How to start Self settling?

[rosieswain]

Help! I've made a right mess of DS sleep. He's 9months old now and still swaddled and fed to sleep. Wakes 1-2 hourly every night 😢 He's miserable, tired and I need to help teach him to sleep but where to start?
I've read Lucy Wolfe's stay and support approach and I like that idea. However, last night at bedtime I took him out of his swaddle and put him in a sleeping bag. But an hour later and lots of crying I had to put him back in swaddle bag as he was like a man possessed just thrashing around and knocking dummy out etc. I did get him to sleep by pinning his arms down but then he woke 10mins later and I thought what's the point in that anyway he might as well be swaddled? I see pics of babies in sleeping bags cuddled up to comforters on their sides/fronts etc looking really cosy, how do I get him to this point? Should I try and settle him on his front then arms won't be thrashing everywhere?? What does anyone suggest?!

And she just woke 20m after going down! A new low

Celebelly - it sounds as though things are going well yay!! 😊
It's funny what you say about the afternoon nap being difficult. For us it is definitely the evening bedtime!

Merename yes we have those kinds of false starts too. It's so frustrating when you spend much more time getting them to sleep than the amount they actually sleep. That happens all the time here.

You are absolutely right in that we often blame ourselves for our babies' poor sleeping habits. It's so so easy to think back through their short lives and analyse the "what ifs".

Two hours awake in the night and then she ended up in the buggy eh? I know someone who can only get their baby to sleep between them in the bed IN THE CAR SEAT! The things we do!

I've tried a new tactic tonight and I'll try this again tomorrow because I think it was nearly successful (she only sleeps on her front so I know if she is nearly there).
I put her in the cot and she seemed happy so I kept low beside her and kept distracting her with her toys/blanket etc. The LW distractions launch as blowing, tapping etc don't work for DD anymore (did for first few nights!) but I thought my idea tonight might have the same result. DD did seem much happier overall and there was barely any crying until she realised she just couldn't do it and had to be held. So after 1.5 hrs of me lying on the cold wooden floor 🙈 I'm currently on the bed holding her 🙄 while I wait until she's in deep sleep and I'll put her in cot.

Hi ladies...sorry not been able to catch up properly! Busy 24hours! Anyway gr8 to read all the progress!
Autumneve I totally agree with the distraction techniques too!...I wouldn't have believed it but it works really well! In fact my DS is now much more inclined to cry if he's put in cot 'drowsy but awake'...it's as if he's so close to sleep but no quite there and gets really mad! Put him down 100% awake and he will chatter on for 5 mins and mostly fall asleep no problem...if he starts to grizzle I just distract him by tapping him, playing with comforter or even kissing his head a few times is enough to stop him grizzling then he falls asleep 🙌🏻 Doesn't work so well for night waking tho 😕 I'm stuck in a rut now whereby bedtime appears 'sorted'...but any time he wakes after 1am he wants to co-sleep 🙄 He's sleeping well tho when he's in the cot next to me. I'm so torn between persevering and making him stay in his own room or just accepting he wants to sleep near me 🤷🏼‍♀️ It's not actually a problem as he's sleeping! But then I'm nervous of going backwards and undoing our hard work 😕
Merename I would defo wait for the book and make a plan before you start...otherwise I think I'm a sleep deprived state during the night it's too easy to make decisions you regret in the morning!! X

Yep we decided to wait until next week. But after waking 20m after going down, she slept for 3hrs which used to be normal but hasn’t happened for weeks, so all good. Fed her at 10.30 then DH took over and I went downstairs with ear plugs and agreed he would get me if he felt she needed a feed. So he got me at 6.10! And she wasn’t even mega hungry. So that was helpful in seeing that night weaning will not likely be too bad. The bad news is that I still had a terrible sleep as the spare room mattress is so uncomfortable...

