Co-sleepers - help me with my constantly waking 6 month old please! (LONG POST!)

[ChairmumMiaow]

DS is 6 months old today, and we've been co-sleeping in various ways since he was about 3 months and grew out of his moses basket.

Before he came out of the basket, he was (briefly) sleeping pretty well (IMO) waking 1-2 times a night, and I was feeling good. When we took him out because it was too small, he started waking more often. I presumed this was a combination of the change of sleeping environment and the hot spell we were having at the same time. I thought it would get better!

Since then, its just got worse - he's waking more and more, so I have him in bed with me more and more, and now I'm losing my confidence in what I'm doing. It feels like he won't sleep for long without my nipple in his mouth (although I know its not actually as bad as that). He wakes every 1-2 hours, but seems to only sleep for more than an hour in our bed - he used to do about 3 hours in his cot to start with then wake frequently after that, but now we're lucky if we get an hour at the start of the evening (he normally goes to sleep between 8 and 9pm and just feeds then plays if we do bath earlier)

Some days I feel ok - if he just wakes to get latched on I barely wake up, but after weeks of doing this, I'm getting aches and pains in my back and arms. I normally lay him in the crook of my arm to feed, so when I go to sleep I get a dead arm after a while which wakes me up. Sometimes I can then roll him over onto his back, and he sleeps for a while longer, but other times he wakes up, which wakes me up more, and we have to get comfortable again...

If I try to feed him without being in my arm, I have to roll a bit further onto my side (but not completely over as that seems not to work) which gives me backache as my bac is twisted slightly. I've thought of supporting my back with a long cushion, but thought that it would just wake me up more to get it in place.

If I try to put him back in his bedside cot after every feed, I just wake up shattered. If I try to get him back to sleep by patting etc, he just works himself up into full crying, which I can't stand! Same thing happens when DH tries - as he does when he hears me and DS getting worked up!

I've had people suggesting that I'm waking him up myself, and that he might sleep better in his own room, and as each night I just get that little bit more tired, I'm starting to doubt the route I've chosen and wonder if I make DS sleep as he does! (but I really don't want him in another room just yet)

He doesn't feed as much as he used to in the day, and is not yet eating much solids (he started BLW very slowly about 3 weeks ago) so I know that he needs to catch up at night to a certain extent, but it feels like he's snacking a lot...

So I'm wondering if I can -

a) improve my sleep-feeding technique - any hints?
b) use some other non-crying technique to get him back to sleep
c) try a dummy (I don't particularly like them, but don't hate them...)
d) do something else...

If I can get more comfortable feeding him in bed, I'll be happy, as when I'm not knackered, I don't worry about getting him into bad habits, and DH and I have agreed we're happy to have him in our bed for some time. When I'm tired though, I feel like I'm doing everything wrong!

LaTrucha - I know quite a few people trying for their second already. We're nowhere near ready yet (there's the small matter of 2.5st to lose first!) so I think people that are trying are very brave.

The night weaning doesn't seem to have affected DS much at all. If I dream feed him he normally goes through till 5 or thereabouts, which is pretty much what we were aiming for. I'd like to make it 6 though. This morning he woke at 4.50 (close enough) but he stayed latched on to me till 6am!. That's the bit we need to work on next I think. (Note, we had lots of screaming so we think we're still having teeth issues )

Hello everybody! We're back after all the Christmas fun (although we were at home). We had an absolutely fabulous Christmas, DD enjoyed her first new year - we were out at a dinner and she insisted on staying up - and tomorrow she turns one. It all seems to have gone so fast!

DD was pretty sick before Christmas, as was I and I had all the lovely early pregnancy niggles too (incredibly tired and morning sickness) so it wasn't a great time. Then, with all the excitement of Christmas and messing with our "normal" routine, we had a few nights of absolute drama. Last Sunday she woke up at midnight and wouldn't go back to sleep until 4am. I have no idea why - didn't seem to be teething although we tried remedies for that, tried calpol in case she wasn't well, everything. Something was wrong because she was absolutely screaming - not just crying but hysterical screaming and we were holding her the whole time. Anyway, we had 3 nights like that with each night a little better but the same screaming. Then we decided it was time to get back to Normal Life, even if it killed us, so we've been trying to get up at 7am and follow her usual day. Things are better now, and she is sleeping much better. It's still tricky to get her to go to sleep at night though. When she was so sick before Christmas she was falling asleep by herself in her cot rather than one of us holding her until she's asleep. I'm trying to encourage that - with no. 2 on the way I need to find a method of putting DD to bed that takes less than an hour minimum! - but some days we win and some days we lose.

