Please help Newborn baby - I can't go on with no sleep.

[Jennifer48]

I am posting because my mental health is taking a battering due to sleep deprivation since I gave birth to my beautiful baby on 26 January. I have slept just a few scattered hours since then. The nights are excruciating: the baby doesn't sleep at nights, he certainly doesn't settle in the cot and just howls if he isn't at my breast/stomach or on a pillow in front of me, and obviously I can't sleep in that position.
I am, after a shaky start, breastfeeding him, which I am glad about, but if me getting sleep entails moving on to formula, I will do it but I want to make sure it will definitely result in my getting sleep because that's what's breaking me. I manage to express some milk but giving it to him at night does has no impact on the situation at all. His nappies and weight gain are all good and he is back at his birth weight so he is getting sufficient nutrition from the breast, but won't sleep anywhere other than against my chest, stomach or on a pillow in front of me for longer than five minutes- and obviously I can't fall asleep in that position. I hear parents talk about getting three or four hours or sleep with envy; I literally have got none the past two nights and was almost delirious, I nearly fell with him in my arms last night (thankfully I didn't).
I've heard that's not unusual for a baby not to stay in the cot but I've also heard this phase could go on for weeks or months.. but I am at breaking point now- imagining things, feeling extremely low. There is no joy in this.

Honestly the whole 'it takes a village to raise a baby' sentiment is so true. It's so difficult if you don't have an awful lot of support - we'll be your village even if it's only online!
I kinda agree with you about the medication. See I'm on sertraline for OCD and there's no way I'm coming off it any time soon, but if you know that you're not depressed you're just desperately tired then I can't see what going on to medication will do other than give you side effects to deal with for the first week on top of how bad you're already feeling. But as others have said sertraline is considered safe for breastfeeding so it's ok if you do need to take them at any point. Although I think things will start to get a bit easier over the next week or two hopefully. We can all give lots of well meaning advice but I think a lot of it is just because he's so young and he will get into his own rhythm of things.
Also don't beat yourself up if you're not enjoying every moment of your baby right now! I knew I loved my baby from the very start but I didn't have that fiercely protective feeling towards him to start with and felt very guilty about that because it's what I thought every mother had. Anyway it's developed now, but don't give yourself any more things to stress about, and I hope the slings help a bit.

yes do be reassured that babies get better at latching on their side with you side lying when they’re about 6 weeks and over so you’re almost there.

Glad it’s not just me!

That’s great you’ve ordered them. Hope one of them is comfy for you. Even if it doesn’t help with sleep, a bit of sunshine and fresh air might help you feel better.

I second asking about Omeprazole. It was the only thing that sorted my babies reflux, after trying several options.

Thank you for this @Motherlandmama I wanted to comment/ask some questions.
How was your daughter diagnosed with CMPA? One lady I met at the breastfeeding support group last week only knew she had dairy allergy because her daughter had a severe rash on her skin. Is a definitive diagnosis possible?
Secondly, forgive me if I'm wrong, but I thought reflux went away by itself or was greatly eased by weaning, which takes place around 5 or 6 months? So unless your daughter was prescribed Omeprazole at just a couple of weeks, 6 or 8 weeks seems long to me - doesn't the reflux sort itself out when the baby is bring weaned? Correct me if I'm wrong, of course.

At any rate, I'm not at all sure my baby has reflux. As I mentioned above, a private lactation consultant thinks reflux is massively over-diagnosed and suspects it is colic. He's not vomiting and he's gaining weight, plus he's beeastfed, so she thinks very unlikely to be reflux.

I agree with @FMc208 and @chateauneufdupapa, sertraline or similar won’t fix the problem, but would help you cope through the difficult situation.

