Please help Newborn baby - I can't go on with no sleep.

[Jennifer48]

I am posting because my mental health is taking a battering due to sleep deprivation since I gave birth to my beautiful baby on 26 January. I have slept just a few scattered hours since then. The nights are excruciating: the baby doesn't sleep at nights, he certainly doesn't settle in the cot and just howls if he isn't at my breast/stomach or on a pillow in front of me, and obviously I can't sleep in that position.
I am, after a shaky start, breastfeeding him, which I am glad about, but if me getting sleep entails moving on to formula, I will do it but I want to make sure it will definitely result in my getting sleep because that's what's breaking me. I manage to express some milk but giving it to him at night does has no impact on the situation at all. His nappies and weight gain are all good and he is back at his birth weight so he is getting sufficient nutrition from the breast, but won't sleep anywhere other than against my chest, stomach or on a pillow in front of me for longer than five minutes- and obviously I can't fall asleep in that position. I hear parents talk about getting three or four hours or sleep with envy; I literally have got none the past two nights and was almost delirious, I nearly fell with him in my arms last night (thankfully I didn't).
I've heard that's not unusual for a baby not to stay in the cot but I've also heard this phase could go on for weeks or months.. but I am at breaking point now- imagining things, feeling extremely low. There is no joy in this.

Sounds super stressful for you. I agree on the post above about trying to get some omeprazole. If it’s not reflux, it doesn’t matter and you’ve ruled it out. But if it is reflux, then it might help.

Has there been any change in sleep and feeding frequency?

Keep posting as we are here to support you

I’ve said before it really sounds like silent reflux and to check out tongue tie but by an expert /tt professional

I’ve done a course/training of tongue tie and the amount of times I’ve started with a family and mum says difficulty latching /feeding or clicking or slurping and midwife or health visitor checked for tongue tie and doesn’t have

I arrive at the family’s and check baby - first thing I do - and so many times baby has had tongue tie

mw and hv and gp arent trained in tongue tie

cutting out dairy is good but can take a good 4-6w to be totally out of your system / plus if having the odd formula bottle then that will have dairy in it

will need to be prescribed a milk - neocate or SMA Alfamino Hypoallergenic
Amino Acid are the two main in uk - hope you can get in Ireland

ranitidine was amazing but got pulled off the shelves years ago and Omeprazole is the most common one used now or Lansoprazole

gaviscon is useless for babies who have severe silent reflux - all it does it make baby constipated

but doctors always suggest it first as cheaper

I’ve replied to private message 💐

All thread is getting full. Make a new one and link it on here so we can carry on supporting you x

Thank you so much everyone

I’m a bit confused about the part where you say you both thought he was choking? Where was he when this happened? Laid flat in a crib/moses basket? In your arms/on your chest? I’m also not sure about what you mean about going up stairs etc? Are you (or your mum) trying to get him to sleep alone in a separate room?

Am I reading this correctly. You left the baby downstairs with your mum at night, and at some point during the night she went to up to her bed and left the baby by himself? And you woke up to h
bawling downstairs by himself? Is that right?

@FMc208 No- it was a nightmare. I was awake but so sleepy I was imagining. Its me who stays in the room with my baby but I woke up imagining that (not imagining the crying- he was really crying.). That is why I am getting no sleep. Severe anxiety. The nights are unbearable.

@Ileithyia not a nightmare- I was terrified he was choking was when I was giving him Gripe water in a syringe. He was in my arms at the time. I position the syringe between the cheek and the gum and he hardly gets any because I'm so terrified of choking him that I dispense hardly any.
Yet at one point I thought he was choking and panicked. I think I have inherited this fear.of a baby panicking because I had a uq

And @Blondeshavemorefun @AmbiguityIsKey and others, I can trial no dairy but I don't think I can trial omeprazole like that. I've been told side effects include allergies and possible bone fractures later in life...

Just to reassure you, a baby can't choke on gripe water as it's a liquid. I mean they may cough and splutter like when you have a drink and it goes down the wrong way! But it will pass and they will catch their breath x

OP just go to the gp and trial omeprazole. You need to do something. I also had the nighttime anxiety but really even if he's lying on his back, they just turn their heads to be sick, they'll be fine.
He's not going to choke on water you're slowly dispensing into his gum, he will be fine.
I think your sleep deprivation is fuelling the anxiety which is making you scared to try anything like omeprazole etc and its a viscous cycle. I'd also speak to your HV and go about your own mood if you haven't already

If you are having waking dreams from exhaustion you need to go back to your GP, either for reflux meds for him or for antianxiety meds for you. Please @Jennifer48 this isn’t safe, sustainable or normal.