LaT - DD also seems to be heading towards one long nap. I've gone back to putting her down for 2 naps while we re-establish normal life, but I do intend to see if she wants to have one sleep rather than two. A friend who has an older child told me her daughter moved to one nap around this age, but (as Peach says) it did mean having lunch very early and sometimes having an early bedtime. The single nap was around 2 - 2.5 hours long.
Peach - same friend has the bunny clock and absolutely swears by it!
Chairmum - really glad to hear the night weaning is going fairly well for you. Although waking up at 5am is still a bit rough

Ok, DH has finished bathing DD so time for her to have a bedtime feed. Which reminds me, LaTrucha - are you still bf? If so, how many feeds a day does your DD have? (Asking you as I know our DCs are about the same age.) DD is down to morning and evening only, at her "demand" rather than imposed on her, but I was reading a thread on the bf section that said at 12 months they need to feed more often than that (i.e. at least 3 or 4 times a day) for nutrition. DD eats like anything and doesn't seem in the least hungry so I think she's ok, but it did throw me a bit. (I do think my milk supply has decreased though with being pregnant, which might be why she has cut back her feeds.)

Anyway, that is now an essay so I will sign off. Sleep well everyone !!

Hi Hadeda - happy birthday to LO!We had a lovely time with DD on the 1st. We're really varying the bfs. I was being very strict about only morning and evening feeds only but then we're back to demand feeding a) because she had a cold and was teething and didn't want to eat solid food and b) I realised she was adjusting to the bottle and cup very well so didn't feel I needed to be so strict.

I guess we have at least 3 good ones probably 4 but I'm also starting her on cow's milk during the day instead of formula when we don't bf.

Hadeda - nice to hear things are going well - how far along are you now.

DS is 1 in two weeks, and its pretty scary that they're all growing up so fast!

We're down to morning, evening and a dream feed some days - plus one daytime feed sometimes (for a nap - he has the other in the sling).

I stopped offering because the little sod kept biting me and we figured out he was only really doing it during the day, so he only gets it when he's really insistent (the rest of the time I offer food instead or put him in the sling and head off for my exercise!) I was really surprised when we didn't really get any argument, but I would never have done it if he hadn't really started eating loads.

Today we had no afternoon nap, so he was asleep at 6 after not much dinner, which means he'll get fed if he wakes after his dream feed! Ah well.

Anyway, wish me luck as I'm starting a new year's health kick tomorrow in an attempt to lose 2.5+ stone to convince DH to let me have another baby in 2010

Wow, happy birthday to all the little one year olds! Time really does fly. I keep making a conscious effort to enjoy every little bit of it while she is still small, but time marches on. She is 10 months today!

Last 3 nights she has woken about 3.30/4 and I have got into bed with her which means I am pretty tired during day, though went to bed at 9.30 last ngiht. Bliss!

Am also on health kick Chairmum! Have decided to do a half marathon at the end of March. Eek! Went for run yesterday for first time on 6 weeks and although it was ok, today my legs are really stiff. Think we will also be waiting till 2010 to have a another one. Would love to buy a house first, as living in a flat is fine with one, but don't relish thought of going up and downstairs with a baby, a toddler and a pram/double pram!!!

Sounds like DD is not unlike your DCs with her feeds LaTrucha and Chairmum - which is a relief! I do feed her at night if she wakes up and is unsettled but (whispers) it's happening less and less often.

Good luck with the health kick Chairmum and the half marathon Peach - I'd love to do one of those one day. Not this year though! I'm searching for antenatal yoga classes at the moment. I'm 15 weeks so still early days, but at least out of the first trimester!

We had a wonderful day with DD for her birthday and she's been so happy all day. DH is giving her a bath now - he's back to work tomorrow so it's his last "Daddy Day" for a while, he works v late during the week. I just keep thinking back a year and wondering at how much has happened for us!

Hello all - it is lovely to hear that things are looking up for most of us. I am still creeping quietly like a nervous tourist through sleep-nirvana-land. DS is still sleeping through (I know - why oh why write it down???) and is in his cot for all his naps. The duration is a bit variable, but I am NOT complaining about that. We've started putting a few toys in his cot before we go to bed ourselves and some mornings he plays with them when he wakes up and that means I have occasionally been able to stay in bed until 6.30am!!! I have finally achieved 8 hours sleep in a row - although I am rather disappointed to find that despite that feeling good, it hasn't instantly returned me to feeling like my sane pre-motherhood rested self. Little steps, I guess. It took almost 8 months to get this tired so I supposed it'll take more than a couple of weeks to get over it.