I can answer some of this; my youngest was CMPA, symptoms were dry skin/eczema, silent reflux, gassy explosive green mucousy poo with occasional blood flecks and lots of crying especially when laid flat. We figured it out by guesswork, I cut dairy out of my diet and within 10 days had a completely different baby. We didn’t have a rash, but a couple of babies in my breastfeeding group have had rashes from CMPA. Breastfed babies absolutely do get reflux, the Association of Breastfeeding Mothers did a study a few years ago and found that 50% of babies with reflux had CMPA, so it’s definitely worth considering. Reflux does reduce significantly when babies start solids, purely because solid foods don’t wash back up as easily as liquids (milk) does, and because at 6 months babies digestive system is more developed and also they can sit up by themselves so don’t get laid flat as much.

Thank you for this. To be clear- I think I have mentioned this above although no worries if you didn’t see it because this thread is so long- the issue is not just I don't (yet!) master breastfeeding in thr laying-down position; it's also that my wee man doesn't settle down after a "feed"; he feeds non-stop and it's been this way pretty much since birth. He goes from one breast to the other with no break in between. I spend seven to eight hours a day breastfeeding him and that's not just the past week; it's been the past four to five weeks.

Have you seen this lactation consultant in person or online only? I would check with another and get a 2nd opinion. Breastfed baby can definitely have reflux (all my friends who had reflux babies breastfed, and my own baby who I exclusively breastfed also had reflux until diagnosed with tongue tie at 8 weeks old which he had released). I think you need to dig deeper into the potential causes of reflux. You can check the Baby Reflux Lady, she's brilliant. https://www.thebabyrefluxlady.co.uk/

Silent reflux doesn't cause vomitting.

My two were on Omeprazole for months. Reflux does get better as the mechanism develops (stomach valve) but my first born in particular had symptoms for a long time.

I would encourage you to persevere with feeding with both of you on your side. When I was dealing with constant feeding, I was able to 'sleep feed'. When baby was done on one side, I would get a kick which would wake me, I would roll us both over to the other side and carry on. Eventually, I did manage to get a fair amount of sleep that way.

In our instance the CMPA allergy initially presented itself with constant feeding (we were later advised she likely did so to try soothe the burning feeling), inconsolable crying for hours on end, pulling her legs up, very little sleep/short naps of only ten minutes and slightly watery nappy’s. She then began having acid reflux and diarrhoea, at the very end her skin began to flare and bloody spots appeared in her nappy. She was put on Nutramigen formula at 11 weeks and was switched to Puramino at 16 weeks. All symptoms disappeared and we discovered we actually have a very content and relaxed baby.

To confirm the diagnosis, the hospital asked us to reintroduce cows milk formula when she was 21 weeks. Her symptoms began reoccurring at day two and were unbearable again by day five. Hospital confirmed severe CMPA and she is still under their care and a dietician now.

Our baby gained weight through all of this, actually went up centiles. I cannot say about whether weaning would solve reflux as, once our little one was on the dairy free formula, the acid reflux stopped entirely.

From once she was 3 weeks old, I just knew something was not normal, but I was fobbed off by two GPs for weeks on end. It was only when she saw a third GP and was later hospitalised that we got our diagnosis. I firmly believe the omaprazole was only a band aid for the acid reflux, which is why I continued to push for answers as to the cause of the acid. But it did give her some relief during a long and stressful process.

It may not at all apply to your baby but, if you think something is not normal, trust your instinct. You already know him better than anyone else!

It's normal in my experience to BF that much in the first couple of months. Try side lying BF on a firm mattress, then you barely have to wake up and you don't have to transfer baby once they fall asleep.

I’ve breastfed two babies neither of whom had allergies or reflux, and this was my experience both times. Both babies fed for hours every day and night. It’s normal for breastfed newborns.

I know youre probably sick of hearing it but you do need to try and get out and about a bit . Its a shame you're away from your usual network. Yes in the first days and even weeks bf mums need to sit under the baby but honestly 8 hours out of 24 feeding is not massively unusual its just that you are doing those 8 hours stuck in a chair. If you could get out for a walk, group, baby cinema etc and start teaching him night from day it would be easier. What you are aiming for is that most of intensive feeding is by day or early evening and then you work up to 4/5 hour stretches asleep at night. Even fully ff babies are feeding every 3 hours at his age which is 8 feeds in 24, you just need to get his little clock on a day cycle. When mums have a second baby they usually have to get out and about with a toddler and exhausting as that it, it gives newborn daylight and routine. You want a lively day and a peaceful night basically

@Jennifer48 I asked before but i dont think you answered (not a criticism! You're getting loads of replies and can't reply to all) what has the lactation consultant/BF support group said about his latch?