Hmm, I can understand your dilemma. I suppose it’s worth considering how you feel about him waking in the night, if you’re happy to go with it or you want to teach him that we don’t get up at night. If I were you I’d be tempted to go for it as he sounds so close, but I can also understand wanting to be led by him and what he is asking for. I guess you could keep going but if it starts to go backwards take swift action?!

Wow that's amazing! Good old DH 😂 So that's half the battle won isn't it?! At least now you can split the night if you night wean 🤞🏻
I'm really torn with what to do...he's actually sleeping well in cot next to me...but I know I'm my head I need to see this through! Like you say he's so close...probably another few nights of continuous settling in his room might sort it...but my god how tempting is sleep 🤣

"... my god how tempting is sleep..."

This ^ 😂

🤣🤣
...can you actually imagine what a full nights sleep would be like?!! I've seriously forgotten! Not even sure my pelvic floor could 'sleep through the night' but I'd like to test it 😳😆

I've been following this thread with interest as I'm counting down the weeks until I can start the lucy wolfe approach. I have a boob obsessed 5 month old who wakes every 1-2 hrs all night. She just feeds and feeds and sucks and sucks..my nipples are so so sore and I'm really feeling quite crazy 😣 nothing else works with her, not rocking singing etc has to be boob. I also have a 4 yr old and I feel sorry for him cause I spend most of my days either feeding or trying to get her to sleep. Naps at home are in bed with me or on me and only last about 20 mins. I have no evening time as it's spent trying to get her to sleep and can take up to 2 hrs,over 2 hrs tnite! I'm beyond exhausted and frustrated so it's really nice to come on here and read success stories and also just to know that there are other people goin through the same thing..makes you feel slightly less nutty as it can be a lonely rut to find yourself stuck in

I don't know how you ladies are managing this as my 9 month old screams like an absolute banshee in her cot 😭 last night she fell asleep after thirty mins but tonight I could only take ten mins, my ears are literally ringing from her screams, not gentle at alll 😢 nothing would distract her!!

Loveabiscuit we've all been there 😫 It's awful. In fact I used to the find the no evenings more difficult than the night wakings...just to be able to eat in peace and chat to DH is amazing! (We won't mention I secretly watch Love Island too 😳😆) Have you read LW book? Is this the approach you're planning? Are you planning on night weaning 1st?
Tumtitum don't worry we're all finding at times it isn't working and we've had to either postpone and re-start or take a few steps back when we had previously seen progress. I think unfortunately it's more than just putting them in cot and sitting with them. The whole 'package' has to be right...so good naps, no overtiredness, no illnesses/teething/leaps etc...so when does this ever happen 🙄😂 The key for me seems to be the awake times...my DS is nearly 10months and I've learnt 3 hours is his max awake time...3.5 is ok for bed but only if last nap was over an hour otherwise I stick to 3.
So last night bed was 6pm (last nap ended at 2:30 😣) and he went to bed great 👍 Took about 10mins to fall asleep, I sat in chair next to cot and popped dummy in a few times for him when he'd lost it but other than that no intervention...slept sound until 1am 🙌🏻 but then he had a dirty nappy! Which is very very unusual (and very annoying!) so by the time I changed him he was wide awake and chatting away to me 🙄 Ended up giving him a bottle and he settled back to sleep in his own cot but not until nearing 3am 😴...was then up at his usual 05:45....still lots to work on 😆

Have any of you guys got older children too? I have a 3 year old so find it incredibly hard to ensure her naps are consistent and bedtime basically has to work around the 3 year old as I'm on my own most of the time so have to settle the 3 year old first before I can spend hours settling the 9 month old 🙄 happy to hear any tips for managing this!!! Seriously wish I was rich enough to employ a night nanny 😂😂😂

