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Sleep

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Original poster

I have just about had it with ds2's sleep and dh's arseyness about it all

123 replies

popsycal · 22/05/2007 07:41

Every argument we have is about ds2's sleep. I don't know what to do next. I am sick of his bloody criticism and lack of help and support (but of course he has helped in the last two years apparently and as I 'only work two days' it should be mainly my area.....). Some things he says are so bloody chauvinistic.

I have just had enough of it.
Sorry for whinging yet again but am so bloody fed up

OP posts:

YeahBut · 29/05/2007 06:11

How bad was it?

Original poster

popsycal · 29/05/2007 06:24

he crept in at 12:30. I went to bed at 9ish as i was so shattered
and he tried to feed sll night long. Kpet putting himback to bed, he kicked off then fell asleep then crept bsck in some time soon after that
awake before five

both boys now making train tracks for their 'Cars' cars to go on. Cant bear the wiggles this morning
on to coffee number three...
ds1 is staying for a sleep over at my mams tonight
dh is in bed the

OP posts:

aDad · 29/05/2007 07:25

Sorry it was another bad night

fondant4000 · 29/05/2007 07:30

My dd1 was a nightmare sleeper. Carried on being so until she was about 3 yrs old First it was feeding, then nightmares. Some kids just like that I think.

dd2 is a better sleeper at 6 months than dd1 ever was, and I'm doing nothing different.

The arguments are probably a lot to do with sleep deprivation. It's amazing how my dh seems like the most unhelpful a**e there is when I'm tired. When I get a good nights sleep (once every 6 months!) he suddenly seems lovely and handsome and glad I married him.

I think we don't realise how badly sleep deprivation alters our mood and perception of what's going on, so it might not be entirely dh's fault.

The more you stress about it all, the more your dh will want you to 'sort it out'. In the end I accepted dd1 was like that and waited for it to pass - but I didn't realise it wd take soooooo long.

Good luck

Original poster

popsycal · 29/05/2007 07:53

the arguments are a lot to do with it - but more to do with him blaming me for it all which i feel is really unfair. I am sick of the way he speaks to me then writes it off as 'beacuse I am tired'. Again he has reemphasised that because I am off work and he has to go to work then I ought to do it all and all of the early mornings this week. I pointed out that you would have to pay someone about 80 quid to look after 2 children for a day - more if you ount the early starts and night shifts. I also came downstairs this morning to two frying pans, butter and milk left out, bread left open, a chopping board and bread knife left out as he fancied a bacon sandwoch last night and it was late so he left it all. Asked him if he would simply put it in the empty dishwasher this morning (made a huge effort not to be nasty about it) but apparently i can as i am doin nothing all day.
ffs it is like living with a teenager - he is a 32 year old man ffs

god i am so cross and having to make a huge effort not to lose it with the kids

OP posts:

arfishy · 29/05/2007 09:02

What a nightmare popsy.

I've always had problems with DD (nearly 5 - up from 4am today). DH point blank refuses to get up with her too (and I work!). Our relationships is, well, strained. Does your DH just refuse to help on the basis that he works? Has he ever got up at 4am with them and then tried to get through the day? Is there any way you could get him to have a go so he can see what you're going through?

I was given phenergan by a doctor when we flew to Australia and DD just didn't cope with the change in time zones and just pretty much gave up sleeping altogether. It was very effective and I very reluctantly put it away after 3 nights when she'd got into sync. I think our problems are slightly different though as DD doesn't have any ENT issues. If you are trying sedatives/anti-histamines though it might work though (doesn't on some children).

Are you going to try the cranial osteopath?

Original poster

popsycal · 29/05/2007 10:09

I work 2 days a week - and still do it all. It is the reason I reduced my hours. 18 months ago I think I was about to have a breakdown because of it all. I can just about manage 2 days - although 2 days of teaching is more than 2 days of work. I try to explain that I have to 'make the work happen' - if I just turned up and waited for the work to come to me like dh does in his job, I weould have 32 kids running riot all day. Also, I have to bring stuff home. I can't just leave work at work IYSWIM. I am just totally fed up with it all. I am trying so hard nto to get ratty. DS1 bless him asked why I was feeling sad so I said that dad and me had fell out like ds1 and ds2 do sometimes but we would be friends again when he gets in from work. DS1 said: 'That must make you feel really unhappy and frustrated mummy.'