I agree with others when I'd read your posts the first thing that jumped out to me was reflux/CMPA.

My babies thankfully slept but the torture that it was before getting the cmpa/silent eflux diagnoses was awful and really impacted my mental health. The constant screaming and being in pain, back arching etc. Mine both as well fed well and put on weight and weren't sick. But they were both constantly uncomfortable, screaming in pain, liquid poos and my youngest couldn't be put down. They also drank well but it was because they were in pain with the reflux that the milk soothed the pain but then because it was cows milk formula, it then set off the silent reflux symptoms again and we were stuck in this constant loop. Once we got the right formula and omperazole it was like night and day.

It sounds absolutely awful what you're going through and I totally empathise. But it sounds like you've latched on to what this person told you about reflux being over diagnosed as gospel and just dismissing any concern it could be silent reflux/cmpa straight away. I really would go back to your GP to discuss medication for reflux and try a dairy free diet. Gaviscon was next to useless as ir just constipatied both mine but omperazole was life changing and both mine were on it from four weeks.Even it doesn't work, at least then you'll know for definite.

I also disagree with whoever told you reflux is over-prescribed. I thought now that the term colic was out of date and that actually baby displaying these symptoms are usually down to some sort of medical need rather than it just being dismissed as colic and being told to wait out.

And also weaning doesn't always resolve reflux. My youngest is 9 months and still on omeprazole and every time we try and reduce a dose, symptoms resolve. And not just that I've had heartburn myself which is like silent reflux and I certainly wouldn't have liked to have spent six months in pain waiting for it to resolve itself.

Thanks for reminding me @CocoPlum I think I saw your question but neglected to reply at the time and then didn't come back to it.
The lactation consultant I saw in person on Tuesday was from my local Trust. She observed me breastfeeding, agreed that my left breast is more comfortable than my right breast, suggested I experiment with different feeding positions, etc. Given that baby's weight gain is more than satisfactory, she said the breastmilk is more than meeting his needs. Specifically regarding latch: from what I recall, she said she thought the baby was well latched-on overall and when I said that I often feel the baby's latch isn't very wide, she said that as long as I feel comfortable and its not painful, it's probably OK, because his weight gain is very good.

Thanks for this, @Bellaunion You understand- baby's back arched and screaming in pain. It's torture.

I do not know wha

It is unbelievably hard what you are going through but if it is silent reflux there is help and medication out there that can help along with a trial of a dairy free diet. You don't need to wait six months until they are weaned for things to resolve themselves. The back arching etc are classic silent reflux symptoms but I'm not a medical professional.

And I think it's great you're getting support for breastfeeding however reflux and cmpa are medical issues. I'm meaning no disrespect to your lactation consultant but I'm assuming they aren't a GP which is who you really need to go about these issues. It seems what she's given you is her opinion on reflux which I'm not really sure is based on actual factual evidence.

Both mine had cmpa and silent reflux yet both gained weight and were rarely sick.

Well ... yes but if he's not settling in between feeds/feeding constantly, that suggests something isn't right. Is she an IBCLC?

I really wish you were local as I would happily come and see you! Can you try shaping your breast with thumb parallel to his top lip - keep it this way throughout the feed - to see if that helps? Babies don't often open wide enough for early post partum full breasts!

“I said that I often feel the baby's latch isn't very wide, she said that as long as I feel comfortable and its not painful, it's probably OK, because his weight gain is very good.”

Well, yes, he’s perma-latched, so you’d expect his weight gain to be good!!

Getting a wide mouth latch can often be as simple as scooching baby around towards his feet so that his head tilts back. It’s so frustrating to not be able to see you feeding.

Are you in BF support too? I feel the exact same as your last sentence.