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Original poster

4yo doesn't sleep and won't sleep for anyone else, on my knees with exhaustion

163 replies

Rosegold84 · 30/03/2018 15:16

Just that really.
4.5 year old DS. Doesn't sleep, never has from being a baby really. I am a single parent with no input from his dad since pregnancy, so totally on my own. I can be up anywhere from 10-18 times on a night, I have tried him in his own room, in my bed, leaving him to it, you name it I've done it. Anything less than 10 wake ups is good, anything between 5-10 is excellent but he has never ever slept through and never woken up less than 3 times in one night.
GP not interested and won't prescribe anything to help.
I am utterly beside myself with sleep deprivation, I haven't had a good nights sleep in years. My parents have tried a lot to try and have him to sleep, usually one weekend a month but without fail end up bringing him back in the middle of the night or 6 am as he just won't settle for them and screams all night long. I am so tired. What can I do, mumsnetters? I'm desperate for one night.
Next time my parents attempt it, I may well just turn my phone off and unplug landline and make myself totally uncontactable.....

OP posts:
Tinseltower · 30/03/2018 15:18

Do you have any idea why he might be waking up? Does he snore? Anxious etc?

Tinseltower · 30/03/2018 15:18

What happens if he sleeps in the bed with you? Is it the same?

Original poster
Rosegold84 · 30/03/2018 15:20

tinsel it varies. I've tried countless times to speak to him, to allay any worries he might have.
Some wake ups will be he wants a drink. Some he just doesn't seem to be tired and can't get back to sleep. Some he just wants to cry. In the bed with me exactly the same. He's in with me by default every night now, as I didn't see the point in traipsing up and down the landing all night long when having him next to me has the same effect if that makes sense.

OP posts:
Shadowboy · 30/03/2018 15:22

My brother was like this until he turned 6. He suffers with OCD and anxiety (has been officially clinically tested or whatever they call it)

In the end my parents, as much as some would say it’s cruel would go ignore him. They put a camera in his room and they locked their bedroom door. It took 10-15 nights if I remember correctly but he stopped. The not sleeping at night is typical of people who suffer ocd when they are older apparently- docs just said the habit needed breaking. But this was in the late 90’s/early 2000’s so the thinking may have changed

Camiila · 30/03/2018 15:23

He is 4 and a half!

tell him not to disturb you!

job done!

Copper1122 · 30/03/2018 15:24

Does he have any other issue s? What is he like in the day?

Original poster
Rosegold84 · 30/03/2018 15:25

Camiila if only it was as easy as that - I said in OP I've tried leaving him to it, he cries and screams if I ignore. How can I leave him to scream? How can I sleep through that, and why would I inflict that on my neighbours?

OP posts:
Original poster
Rosegold84 · 30/03/2018 15:25

Copper he's a happy, if shy, little boy during the day. It's like as soon as night comes a switch flicks and I don't understand it. :(

OP posts:
Copper1122 · 30/03/2018 15:29

I think I would go back to the gp or hv and try and insist on some medication, just to break any habits.

Vickylou78 · 30/03/2018 15:29

Hey I don’t think I’ve got any advice but didn’t want to read and run! I really feel for you! You must be at end of your tether.

I’m assuming that your ds is worn out too though? Is he coping ok at school etc with this lack of sleep? Maybe he just can’t settle as he’s so tired and is in a vicious cycle if you know what I mean. Have you tried letting him have a nap in the day? They say sleep begets sleep don’t they? My dd always slept better if she was well rested (but I guess I’m referring to when she was 1.5 or 2yrs).

He may grow out of this. But I think I’d be going back to the doctors though.

Lots of hugs to you though!

Hotdoggity · 30/03/2018 15:31

You can’t tell an anxious and scared kid not to disturb you. It doesn’t work like that.

Does he snore? Have you asked GP for a sleep investigation? Does he have huge tonsils?

HeadOverMills · 30/03/2018 15:32

Sadly I had to leave my DS as a baby to settle himself.

He's now a year old and still doesn't sleep through but he does settle himself.

Same situation, single Mum, no input from the father since pregnancy.

FilledSoda · 30/03/2018 15:33

At four and a half can he not be told to not scream ?
If he wants to be awake fair enough, put a drink in his bedroom but he must occupy himself quietly.

Original poster
Rosegold84 · 30/03/2018 15:36

Thank you for all the advice and support. I think GP is the next call, I will get online this aft and see if I can make an appt for next week sometime. He's not in school yet, as he will start sept 2018.

Head with all due respect what does that post add to my situation? Your child is nearly 4 years younger than mine. I tried self settling as a baby but wasn't willing to leave him to CIO. Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
Rosegold84 · 30/03/2018 15:37

I may try Hv. Sorry this all sounds so obvious to everyone else. My thinking is just so clouded from the sleep deprivation I can't think about these things clearly, obviously Blush

OP posts:
Hotdoggity · 30/03/2018 15:38

He’s probably not screaming for the pure joy of it. He’s diosorinted, tired and he’s just woken up alone in the dark.

Original poster
Rosegold84 · 30/03/2018 15:41

hot that's one of the reasons he's in with me. I don't want to leave my child to scream especially in the dark without me. Not for me.

OP posts:
MumUndone · 30/03/2018 15:42

Have you tried a white noise machine, very loud?

FellOutOfBed2wice · 30/03/2018 15:43

Sympathy OP. My 3.8yr old has never been a good sleeper although she is fine if gets into bed with me and DH. However she’s bloody tall now and that’s not comfortable for anyone.

After much deliberation on what to do (and GP being of no help, he just said “she’ll grow out of it) we have managed to get her into a routine now where we put her down in her room and then if she wakes in the night (which she always does!) she comes into our room by the light of the nightlight and gets into the camp bed we’ve set up on the floor for her. I leave her a cup of water next to it too. Now 9/10 times me and DH don’t wake when she comes in but before we came up with the camp bed idea she would literally scream the house down and go fucking bananas, driving our neighbours metal at 2 in the morning. And of course at first she didn’t like the camp bed but we explained she was as safe in the camp bed as she was in our bed and it’s right by the side of me so she can see me and that gives her some comfort.

Original poster
Rosegold84 · 30/03/2018 15:43

No mum I could try that. I did try white noise when he was a baby which worked to a certain point so could be worth a go

OP posts:
Camiila · 30/03/2018 15:43

You can’t tell an anxious and scared kid not to disturb you. It doesn’t work like that.

yes of course you can!

he is 4, coming up to 5! we are talking about a school child, not a baby.

Parents make the rules, and it is up to them to ensure children obey them

Sorry to sound harsh, Op, but you need to control your child.That's all there is to it.If you can't do it now, what is he going to be like at 14!

Camiila · 30/03/2018 15:45

hot that's one of the reasons he's in with me. I don't want to leave my child to scream especially in the dark without me. Not for me.

leave a night light on then

really, this is an issue if you want it to be one, not if you don't. You are the person making an issue

number1wang · 30/03/2018 15:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Rosegold84 · 30/03/2018 15:47

Right camiila, he'll scream in the light then. Hmm
Still leaves the issue of my neighbours, and the fact my 4yo is upset in the night. Oh and the fact I won't be able to sleep because of aforementioned screaming!! Are you just on a wind up for a laugh?

OP posts:
NapQueen · 30/03/2018 15:50

Its all well and good berating the OP for not tackling his sleep habits but please try and remember she is a lone parent who is clearly severley sleep deprived herself. She likely doesnt have the strength to go into full sleep training mode.

OP would you have the funds for a sleep trainer to come in and do it?

Is ds getting plenty of fresh air, low amounts of screen time and plenty protein in his diet?

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