I have just about had it with ds2's sleep and dh's arseyness about it all

[popsycal]

Every argument we have is about ds2's sleep. I don't know what to do next. I am sick of his bloody criticism and lack of help and support (but of course he has helped in the last two years apparently and as I 'only work two days' it should be mainly my area.....). Some things he says are so bloody chauvinistic.

I have just had enough of it.
Sorry for whinging yet again but am so bloody fed up

note the later time....
ds1 at ny parents
ds2 crept into bed at around 1am and dh got out
actuaally it was much easier
ds2 woke a few times but i was able to ignore without dh there ranting on even at his normal 5ish wake up time and he went back to sleep until aroung 6:40

later time noted! Much more reasonable.
May there be more days like this!

solution? get rid of dh!!!!

oh men can't cope with this crap AT ALL imo

dd2 has got a cold (AGAIN) and was in our bed sniffling. Started coughing at 4am ish and dh is there harrumphing that "this is it now for me, I AM NOW AWAKE, nice one dd2"

yeah, like that is helpful you nob

dd2 is rubbish popsycal, it is crap isn't it?

I have given up now, some nights she sleeps in her cot and then for the next week she is in our bed

3 in August

I don't actually mind, I just kick dh out or moan until he moves out

hope it improves soon

x

Just wanted to add my sympathy, popsy. Sounds like a total nightmare. My DD was a dreadful sleeper.

I could so so relate to your long list of things you've tried - and the arguments. DH and I have managed to get through it - but it's so so difficult. I really think they don't understand what full-blown sleep deprivation is like.

I also wanted to say I was glad to read the other post about someone's first child being a nightmare sleepwise and the next being fine, despite doing nothing different. I had a bit of a hard time with a 'friend' from baby group who gave me loads of 'advice' about getting DD to sleep (her first was an angel). Have to say I was secretly when her second turned out to be slightly more... er... challenging. (I am a bad person .)

Now going to read your other thread. Not sure what the pricing up bit was about - but if it's a matter of getting some sleep - do whatever it takes. I'm actually going to a hotel tonight because I'm exhausted from being up all night and working OTH all day. (BTW you are NOT 'off' with the kids. Being at home with children is so so so knackering. Your DH's comments make me v )

a little later again.....up and down but bearable.....

thank verso - it is good to know that it is not only us to go through this -it feels like no one ese's children are like this in rl

I'm convinced that a lot of mums lie about their dc's sleeping habits popsy. I can't believe that every other child in the world is a good sleeper apart from a few Mnetters' children.

Ds1 was terrible until he was 13 months old and is now v good. This morning he slept til 5.45 (yay). However ds2 was up at 11.30, 2.30 and 4.45. At least I got him back off to sleep then and he then slept til 5.45.

Grateful for small mercies and all that.

well
we have had a minor break through.
We have been away for 4 nights and ds2 slept with ds1 in a double bed...the first night he disturbed ds1 loads, but by the second night, ds2 would shout out and by the time i got through to him in the bedroom he was asleep again holding ds1's hand...awwwwwwh

LAst night (the fourth night), he slept from 7ish until quarter to five . That is practically sleeping through! Took a few mins to resettle then they both woke at 6:20!!!

Interested to see what happens tonight in their own beds.

Considering movig ds2;s bed into ds1's room though....

Popsy, just read through some of this thread - you poor tired thing! Your DH sounds like he could do with you going away for a weekend alone so he starts to understand what the broken nights sleep and full time days with kids is like (and not just 1 night, the build up of it).

Sounds like things are improving with your DS2's sleep though - hope it continues. How old is he?

I don't mean to hijack your thread but my 16 mth old DD is an awful sleeper and will only settle after a bfeed. I am at wits end too but thankfully my DH is a bit more supportive. DC2 is due in Dec, I'm terrified how I'll cope on such little sleep.

ds2 was 2 in march - have ds1 too who is almost 5 - who luckily is a reasonable sleeper btu an early (5am-6am) riser

Fingers crossed Popsy.

Sharing rooms might be an option though.

Hope the sharing rooms works, maybe your DS2 waking and seeing his older brother asleep will help him understand it's night time and that's when you SLEEP!!

Look forward to reading your updates.

Hope you have turned a corner with the sleeping Popsycal. I also have a ds who is a bad sleeper - still not sleeping through at 3.3.... We also could not do CC with him as he made himself sick if he was left for even a couple of minutes when he was little. We have recently gone cold-turkey getting rid of his bottles (accidentaly left them behind when we went on hols) and I am hoping that will help things. A good night is when he only wakes up once for a drink and goes straight back to sleep!

