not so good the last 2 nights.

Tuesday DS woke at midnight and after nearly 2.5 hours, DS gave up and I fed him. He'd had soup and bread for tea and even though he'd eaten a lot, we decided maybe he needed more protein at bedtime, so we're going to make sure he has something meaty that he'll eat for tea.

Last night we had the nieces round so did his dream feed when we went to bed at midnight (so he hopefully wouldn't disturb them) so it wasn't surprising that he slept through till 5.50am. However DN2(6) was sick several times during the night so DH and I took turns getting up to deal with her every hour or so! An insight into the joys of 2 kids for us!

Happy New Year!

Chairmum - well done on the night weaning!

We got back yesterday after 2 weeks of sleeping in various beds, and DD mostly coming in with me for the nights, though she slept ok in the evenign in the travel cot and also the cot at the PILs.

Didn't get up at our usual hour of 7.30 but just slept in till about 9 so it meant naps were very random if at all.

However we are back now and getting organised! Feeling quite positive about not going back to work, and taking a leaf out of Chairmum's book in getting life in order!

Last night she went down ok at 7ish but then woke and had to be resettled 3 times before 10pm. She then woke at 4am and I got into bed with her. Finally managed to drag us out of bed at 8. She is now in her cot for a nap, so we shall see how it all pans out. Don't think I am ready to night-wean yet, but might be soon! Would love her to self settle in the evening so will see what happens as she gets a little older.

Happy New Year all!

Chairmum - LOL at 2 kids. Sometimes it seems mad to be going for another so soon - which we have just started - but if I finally get plenty of rest, I know I'll find it twice as ahrd to have another baby!

Peach - I found night weaning easier than I expected (a word of encouragement for when you're ready).

DD was 1 on the first! WE are still not doing the 4.30 feed and now she's having her first wake at 5.20 or so. She often goes back to sleep for an hour in my arms. She's now having one long nap - 2 to 3 hours -. It's working ok but does anyone know what the optimum time is for a day sleep for this age?

LaTrucha - have just consulted Dr Weissbluth and he isn't much help. He just says that most 1 year olds are still having 2 naps but that if they are moving towards one, then maybe have an earlier bedtime.

From friends that I have, their toddlers seems to have 2 - 2.5 hours from noon, and therefore have their lunch about 11.30.

Another tip I got over the holidays is one of those bunny alrm clocks. It isn't really appropriate for babies our age as they need to be able to understand it, but in case any of us have problems with older toddlers waking early. Basically you stick it on the cot and set the time you want them to get up. At this point the side with the bunny getting up for the day, is lit up and the toddler knows it is ok to get up. If it is before the time to get up the sleeping bunny side will be lit up and the toddler knows they have to go back to sleep. My friend said it has been genius for his 2.5 year old!

DD had 2 hour nap this morning and then another 35 mins in pram this afternoon. She went down pretty easily about 7.30 and is still asleep so all good at the moment.