SPLIT NIGHTS! Anyone solved this pure hell?

[cookiesandcream24]

13 months old. Been going on for months on and off.

Up for 3 hours (almost to the minute every time) until she's ready to go back to sleep again. Usually after midnight.

I have been putting up with this for months and feel like I have tried everything possible nothing is working to change it.

Has anyone experienced this and found ANYTHING that works to stop this huge awake window in the night

Ahh thanks so much everyone for your replies. So helpful hearing all your thoughts and especially those who have also been through it. It is truly awful! Feelings of total despair in the night with it lately. My husband works away so I have up to ten days coping on my own sometimes. So tough when you feel like you're on the go 24/7.

So today I am trying one nap and will go with this for a week or so if I can see if it does anything.

What I will struggle with is feeling like I can't go anywhere as the second we drive anywhere she falls asleep. Guess will ride it out and hope she adjusts maybe.

Thanks again everyone for all your posts much appreciated

I would bring the second nap back slightly so that it doesn't run past 3pm - a lot of children have disturbed sleep if they go past 3.

To compensate I would cut the morning nap by 15 minutes and see if this helps her to sleep through. It is most likely a habit though, I like the idea of waking her slightly before she does this in the hope she will sleep though her normal wake up.

It's interesting people saying to cut naps. My now 12 month old started having split nights around 9 months old. I watched a blog on Instagram that explained that split nights usually occur when baby is overtired so when they're put to bed for the night, they think it's a nap (even if they do sleep for a good solid few hours). That's why, when they wake in the night, they're wide awake as it's to do with hormones (melatonin?) as they think they've just had a nap.
The only thing that solved it for us is making sure he sleeps enough in the day. He still mostly has 3 naps a day despite being over 1! He's my 4th and certainly the most difficult 😴

We've had the same -on off for about a year (9-18m ish). There were spells she'd do it every night for weeks, and others maybe just once or twice a night.

She eventually just grew out of it (mostly). She still does it at 2.5 if i can't get her down within 20 minutes, but it's more like 1-2 a month, be and more is usually 2 hours not 3.

I used to just load up laptop and try to get on with some work whilst she just pottered around in the end (is give cuddles etc obviously but wouldn't actively play or get toys out. That way, i could have a lie in the next day as I'd done a few hours work. Obviously only worked if i had easy bits to do that didn't require much brain! Or I'd watch box sets of adult (but not innapropriate) programs.

It's hellish though, no denying that.

Try cutting the morning nap back to 1 hour. Change it by 10 mins every 2nd day so it's not too sudden.
Also the wake to sleep technique might help.

@cookiesandcream24 how is your situation now? My DD has been doing this on/off for nearly a year. It seems to be when she doesn’t get enough day sleep and is awake too long - which for us is unfortunately 3 days a week at nursery! Xx

@LillyMac500 hello! Very little change here, she does it around 3 nights a week still. I'm struggling to find a pattern though as it is so random when she does it. Too much sleep, not enough sleep .. I have no idea. Or perhaps nothing is causing it as such it's just a phase...a really bloody long shit one

Sorry you're still battling with it too, it's so exhausting isn't it. I am so so tired today, she was up 2.5 hours last night totally wide awake and jumping round the bed. I tired for an hour singing patting etc in her cot but had to give in.

What do you do in the night when she wakes? I actually get up and go downstairs sometimes now as there is nothing that work so just ride out and time and wait for her to start yawning. My DD is 14 months. How about you?

So nice to know I'm not alone, thanks for coming back on

@cookiesandcream24 sorry to hear it’s not much better. My DD is 22 months, and she’s been doing this regularly since she turned 1. We’ve tried everything, including a sleep consultant which didn’t make much difference. Although, it did help with finding a pattern- for us it’s mostly awake times ans naps. If she’s awake more than 6 hours, 95% of the time she’ll be awake in the night. Similar with a nap of less than 90 mins. The consultant suggested to make up for short naps to put her to bed at 6/630. Which has worked at times, but not a guarantee. 6 is just too early for nursery days by the time we pick her up, get her home, dinner, wind down, bath, bed!!
Last night was a bit of an anomaly - she was asleep quickly and within the 6 hour wake window, but was still awake from 12-230. Other nights this last week have been 2-5am, 1-4am. I tend to keep the room dark, try not to lift or engage in chat, but sometimes that’s hard! The night before last, DH went in when she woke at 3am, stayed in, sat beside the cot not saying anything and she went back to sleep within 20mins and we had to wake her at 715 for nursery. At times it can be a bit soul destroying- sharing the load and lots of coffee gets me through! Xx

