How to start Self settling?

[rosieswain]

Help! I've made a right mess of DS sleep. He's 9months old now and still swaddled and fed to sleep. Wakes 1-2 hourly every night 😢 He's miserable, tired and I need to help teach him to sleep but where to start?
I've read Lucy Wolfe's stay and support approach and I like that idea. However, last night at bedtime I took him out of his swaddle and put him in a sleeping bag. But an hour later and lots of crying I had to put him back in swaddle bag as he was like a man possessed just thrashing around and knocking dummy out etc. I did get him to sleep by pinning his arms down but then he woke 10mins later and I thought what's the point in that anyway he might as well be swaddled? I see pics of babies in sleeping bags cuddled up to comforters on their sides/fronts etc looking really cosy, how do I get him to this point? Should I try and settle him on his front then arms won't be thrashing everywhere?? What does anyone suggest?!

Thank you so much OP. This thread is brilliant. I'm going to look into that sleep book you recommended. I don't know when I'll have time to read it(!) but will see.

Aww this is so nice to read! We had a good night too. She was asleep with minimal fussing by 7 and then up at 4.30 for a feed and back down till 7. She woke up briefly at half 1 but because I had dream fed her at 11 I knew she wasn't hungry so I just stroked her head a couple of times and she went back to sleep!

Wow celebelly you must feel like a new woman 😂 I know I do!
Nap this morning- no crying and had an hour 8:45-9:45 🙌🏻
Lucy Wolfe's instagram videos are probably better than the book tbh?! Although you need the book if you intend to follow her feed & sleep routine (which I'm not for various reasons) but I'm using her stay & support self settling technique and sticking to the 'wake times' she suggests for each age group x

I haven't looked at the videos! Will go and check them out. I haven't actually had time to read all the book yet, just kind of flicked through and read the bits that I think apply to us. My DD is down for a nap (only a couple of minutes of grizzling!) so I might go watch some of the videos now.

That's what I've done...flicked and read the important chapters 👍

Book arrived while I was settling DD (forgot to put my sign on the door saying not to knock!). Good old Amazon same day delivery hey!
But I tried the blowing on the face technique you mentioned and it did help calm her. We got very close to her sleeping but then she got suddenly hysterical after about 20-25 mins (otherwise is was whimpering mainly- not full scale crying like we've had before😪). So thank you very much for the tip.

Keep posting your updates people it's really interesting hearing how you are doing and what's working/not working.

Wow that sounds Gr8 tho! 1st night I attempted it we had an hour of crying and I abandoned mission! I think you will surprised how quickly you will see progress if she wasn't hysterical to start with 🙏🏻
Bedtime tonight was no tears here! But tbh I think he was a bit too sleepy from bottle to really count as self settling 🤷🏼‍♀️ So I'll see what happens overnight. Unfortunately I couldn't manage to stick to the 3 hour wake window...he was awake 4 and it's too long for him. Never the less he went to bed at 6:30, it's now 9pm and he's stirred a few times and went back over so 🤞🏻

Which is why I suppose Lucy's plan really suggests you give milk 45mins before bed to stop that happening. But my DS was breastfed until 2 weeks ago so he's not mad keen on bottle yet unless it's in dark room, relaxed etc x

We had a good bedtime - she was asleep about 6.55pm. A few tears but then she stopped crying and was lying awake but not upset. I stopped stroking her and just sat beside her and she drifted off to sleep without me touching her or talking/singing to her, so that's progress towards self-settling I think!

Her naps took a bit longer to get her down for, but she's always been a reluctant napper unless it's on my boob!

Sounds perfect celebelly! How did everyone's night go?!
So DS slept 6:30-2am 😱🙌🏻 Best night yet! Messed about 2-3:30...tried to settle him, offered bottle which he wasn't fussed about, mumbled on/off and finally went back to sleep after DH sat with his hand on him in his cot...then slept 3:30-6am 😀 Progress!!
And again this morning he looks well rested and is happy little chappy 😍 Just having brekkie. Hope everyone has a nice day x

✋️high five to improvements! (If you count ours as great?! I thought that I'd failed because i gave in when she started really crying. It's funny how we're so hard on ourselves and then from the outside someone congratulates you. It's so nice getting another perspective so thank you, it means a lot. I thought I was one to stay positive but perhaps I subconsciously dwell on negative when it comes to the frustrations of sleep!).
She did wake at 45 min intervals and so we coslept. I don't know if that will bring mixed messages to her? I just get to a point where I'm like "stuff it, just come to bed with me"!

Op I just read your post from the other day where you say bedsharing isn't recommended with this texhnique😂 oh well. I'll keep trying!