A night nanny would be amazing!!
Yes I have a 4year old and a 2.5year old too 🙈 but DH is home for bedtime.
So I do tea, bath, story all together then DD1 (4.5) goes to bed at 6ish and plays on her iPad for half an hour (not conventional but works well for us and she goes to sleep at 6:30 no problem and is up at 6:30 everyday) DS2 (2.5) sits downstairs with hubby watching some tele and reading etc and he goes to bed at 6:30 too...also straight to sleep and is up at 6:30. This leaves me free to deal with the trouble maker 🤣
Generally I've been settling baby about 6:15ish and once he's asleep I go and have quick chat with DD1, take iPad etc and say goodnight so she's asleep somewhere between 6:30/7 dependent on what DS3 has been like to settle 😂 DH in the meantime puts DS2 to bed 😬

Juggling naps is tricky...and I can't always re-settle naps as obviously can't leave DS2 unattended for too long downstairs...he's ok with CBeebies and a snack when I 1st out him up 😂 DD1 is at school. School run isn't always fun as DS3 really needs to nap at 9...gates open at 08:50 so I'm there on the dot and leg it home for his nap 🤣 Afternoon nap I have to wake him at 3 if he's not up already as pick-up is 3:15 x

Hi rosiewain,yes i have the lw book pretty much read at this stage. My friend gave it to me when dd was born as I had such an awful time with my little boys sleep! She's had 2 successes with her approach too so I'm really trying to stay focused and positive about it all. I just want to wait til she's 6 months and also ds be on hols from playschool soon so we can really go for it and give it the time to work without havin to be anywhere. Im nervous but excited too! Like u said to be able to eat dinner and chat instead of sitting in a dark room boobin it up would be just amazin 😁I'm not going to night wean just yet,I'm hoping to.get her to 1 or 2 feeds a night first and then who knows she might drop them herself! It's great to c all the success stories,urs in particular. Helping me stay positive 😊

Aww definitely this thread has been amazing for sharing our successes...and also what we're learning to do, and not to do along the way!! I actually think my DS might be sleeping through now if I'd stuck religiously to the plan...but I caved a bit in week 3 and stared bedsharing in the early hours...so I've still that bit to crack yet! DH and I might even tackle it Fri/Sat/Sun but we will see how we feel 😂
I think it could be hard to implement with night feeds that's my only thought? I'm sure it's manageable but much easier when there's only 1 response at night rather than sometimes feed, sometimes not 🤷🏼‍♀️ That's why I choose to wait until 9months...but as you say...even to get an evening back then a couple of over night feeds would be amazing 😬

Wow rosie I didn’t realise you have 3! Much respect to you, you make bedtime/ naps sound very smooth!

How were your older two as sleepers? Did you sleep train them at all?

Tumtitum, my older is 3.5 and I only have to do bedtime solo once a week. Until now I have done same as you, DD1 first and baby second. A few months ago I started a thread asking how to do bedtime as I found it so hard! So last night I wanted to try and maintain the wake times I’ve been sticking to so decided to give DD a DVD while I settled baby. Except she had been up so much the night before that she had 2x 2hr naps and wasn’t as tired as usual at bedtime! After 45m of trying, DD came in fed up and ended up taking baby for stories with her, then back to start baby bedtime all over again. Bedtime took 2.5hrs in total and I was soooooo pissed off and exhausted. Not sure whether to try again next week this way given the nightmare it was, but if not baby has to stay up an extra hr. I tell myself that in a few weeks when we have self settling nailed, I’ll be able to tuck baby in, say goodnight and go do DD stories, have them both done in half an hr!

Last night was a little better for us in that the 2am wake up required only a little pat in the cot, so I feel a little better, although we had a 4.45-6 wakeful time which was pretty painful.

I am also loving reading everyone’s experiences and not being alone in this crazy world of babies. I was low last night, honestly felt like a prisoner to these tiny dictators. Better today. Or I can accept my fate at least!!