Good luck to everyone on a health kick - I may join you, as everyone drives everywhere in Auckland and I am getting much less exercise now. We didn't have a car in Oxford, so I walked loads as well as frontpacking that heavy DS of mine for 3 hours everyday. I now do very little as the summer heat makes it difficult to push myself around the streets with the pushchair. Swimming might be the answer if I can organise babysitting.

Urgh. DD is well and truly taking advantage of my 'let's stop nightfeeds and have a cuddle instead' strategy now. We had a terrible night simply because she was insisting on cuddles ALL the time. hmm I can't say I felt like giving them much by 5am.

We're going back to CC tonight. She doesn't need it for going down, but I can't believe how far we've gone back on the night wakings. I thought we'd passed all that.

Congrats takingit on the 8 hours sleep! Trouble is, you just end up wanting more!!

LaTrucha - not read anything about cuddle weaning.... If it's not one thing, it's another.

Still having 1 waking a night since we got back from up north, but having real trouble getting her off to sleep. Lat night it took us 2 hours, including an hour initially of feeding, though she wasn't actually feeding, just hanging on to my nipple and going mental if I moved away. Also naps are a problem as by the time I actually manage to get away and put her in her cot if she wakes up she won't then sleep as having been sleeping for 20 mins or so while feeding she thinks she has then had a sleep and won't then fall back asleep, IYSWIM. Having spent from 10.30-11 trying to get her to sleep I have now left her in her cot and she is still grumbling.

I think basically that as nice as it is bf to sleep is no longer working for us. I don't want to do CIO or CC as she has really bad separartion anxiety at the minute and I think it would be unfair on her. Might do PU/PD again. Sigh...

Excellent night for us last night. 7ish till 6(!!!) with a 10pm dream feed.

We're not worrying about naps here. He normally has one when his auntie has him while I'm at work (he sleeps better for her, typically!), and I'm trying to do the other in the sling so I get at least an hour of exercise a day and he gets a good sleep. Its not working so well the past few days as there's too much ice and he doesn't sleep as well in the pushchair. If I have him for 2 naps, I BF him to sleep and settle down with a good book for the second one

We seem to be pretty much back to normal her e- 7pm to 5.30am then sometimes a cuddle back to sleep. How's everyone else doing?

Not too bad. She slept through till 7.30 last night for first time since before xmas and all the nights before that she was waking up once and I was just getting into bed with her.

Naps have been getting better too. She has been going down fine in the morning in her cot for over an hour. 2 so far this morning! The afternoon naps we've been doing in the pram which seems to be working well.

Things are pretty good here too. DD did wake up last night at 4:30 and then again at 5:30 when we brought her into our bed but we think there's a tooth on the way. Apart from that she's been going through to around 6:30 or 7 - all good!

Sorry for the hijack.

The OP sounds much like where I am today. I have read the first few pages of your thread, and the last page, but not the middle . It sounds as though many of your LOs' sleep is much improved now they are older.

I have just created this thread, and I would be ever so grateful if you could offer any advice. Thanks.

Good generally here, but DS has started refusing to be put down in his cot unless he's absolutely completely asleep. He's been ill again, so we've been having him back in with us, and its actually working pretty well. He wakes for one feed which he practically helps himself to (its hilarious - he climbs over the top of me and latches on to the far side, lying across my middle, wobbling sleepily as he feeds). We're seriously considering going back to co-sleeping as he settles almost instantly if someone is in bed with him, and we can then wriggle away after a few minutes. Considering he has pretty bad separation anxiety atm (clings to me for the first half hour of every group) it seems like a nice way to reassure him...

We're also contemplating getting his (inherited from cousin) toddler bed out so we can sort of lie down with him to get him to sleep...

Are we mad?

Chairmum - I'd say you are't mad, I really think you need to do what works best at different times and that your "magic sleep trick" might stop working so then you have to find another.
We were pretty much co-sleeping with DD just before Christmas (taking her in with us when she woke up), also because she was sick. It really seemed to make her feel better to sleep between mommy and daddy and she slept, whereas if we tried to resettle her we would sit up all night with her screaming. We knew when she was better as she became ridiculously restless in our bed and wanted to play all night so then we got firmer about putting her back in her own bed when she woke up.

Totall agree with Hadeda, Chairmum. just do whatever feels right at the time. They change so much all the time, that if you find something that is working for all you, just stick with it, until it is not working.