I suppose if I were a baby I'd chose to cry until my mother gives in too, then I can have mum all to myself and milk at my disposal!

I take my hat off to those of you who are strong enough to persist trying for the nighttime wakes. I'm bloody hopeless and give in so so easily.

Remember learning new behaviour doesn't happen in one go with gradual improvement every day.

It's more one step forwards, three back, five forwards, a couple sideways [for example if we are unwell] until eventually over a period of time we reach a point where we've 'got' it.

Keep expectations low and flexible.

This morning was disaster. Hysterical for longer than I could bare so held to sleep then cot.

The afternoon nap was completely different- sat by the cot, keeping my eyes down reading (the Wolfe book ironically!) and she stood for about 20 mins then just lay down and fell asleep🤷‍♀️. That has never ever happened!!!

Tonight she got quite close to sleep after more hysteria (blowing on her face tonight made her really really angry!) but then did a massive sh*t so had to change her nappy (hysteria like no tomorrow!) so held to sleep again. Bowels may have been making her cross.

It's all so up and down.
As pp said, we need to keep expectations low and accept steps forward/back.

How have your days been today @Celebelly and @rosieswain?

(Oh sorry for the bold- it must have picked up my asterisk!)

Ooh that sounds like progress. It's a gradual thing and some days I think it'll feel like you're going backwards before you can go forwards.

We had an odd day as we had loads of errands to run so her napping was kind of short bursts while we drove from one place to another. I tried to put her down at 4 for a nap but she was really upset so I didn't persevere. Poor toot was exhausted by bedtime! She went down really easily in about five mins so we will see how overnight goes.

I realised this morning that our white noise bear has reverted to switching off after an hour rather than going all night so not sure if that's why she woke up more than was usual for her last night!

Aww you'll get there Autumneve! Look how well you're afternoon nap went 🙌🏻 just shows she can do it...and so can you 😊 I know exactly how you feel and tbh DH has more staying power than me during the night wakes! Just take it from me...it does get easier after a few days.
Today I've had 2 cot naps with no crying. 2nd nap he actually babbled on to him self for 10 mins before falling asleep! Bedtime he was very sleepy from bottle again 🤷🏼‍♀️ but he went down at 6:30 and so far not heard a peep...so see what tonight brings 🙏🏻

Just to add ladies I've been really strict this last week with naps to try and give us a fighting chance...so he is always back down for nap within 2.5 hours of 1st wake...then 3 hours after that then 3.5 hours bed (was 4hours one night and seemed to get away with it!) Apparently over tiredness fuels night wakings 🤷🏼‍♀️ Bit restrictive at the minute but hoping short term loss for long term gain 🤞🏻😬

So last night was ok but not as good as previous night....bed 6:30...woke at 12:00...messed about on/off trying to settle him in cot (no crying as long as I'm with him but he just can't seem to get back to sleep?!)...finally decided to have his bottle at 1:30 and was asleep by 2am 😴 ...then slept til 05:40. Not sure how to stop the 1.5hour wake times in the night 🤷🏼‍♀️ Nearly caved last night and co-slept! So glad this morning I didn't tho 😬

That's amazing rosie!
I think consistency is key; though I kind of knew this, it's so hard to put it into practice. I go back to work part time tomorrow, which isn't going to help us for morning naps at least 🙈but hopefully I've started off some foundations.

Oh no work 😫 That's another reason I decided I needed to tackle DS terrible sleep as I'm a Nurse and thought I can't return to work this sleep deprived it wouldn't be safe for the poor patients 😆
Yes...it definitely seems consistency is key..but it's so hard!!

Watching this thread with interest, although DS is younger. I'm interested in this Lucy Wolfe book! What sort of age does she recommend her techniques for?

6:30pm-4am 😱🙌🏻 Sat with him for a good 45mins then he went back to sleep until 6am. Can't recommend Lucy Wolfe stay and support approach enough! I've gone from co-sleeping and 2hourly wakes tho this in about a week, with minimal tears. DD is so much happier!!
I don't think she recommends starting properly until 6-9month age, and ideally once you are night weaned as it makes it harder/more confusing for babies if they sometimes get milk and sometimes don't 🤷🏼‍♀️ She talks about 'sleep shaping' prior to this where I think you aim to set off good habits etc but obvs a young baby you just feed on demand and they should sleep in your room etc x

I should say tho that although I stopped breastfeeding and night weaned about 3 weeks ago, I've still been offering him a bottle in the night if I couldn't get him to settle after say about and hour (which isn't what she recommends 🙈) Last night was the first night he hasn't had any milk 😬 So I guess now I probably need to be quite strict and try not to go backwards x

@rosieswain That's amazing!!!! You have done so well! You must feel like a new woman with all that sleep too