How to start Self settling?

[rosieswain]

Help! I've made a right mess of DS sleep. He's 9months old now and still swaddled and fed to sleep. Wakes 1-2 hourly every night 😢 He's miserable, tired and I need to help teach him to sleep but where to start?
I've read Lucy Wolfe's stay and support approach and I like that idea. However, last night at bedtime I took him out of his swaddle and put him in a sleeping bag. But an hour later and lots of crying I had to put him back in swaddle bag as he was like a man possessed just thrashing around and knocking dummy out etc. I did get him to sleep by pinning his arms down but then he woke 10mins later and I thought what's the point in that anyway he might as well be swaddled? I see pics of babies in sleeping bags cuddled up to comforters on their sides/fronts etc looking really cosy, how do I get him to this point? Should I try and settle him on his front then arms won't be thrashing everywhere?? What does anyone suggest?!

I do 😂 and so does DS! He's so much more amenable in the day time, less fussy/clingy and he's eating better too! Long may it last...probably be up all night tonight 😅🤣

Better keep it real...so last night...6:30, 8pm, 1am, 3am, 5:30 😫

Rosie that's amazing progress. Life changing!
It's never a linear trajectory.
You're like me, whenever I say how well DD is doing we then have a terrible night!
Hope tonight is better for you.

I know I jinxed myself 🙈 He's been really miserably today, think teeth is partly the issue 🤷🏼‍♀️ I've put him to bed 20mins earlier tonight and he's loaded with calpol...he went down grand...so we will see what happens tonight 🙏🏻

We had a crappy night too so must have been something in the water! Fingers crossed for tonight!

Just read this full thread and hoping your techniques work for DS. Currently stroking his face and hoping he drifts off. Thank you for updating the thread!

Hi AllTheCakes! Join us on this crazy journey 😬 If your DS is happy lying whilst you stroke his face I would say you're half way there! My DS was hysterical the 1st night I tried and I gave up 😆 Have you read Lucy Wolfe's book? I've not followed it strictly but tried to stick to her awake times between naps and used her stay and support technique...we've made good progress overall and I feel hopeful we will get there eventually!
The dummy is a bit of a pain for me...I suspect my DS won't 'sleep through' for a while and I might have 'dummy runs' to do...not ideal...but tbh compared to co-sleeping and 2hourly boobing to sleep I'll take it for now 😂😂

That all sounds positive! I hope you have a good night tonight

I gave up in the end and breastfed him to sleep eventually, but I’ve ordered the book and aim to use it in the coming day. Fingers crossed he takes to it easily!

Her Instagram videos are amazing too! I would imagine 1st couple of bedtimes will be difficult 😕 but it seems most then see improvement quickly! So good luck 🤞🏻
Last night- 6:30-2:30 🙌🏻 then quick dummy insert and slept til 5am 😬 It's 05:30 and DH has been sitting with him since 5 and he's not going back to sleep 🙈 just chatting away to him 😆 The early mornings are a pest because it throws naps for the day now...not sure how to correct it really either?! X

Just coming on (too late!) to say that self soothing does work but as you’ve found out, you need to stick at it for at least a fortnight and be psychologically prepared for the hardest fortnight and many ups and downs! Mentally I had to set myself up as if I was a soldier on campaign!

But it does, does work. When people tell me their baby wakes constantly etc I never give unsolicited advice but in my heart I know they and the baby must be absolutely exhausted.

I have some friends with a 3 year old who still wakes up and joins them in their bed and everyone’s shattered. (This doesn’t apply if people enjoy co sleeping - I’m talking about those who would rather not but are trapped in a cycle!). By encouraging desired sleeping habits from early on, it makes things so much easier.

Early mornings are something most grow out of - especially when they reach 18 months and you can introduce a gro clock

Yes totally agree ☺️ Lucy Wolfe's sleep plan is set over 3 weeks and even then she clearly states you have to expect bumps in the road such as illness/teething/developmental leaps etc. We've made gr8 progress over about 2 weeks and I'm thrilled 😀 I hope he sleeps later than 5am before 18months tho 🙈😆

We didn't have a great night but she's woken up with a very pink cheek and dribbly so wondering if she's starting to teethe! We are also in prime time for four month regression so who knows. She went down easy enough at 7 but woke 45 mins later totally inconsolable. Finally managed to get her back down by half 8, then she woke at 2, then half 3, then 5, then 7. She only wanted fed at 2 so the others were just resettling her briefly.

Counting down the hours till her midday big nap!!!

Aw Celebelly the 4month sleep regression is the pits 😫 Double hit with the teething too 🙈 Hope it passes quick for you 🤞🏻

Evening all.

So since starting work it seems to have all gone down the drain 😩 I felt we were doing so well and didn't think that being away for just a couple of hours each morning would make such an impact but it proves consistency is key. DH just wants to take her in the car because can't bear any screaming.

Monday and Tuesday nights we were up 10:00 then every two hours and practically awake since 4:30.

Anyone else find the evening bedtime is particularly bad? The lunchtime nap is for some reason easiest (but even then, had to hold her to sleep today after much crying). Clinginess I think has ruined everything. Tonight intense crying as soon as I placed her in cot.

Such a rollercoaster. Wish I could just be SAHM and sort this out once and for all.

Aww autumneve this is going to be tough for. I think consistency is defo the key and in her book she suggests not starting until you have a clear 2-3 weeks to dedicate to it 😢 But in reality who has that really?! I'm still off on mat leave so it's been ok.
Could you maybe start Sat/Sun with all naps in cot? Break the back of it so to speak?

Otherwise I think I would opt for car or pram nap every morning, and then afternoon nap in cot everyday, so at least it's consistent? Are you able to stick to the wake times? I find that helps massively. If my DS is overtired he falls asleep on bottle then wakes lots. Tonight I put him up 15mins early and he was crying a bit- which he hasn't done for days now x

Hello, I’ve read so many threads over my two babies sleep and about a month ago did a bit of soothing in cot type training like you are describing with my 8mo old. There was great progress for 5 nights then she got an awful cold and it all went to shit, she was so hoarse and her cries sounded so distressed that I couldn’t do it. When I started trying again, she would cry so much and it wasn’t like it was before. But then randomly she would do a night or two of only one wake up, then a few nights of 5 or 6. Anyway, I need to start again as I can’t handle being this knackered anymore and I know from my first that bad sleep can go on for A. Long. Time.

Thank you for posting this @rosieswain, I love reading success stories! Can I ask about the nap timings, when you said first nap within 2.5hr of wake up, do you mean in cot by then or asleep by then? I’m not sure DD would be tired enough by that early, but I do think we miss the best sleepy window sometimes.

Also she naps in the buggy just now, and used to do 1-2hrs at times but now wakes every 30m and we have to shoogle her to extend the sleep. I take it this method would recommend all naps in cot?

Morning 😊
Yes...Lucy Wolfe places a lot of emphasis on sorting naps so Baby is not over tired by bedtime so I've worked hard to try and stick to her suggested wake times/routine for my 9month old...although it's quite restrictive?! However it does seem to be helping? She actually suggests 1st nap is 2 hours after waking but my DS gets up between 05:30/6am so I push him to nearer 9 if I can otherwise I'd need 3 naps...not sure if that's the right thing to do tho 🤷🏼‍♀️ So I work on 3 hours between each nap then 3.5 for bed. So 1st nap is 9-10:30, 2nd nap 1:30-3pm then bed 6:30pm. I try to take him up 5 mins earlier to give bottle and make sure he's asleep in cot for these times.
I've made good progress and he happily self settles now, but I'm at a bit of a 'road block' as she calls them 😂 and Im unsure how to progress really. He seems to reliably go from 6:30pm-3/4am but then he messes about after that not really getting back to sleep properly and I co-slept last night from 4am coz I was so tired (which I'm massively regretting this morning 🙄). Don't think teeth or Leap 7 are helping me mind 😖
When you thinking of starting? I suspect from what I've read in her book your little one might 'hold out' as apparently if you've started before then 'given in', for want of a better description, then they know it's an option?! Probably what's happening to me at 3/4am 🤷🏼‍♀️🤣

Ahh thanks for all the info. So many questions! Did your DS always do that length of naps or did they get longer through doing this training? DD has always been a 30m napper and had just started to do longer ones but this has regressed again. I’m pretty sure there’s no way she’ll sleep longer than 30m in the cot, plus we have to be out and about during nap times sometimes with my older one, so I’m thinking we may have to stick to naps in buggy. The timings we can work on tho - today I put her down 2hr after getting up and she went easily so I was feeling good, then DD1 woke her after 30m... I despair, I’m so tired. Last night DD2 was up I think 6 times, it’s a fog.

The holding out thing makes total sense, I think that’s it. But means we’ll have to have much more crying when we start again . I would never have contemplated that with my first (was pretty judgy about people letting babies cry much tbh) but now looking at the whole picture, it’s so unfair on the whole family to have me so ratty all the time. I just shouted at DD for waking the baby

Anyway, onwards and upwards. DH is very enthusiastic about helping with some intervention so we may get started this weekend. Have you got any ideas for your roadblock? I can completely understand bringing him into bed, it’s so hard to do anything else when tired.

Most of that I can relate too and that's why I decided we had to try something to help with DS sleep...until about 3 weeks ago I was boobing to sleep, co-sleeping and up every 2 hours. Horrendous. I don't know how people go on like that...I almost take my hat off to them. But actually...it's not healthy is it? Mentally or physically, for baby or mum. Yes there was a bit of crying to start with which obviously wasn't nice, but nothing I now regret/feel terrible or guilty about. You're right there with them offering comfort/support/reassurance etc. In fact DS is much much happier now he's getting some sleep and we're in a good routine 😊 Having said all this it does take some commitment the 1st week and I nearly caved a few times (in fact think I did...can't quite remember?!) ...but DH is great and we split the night..so I would defo use hubby if he's enthusiastic too!
DS naps fluctuate tbh...I've been through spells of the 30min cot nap and it's so frustrating. You have to re-settle if they're less than an hour...again not pleasant...but after about 3 days he now reliably has good naps (touch wood!!). What about white noise to block noise from DD1? You can still have cot naps but I think she suggested dedicating the 1st few weeks to cot naps to try and really get on top of tiredness etc and nail the self settling thing...then you can resort to on the go naps if needs be (all this is easier said than done in reality tho isn't it 🙄😂)

• 3 days of resettling for naps and he's been reliably having decent naps for about a fortnight x

If you're on Instagram Lucy Wolfe's videos are brilliant. X

Regarding my continued 3/4am wakings I think the problem is my inconsistency 😕 I need to stay strong and sit by the cot until he goes back to sleep...even if it is hours 🙈😂 Again..I'm assuming from what I've learnt he's holding out as he knows coming to my bed is still an option...sometimes 🙄

I am just not strong enough. I just feel so cruel.

DD crying so intensely so I hold her to sleep every time. I just can't do this and all I'm teaching her is to be persistent.
😩

The distraction techniques (face blowing, tapping on her, tapping on cot) just make her more angry and upset. If I talk or sing to her she just cries so much in desperation as if to say "please hold me". It's like her head is about to explode. This can't be how it's done, is it?

I've tried being out of the room too. It is just not happening. I felt like we were getting somewhere a bit last week but it's all gone down the drain. I've tried keeping things consistent but it's all now horrible.

Not sure why I'm saying this all here. Just venting I suppose. It's just so so awful and I'm so upset and can't see that this is doing any good 😪