I think you need to do whatever you can to get as much rest as possible yourself - even if that means your dh sleeps elsewhere and your ds is in your bed. Or is there space to put another bed or mattress in your ds's room so you could kip down there when he's very unsettled? The sleeping will sort itself out eventually but you need to do what you have to do to stay sane in the meantime....

Fingers crossed for you!

hmmm
he came into our bed at around 1 ish...but then slept quite well until about 5 when he woke wanting a feed then went back to sleep until about 7 despite being jumped on by ds1 at 6!

I have made a decision. Let things take their course until monday's appt then reconsider based on what we find out.

Do you thing stopping BFing would help in any way? With my ds and the bottles it was definitely a comfort thing... I am hoping that if I leave a full drink by his bed when I go up at night that it will stop him waking me (with the bottles it had to be warm milk at the exactly right temperature )

Gosh Popsycal....
you poor thing....what a nightmare...

it seems there are two different issues...one with DH and also the sleep issue.

First of all DH - bear in mind that it might be his upbringing etc that is making him like this, not making excuses for him but maybe he has been brought up to believe certain things are "women's jobs" (I am in mixed marriage and also same type of thing, DH has never changed DS's nappy or things like that..) and some men just need a bit of encouragement?.. Maybe you could write a list of stuff he could do, like maybe he could do the bath/bedtime story every night, would give you some time to yourself and gives him some responsibility without being the yukky jobs.

Also maybe the nights before you have to go to work maybe you could arrange to take it in turns to get up - then the nights when you don't have work the next day you could get up.

Have you tried using a dummy/some other sort of pacifier, also have you tried music?

RE the sleep, although it is worrying re the sleep apnaea etc and I hope you get some good answers, it def sounds like he KNOWS you are going to keep coming into his room etc etc so he knows he can keep it up until you do? Although CC is harsh and the whole reason I came on here tonight is cos I felt guilty about doing it myself tonight, I think in the long run it def does work?? Maybe it's worth another shot?

Argh! it's such a nightmare. Big hugs and re DH maybe from tomorrow although he is being a pain you could try starting afresh and hopefully things will be better, it's soooo hard when you are so tired tho.

have you got any in-laws etc that can take both kiddies so you can get a break and catch up on sleep??

big hugs..

Hi again
re jobs for DH - he just does nto stick to then. Tried that several times. Parents and in laws - both fairly close by but neither are willing to take ds2 overnight.

TBH I don't really feel sleep deprived any more - it is just life.
feeding him....have thought long and hard about it and I am not sure that stopping would help...
will reassess after appt on monday

Had the ENt appointment tonight. DS2 has moderately large tonsils and while he can breathe through his nose, the consultant thought it was not a 'good' as it should be. He wants to look into our worry about sleep apnoea and is refering us for a sleep study.

At last - I don't just feel like a rubbish mum

At last some progress, Popsycal. Hopefully you'll see the light at the end of the tunnel soon.

Popsycal, I'm new to mumsnet and you take my breath away - how well you are coping with a near impossible situation.

Re DH not sharing the load. Sounds like you've tried lots of reasoning with him, but what eventually worked with my DH re who gets up in the night most often was this argument: That he is doing a job he has done for years, with lots of colleagues on hand to take the strain, and which, if he mucks up due to extreme fatigue won't harm other people; by contrast, I'm doing a new and INCREDIBLY important job with no back-up and if I am constantly & chronically sleep-deprived from doing all the night shifts there would be a real risk of me one day losing my temper with our DS or crashing the car etc while he was in it. Crazy that I had to paint such a graphic picture of disaster to get support but it worked. He is now 'on shift' from 9.30pm to 5 (when DS wakes up like clockwork). Weekends we swap so he can lie in and recover.

Popsy - glad you're finally getting somewhere with this. Hope the sleep study appointment doesn't take to long to come through. He sounds so like my ds2 - removal of tonsils and adenoids transformed his sleeping - but not before it brought me and dh to the brink of divorce.

well done popsycal

my dd1 had her tonsils and adenoids out and it was v straightforward, no problems. hope the sleep study is useful

Thank you for all your comments and support everyone. I really do appreciate it. I sat in ds2's room this morning at around 5am while he dozed. I couldn't sleep to listen to his breathing. I am pretty sure he stopped every few minutes for about 5-8 seconds over a 20 minute period. I ought to have asked the consultant how long the wait would be but it was a 6:30pm appointment and ds2 was shattered and I forgot. I think I may ring up and ask how long the wait will be. He really is no better, although he does occasionally have 'good' nights now where he wakes maybe 3 or 4 times.