Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

Original poster

What do you do when sleep training hasn’t worked?

224 replies

Nosleep2021 · 29/12/2021 22:49

DS is just awful. We are lucky to get 2/3 hours at the start of the night, wakes, then he refuses to go back in his cot. He isn’t hungry or anything - milk is offered and refused.

Since what he wants is to be picked up the sleep methods like Ferber don’t work.

I never thought I’d do CIO but I just can’t carry on like this. I’m depressed because of lack of sleep.

OP posts:
elbea · 30/12/2021 00:46

Someone may have posted but there is a new next to me cot that caters for up to age 4 - www.chicco.co.uk/products/8058664141258.chicco-next2me-forever-co-sleeping-cot.html

Original poster
Nosleep2021 · 30/12/2021 00:47

We don’t have night wakings as such though - we have a night waking, followed by several hellish hours, then he eventually falls into a deep enough sleep around 3/4 am. But I sometimes can’t sleep then anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nosleep2021 · 30/12/2021 00:47

I’ve seen that but it just looks like a regular cot?

OP posts:
NoToLandfill · 30/12/2021 00:48

Change it up means that is happening now isn't working- so you need to try something else.
What the pp said- sounds like CIO is preferable to your collapse

Original poster
Nosleep2021 · 30/12/2021 00:49

Yes tonight New I did say very clearly this doesn’t happen most nights. I came out the bedroom for my sake.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nosleep2021 · 30/12/2021 00:49

Well yeah - that’s why I’m posting!

OP posts:
elbea · 30/12/2021 00:49

One of the sides comes down so you can attach it to the bed.

Bonheurdupasse · 30/12/2021 00:52

OP

You should give CIO a serious cry.
I'm not sure why it's such a taboo.

specialsauce · 30/12/2021 00:55

I had a non-sleeper baby, it was sooooo hard. I think this is the absolute hardest bit of the first 5 years, the good news is - it will pass quite soon and it will feel like a blinking miracle!

Do you catch a few hours sleep when your DS drops off at 7.30?

RedToothBrush · 30/12/2021 00:59

@Nosleep2021

I really didn’t get on with the baby whisperer at all but it’s a while since I looked at it.

I’ve been desperately looking for a sort of toddler equivalent of a next to me crib but can’t find one.

He hasn’t had tummy ache for several months though surely?

Ikea SNIGLAR cot. Put up with 3 sides only. Attach to bed. Need to make secure but it works a treat. Its not supposed to be used like this but it can be if you are sensible and careful. Key point is so they can't fall out. Its bigger than the normal by the bed cribs.

It kept me sane. DS was exactly like this. Would not go to sleep unless touching me. He was a complete space invader. Putting his toddler cot by the bed helped get him off me and just holding me. I think he was about 3 when we got him a bed. Even then that went in our room but not right next to the bed. He would not go to sleep unless one of us was with him until he was over 4.

Nothing else worked. We tried everything. He got more anxious and distressed with sleep training so in the end we just went with the reassurance route. It wasn't fun at times. And of course every fucker insisted on telling us what we were doing wrong. Except he could just keep himself awake no matter what if he wanted. He was THAT determined. It has always surprised friends when we stayed with him, just how much he could stay awake if he wanted. Their kids would just fall asleep when tired. He would outlast all of us and be the last one standing!

He is still not a great sleeper and always comes in for a very brief cuddle in the night (before willingly going back to bed).

Its draining but actually you will miss it too. So make the most of it and enjoy it as best you can.

Original poster
Nosleep2021 · 30/12/2021 00:59

It’s a struggle to tbh. There’s an emotional cost but also I can’t switch off knowing I’ll be woken again what feels like minutes later.

DS is actually now in his cot, and this does happen - you can get him back in but it takes several hours (two and a half tonight.)

And he will probably wake at 3.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nosleep2021 · 30/12/2021 01:00

actually you will miss it too. So make the most of it and enjoy it as best you can

Seriously, I won’t.

It’s ruining my life. I’m not kidding.

OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 30/12/2021 01:03

@Nosleep2021

actually you will miss it too. So make the most of it and enjoy it as best you can

Seriously, I won’t.

It’s ruining my life. I’m not kidding.

Ive been there.

Trust me.

specialsauce · 30/12/2021 01:07

Just in case its any help - my mum insisted that the thing that started me sleeping through from 8 months was some farleys rusk mashed into milk for supper. She said I slept 14 hours straight from then on and she gave it me at 7pm everynight before bed.

The childrens ward nurses did a brilliant swaddling and bum patting thing to help put my unwell baby back to sleep quickly in the night. It worked in minutes.

Thats all I got! Really hope you all get some sleep tonight xx

NoToLandfill · 30/12/2021 01:07

Red that is spectacularly unhelpful!
The OP is on her knees with tiredness. Give over. She needs things to try. Not guilt. Jeez

Beurre · 30/12/2021 01:09

OP, you have my sympathies as I went throught similar with my DD. She just wouldn't get tired, wanted to constantly cuddle and would even start running around the room at 2am. I used to cry my eyes out due to exhaustion. She hated her cot and would wake up as soon as she was put down. DP and I felt like we were losing our mind as we only managed to sleep about 3 hours a night. Her level of energy was beyond belief and I even suspected she had ADHD. Things only changed when she started nursery as she was getting tired and then her sleep massively improved even though we still shared a bed.

cheeseismydownfall · 30/12/2021 01:09

OP, I don't understand why you are ignoring the suggestion of CIO. Several posters have suggested it. Have you tried it unsuccessfully in the past?

Original poster
Nosleep2021 · 30/12/2021 01:14

I’m not, I think CIO may be my next step if I can get OH on board. DS is up.

OP posts:
Meandmini3 · 30/12/2021 01:17

CIO isn’t for everyone.
Why can’t you and your partner do shifts in the night? It’s what my husband and I did with our non sleeper. Now a sleeper with no CIO. Consistency and routine with two parents supporting each other. It was hard but it worked.

Meandmini3 · 30/12/2021 01:18

And we initially moved bedtime later to around 9. It’s now back at 7.30 but was 9 for a while. Made the evening battle shorter.

Original poster
Nosleep2021 · 30/12/2021 01:19

Because like I say you only have one wake up, but then you are stuck with DS all night.

Plus, like I say, I know mn loves a shift and all but I don’t. I don’t want to go to bed at 9 and get up at 2 am to start my day. To me, that’s just not a solution in any way shape or form.

OP posts:
Meandmini3 · 30/12/2021 01:19

Please read up on recent CIO research before you try it. Good luck to you and your baby.

Original poster
Nosleep2021 · 30/12/2021 01:20

Anyway I think he’s asleep now - he’s right in the middle of the bed so not totally sure where I’ll sleep but …

OP posts:
Meandmini3 · 30/12/2021 01:20

By shifts I mean take turns on different nights or whatever works to get you some sleep.

Original poster
Nosleep2021 · 30/12/2021 01:20

Hmm what will it say, that I’ll destroy his life forever or words to that effect? I’m a tiny bit cynical tbh - mostly because Ockwell Smith and her ilk have nearly killed me!

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread