Please help Newborn baby - I can't go on with no sleep.

[Jennifer48]

I am posting because my mental health is taking a battering due to sleep deprivation since I gave birth to my beautiful baby on 26 January. I have slept just a few scattered hours since then. The nights are excruciating: the baby doesn't sleep at nights, he certainly doesn't settle in the cot and just howls if he isn't at my breast/stomach or on a pillow in front of me, and obviously I can't sleep in that position.
I am, after a shaky start, breastfeeding him, which I am glad about, but if me getting sleep entails moving on to formula, I will do it but I want to make sure it will definitely result in my getting sleep because that's what's breaking me. I manage to express some milk but giving it to him at night does has no impact on the situation at all. His nappies and weight gain are all good and he is back at his birth weight so he is getting sufficient nutrition from the breast, but won't sleep anywhere other than against my chest, stomach or on a pillow in front of me for longer than five minutes- and obviously I can't fall asleep in that position. I hear parents talk about getting three or four hours or sleep with envy; I literally have got none the past two nights and was almost delirious, I nearly fell with him in my arms last night (thankfully I didn't).
I've heard that's not unusual for a baby not to stay in the cot but I've also heard this phase could go on for weeks or months.. but I am at breaking point now- imagining things, feeling extremely low. There is no joy in this.

@AmbiguityIsKey He will still not settle in a cot. How long until reflux "naturally" resolves, do you reckon? I'd have thought it was until solids can be introduced- around five months or so- but I've heard differing opinions on here.

@WTF987 No I fo not have dairy free formula! I know it's contradictory but I need a prescription to get dairy free formula. My baby will see the doctor in two weeks' time for his vaccinations and eight month check-up so zill have to get a prescription then.

I’m sorry OP but it’s completely pointless cutting out dairy from your diet if you’re still giving him formula with dairy in.

Also, if it is reflux wouldn’t you want him to be comfortable? Why would you wait for months (and that’s only IF it clears up by then) when he’s in pain?

@Jennifer48 why wait another 2 weeks , get an appointment sooner for both of you .

Cutting out dairy should mean your BM is free of it after 72 hours.

Please go to the GP. I'm so concerned about your mental health. This is not a sustainable situation. I wish I could help you.

He’s unlikely to settle in his cot, he’s barely 6 weeks old and still needs to be in very close contact with you (or a trusted carer) to feel safe. As soon as you put him in his cot, even if he’s full of milk and not struggling with reflux, he will wake up.

https://www.nct.org.uk/information/life-parent/support-change/what-fourth-trimester

As @FMc208 & @WTF987 say, cutting out dairy from your diet is pointless if you are still giving him any formula, because formula is made of cows milk. Your Dr may give you a prescription, but may want to investigate to establish that he is CMPA before they do that. In the mean time you need to stop giving him formula, sorry. Have you been to breastfeeding group and had his latch checked? Making sure he’s feeding effectively can make a huge difference, and means you won’t need to give him top-ups.

Yes, I’ve heard that too about when it resolves. I think it was a bit earlier than that for me but then I started him on ranitadine, so I can’t say for sure.

I would say I started to be able to settle him lying down next to me from around 4 months. I know that feels an age away tho. I did it by letting him fall asleep on me. Then I’d slide myself slowly down into a lying down position. Then I’d slowly roll over and gently lay him down, while still keeping an arm around him, so he was kind of in my armpit. Then gently move away. I tried to make it so there was no sudden movement or feeling of being placed down for him. And I’d pause between each bit of the process.

I also struggled to sleep. I was so wired from exhaustion that it was hard to fall asleep. I will never ever be complacent about sleep now or take it for granted. Even 10 years later, I am thankful for sleep.

Honestly OP, I completely sympathise you're sleep deprived, anxious and overwhelmed. I know it's probably very difficult to make sense of all the advice. And I mean this really kindly and supportive, but you really need to be more proactive though. You don't need to wait two weeks for an appointment for dairy free formula. You can be phoning the GP tomorrow for it.

And I'm not sure why you keep questioning about reflux and this reluctance to try medication for it. Reflux can take months and months to resolve itself and it's a long time to put up with a crying, non-sleeping baby and a long time for a baby to be in pain. Which if it is reflux, your baby will be in tremendous pain. Why would you not want to give them something that could help?

I ended up at paediatric a&e when mine was two weeks after he had basically cried non-stop then. That's when I got omperazole and that and an amino acid formula meant a very different baby. Your symptoms your baby has tallies up with a lot of people here's experience.

Your points are noted! I've got an appointment with GP for a quarter to one today.

Great news. I hope it was helpful

I always say 4-6w to be totally out of mums system and babies

Excellent, I hope the appointment was helpful.

How did it go?

The doctor said there was nothing that jumped out for him medically but gave me a referral for pediatrics in the local hospital. Hospital is 15 miles away, mum will hopefully drive me there ( I don't know how to drive).

That's progress. Hopefully whatever is going on will be identified.

Well that’s good you and baby will be seen by a professional for babies

gp’s can be good but equally thy know a little about most things where this consultant will know a lot about babies

can you video a feed off you - a bottle feed and then trying to settle him in the Moses basket /cot etx so the consultant can see /hear his behaviour

are you swaddling as I do swear by it or love to dream so they don’t whack self and startle reflex

No, I had no social work or mental health involvement as I didn't have a mental illness or social issues. I am also a solo parent so had no help.

Did you speak to gp about your MH?

Love to dream swaddle are literally a game changer! Definitely get one if you dont already

They are so cute when in them and theit little hands kinda stroke their face

@Jennifer48 do another post and link it here if you still want help support and advice as only a couple of posts space left

Nine months of nights with no sleep would be extremely detrimental to mental health, though, regardless of any prior mental health condition, I would have thought.

I will start a new thread and link to this one, as I've been told there's not much space left here.

How are you getting on @Jennifer48?

How have you been @Jennifer48 ? Any improvements or little wins?

Hope you’re ok @Jennifer48

Still very tough. I have been prescribed sleeping tablets. Psychiatrist comes back from holiday on Wednesday and will probsbly prescribe medication for me. I have not had time to start a new thread. Thank you for asking.