Think I overdid the 'how to talk to kids will listen' bit yesterday lol. I am afraid today is a 'how to talk so kids will leave you alone and let you mope' day today

OP posts:

Original poster

popsycal · 29/05/2007 10:13

here is an example: parapharased text i just got from dh....how on earth can you be p'd off. i am at work doing a job i hate and you are off with the kids

OP posts:

PeckaRolloverAgain · 29/05/2007 10:17

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I'm sorry but "F*~CK YOU" would have to feature heavily on my reply to that one!

TootyFrooty · 29/05/2007 10:51

So sorry it's still grim popsy. My dh is a big help with ds2 (our nightmare sleeper) but I think that's because I've told him that I really envy the fact that he gets to leave the house early in the morning, put a suit on, look smart, chat to adults and stimulate his brain. In fact, I now work p/t (afternoons) and it helps me feel less zombie-fied.

I'm quite sure that if your dh was at home with the dc 3 days a week he'd soon realise that even a crappy job he hates is better than the situation you have to deal with.

Do you have a cleaner to help you? Or are you being superwoman and doing absolutely everything?

TootyFrooty · 29/05/2007 10:53

And perhaps he needs to understand just how demanding being at home with 2 dc can be, especially when you (and ds2) are sleep deprived. Don't make life too easy for him - he sounds like he needs a wake up call.

Original poster

popsycal · 29/05/2007 10:54

no cleaner but fortunately i am not houseproud

I feel physically sick today - morning sickness type sick but pretty sure that is not the case

ds1 is going to a sport thing for a fewhours this afternoon and me and ds2 are going to a friends for coffee

OP posts:

TootyFrooty · 29/05/2007 10:56

I have that a lot. I think it's "just" exhaustion...

Original poster

popsycal · 29/05/2007 10:57

i had better be..........

OP posts:

Original poster

popsycal · 29/05/2007 11:22

help me price this up

childcare night shift: 7pm - 5am
childcare of 2 children 5am - 7pm
taxi service: 4 x 6 miles journeys during the day

that will do for starters

OP posts:

PeckaRolloverAgain · 29/05/2007 11:27

Childcare for a childminder would be 3.50-4.50 per child x how ever many hours

Over night childcare? I am a doula and would charge £10 an hour for that.

Taxi fares would be about £10 each trip I think

motherinferior · 29/05/2007 11:27

Popsy, darling.This is too, too, too awful to contemplate.

I think Aloha may have put you in touch with a really lovely sleep ladyperson a while back - if she didn't, would you like her details?

Original poster

popsycal · 29/05/2007 11:41

I think I still have her details somewhere - if not, I will 'search the archives'

DS2 as an ENT appointment in just a litle less than 3 weeks - think I need to rule out medical stuff first. If he is given a clean bill of health, I may well have to find the money from somewhere to get her.

You know, if DH was a bit more bloody nice about it all I could bear it.

OP posts:

TootyFrooty · 29/05/2007 11:49

Oo, MI - a lovely sleep person. Do you have her details? I am close to selling my ds2 on ebay....

motherinferior · 29/05/2007 11:56

TF, do CAT me, I'll find her details - I interviewed her too for something.

I cannot imagine the sheer hell you must be in.

TootyFrooty · 29/05/2007 12:00

Will do MI.

Many thanks.

Chrissee · 29/05/2007 15:38

Aaah popsy I can sympathise, my dd1 was 5yo before I got a night's sleep!! Dh wld ask in the morning if she woke and I had to stop myself from throwing my coffee at him!!! He NEVER woke up (still doesn't). Dd1 is now 9 and still wakes in the night, (more often than my 13week old does!) lol

Original poster

popsycal · 29/05/2007 18:16

ggggrrrrrr

apparently, dh's contribution to 'nights' is that he takes ds1 to the loo and changes ds2's nappy at about 11 before he comes to bed. He was being deadly serious.

he is a f(^%wit

OP posts:

Twiglett · 29/05/2007 18:19

I have no advice popsy

but fathers can be right arses sometimes .. why don't you go away for a weekend and let him see how much he's doing

Original poster

popsycal · 29/05/2007 18:29

I went for a half hour run earlier,

bear in mind ds1 is at my mum and dinner was a bloody asda curry (...i know....). I asked him to put it in when i left and make ds2 some rice, frozen veg (and cold chicken in the fridge)
came back
food was in oven but he didnt bother with the bhajis or putting anything on for ds2 an the curry was ready. I asked why and he said he thought i could do it when i got back as he had ds2 who wanted to go on the computer
we have a laptop
i went for a run
first 30 mins i have had to myself sibce4:45 this mornign

OP posts:

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