Just joining. Having this on and off with my ten month old and it’s a struggle because she gets really angry at not being allowed to get on the floor and play. She literally wakes the whole house up and my other children are tired for school next day. Considering getting them ear plugs! The only thing I’ve found helps is if I catch her quickly when she wakes and don’t let her wake up too much I can rock her back to sleep but it’s backbreaking stuff in the middle of the night

What happens if you don’t go in? DD wakes in the night periodically for an hour plus but we never go in, she just happily chats to her animals and isn’t bothered at all. If we went in, she’d be up waaayy longer because whatever you do, if you come in you’re just reinforcing that it’s play time with parents. I would guess if you go cold turkey on going in she might get upset the first couple nights but I would stick to it firmly and give it 2-3 days at least to see if the wake time decreases or if she’s happy on her own. I know a lot of people don’t like crying, but your DD has parents who love her and have her whole life, the attachment is very secure. Good quality sleep is just so important for kids AND their parents.

My dd did this for a while as an infant. One piece of the puzzle with her was that the first bit of sleep she did get was a huge struggle to achieve. I finally in desperation just shifted our entire lives and made bedtime midnight. It was like angels sounded trumpets from heaven. She would sleep a full night (and well into what everyone else considered morning) and was so much happier. She and I lived on that schedule for a few months until she seemed ready to transition to something more conventional. It’s odd explaining to people that you and your baby will just be waking up to the morning at 10am so can’t make a normal play date time, but it saved my sanity.

I'm so glad I found this thread! My 11 month old has been doing this for a few months.

He will go to bed at 7pm absolutely fine and then wake anywhere between midnight and 5am and be awake for 2 hours. We give him milk, we've tried giving him just water but it didn't make it any better. We've tried giving him nothing, also doesn't work. Tried leaving him in the cot (in our bedroom) but he gets really upset. Tried putting him on the bed with me to co sleep but he just crawls around like it's party time. So one of us has to hold him.

Tonight he was awake 10.30pm until 12.30 and then again at 4.30am and is still awake. It's like some form of torture. He's slept for 8.5 hours overnight in total and he's so beside himself with tiredness he was just screaming in my arms. My husband and I just have no idea what to do and we end up both being awake, him trying to get our son back to sleep and me waiting for him to bring him in to co sleep. It's ridiculous!

We are trying to move him to his own bedroom. He starts the night in his bedroom and every time we've decided to leave him there he randomly wakes up before 11pm so we end up just bringing him through.

I was hoping there was something we could do to make it better but it seems it's just a phase we have tj ride out.

@Happyhappyday

What happens if you don’t go in? DD wakes in the night periodically for an hour plus but we never go in, she just happily chats to her animals and isn’t bothered at all. If we went in, she’d be up waaayy longer because whatever you do, if you come in you’re just reinforcing that it’s play time with parents. I would guess if you go cold turkey on going in she might get upset the first couple nights but I would stick to it firmly and give it 2-3 days at least to see if the wake time decreases or if she’s happy on her own. I know a lot of people don’t like crying, but your DD has parents who love her and have her whole life, the attachment is very secure. Good quality sleep is just so important for kids AND their parents.

If we don’t go in she becomes hysterical and wakes the whole house up. There would be no chatting to animals unfortunately

@Driftingblue

My dd did this for a while as an infant. One piece of the puzzle with her was that the first bit of sleep she did get was a huge struggle to achieve. I finally in desperation just shifted our entire lives and made bedtime midnight. It was like angels sounded trumpets from heaven. She would sleep a full night (and well into what everyone else considered morning) and was so much happier. She and I lived on that schedule for a few months until she seemed ready to transition to something more conventional. It’s odd explaining to people that you and your baby will just be waking up to the morning at 10am so can’t make a normal play date time, but it saved my sanity.

You can’t really do this when you have to be up at 6 for work and other kids have school

I’m just on to make everyone else feel better - currently awake since 1am, we’re past the 3hr mark which is new. We had a sleep through on Friday night after a 2hr nap in the day. Saturday 2 hr nap, but woke from 3-5am. Sunday 1hr 20m nap, now still waiting on her stopping screaming 😩 We’ve done everything & done it consistently for weeks/months before trying something else.