We hads 3 nights of sleeping right through and then last night after a couple of hours in her cot she woke, and just was not for putting back down there. I ended up sleeping with her all night in the spare bed. DP still find ot difficult to sleep with her in the bed as even though she sleeps on my side he still thinks he is going to roll over on her. Am sure when she is a bit bigger he'll be ok with it.

I agree too. We have co-slpet with DD but it hasn't had a long-term bad effect on her sleep.

She slept absolutely brilliantly last nigth - 7.30 to 6.30. I had gone to bed at 8.30 to try and catch up with some sleep but woke up at 1.30 and COULD not get back to sleep again in the whole night!

Can't believe it!

Aaarrgggh! Going backwards! DD has woken up lots over the past week and last night and night before was particularly bad - waking up around 4 and not going back to sleep for an hour. I have no idea why and, I have to be honest, it's really pissing me off!!! I need some sleep! Baby no 2 needs some sleep! DH needs some sleep!

She's sleeping right now, been sleeping for an hour and not a peep yet so I am making myself some nice boiled eggs for lunch as a treat. Hopefully they will lift my mood!

Grrrrrrrr.

We're going backwards too, but I just can't be bothered at the moment. Its easier just to co-sleep, particularly as DS has a cold (quite a bad cough too) at the moment

Still, he was one yesterday and we had a lovely day

Happy Birthday Chairmum's DS. Sorry to hear he's still waking.

Hadeda - I feel for you.

Things ok here. We did go backwards, did CC agan, she cried for 10 mins and haS been fine since. Well, that's that jinxed!

Yes, Happy birthday babyChairmum!

What did you do to celebrate Chairmum? Did you have cake?

We are ok actually. She has been sleeping through for the last week from 7.30ish till 7.45 It has been blissful. I have been getting to bed early too and sleeping 9 hours and am still dying for my bed in the evening. DP says it is probably catching up for 10 months without sleep. Also probably cos I am running 3 times a week which is tiring. Am making sure I have some treats though. Curry and beer tonight!

peach - sounds like things are going well for you!

DS had a baby party on friday with lots of home made food, and we went down the pub with family on his actual birthday, which was good fun as I managed to give him a late nap so he stayed up late and was really well behaved at the pub.

We're moving to one nap here, which is good and bad. Its hard work keeping him up till 11am (just that last half hour) and he seems to be only sleeping for an hour (with at least one resettle at the moment because he has a cough ) but that seems to get him through till 6 or 7, which is better than the hour or more fight we were previously having at bedtime.

We're definitely moving to the toddler bed as we're currently putting him in the spare double bed on his own as its really much easier to get him to stay asleep like that, but his cough has been waking him so he's been in with us a lot. Which feels ok at the time but both DH and I are getting very tired

Another long rant...

How's everyone doing?

DS has had yet another nasty cold with a fever (we're on day 4 of the fever today, constant calpol and nurofen and his temperature is still up at times even though he's getting something every 3 hours, day and night (mostly).

In between the last illness and this he was actually sleeping quite nicely in our bed, with only 2-3 small BF during the night (including the 5-6am one) so he wasn't really feeding much more than when he was in the cot, plus he'll settle more often with just cuddles, rather than that all important nipple.

I'm hoping the fever breaks tonight, but I don't think he'll be having his jabs tomorrow

Hi there,

We're not doing too badly - although I was thinking of making a note of the nights DD woke up but then decided it would be shorter to make a list of the nights she didn't...
Mostly we've had teeth followed by colds so it's all understandable, if unpleasant! DD also had her jabs last week. I'd scheduled them for just before her music group which worked at treat as the music group cheered her up thoroughly and she forgot all about the jabs. Luckily she never seems to get a temperature or anything after them.
Anyway having just bad-mouthed her, DD did actually sleep through the past two nights. Probably knackered from going to nursery. But that is the first time in about 2 weeks or so.

I'm having some real problems with feeding though. She's cut back to one feed a day which I'm pretty sure is because I'm pregnant - supply has defnitely gone down and I believe the milk starts to taste different (although obviously I don't know if it has!). I feel a bit guilty about it, as if I've forced her to cut back by falling pregnant. It is still pretty painful when she starts to feed - like when she was newborn - but not enough to make me stop. But I am wondering what will happen if she doesn't want her morning feed anymore, the idea of ending bf is really hard for me. Now if you'd told me THAT a year ago, I'd never have believed you! I'm trying to just go with what happens, without making her do anything she doesn't want to, but I am having really conflicting emotions about it.
Anyway, this is the sleep thread not the bf thread so shall shut up!

Hope everyone is well. We may see snow this weekend!! I know that's a pain for most of you - but for me it's still incredibly exciting!!