I agree. Honestly I get your anxious and sleep deprived but I don't get your way of thinking. Say its reflux, what's the alternative? You stay sleep deprived for ages, end up hospitalised for mental health or a serious accident happens because of severe sleep deprivation? Or your baby staying in pain?

A lot of babies need to only stay on omperazole for a short time. Both of mine have been on it with no side effects. And many people stay on it for years with no side effects. There is however can be harm with untreated reflux.

Your situation isn't sustainable but if you're not willing to try medication that could potentially help, then I'm not sure why you're complaining. Surely you'd be open to trying anything at this point.

I am open to anything @Bellaunion It was not my intention to complain, I'm sorry if it came across that way.

@Jennifer48 you don't need to apologize. I honestly think that you are so sleep deprived that your thought processes are all over the place. Please, phone your GP tomorrow, you really do need urgent help and if your baby was settled at night then you would sleep too.

Oh OP, I think we all so much wish we could come and be with you to help in person.

Please seek help tomorrow, do not down play to you GP how much this severe sleep deprivation is effecting you.

My tongue tie baby also gained weight, but he did feed with a little click, it's so subtle but there are many signs that experts know what to look for.

Is there a tongue tie specialist near you? Can a trusted person on here help you search?

You mentioned your sister earlier, can she come and help take you to out if needed to GP or tongue tie specialist?

The list from a PP is really helpful to break it down.

Big big hugs. X

I have had many babies being prescribed omeprazole - if it was that dangerous it wouldn’t be issued

you would be giving 5ml of gripe water - he won’t choke on that

Morning Jennifer, I hope you managed to get a little bit of sleep. I know you said your mum is reluctant to have someone in the house overnight but I know some child minders will work from hotels for weddings for example. I've attached a screenshot of something that might possibly be helpful. I know staying in a hotel would be expensive and more hassle than being at home but if it's something you could afford maybe it would be worth doing it twice a week perhaps.
Hang in there, these early weeks really are just about survival. Your little one must be coming up to 6 weeks now, I found that to be a turning point in terms of things getting a bit easier so fingers crossed. I think around about 6 weeks is a good time to start a bath before bed routine too, it seems to signal it's time to settle down a bit for some babies. I remember being so tired I was so so jealous of the dog because she could sleep through the noise. Yours does sound a bit more extreme though, please don't think I'm being patronising as you already know this but please don't drive while you're this tired, any medical appointments get a lift or the bus.
I'm in agony if I eat soy or too much dairy so as others have said it could be worth cutting them out. I don't know if you can get allergy testing on babies?
Take care

Why aren’t you already trying no dairy though? It doesn’t need to be done under medical supervision. Just don’t eat any dairy today and see how things go?

Honestly your anxiety is so severe it’s stopping you sleeping even when baby is sleeping? You NEED medical treatment I.e. anti anxiety meds.

OP has said she's cut out dairy.

I agree with this , you need treatment and your baby is likely picking up on your anxiety so until you get proper medical help I can’t see how you will escape this unhealthy cycle .

@PregnantPumpkin Far from being patronisong, that us extremely kind and helpful of you. I don't know if I can afford the hotel but if I feel confident with this agency, I may insist to my mother. Thank you!

@chateauneufdupapa I've gone totally dairy free as of six or so days ago. And yes, I am so anxious that I find it difficult to sleep when baby is sleeping (plus he does so much sleeping on my chest).

Agree OP i had very similar when my first was born and the only thing that actually helped was my anti anxiety medication.
This isn't normal for your baby so you need a gp to check and you n3ed to be insistent with them. You also need to get your anxiety/depression a bit more under control and I say this as someone who's been through it and only looking back did I realise how unwell I was.

It always worth considering risks and benefits of meds. For me, it was worth it but I understand that you might make a different decision.

If that’s the case, then you’ll have to try to wait it out until reflux naturally resolves as your baby gets a bit older. If that’s what it is. Maybe the cutting out dairy will help soon, or maybe your baby will just naturally start to change and be ok to go in the cot. Have you tried that again recently?

Hopefully, if it is CMPA, you’ll start to see changes in the next few days. If you don’t see any changes after 3-4 weeks then you can reintroduce dairy/soy. (I’m assuming you’ve stopped any formula top-ups too, as these are cows milk based)

Do you have dairy free formula? Just I know you giving some formula and that's higher dairy than breastmilk. You'd need to be completely dairy free, including the formula for at least a week to start to see a difference, 3 to be totally sure.