We’re nearly at a full year of this. Happy anniversary to us 🙄

My 14 month old is the exact same at night. And it’s wearing me down! Anytime between 11-2 he will wake up happy as Larry for 2/3 hours. He’s never been a great sleeper but since xmas we’ve had this awful night wakings. Over the summer I moved him to 1 nap to see if if helped. It changed nothing. His current routine is

6.30/7 wake up
12-1.30/2 nap
7/7.30 bedtime.

Each bedtime/naptime he goes in hot cot himself and within 10-20mins he’s asleep no issues. Till he wakes and wants to party. He’s currently in my room due to space but I’ve tried to ignore but he shouts louder (happy) I’ve tried to bring him in bed with me but he just pokes me in the face. Nothing works.

@LNol same here, we’ve tried it all. Although DH is currently pi$$ing me off as he’s been in & out like a yoyo tonight despite me saying just to leave DD. This again is over 3hrs awake, although I think DH is reinforcing it the last few nights. I think we’ll need to just go cold turkey tomorrow and let her cry. It’s tough, but so is the lack of sleep across the household 😔

At that age I had the most success with the 2-3-4 method.

First nap 2 hours after waking

Second nap 3 hours after waking from first nap

Bedtime 4 hours after waking from afternoon nap.

Ohhhh this thread is helping my mental state so much thanks ladies!

Ohhh @LillyMac500 I feel for you, we've had a few where it's gone over the three hour mark. It's so bizarre isn't it. Absolutely torturous. And like the previous poster said there is nothing that work, if I left my DD she would just end up hysterical. She def doesn't just sit in there happily playing and chatting etc. Cry it out or sleep training simply isn't the method or solution to use because for whatever reason their bodies cannot go back to sleep until they've had sufficient awake time again. I read it's to do with building up enough sleep pressure to feel tired.

We have awful germs from nursery now so my DD has a cold and a cough so nights sleep are non existent, in between also having split nights

It's not every night though so just taking the good nights when they're there and taking turns with my husband when we can.

I like the 2,3,4 idea just suggested. That really is close with the right timings for us. Will keep an eye on that today.

Sending you all a massive coffee and huge solidarity from me. It's so bloody tough in the dark of the night especially on your own. Keep swapping ideas, one of us may find something that works!

We had a better night last night. She’s got a bit of a cold so I gave her paracetamol and bedtime 7:30. Woke her at 10:15 for milk. She only stirred briefly at 1am and 4am, up at 6 which is when I have to get up anyway really. Used a calpol plug in as well and some snuffle babe on her chest. Not sure if any of that helped but a much better night

We had a horrendous night - was 6am before DD went back to sleep!! And that was from 1am 😭 So I’m now at work barely awake and she is off to nursery. I don’t normally do cold turkey or complete cry it out, but I think we might need to try it tonight. My husband and I had a pretty big fight about it last night as I think his being in and out constantly just made her worse. He’s off today and is snoring away while I’m working, so it’s taking everything in me not to smother him 👊🏻

Wrong thread so sorry OP

@LillyMac500 oh god that sounds horrendous. I hope you got through your day at work, that is so incredibly hard after a night like that!

I guess you know your baby the best but I know cry it out would absolutely not work for us on a split night. I did it at the start when I thought it was that kind of issue. Used to Ferber method going in and out getting longer each time and she was still going at one hour 45 minutes. At which point I stopped and took her out. Would have been mean to carry on. But you could try it like we did and see if she goes off?

Does it happen every night or not?

@cookiesandcream24 sorry for the late reply. It doesn’t happen every night, but a split night is more regular than a sleep through 😭 I’ve been keeping a record to try and establish a pattern/trigger, and out of 14 nights we had 7 split, 5 sleep throughs and 2 nights of shorter wakes (one 30 min and one night of 2 seperate 10 min wakes).
Last night we had a mega meltdown at bedtime so I left her to it, but had to go back in as she was just getting too upset/hysterical, so ended up rocking/cuddling to sleep. She ended up sleeping 8-6, which was great. 7-6 would’ve been better 🤣 Tonight, no fight and asleep within 10 mins - which she has not done in ages! She’s had times lately where she takes up to an hour to fall asleep- although usually happy to potter around unlike last night!!
How’s your DD?