Haha yes 3 😱...2 would have been enough...the trouble maker was a surprise whilst still breastfeeding DS2 😆 My older two were actually ok sleepers! DD1 was the best and slept through naturally from about 6/7months ish...she was formula fed and a big baby so don't know if that helped? DS2 was breastfed and a small baby...he wasn't as good and didn't sleep through until 12months when I did gradual retreat and that worked fab...however even prior to that from about 9months he would go to bed no trouble, sleep in his own room and wake once for a quick feed and straight back down...a dream compared to DS3!!

Merename that sounds like a fab night tho! I was at that point about a week ago but then caved and started co-sleeping again 🙄...so don't do it lol! You can do it 💪🏻

Know what u mean rosiewain about the night times and possibly being a bit awkward still offering one or 2 feeds but I'll give it a go and c what happens. My friend managed to get hers to just one feed then weaned off that at 8 months so fingers crossed! Any bit of normality back would be great at this stage. Last night she didn't settle til 10,was trying since 7...I needn't tell u how sore my nipples were 😟 but I ended up havin to have her in the bed with me the whole night anyway as she just wasn't going into her own one. And we were staying in my parents where there's only a single bed so that was fun...squashed up against the wall all night afraid I was going to squash her! And when she sleeps with me she just wants to suck all night...between the sore boobs and the aches snd pains of having to sleep with her at least half of most nights I'm really feeling in bits! Topped off with the exhaustion of it all 😩😴

Merename I totally get u,I've got a 4 yr old and I'm on my own 3 nights a week....so hard to know what to do at bedtime. Always feel like I end up rushing bedtime for him so I can deal with her. Like u I so look forward to being able to put her to bed and then go spend a nice bit of time with him...we'll get there,sounds like ur already making some progress 😊

Thank hats off to those of you with multiple children. I cannot even begin to imagine (but would like a second so had better start imagining!).

We had a HUGE step forward last night sleep 19:15-20:15 then held/settled them slept right through to 04:45!!! 👍 I couldn't believe it. It is by far our record. She hasn't self settled herself to sleep for about a week now (though it's all a blur) but I think going through the motions of letting her cry for a short period before I pick her up is somehow making a bit of difference. Maybe.

Rosie I am also very weak(!) in that I have no idea (strength !!) to not co sleep in the early hours. From 04:45 I brought her into bed and she used my boob as comforter (won't take dummy dammit!!). She sleeps so lightly in the morning that placing her back in the cot is just not really an option. She wakes up by me just turning over.

Don't know why that started with "Thank"'😂

Oh wow!!! Massive step forwards!! Now to just stay strong & try not to step back 🙈 J bet you feel like a new woman?!!

Oh my god what an amazing chunk.of sleep to get,wow😊

That’s fantastic autumneve. Maybe that’s why your post started with ‘thank’ - the gratitude is spilling out of you?!! Let us know how you go tonight.

Loveabiscuit that does not sound a fun night! Your poor body. I have sore nips often at the moment as I’m dealing with recurring milk blisters, have you ever had them? So if I’m sore and I feel she’s had a bit to drink, I just don’t let her and try to settle another way, I can’t persevere or deal with more damage.

DH is doing another all nighter for me tonight so she’s been up so far at 7.30 after going down at 7, I fed her at 10.30 but she woke again on putting down so he’s just settled her now. I’m trying the sofa bed tonight instead of uncomfy spare bed and hoping I get a better sleep when I have the chance.

Last night sounded fab but I didn’t talk about all the wake ups before 2! Just the fact that one of the wake ups was dealt with by a pat was pretty unusual. Feels like everything is changing with her just now, feedingto sleep is becoming less effective, even when I want it to be...as if she knows something has to change too!

Amazing you had a great first sleeper rosie. My SIL says that people with lots of kids (she means 5+) always had their first few kids be sleepers. We were so destroyed by DD1 she was 2 before we could try again, even tho we planned them close together before we had kids. Great you’ve had a good gradual withdrawal experience before, but like you say babies are all different aren’t they...

Anyway I’m rambling and not getting to sleep while I can! Night!